-apologizes profusely for lack of updating- I am so sorry that it's taken so long to update this or anything else. I really just haven't had the brain power/creativity necessary to update. I hope you enjoy this 900 word update. It's the best I can do until I go on holiday/vacation Thursday. Please read and review!

Warning: Insane amounts of OOCness

Dedicated to Elemental Gypsy who said she just needed to read one of my fics. I hope this is suitable!

Miguel pulled Kai down into his lap to stop him from walking away from the conversation they both knew they had to have. Kai sighed as he resigned to his lover's wishes. He squirmed out of Miguel's lap and sat next to him so that he at least wouldn't be trapped should things turn ugly. "You promised to stop going on those walks, Kai."

"I know, but I can't help it. I can't think when I'm around you. I just can't concentrate on what's wrong when you make everything feel so right." He looked away from those hurt baby blues not sure what to else to say.

"Kai, you can't talk to me about anything. I thought you understood that." Miguel desperately tried to get Kai's ruby orbs back on him, but the phoenix was being incredibly stubborn. "Kai, if you can't come to me to discuss your problems then I'm only left with one conclusion; that you don't trust me. You have to talk to me, Kai. I can't read your mind."

Kai stood and wandered over to their bedroom window with a soft sigh. "I do trust you. I trust you more than anyone else in my life, but things don't seem so bad when I'm with you and I forget that I even have a problem. When I'm with you it's like everything's okay even though it's not. I'm glad that I have it, but sometimes I need to be by myself to think through some of the things that aren't going as well in my life as my relationship with you. I know that you would help me through anything I came to you with, but sometimes I need to figure it out myself. I've always been independent because I have to be. It's still weird to me having someone to turn to when things get bad." Kai stopped surprised at how much he had just said. It wasn't like him to ramble like that.

Miguel stood and walked over to his phoenix. "I know that you need your alone time. I completely understand that, but I am here for you. Even if you need to be alone you don't need to go wandering around the city at midnight. It's dangerous. If you really need to walk around can't you stick to the dojo yard? At least then I won't have to worry about your safety. You worry me so much when you disappear without a word or a note telling me you'll be okay." Kai lifted his face to look into hurt and worried ocean eyes and sighed letting the gargoyle embrace him tightly. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't. I can take care of myself. I take long walks because I need a long time to clear my head and there are fewer people out at midnight. I'll try to stay close next time." Miguel kissed the top of Kai's head softly as they stood holding each other.

Kai understood that Miguel worried about him. He had stopped questioning that fact months before, but when his mind wouldn't leave him alone he needed to walk. It had always been his way to work out what was wrong and Miguel should have understood that. Sighing he pulled away and walked over to sit on the bed. "Kai?"

"Why were you out on the porch last night when I came home?"

"I was worried and couldn't sleep so I waited for you where I'd be able to see you when you first got home."

"Why did you run to me? You could have just let me come to you."

"I had to make sure you were alright. I had to hold you."

"How can you even do that? How can you worry about me so much that you can't sleep? How can you be this devoted to me? How can you love me so much when I can't even say for sure that I love you as much as you love me? Why are you with me?"

Miguel blinked confused by all of his lover's questions. "I don't sleep because I worry. I worry because I love you. I'm devoted because I love you. I'm with you because I love you. I love you this much because of who you are. Why are you asking all these questions?"

"This is what I had to think about last night. I have all these questions and no answers. Your answers don't make sense to me! Miguel I don't know what's going on in my life anymore! You've turned my world upside down, inside out and taken away all control!"

Miguel stared in shock at Kai's outburst but quickly recovered. He walked over and pulled the phoenix in close. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant to do that. I never meant to make you feel like you don't have control over you life. I just want to be with you."

Kai sank into Miguel's arms as that calm feeling began to wash over him. "It doesn't matter" he whispered. "When I'm with you it doesn't matter. Nothing matters as long as you're by my side." Miguel pressed their lips together softly letting Kai decide when, if at all, to deepen it and take things further. Kai pulled back and snuggled closely to Miguel's chest. He really just wanted to be held for awhile.

I hope you don't mind the OOCness. I'm so out of whach that I don't think I could write a charcter in character if my life depended on it. Oh well. Please review!