A/N: This took awhile to get out and I'm not quite sure how I feel about its quality, especially considering how well the first chapter was received. Sorry for the delay. Holiday weekend and all, and I've had trouble finding motivation to write so my deepest apologies. Hope everyone enjoys this. It kind of goes with the idea that what one thinks is a good idea may be a bad one after the fact and how its still hard to go against what one truly believes to be right. Time to thank quite a few people.
Start with thanking those who reviewed Afraid to Lose Again after I posted the third chapter. I may continue that story one day but probably not until after I've seen The End. So thanks to Major Misprint, evilsangle, darkofthenight, darkkara13, Cherry Jade, I am the Lev, sailorgirl16, They Call Me Sweetsnow, Chica De Los Ojos Café, and anime09. Normally I have longer notes to each reviewer but not this time so sorry. I'm glad you enjoyed that story and I hope you are reading this one too so you can see my thanks to you.
On to reviews for this story:
zadeon: Glad to see your reading this story too. I guess its an impressive feat to cause another writer to run out of words to say but it is still always good to hear a compliment. Hope this chapter is good and let me know if something doesn't make sense because I'm not completely satisfied with this chapter and you might be able to spot something.
evilsangle: Thanks for another positive review. Sorry for not much writing lately since I usually have at least a chapter every two days but just been kind of blah. Hope you like this chapter and I'll try to pick up the pace a little for you.
Cherry Jade: That was one of the best reviews I've ever gotten. You made me feel good about my writing more than the story itself which is always good to hear. I'm glad I'm able to convey emotions so successfully because that is always one of the goals in writing.
spooke: Thanks. Glad you like this story. Hope you like this chapter too.
Ninj4 girl: I was really trying to keep Robin in character and I'm glad you think I did. I don't know how exactly how long this story will be but it should continue for a while so I hope you continue to enjoy it.
KhmerGurl113: If you read anything else I wrote, you will find I usually write lots of sadness into my stories though there usually are bright moments to balance but regardless, I'm glad you enjoy my story.broken.ballerina: Thanks for the review and hope you enjoy this next chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans so lets not try and sue me since I don't have anything to sue for.
Trying To Do the Right Thing
Chapter 2
By: Finalitylife
I found myself in a dark place. The sky was completely black and empty and the ground hard and unforgiving. There seemed to be nothing around me except for the large stone platform I stood on. I peered carefully over the edge and saw only oblivion below. I was startled when he heard a dark chuckle behind me. I quickly turned around though I already knew who I would see. That mocking laugh could only belong to one person.
"Slade!" I could feel my rage and anger building within me as I glared at the man who continued to haunt my dreams as well as my reality. He stood there with his arms behind his back in his typical fashion, dressed in his mask and armor and I could tell by the look in his eye that he was smiling at me.
"Hello my apprentice. It is good to see you again. It has been awhile." I refused to stand there and listen to his taunting and charged forward. I threw a punch at his face but only hit thin air. I stumbled slightly but regained my balance quickly and turned around expecting to have to dodge an attack but nothing came. Slade was once again standing about 20 feet in front of me in exactly the same position as before.
"Really now Robin. I am just here to congratulate you. You are finally taking the steps required to truly become my apprentice." I could feel myself growling though I did not attack. My voice came out low and filled with a quiet rage.
"What are you talking about?" He openly started laughing at my question.
"Come now my apprentice. What do you think I'm talking about? The way you handled Raven was perfect. All that poor girl wanted was a little passion, a little love and you destroyed her. You are finally starting to understand just how pointless emotions are. You are starting to realize how useless your friends are. You now understand just how irrelevant love is." I knew he was grinning maliciously under his mask.
"Shut up! You don't know anything about me. You don't understand anything about what I've done. I'm doing the right thing."
"Yes Robin. You have done the right thing." The sinister tone of his voice sent a chill done my spine though I remained as still as I could.
"More and more you become like me, you become what I always wanted for an apprentice." I lowered my head taking in his words. I wanted to deny them completely but I just couldn't. Guilt would not allow me to disregard what was being said. My voice came out quiet with a bit of hopelessness .
"I'm nothing like you. I'm not a monster." Somehow Slade had managed to end up standing next to me. He hissed into my ear threw his mask.
"What do you think will happen to Raven now? She's so dark, so reclusive, so very, very alone. Do you think she can handle what you've done? Do you think she will survive this?"
"She's strong. She survived Malchior's betrayal."
"You know as well as I do that was nothing but an infatuation. Her feelings for you were stronger, deeper. You are everything to her and she's lost you. She won't make it threw the night." I let out a scream of rage and threw another punch at Slade, only again to hit nothing. I was shocked to find myself now in a different place, a place I couldn't help but recognize. I was now in Raven's room. The room felt cold, dead and I soon knew why. Lying on the floor was Raven. Her cloak was gone, allowing me to see the deep cuts at her wrists. Crimson flowed nonstop from her wounds, staining the floor red, endlessly red. I ran over to her and pulled her into my arms. Her body was cold, her skin paler than I had ever seen it, yet the blood that flowed from her arms on to me was warm, burning me with its touch. I couldn't breathe and my mind was numb. I suddenly heard Slade's voice again in my head.
"Look what you've done my apprentice. You've killed her. You've taken your first life. Doesn't it feel good." I hugged Raven's limp body tighter and started screaming.
"Shut up! Shut up you bastard! Somebody help me! I can't let her die!" Slade's voice came again, but this time it was in front of me.
"She is dead because of you. No one will help you anymore. Only I can help you now." My eyes darted up toward the voice but instead I found a mirror. In the reflection, I was holding Raven but it wasn't me. There was no red, green, and yellow uniform but rather my body was covered in dark and dull colors. Steel armor covered various parts of my body and the symbol of Slade was clearly visible on my chest. I looked just as I had when I was his apprentice. As I continued to stare horrified at the reflection, Slade appeared behind me in the mirror.
"Her blood is on your hands my apprentice." Raven's body seemed to disappear as I looked at my hands. They were both covered in her blood but one hand was clenched tightly around an object. A knife was held in my right hand, covered in blood, her blood.
"You killed her my apprentice. You are the reason she is dead and I know, deep within you, in the darkest corners of your mind, you enjoyed it." The reflection in front of me shattered as I let out a scream.
"NOOOOOOO!"
I shot up, covered in sweat, breathing heavily from a combination of terror and pain. I quickly looked down at my hands and found them clean. I was still in my uniform as my hands were still covered in my green gloves. My whole body was shaking still from what I was quickly realizing was a nightmare though it had felt completely real. There was so much possible truth to it, so much possible reality to it. It scared the hell out of me and made me feel even worse for what I had done to Raven. I had spent so much time deciding what to do, convincing myself that what I had done was absolutely the best course of action for everyone I cared about yet now that I had done it, I felt sick, disgusted with myself. Was it true? Was I really becoming more like Slade than ever before? I yelled at myself in my head. Here I was worrying about myself when I should have been worrying about Raven. Again another question popped into my head. Was I being selfish in what I had done? Was it really that I was trying to protect myself, my secrets rather than my friends that I claimed to be trying to help? Raven was such a gentle, beautiful person and few knew her as I did. She didn't deserve what I did to her. Who was I to tell someone how they should feel? Who was I to tell a person what they could desire? Who was I to take away someone's hope for happiness?
I clutched my head as I finally got my breathing under control though the simple truth still lingered at the front of my thoughts. I really was a complete and total jerk. I had been wrong, I had been so very wrong. A few words managed to escape my lips.
"Please be okay Raven. I'm so very sorry." My mind began trying to formulate some way to rectify this situation but I knew that there was a very big chance I had done irreversible damage to Raven and the relationship the two of us shared. Images of her lying on the ground bleeding flashed into my head and I felt my body shudder. She would never do that. She would never break like that. I kept repeating such thoughts in my head as I needed to believe she would be okay. If at the very least, I needed her to be okay. A sudden knock at my door pulled me from my thoughts. It was a strong knock yet gentle at the same time. I knew it could only be one person, Starfire. I looked around me room, reminding myself of the absolute destruction that had overtaken my room. Again my conscience laughed at me, telling me I got what I deserved. I knew I shouldn't let Starfire see my room like this, hell I knew she shouldn't see me in the mental and emotional state I was in but another, more persistent knock at my door told me she was not going away. With everything that had happened, including the nightmare I had almost forgotten about Starfire. What should I do with her? I let out a deep breath and began walking threw the debris toward me door. I opened it only slightly, with only part of my face visible, just as Raven always did to all of us when she was disturbed. My eyes were met with the bright, smiling face of our resident alien princess. She was not dressed in her uniform but rather a light colored sundress that went well with her skin color. Her hands were folded in front of me and she floated slightly off the ground. I knew that she only floated like that when she was nervous or very, very happy. My mind started to panic. Oh God, please not now Star. Please don't do this.
"Good afternoon friend Robin. I hope you are well today." I felt myself blink at her words.
"Afternoon?" She tilted her head with slight confusion.
"Yes. It is 2 o'clock. That is two Earth hours after the noon correct?"
"You are right Star. I guess I just slept longer than I thought. What brings you to my room then?" She looked at me with her big, green eyes and I could defiantly sense the nervousness coming off of her.
"You see friend Robin, I wished for your opinion. I have a meeting with friend Speedy of the Titan's of the East and I wish to know how I look." Again I felt myself blink in surprise.
"Wait, you have a date with Speedy?" She smiled slightly.
"I believe that is what it is called on this planet. We are going to eat food together at a restaurant and there is the possibility I will receive flowers from him so I believe that would qualify as a date." I felt myself nodding my head slowly. Something wasn't exactly right here. She smiled at me again.
"Well in my opinion, you look beautiful Star. Speedy won't be able to take his eyes off of you." She visibly blushed at my words.
"Thank you friend Robin. I am very glad that you find me attractive as I am." Her voice held a trace of something though I couldn't quite place it.
"However, I feel as I have insects in my digestive system though. What if he doesn't like me? What if he doesn't find me as attractive as you do?" Her face fell and I couldn't help but feel for her. I hated seeing that look on her face. I stepped out into the hallway and placed my hand comforting on her shoulder.
"Starfire, I don't think there's any man in this universe who wouldn't like you. You're a great person." Her face brightened again.
"What is it about me that makes me a great person?" The question came fast and I could see a look of hope in her eyes. Again I got the feeling something wasn't quite what it seemed.
"Um well…your kind, gentle, caring, and always fun. I mean your pretty much perfect." I felt her arms embrace me though it wasn't one of her bone crushing hugs. This one was soft but still held intensity. I instinctively returned the hug though my brain told me not too. I could feel her warm breath next to my ear. She spoke softly with an array of emotions contained within her voice and it was then that I understood what she was doing.
"Thank you for the wonderful words Robin. I especially love hearing such praise from you." I felt myself involuntarily shudder at the feeling of her breath as she spoke.
"Is there something that you would like to tell me before I go to meet Speedy? Is there something you might wish to tell me you have never said before?" I couldn't help but tense up. She had just clearly confirmed what I knew. She was trying to make me jealous. She was trying to force me into a position where I would express my feelings toward her. All the desire for compliments, all the emotions. She wanted me to tell her not to go and to stay with me. Like Raven, she was trying an indirect way of telling me her true feelings without saying it. I slowly pushed her back and looked at her face. Her eyes were so filled with hope. I simply smiled at her.
"I can't think of anything I want to say except have fun and enjoy yourself Starfire. Speedy is a good guy. I really think you two will get along. I'll be waiting here for you to get back. I want to hear how my best friend's first date was." Her face remained smiling though I could see moisture starting to form at the edge of her eyes. Her voice barely came out.
"Thank you friend Robin but I must go now." She immediately flew away down the hallway and I could have sworn I heard her beginning to cry. I stood there in the hallway, doing my best to be stoic though I once again felt like a complete asshole. All I could do right now was second guess everything I had said was the best path. All I could do was feel guilty for making the most sweet, gentle woman I knew cry. All I could do was feel guilty for making the most intelligent, funny, and wonderful woman I had ever met cry hopelessly alone in her dark room. Two beautifully perfect woman who loved me and all I could make myself do was push them away and crush their hearts. I could hear Slade's mocking words in my head and I could feel myself clenching my fists. It was time that I called my "Father." He would agree with what I was doing. He would see my good intentions because I knew he was just like me. Batman would make me feel better, I needed him too because at this moment, I couldn't think of anything else to do.