Older and Far Away.
Chapter 2: Stuck in the past (Part one of many)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: If I said I owned them, I lied.
"Never the same... Always different... Never the same... Always different."
River's words ran through Nivia's confused head as she walked down the dark corridors of Serenity. The walls sang to her all the songs of her memories. That ship had been their dream. They were supposed to lift off from Shadow and never go back. Nivia and Mal had thought that leaving Shadow and what was left of her families home behind was the best way for Nivia to get over everything that had happened. The destruction of her family had been devastating to both of them. All Mal had ever had was his mother, so Nivia's large family had become his own. But then, Nivia had become terrified of what was out there. The last time she had left Shadow via spacecraft, she had been going to war. She knew that she was leaving, and never coming back to her family, because they were dead and buried in the rubble that had once been her childhood home. What else would change after she was gone? Who else would die? She was scared of everything changing so fast, like it had. So, she let Mal go into space without her. A decision she would always regret.
She found her way down the the hold, where she found Zoe was hauling the latest pieces of cargo into the smuggler's hold. "Zoe, do you have a free minuet?"
"Not really, but I do notice that you have two free hands." Zoe flashed her a warm smile, which she returned. Nvia went over to the pile of cargo and began handing it to Zoe, who transferred it into the hold. After they had finished and Nivia had explained that her and Mal were having deeper problems then everyone thought, they sat down on the steps. "I know it ain't easy," Zoe told her, "But you gotta talk to him. Don't be scared. He's just Mal. He might have changed, but you can still tell him anything. He'll be honest with ya."
"I just... I don't really know how to let him in anymore."
"Maybe that's because you don't try."
Nivia was silent. Zoe was right. Mal would be honest, and Nivia didn't try. Mainly because they went hand in hand. Nivia was afraid that Mal would be honest, too honest, and say something that Nivia wasn't ready to hear. So, that's exactly what she said.
"I guess I"m just afraid that he'll say something that I'm just not ready to hear."
"It ain't that you're not ready. It's that you don't want to hear it."
Again Nivia was silent. "Just give it a try. He might surprise you." And then, Zoe got up to leave. Once she was up on the catwalk, she said, "Don't be so stuck in the past, Niv. I know what happened was terrible. But, one day, it won't cut so deep." Nivia stayed seated, and wished for that day to come just a little bit sooner.