He avoided being out when they would be, he never walked by Smeagol's home, and he stayed away from the river when he knew they would be there. One night, when he was passing by to a neighbor's house, Smeagol and Hope spotted him and hurried up to him.
"Where have you been?" Smeagol asked him, practically having to grab on to poor Deagol's shoulders to keep him from leaving. "We haven't seen you around in weeks."
"Oh," said Deagol, slightly surprised, trying not to look at Hope who had her arm lovingly entwined with Smeagol's. "I've... I've been busy."
"We really need to hang out again," said Hope.
"Perhaps," said Deagol and he tore away, muttering a soft, "Excuse me," as he brushed past Smeagol.
"Now what on earth was that all about?" he heard Smeagol ask Hope, and sighed. He could never tell them the truth, but he hated lying to them just as much.
A week or so later, while returning home from fishing, he bumped into Hope who was buying fruit from a local vender. "Deagol!" she called when she spotted him and ran up to hug him.
"Ah!" he said, taking a step away from her. "Sorry," he muttered when she gave him a puzzled look, and pointed to his fishing pole. "Don't want to put a hook in you."
"Oh," she said, glancing at the hook and shrugged. "What have you been up to? I haven't seen you in a while!" The moon was sparkling in her eyes, her hair was down for a change and slightly curly, and she was wearing that baby-blue shirt that clung to her curves just right...
"I have to go," he said quickly and hurried off.
She watched him leave, and called out softly, "I miss you"
----
Deagol positioned his boat just right on the shore, ready to push it out when he heard the footsteps coming. "Deagol?" a voice called and the hairs on his neck stood on end. "Deagol are you here?" He could always not answer her. It would be the right thing to do. She'd leave and go back to her lover... the only hobbit who had the right to be in love with her.
Unfortunately mother nature was unwilling to let him go through with this plan, and a bee, coming from almost nowhere it seemed, buzzed by his face, causing him to jump and fall face first into the boat, his legs sticking out over the edge. The sight was so comical even he had to laugh at himself.
"Deagol!" laughed Hope as she scurried over.
"Hullo," he chuckled and scrambled to his feet. "Smeagol's not with you"
he asked, looking around.
"No," she answered. "We went to a party last night and he was exhausted so Tabby let him sleep in."
"But not you?"
"I've never been able to sleep in voluntarily. It's a curse," she muttered with a shrug. "So, can I tag along with you?"
"Of course," he answered. She climbed into the boat and he pushed off, jumping in behind her. As he positioned the boat out into the middle of the river, he couldn't help but looked at her. Her guard was down, the mask was off, and for the first time in a long while there was that look of sadness lightly etched across her features. She looked exhausted, like she hadn't been sleeping well lately.
"Wow," she muttered, and he snapped out of thought.
"What?"
"Nothing, it's just... we really haven't done this in a long time."
"Yeah, I know," he muttered. "Things just came up and I was busy."
"I know, I understand," she said, forcing a smile. "It's just not been the same without you, you know?" He nodded and she looked back out at the water. "Can you keep a secret?"
He nodded, but realizing she couldn't see him from the angle she was staring at he voiced his answer.
"I've been having nightmares the last few weeks."
"What sort?" he asked.
"About someone..."
"Richard?"
"Yeah," but only she knew she was lying. In all truth the dreams of Smeagol throttling Deagol had played in her mind more frequently. She had learned not to scream when she awoke so Smeagol and Tabby didn't know. But they were getting to the point where she didn't want to sleep at night because she knew it was coming.
"I'm sure they'll go away soon, Hope. I mean, he is behind bars."
"I know. They should. I know he can't hurt me. That doesn't stop the nightmare though for some reason." She drew her knees up and under her chin and closed her eyes. "I haven't been sleeping much lately, Deagol. That the real reason why I didn't sleep in. They just bother me so much." There were tears behind her eyelids, he knew it. She tilted her head to the side so the side of her face was resting against her knees and she was facing him. Her eyes stayed closed but he could see something glittering from beneath her eyelashes.
"I'm sorry," her voice cracked.
"For what?" he asked.
"Whatever I did to make you so upset with me," she answered. He looked at her in confusion and her eyes opened, a tear falling from one and trailing across the bridge of her nose. "I'm not stupid, Deagol. I know you've been avoiding me. And whatever it was I did, I'm sorry. I just want us to be friends again. I've got enough crap going on, I don't need you being upset with me piled on with it."
Without thinking he reached out and grabbed her shoulder. "I'm not upset with you!" he exclaimed. "You've never done anything wrong, Hope! Never." She sniffled and a tear fell from her face.
"I'm sorry," she muttered. "I'm just so tired... but I can't sleep."
And she broke down. He drew her up into his arms and she burried her face into his shoulder, her arms wrapped around him. She clung to him because she knew one day Smeagol would kill him and there was nothing she could do to stop him without ruining the chain of events the led to the destruction of the ring. Deagol clung on to Hope because he loved her, be he could never tell her that.
His shoulder was so warm, she thought briefly. And her arms were strong around her. Deagol noticed she was wearing some sweet scent, and her hair was so soft. If he held on a moment longer he might go mad.
Hope pulled away, hastily brushing the tears from her face and forcing herself back together. "Sorry," she said quickly. "Here I haven't seen you in a while and the first time I do I go into a meltdown."
"No, it's all right," he muttered.
"You have a lot of patience," she sighed, forcing a smile. Deagol secretly thought 'You have no idea...'.
They sat there in silence for a while, the gently rocking of the river relaxing both of them, and finally he rowed them back to the shore. When she stepped out she pulled a scrunchie off her wrist and tied her hair up. "Ugh," she groaned. "My eyes are all puffy now. I need to put some makeup on them..."
"You look fine," said Deagol. She snorted.
"You're kind."
"I don't know why you put that stuff on. I saw you that one day at Smeagol's house when you hadn't even put any on your face and you still looked so beautiful..." He froze. Maybe she hadn't heard him, he hoped.
"What did you just say?" she asked. Deagol frowned. Every male on the face of the planet knew that was code for 'I understood you perfectly and now you're in BIG trouble...'
"I didn't say anything," he lied, beginning to panic. What would she do now? Would she tell Smeagol?
"You just said I'm beautiful," she said in a confrontational tone. "You never say that."
He sighed. It was out. She was smart enough to figure it out.
"Deagol...?" she questioned, stepping closer to him, trying to read his eyes.
"I lied," he said. Her eyes popped open and he had to cut in before she could say anything. "Not about you being beautiful, Hope. You're gorgeous! I lied about why I haven't been around. It is you! It's all because of you! You and... and him!" Her jaw dropped. "You two love each other. You're perfect for each other, and he's even told me he may ask you to mary him someday,
and I already know that when he does you'll say yes because you love him that much!"
Hope didn't know what to say, so Deagol kept on going. "You two are made for each other... And it hurts..." His voice cracked and she gasped. "It hurts because... I mean you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. You're sweet, you're funny, and you've almost always got a bright spirit with you. But I can't even look at you because everytime I do... I keep thinking about what it would be like to be Smeagol and hold you in my arms."
He stopped and looked away from her. "I don't know why this is happening..." his voice cracked again. "And I'm sorry. I wish you and I could stay the way we've always been, I really do... but I can't. And I don't want to hurt Smeagol. So I can't be with you two anymore." He ran his hand over his face. "Being in love with you doesn't hurt nearly as much as watching you be in love with someone else."
Hope was shaking. Tears were falling down her face. She was hugging herself tightly and looked at the ground. "Deagol..." she whispered weakly.
"I'm sorry," he whispered and began to walk away.
"Deagol, don't go," she called, her voice wracked with sobs. "Please don't go."
He stopped for a moment... but started to walk again. "Deagol!" she called,
and ran to him. She tripped on a root and fell on her face, scraping her knees. He didn't notice, or if he did he ignored her.
She scrambled to her feet and ran to him grabbing onto his arm. "Deagol,
stop!"
He stopped and looked at her. There were tears in his eyes, and this only made her's come more rapidly. "You... you can't... you can't just..." She didn't know what she was trying to say. But she never got a word in. Before she could stop him, his arm was around her waist and he pulled her to him, capturing her lips with his. At first her hands slid to his chest to push him away... but she caved, and her hands slid up and behind his shoulders, pressing him as close to her as was humanly possible. Every fiber of her being told her this was wrong... but she didn't care.
She forced his lips apart and kissed him deeply, probably deeper than she had ever kissed Smeagol.
Finally her guilt kicked in and she pulled her lips away, but did not remove her arms from him. "I'm sorry," he whispered. She moved her face up to kiss him again but couldn't do it. Instead she stepped back altogether and whispered, "Don't tell..."
"I won't," Deagol answered. "You've better go." She didn't need to be told twice and before she knew it she ran off, leaving Deagol to stand there watching, her taste still on his lips.