WARNING: This Fanfic Contains An Extremely Dangerous Amount Of Stupidity That May Cause Harm. Please Do Not Read If You Are Pregnant, Have A Weak Heart, Or Suffer From Mad Cow Disease. The Author Is Not Responsible For Any Brain Injuries You May Obtain From Reading This. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
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October Third, 1910
"What are you doing?"
Edward looked up into the onyx eyes of the Colonel. "Hmm?"
"What are you doing?"
Edward grinned. "I'm writing the date I burned my house down, see?" He pointed to the scrawl of letters written in blue marker.
"Yes," Roy replied, "but why are you writing on your stomach?"
Edward blinked. "I'm not on my stomach, I'm on my feet."
He must be on smack, Roy thought. "No, Ed," he said slowly. "Why are you writing on your stomach?"
Edward shrugged. "I lost my watch yesterday."
"Again?" Roy sighed. "Why is it so difficult for you to remember October third, 1910? Even I remember it!"
Edward fit the lid back on his marker. "October third, 1910? Is that your birthday?" he asked.
Roy shook his head. "No, Fullmetal, it's the day you burned down your house, remember?"
Edward looked up hopefully. "I have a house?" he squealed.
"No, Ed. You had a house. You burned it down, remember?"
The blond looked thoughtful. "Really? When?"
Roy sighed. "October third, 1910," he replied.
Edward glanced down at his stomach. "I have that date written on my belly, you know," he said.
"Yes, Ed. I know."
"Is that your birthday?"
"No, it's the day you burned down your house."
"I have a house?"
"You had a house. You burned it down when you were eleven."
"Really? When?"
"October third, 1910."
"Is that your birthday?"
"No, Fullmetal," Roy heaved an exasperated sigh. "Alright, I'm going to explain it to you very, very slowly, but I'm only doing it once, so listen carefully, okay?"
Edward nodded.
"Five years ago on October third, 1910 when you were eleven, you burned down your house, on October third, 1910, five years ago when you were eleven." Roy took a deep breath. "Do you understand now?"
Edward looked up and grinned tentatively. "Sorry, did you say something. I wasn't listening."
"You weren't listening? Didn't you hear a word I said?" Roy exclaimed.
Edward reached behind his shoulder to touch his braid thoughtfully. "Well, I think I heard you say something about eggs…" he trailed off.
The Colonel groaned. "No, Fullmetal, I never said anything about eggs. I was talking about the day you burned your house down."
Edward squealed. "I have a house?"
"No, Ed, you burned it down," Roy responded with ire. Edward shrugged and unscrewed the cap on his marker. He held it up to his nose and inhaled deeply.
"What are you doing?"
"Smelling my marker," he replied, taking another whiff. Roy furrowed his brow and said nothing.
After several more inhalations of the marker, Edward screwed the cap back on and tucked it in the pocket of his trousers.
"You know, I like eggs. I don't care what anyone says," Edward mumbled.
Roy blinked.
"Well," Edward said, clapping his hands together. "I think I'll go back to my house now. Goodbye." he turned and headed for the door.
Roy groaned. "Ed, you don't have a house! You burned it down!" he exclaimed.
Edward stopped in mid-step and whipped around. "I have a house?"
"No, Ed. You had a house. You burned it down five years ago."
"Really? When?"
"October third, 1910."
"Is that your birthday?"
"No, Ed, it's the day you burned your house down."
"I have a house?"
"You had a house. You burned it down."
"Really? When?"
Roy twitched and grasped Edward's shirt, jerking it up to reveal the incomprehensible writing on his stomach. "There, see? October third, 1910. That's the day you burned your house down."
Edward looked down to where Roy was pointing. "Hey! Who wrote on my belly!" he yelled.
Roy deadpanned. "You did, Ed."
"Oh…" Edward observed the words. "October third, 1910? Is that your birthday?"
"No! It's the day you burned your house down!"
"I have a house?"
"You had a house, but you burned it down!"
"Really? When?"
The Colonel grunted, poking Edward in the stomach. "O-c-t-o-b-e-r t-h-i-r-d n-i-n-e-t-e-e-n t-e-n!" he growled, punctuating the words by repeatedly prodding the boy's stomach.
Edward giggled. "Stop! That tickles!"
Roy tugged the boy's shirt down. "Okay, I've had enough of this game, Fullmetal. Please leave."
Edward grinned. Okay! Bye!" he bade cheerfully as he walked out the door.
Silence…
"Hey! Who wrote on my belly!"
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I Swear, I Could Actually Feel My Brain Cells Dissipating While Editing This Chapter. The Utter Stupidity Displayed In Edward Is Simply Astounding.