WARNING: This Fanfic Contains An Extremely Dangerous Amount Of Stupidity That May Cause Harm. Please Do Not Read If You Are Pregnant, Have A Weak Heart, Or Suffer From Mad Cow Disease. The Author Is Not Responsible For Any Brain Injuries You May Obtain From Reading This. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
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Numa Numa
"Ma-ia-hii
Ma-ia-hoo
Ma-ia-ha
Ma-ia-ha-ha,"
Roy groaned.
"Ma-ia-hii
Ma-ia-hoo
Ma-ia-ha
Ma-ia-ha-ha,"
"Fullmetal," Roy addressed the boy firmly.
"Alo,
salut, sunt eu, un haiduc,
Si te rog, iubirea mea, primeºte
fericirea."
"Fullmetal…"
"Alo, alo, sunt eu Picasso,
Þi-am
dat beep, ºi sunt voinic,
Dar sa ºtii nu-îþi
cer nimic."
Roy sighed and leaned over his desk, glaring down at the golden-haired boy who was currently lying on his office floor, fondling a lump of clay and singing that irking Romanian song. "Edward, be quiet. I'm trying to work."
Edward looked up at him from his position on his back, his ocher eyes exuberant. "Was I bothering you?"
"Yes."
"Oh." He returned his attention to the lump of clay, molding it with his fingers into a semblance of a prehistoric amphibian.
Assuming he would remain silent, Roy leaned back in his chair and returned to his paperwork.
"Vrei sa
pleci dar numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa, numa
iei."
"Fullmetal…"
"Chipul tau
ºi dragostea din tei,
Mi-amintesc de ochii tai."
"Edward, I told you to be quiet!"
Edward pouted. "But I love that song!"
"Sing it later, I'm trying to do my paperwork."
"So?"
"So I can't do it if you're singing. It's hard for me to concentrate."
"Fine," Edward grunted, mashing two pieces of clay together.
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"Te sun,
sº-îþi spun, ce simt acum,
Alo, iubirea mea, sunt
eu, fericirea."
"Ed…"
"Alo, alo,
sunt iaraºi eu, Picasso,
Þi-am dat beep, ºi sunt
voinic,
Dar sa ºtii nu-iþi cer nimic."
"Edward!"
Edward glanced up at the Colonel, innocence painted on his face. "Yes?"
"I told you to be quiet!"
"No," the blond contradicted. "You told me to make you a clay hamburger."
"What? I never said that!" Roy started.
"Yes, you did. You said, 'Make me a clay hamburger, Maria.'"
"Your name isn't Maria!"
"It isn't?" Edward quirked an ocher brow. "Then why do I have this?" He held up a metal name plate with the word Maria etched in it.
"You stole that from Second Lieutenant Maria Ross!"
Edward stared at the name plate, then tossed it aside. "And you tell me this now! After I got the name tattooed on my chest."
The Colonel deadpanned. "At least now we know who stole Lieutenant Ross's name plate…"
Edward got to his feet and propped himself on Roy's desk, extending his hand benevolently. "Do you want a clayburger?" he asked.
Roy stared down at the subfusc slab of clay. "No, Ed. You can have it."
The young alchemist grinned and stuffed the clay hamburger in his mouth. Roy wrinkled his nose in repugnance as he watched his subordinate chew the substance slowly before swallowing it. "Mmm, non-edible substance, " Edward murmured, wiping his mouth with his braid.
Roy blinked, then shook his head and turned back to his paperwork.
"Oh, great. I ate my clay! Now I'm bored." Edward moaned.
"Roll around on the floor for a while," Roy suggested, absently gesturing with his hand.
Edward flopped flaccidly on the floor and began to roll himself around in a circle with his feet.
"Vrei sa
pleci dar numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa, numa
iei.
Chipul tau ºi dragostea din tei,
Mi-amintesc de ochii
tai."
"Ed…"
"Vrei sa
pleci dar numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa, numa
iei.
Chipul tau ºi dragostea din tei,
Mi-amintesc de ochii
tai."
"Eeeeedwaaaaard!" Roy groaned, rubbing his temples.
"Vrei sa
pleci dar numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa, numa
iei.
Chipul tau ºi dragostea din tei,
Mi-amintesc de ochii
tai."
Roy reached into his desk and produced a stapler. "Fullmetal, if you be quiet I'll let you play with my stapler," he bribed, offering the stapler to the blond.
Edward squealed and snatched up the stapler. "Wow, stapler!"
Roy sighed and went back to his paperwork. "That should keep him occupied for a while."
--Some three minutes later--
"Te sun,
sº-îþi spun, ce simt acum,
Alo, iubirea mea, sunt
eu, fericirea.
Alo, alo, sunt iaraºi eu, Picasso,
Þi-am
dat beep, ºi sunt voinic,
Dar sa ºtii nu-iþi cer
nimic."
"Edward! Not again!"
"Vrei sa
pleci dar numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa, numa
iei.
Chipul tau ºi dragostea din tei,
Mi-amintesc de ochii
tai."
Roy banged his head against his desk. "What happened to the stapler?" he asked.
Edward paused. "I ate it!"
"You ate it?"
"Yes. It was delicious!"
"It was a stapler!"
"Got anymore staplers?" Edward asked. Roy shook his head, and Edward just shrugged in return.
"Okay, then.
Vrei sa pleci dar numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa iei,
Numa,
numa, numa iei.
Chipul tau ºi dragostea din tei,
Mi-amintesc
de ochii tai."
"Ed."
"Vrei sa
pleci dar numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa, numa
iei.
Chipul tau ºi dragostea din tei,
Mi-amintesc de ochii
tai."
"Edward!"
"Vrei sa
pleci dar numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa, numa
iei.
Chipul tau ºi dragostea din tei,
Mi-amintesc de ochii
tai."
Roy groaned and stood from his seat. "Alright, I give up! You win, Ed! You hear? You win!"
Edward wasn't listening. He was too busy making up his own dance routine to match the song.
"Vrei sa
pleci dar numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa iei,
Numa, numa, numa
iei.
Chipul tau ºi dragostea din tei,
Mi-amintesc de ochii
tai."
Roy got down on his knees. "God, help me!" he cried.
Edward danced around him, throwing his paperwork in the air like confetti.
"Ma-ia-hii
Ma-ia-hoo
Ma-ia-ha
Ma-ia-haa."
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Dragostea Din Tei (A.k.a., Numa Numa), Belongs To The Romanian Band, O-Zone.