A/N While I don't get to reply to everyone individually, thanks so much for the comments you went out of your way to write. Someone asked earlier if this is a Ryrissa, andto answer that,yes, ultimately this is a Ryan and Marissa based fiction. I've actually written a big part of the story which is why these updates are frequent, so you know I'm not magically coming up with four thousand words a night, lol. So, hope you like this next part.

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Marissa drove around without any direction, she hadn't really experienced much of this part of California, so didn't really know where to go. She needed somewhere quiet so she decided she'd just go to the university library like she planned, it was Sunday so she figured there wouldn't be a lot of people about anyway.

She found a quiet desk upstairs in the corner to herself, and she took out her books as if she were actually going to get some work done. It was hard to concentrate under the fluorescent lighting, but she tried. She was burdened with thoughts of Ryan, and she didn't want to be, but it was hard to not think of someone you never wanted to give up in the first place. She got her phone out of her bag and remembered to turn her profile over to silent while she was in the library, and placed it on the desk.

Marissa was still in love with him and it didn't take a genius to know that. She couldn't shake the feeling that Ryan living there was going to change things. She didn't know if it would be for the better or for worse, but at that moment nothing to her felt right; nothing to do with Ryan anyway. She had no right or reason to be mad at him, so she wasn't going to be. Marissa felt like she was neither here nor there, which made it that much harder, she didn't know how to feel about all this, if it was right to be feeling – anything.

Confused and exhausted she just sat there twirling her pen through her fingers and reading all but two sentences she'd written down for her design histories class, most of the page had been filled up with her attempts to practice her signature. 'Marissa Cooper', 'M.A. Cooper', 'Marissa A. Cooper', 'Marissa C.', 'Marissa C. Atwood', 'Marissa Atwood', 'M.C. Atwood', 'M. Atwood', 'Marissa Cooper Atwood'. She scrolled down the page observing how it miraculously morphed and began incorporating 'Atwood' from a quarter of the way until the very bottom. 'God, I'm pathetic' she rolled her eyes at herself and let her head drop on the hard wooden table, making and audible thumping sound.

The clock continued to turn and Marissa lost track of how long she'd actually been there, she heard footsteps and could feel them coming closer. She turned around to find a familiar face.

"I thought it was you." Said Summer happily.

"Hey Sum, what are you doing here?" Marissa asked.

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This wasn't Newport anymore. He couldn't just hit any beach and find her at any old lifeguard stand. He absolutely had no clue where to go. He first tried Jacobs, the café that they regularly go to, he thought he came close when he saw a strawberry blonde haired girl sitting in the back corner, but no luck. Standing in front of the café he looked to his left and to his right hoping to find her amongst the crowd of people passing by. He got out his cell and tried contacting her.

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"Just getting some work done" she said as she pointed to her Fashion Photography book that she had been carrying.

Photography wasn't something Summer had always been interested in, but in coming across it one day by chance, she became intrigued by the discipline and took it up and is now a Fine Arts student. She wanted to be involved in fashion, but like Marissa she wasn't attuned to designing it, but the more she read up on photography the more she fell in love with the practice.

At that moment the light on Marissa's phone began to flash, but as the two girls continued on with their conversation, an incoming call had gone unnoticed.

Summer saw the overcast look on Marissa's face, and could tell something was wrong, "Marissa are you okay?"

Marissa figured if she could tell anyone, she could tell her best friend. "I went to Ryan's today…"

Summer suddenly went quiet, "Sarah…" she said finishing for her and sighed.

"Yeah, how did you-", she stopped herself short recognizing that she should've known. "Aah the hot girl, of course." She concluded, thinking she must've been an idiot not to see that one.

"He was going to tell you."

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Ryan decided he'd go ahead and make his way to her building and check if she was at her dorm. Ryan climbed up the stairs and knocked on her door; no one answered. He knocked one last time and was about to leave when it opened.

"Ryan? What are you doing here?" said Kyle as if just having woke up.

"Have you seen Marissa?" he asked.

Kyle yawned, "She said she was going to your place…and then…"

"And then?" he anticipated.

"And then she said might go to the library."

"Thanks" he said hurriedly and walked off.

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"That's just it Sum, he doesn't have to tell me, he doesn't have to explain, he doesn't owe me anything."

Summer could tell she needed to talk to someone, "Come on, come with me to go get a book and then let's go get some hot chocolate or something." She said she helped pack Marissa's things away.

"Okay" she said giving in.

They walked across to a sea of shelves and Summer scoured the books to find the right one. She had only intended on getting one, but in minutes found some more that grabbed her interest.

"Okay, just let me get them checked out." Summer said carrying the books with one arm.

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It was a large library but Ryan quickly scanned the first level before proceeding up the stairs to the next. He passed the row of shelves that seemed to go on forever.

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Summer and Marissa turned the corner to get into the next row of shelves, in doing so they missed a single figure that walked briskly on the opposite side.

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Ryan did a once over on the Library and gave up, he walked out of there disappointed. He really wanted to see her, just to talk to her. He doesn't know why he even bothered to keep this from Marissa, it was stupid. If they were going to be open and honest, and open to meeting knew people like they said they would, than he should've trusted that she'd be okay with it. It was still early but he was tired, he drove out of the campus and on towards his apartment.

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Marissa sat opposite Summer at the Café, as usual Marissa had a tea sitting in front of her as Summer awaited her hot chocolate.

"If you guys said you were going to take a break, maybe even meet new people, then I don't get why either of you are looking at this like its some sort of problem." Summer tried to understand.

"Summer, I never wanted to take a break in the first place. Ryan did." Marissa said, finally admitting to someone for the first time that their decision wasn't mutual. "I did it for him." Marissa felt so weighed down that she thought it best to get it out in the open, even if it was only Summer and not the person who needed to hear it most. "I'm still in love with him…he was the one that asked for the break, and I agreed and told him it was a good idea…he really wanted it, and it was all I could think of to say so he wouldn't feel bad about it. He shouldn't have to feel guilty about that…I understood. It's just hard."

"Aw…Coop" Summer sympathized with her best friend without really knowing what to do.

"There are times when I'm really okay with us just being friends, even to the point where I'm convinced we're better off as friends. We can be great friends…"

Summer looked at Marissa with eyes of concern, "But?"

"But…most days I just want to go back to the times when we were together, and it's not over for me you know…not yet"

A waitress came past and set Summer's order down.

"It's going to be okay, him moving in with this girl doesn't change anything, it's not like he's going to hook up with his roommate or abandon you as his friend…can you honestly see Ryan doing that?" She said while trying to make Marissa see it'll all work out.

"I'm…I'm just scared I guess, of losing him, to her, to anyone…even if it wasn't her, she represents exactly what I'm afraid of, that he finds someone-better; and he knows me so well that, that's exactly the reason he didn't want to tell me, because if it were in reverse he'd feel the same way."

"Marissa you're not going to lose him." She reassured and took a sip of her beverage and set it down gently. "If she tries anything, I will kick her ass." She smiled trying to cheer her up.

Marissa just laughed and continued to drink her tea, still skeptical as to what Summer said, but grateful nonetheless that she was there for her.

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Ryan came home and found Sarah with a beer in hand, now wearing a mini skirt and plain tee, which actually the most covered he's seen her yet. Ryan wasn't in the mood for anything really; all he wanted to see was the face of the girl he cared so much about.

"How'd it go with the girlfriend?" she asked without any real concern as she sat on the couch reading a magazine.

"She's not my girlfriend, we're just friends" he clarified. "I didn't find her."

Sarah walked over to the fridge and grabbed a beer for him and threw it to him. "Here". "Don't worry she has to go home eventually."

Catching the bottle he unscrewed the top and took a sip. "I'll be in my room" he said as he walked off.

Sarah watched Ryan go and looked on, unaware of the situation around her, almost wishing she had someone in her life to care about her as much as this guy obviously seemed to care for this girl.

Ryan lay down on his bed listening to his iPod, he ran through his mind a list of places Marissa could've gone. He tried to drown out his surroundings and his thoughts by focusing on the lyrics of the song he was listening to. With his eyes closed he managed to finally relax, but as the song went on he began hearing foreign characters become mixed up in the melody. He paused the player momentarily and widening his eyes, he took his headphones out of his ears and heard what seemed like an argument, and more surprisingly it seemed to stem from just outside his door. Ryan headed for the door and leant his head up against the door to make out what was being said. It was a little muffled but one was obviously Sarah and a friend, possibly her boyfriend maybe.

"Roy, I've already changed like three times!" Sarah disputed.

Ryan slowly opened his door a fraction to see if he could get a look at who she had been talking to and quickly closed it again.

"Yeah, I know sweetie, but you look fat in that thing!" He said condescendingly. It must've been her boyfriend Ryan presumed out of the man who looked of about 25. His straight brown hair was greased and slicked back off his face, falling at the base of his neck. Roy was rather tall and it was obvious he must've kept in shape to keep his built physique. From first impressions he looked sleazy from head to toe. Wearing a collared shirt halfway buttoned down and looked as if he just stepped out of the Jason Priestly era.

"Sarah! Do it quickly and do it now!" he hounded.

Sarah must've have given him as he could hear her footsteps pass his bedroom and off in the direction of hers in the far end of the hallway. Ryan couldn't help but ask himself why in the world this girl was with this poor excuse for a man. But instead of asking why, he should've asked 'How?"

Sarah came from a broken home. Her mother drank heavily and wasn't always stable, her father was never around and one day he just left and was gone for good. She grew up with four older brothers that weren't always there. Without anyone to be a proper role model, she grew up practically raising herself and moved out of home as soon as she could. There was no one to show her any better, any real values, or had any positive figures to aspire to. She was misunderstood, but anything she had she got for herself. So if she figured if she could get this far, there was no stopping her. If she could change anything though, it would be to stop attracting all the wrong guys…

Ryan could tell she'd finally gotten changed and he heard the door slam as they both obviously left to go out. He walked out cautiously in the main area. If he had known her better he would've said something, but right now it wasn't his place to say anything. Walking towards the house phone he attempted to call Marissa at her place to see if she'd come home yet, Kyle answered and no Marissa. He then attempted her cell phone.

"You've reached Marissa, leave a message and I'll call you back. Thanks."

This time he didn't bother leaving one and just hung up, walking back to his room exhausted.

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It was late the same the afternoon, and Ryan realized he couldn't sit around the house all day, he decided to drop over Seth's place; his humor is definitely something Ryan could do with right about now.

Ryan drove to their apartment block and parked the car in the visitors section. Knocking on their door waiting for a response, and it came shortly after in the form of Seth.

"Hey…you're not Chinese." Seth said as he saw Ryan by the doorway.

"No, sorry" said Ryan unenthused.

"What're you doing here man, come in…" Seth offered as he stepped aside to let his adopted brother through.

"Needed to get out of the house…" he said as he took a spot on their lounge.

"Yeah, I hear you." Seth replied without really knowing what he was talking about. He walked over to the kitchen and grabbed two cans of Pepsi and handed one to Ryan.

Ryan gladly accepted, "Thanks."

Seth looked over at Ryan and could tell something was plaguing him. "I could be wrong, but I'm feeling some Seth-Ryan time coming on…" He said as he got up to set up the ps2, which was practically a requirement for Seth-Ryan time. "Talk to me buddy." He said as he threw a controller over to Ryan as they both shifted to the floor to play.

"Marissa met Sarah today" he began.

Without taking his eyes off the screen, "That must've been pretty."

Ryan continued further, "Actually, I wasn't there, I was in the shower and Marissa dropped off one of my books."

"And then…"

"Then nothing…she left, I went everywhere trying to find her; the café, her dorm, the library." Ryan said while still concentrating on the actions on screen.

"Are you in trouble?" Seth asked.

A mystified expression came over Ryan's face, "Why would I be in trouble? What are we – five?

"I'm always in trouble with Summer", he admitted indifferently, but almost as if he was pleased with it. "So I say sorry, even when I don't know if I've done anything, I say it to be sure."

"You guys are weird, that's why. It amazes me how you two cohesively manage to stay together."

"It's because she can't get enough of me in the sack." He grinned.

"Seth, don't say sack." Ryan stated blatantly as he continued decapitating Seth's character on the widescreen.

"Okay, but all jokes aside, you and Marissa just make things too complicated, which is why you two can never get your act together." In one of the few times he was actually going to try and be serious about something, he continued. "You're dating. You're not dating. It's hard to keep up with you two, but either way. Who goes traipsing around Berkeley just to talk to someone?"

"What are you getting at Seth?" He said, wanting him to get to the point whilst heeding every word.

"You still love her, and not just 'you're my brother', or 'you're my friend so I love you' kind of love, you love her cause well, because she's Marissa, and the Ryan in this story whether they're just friends or not, is always trying his hardest to make sure he doesn't hurt her…and maybe you need to stop denying what you have, what you're meant to have." He pauses, encouraging that notion to simmer in Ryan's mind for a while.

Seth was right, in every way which was more surprising. Ryan loved her, but as much as he loved her, he wasn't sure about his relationship with her. He wasn't altogether sure that he was ready to get back together with her, or if he was even meant to. Their friendship now meant a lot to him, and as hard as it was to give up what they had in high school, he's not all that convinced he wants to give up this friendship they've created, now. They continued playing well into the evening, only pausing for bathroom breaks and to eat the Chinese food that had been delivered. Initially Ryan just came over for some comic relief out of his best friend, but he got more than he bargained for and left even more weighed down than when he arrived.

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The sky was dark and the clouds overhead had no intention of disappearing anytime soon. Marissa sat in the lecture room as she took notes on Semiotics when she stared out the window and observed that little raindrops were beginning to scatter across the window pane. Her stomach groaned lightly and couldn't wait until she got out so she could get some lunch. She continued to scribble down abbreviated sentences of what the teacher had been discussing. Her handwriting became messier as the time worn on. Finally the teacher had let them go, and she placed her belongings back into her bag and left the room.

Her face was sullen and this weather wasn't doing anything to lift her spirits either. Keeping her focus on the ground, fatigued, she walked slowly as everyone had rushed past her. The rain had begun to fall harder and she looked up to the sky and watched the water descend into the earth. As she kept her head tilted upward, a mass of darkness filled her vision, its wires webbed through the resistant fabric and she tilted her head forward and turned around to see who was responsible from stopping the rain settle onto her skin.

"You're going to catch a cold you know that…" he smiled.

"Ryan…" she said softly as they just stood there inches apart. Life continuing to go on, but for them it was as if time had stopped if only for a brief moment.

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