A/N — I hate endings. I really do. There's something so ... final about posting the last chapter of a story and leaving that universe behind, no matter how much I love the conclusion. I *might* post an epilogue in a week or two. No promises but, at the moment, I'm not entirely sure that I'm done with this world. Thank you to all of you for the love and support as I worked on this story. It was my first one back post-covid lockdown and it grew into a much longer story than I originally envisioned in large part to your encouragement. I won't be gone, just working on other things, so until the next time. xoxo — kals
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Chapter 43 — Finding a Way Home
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She came awake slowly, snuggled in the softest, warmest blanket that she could imagine. She wiggled slightly, expecting to run into Danny's solid form, but instead her hand brushed up against the cool metal of her bunk. Pursuing her lips, Kara fought her way through the haze, waking up enough to recall that she wasn't — or shouldn't have been — on the Nathan James. No, Kara decided, she was definitely on land despite the slight trembling of her bed and the familiar humming of equipment. She opened heavy eyes, taking in the unfamiliar room. Although the curtains had been pulled across the windows, there was enough light for Kara to recognize the ugly, neutral couch and chair set, with a television above them, playing something called spa music if the large letters across the screen were to be believed.
The hospital.
As memory returned, Kara moved to sit up, only to be stopped by an excruciating pain in her mid-section. Fighting her way through layers of plastic — was she inside a balloon? — Kara brushed a hand across her stomach. Not flat, not by a long-shot, but definitely not as rounded as it had been ... days? hours? before. Wiggling more carefully, Kara sat up slightly, enough to determine that she was alone.
Where was Danny?
Where was anyone?
As though her question conjured someone, the door to her room pressed open, and Rachel's head appeared. "Kara! You're awake earlier than expected."
Nothing about Rachel's body language seemed stressed or upset, but Kara still had to know. "Is Joshua okay?"
"He's perfect," Rachel reassured Kara, stepping into the room and raising the lights slightly. "Danny went with him to the NICU for a quick check since you were only thirty-five weeks, but Joshua's APGAR score was excellent, and he was screaming the moment he came out. I have no concerns myself, although you should be aware that there may be some more minor complications such as jaundice."
Kara nodded, having been briefed by both Doctor Egownman and Rios about the possible complications for a late, preterm birth. Looking down, Kara again frowned at the bag she was in. It was warm, certainly, but why was she in a sack? Pulling her arm free, noticing the IV for the first time, she gestured down. "What am I in?"
"Oh, it's a warming unit," Rachel said, her enthusiasm growing. "Isn't it amazing? I could have used those on the Nathan James for certain." Then Rachel's face sobered. "How much do you remember from prior to the surgery?"
"Not much," Kara admitted. "It's a blur and I'm confusing dreams and reality. At one point, I thought that you were dead."
Rachel chuckled. "You did mention that. You developed very fast onset preeclampsia, Kara. Your blood pressure spiked, which is why we did the emergency c-section. However, once we began, we realized that the placenta had begun to detach."
That caught Kara's attention. "An abruption? But that can be fatal for the baby."
"Fortunately, Joshua seems to have suffered no negative effects, but you lost a third of your blood volume, Kara," Rachel explained. "Hence, the warming blanket. We're also continuing to monitor you for the next few days, as you are borderline for needing a blood transfusion."
Kara felt tears threatening, as she realized how close it had been. And she had been too confused, too sick to even realize that there was a problem.
If Danny hadn't called Rios.
If Cisco hadn't insisted that they come to the hospital.
If Rachel hadn't met them here...
She looked up, catching Rachel's eyes. "I remember you promising that he was going to be okay. That meant the world to me. Because I knew you wouldn't have made a promise that you couldn't keep."
Rachel swallowed hard, glancing away, before she stepped closer, examining the machine to Kara's left. "Kara, I must tell you that I did not foresee you having such a significant complication during your pregnancy. I spoke afterwards with Doctor Egownman and he said that he has seen numerous instances of preeclampsia and placental abruptions in women who survived the virus. That is, of course, antidotal, but the trend is concerning. It's certainly an issue that Doctor Milowsky and I plan to consider in connection with our ongoing research."
"Doctor Milowsky?" Kara asked, eyebrows raised.
"Lloyd," Rachel corrected, a slight flush to her face, and Kara decided not to tease more. Rachel rushed on. "But you should be aware that, if you decide to have another baby..."
"I won't," Kara cut in.
Rachel frowned. "You can't know that for certain, Kara. And, unfortunately, with your history..."
But Kara reached out, taking Rachel's hand and cutting her off again. "I understand that you have to tell me the risk, Rachel. And I suppose it's possible that I could change my mind in a year or two. But I saw the look on Danny's face yesterday." The same expression he wore during the vaccine trial — when he thought that she was about to die. "I have three beautiful children, Rachel. That's more than I could ever have imagined just a year ago."
Rachel hesitated, before nodding. "You do have a lovely family."
As the door opened again, both women turned, and then Rachel stepped out of the way so Kara could see the bassinet that Danny was pushing. Rachel spoke softly. "Congratulations, Kara. Meet your son."
Kara barely noticed Rachel's departure, her eyes fixed on Joshua's face. He was tightly swaddled in a white blanket, his head covered by a white cap with a green pom-pom on top, but she could make out his puffy little cheeks and tiny, button nose and jutting chin.
Just like his daddy.
The tears that had been threatening overflowed as Danny lifted Joshua, taking the two steps to the bed, his face glowing with pure joy. "Time to wake up and meet your mom, little buddy."
Reaching out without thought to the cocoon that still surrounded her, Kara was briefly trapped by the blanket. Danny stopped, then chuckled. "Do you need help?"
"Yes," Kara admitted, laughing at the ridiculous situation. But Danny merely deposited Joshua back in his incubator and then moved to help Kara roll down the blanket until her arms were free. The transition had woken the child, because when Danny turned back to pick him up, J.D.'s eyes were open. Still, he didn't cry, merely gazing solemnly at the ceiling. As she tucked him into the corner of her arm, Kara took in the bright blue eyes that stared right at her. "Hello, sweetheart."
She lifted a hand to take off his little cap, revealing a head of dark, black hair.
Just like his mommy.
Funny.
She always imagined a little boy looking just like Danny.
"He has your hair," Danny said, moving to stand next to the bed, the hand that swept against Joshua's hair larger than his head.
"I thought he would be blond, like you," Kara replied. In fact, besides his chin and maybe his eyes, Joshua looked rather like Kara. "Although he does have your chin."
She unwrapped the blanket, revealing another little white shirt, this one with ends that folded over Joshua's hands. Carefully, she freed one hand and then the other, mesmerized by the tiny fingers. After a moment, Joshua managed to grab one of Kara's fingers, his hold surprisingly strong. She tore her gaze away to look at Danny. "He's small."
"Five pounds, six ounces," Danny replied. "Big for thirty-five weeks. He's breathing well on his own, too. That's why we got to break out of the NICU so quickly. Doc said he just needs to monitor JD's oxygen rate. Rios will be by in a minute to set up the monitor."
Kara took a stab in the dark. "And Rachel promised to keep an eye on us?"
Danny chuckled. "And Rachel promised to keep an eye on both of you."
She ran a finger down Joshua's belly, checking his little chicken thighs and tiny feet, before wrapping him back up, recalling that preemies sometimes had trouble regulating their body temperature. Although her swaddle was a sloppy imitation of what Joshua looked like when he first appeared, at least he would stay warm. "Have you told the girls yet?"
"No," Danny replied. "I told them that we were at the hospital for Joshua to be born but I didn't want to scare them by saying you needed surgery."
"When can we see them?" Kara asked, torn between wanting to introduce the girls to their brother right now, and wanting to have a few more moments with just Danny and Joshua.
Danny hesitated, as though he were having the same though. "What if we have them come by after dinner? Tex said they were going to that taco place that Stella loves. That gives you some time to see how you are feeling."
"Good plan," Kara replied. She looked at Danny again, this time seeing the strain in his face, the lines around his mouth. "I'm sorry that I scared you."
He reached out, taking Kara's hand. "He's perfect and already can't imagine not having him around but I've never been so scared in my entire life. Please don't do that to me ever again."
Kara tried to sit up enough to wrap her arm around his waist, stopping only when she was immediately reminded why she was in this bed. That hurt. She settled for squeezing Danny's hand. "That's a promise I can definitely make."
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"Mommy! Mommy!" Delilah burst into the room like a whirlwind. She stopped abruptly at the sight of Kara in the bed, Joshua in her arms. But her attention was caught for only a moment. "They have an ice machine. It makes balls."
Confused, Kara looked at Tex, who bustled into the room immediately after Delilah. "Miss Del here is correct. The ice machine on this floor makes some pretty fine ice balls."
Deciding that she would have to figure out what-the-hell Delilah and Tex were talking about later, Kara patted the bed next to her. "Would you like to come meet your little brother?"
"I want to meet him! I want to meet him!" Stella shrieked, although she entered the room with slightly more decorum than Delilah, Andrea on her heels, lugging a sleeping Liam.
Kara felt a twinge of guilt for asking Andrea and Tex to bring the girls here so late, most likely interfering with Liam's bedtime, and she made a mental note to send Andrea some kind of thank you. Chocolates, maybe, or some of those espresso beans that Andrea loved but refused to buy for herself because they were so expensive.
"Up you go," Danny said, lifting Delilah carefully onto the side of Kara's bed, keeping a hand on the child's waist in case he needed to move her quickly away from Kara or Joshua. "Stella, come on over."
"He's so little," Stella whispered, standing next to Danny, suddenly looking so much older than she had only the day before. A big, big sister. Stella reached out to touch Joshua, hesitating at the last minute. "Can I hold him?"
"Of course, but you have to sit on the couch," Kara began, only to be cut off by Andrea.
"Everyone say cheese," Andrea commanded as she positioned her camera. Kara shifted Joshua so he was facing the camera and set an arm around Delilah. Next to them, Danny lifted Stella. Andrea must have taken a dozen shots before she stopped, checked the screen of her camera, and smiled. She looked up. "Your first picture as a family of five."
A family of five.
For a second, Kara couldn't breathe. Her eyes filled with tears and, this time, Kara couldn't stop them from overflowing. Frowning, Delilah leaned forward. "Are you sad, Mommy?"
"No," Kara reassured her, lifting her eyes to meet Danny's gaze. "These are happy tears."
He leaned forward, arm wrapping around her shoulders, his voice muffled in her hair. "Mine too."
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Kara wasn't sure what time it was the next time she woke. The room was dark, the only light the glow from the bassinet and the equipment monitoring a sleeping Joshua. Knowing that the baby was being monitored so closely was comforting, even if the slight hum and beeps were likely what woke her up. Joshua had his first feeding less than two hours ago, and by the end both of them were exhausted. The nurse who had been monitoring had explained that was common with preemies, the effort required to eat enough to wear them out for hours.
Turning her head, she could just make out Danny's form, his chest lifting and falling as he slept, lying across the small couch tucked into the corner. His feet were at least a foot too long for the space but, as Danny said before crossing his arms and closing his eyes, he had slept on worse.
After a moment, Kara settled back against her pillow, enjoying the quiet.
No, not the quiet.
The calm.
The feeling that, at the moment, all was right with the world.
Kara tried to remember the last time she felt such peace. No anxiety about what was to come.
Before the virus.
Back in the Arctic.
With Danny.
Long-buried memories bubbled up, and Kara's lips curled as she recalled those days.
Danny introducing himself and then blatantly checking out her ass.
Laughing at his truly terrible pickup lines.
Stolen moments alone in his cabin, feeling as though they were truly the only two people in the world.
Jogging on the deck, together but not, smiling each time they passed.
Over those four months, the intoxicating feeling of falling head over heels for someone had given way to something real and, by the end, Kara had truly believed that, come what might, she and Danny would face it together.
And, in the end, she had been right.
True there had been bumps in the road, moments of anguish that Kara could never have imagined, but it all put her on the path to the life she had today — married to a man she adored and the mother to three children she loved with every ounce of her being. She was living a life that she could never have imagined and, as Kara's eyes closed and she drifted off to sleep to the sounds of Joshua's monitor and Danny's snoring, she found herself remembering Brazil.
Danny was right.
This, them — Danny, Stella and Delilah and Joshua — this life that they had created.
It was worth the risk.