WARNING: This Fic Contains An Extremely Dangerous Amount Of Stupidity That May Cause Harm. Please Do Not Read If You Are Pregnant, Have A Weak Heart, Or Suffer From Mad Cow Disease. The Author Is Not Responsible For Any Brain Injuries You May Obtain From Reading This. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

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Ed barged into Colonel Mustang's office.

"Hellooooooo Mr. M! How's your ass?" he asked in an obnoxious booming voice. Mustang groaned and leaned over his desk to glare at Ed.

"My ass is cheeky Ed. Just cheeky." He replied sourly. Ed gave him a large, over-zealous smile.

"Guess what? I got my stupid teeth pulled out."

Mustang furrowed his brow. "What? What are stupid teeth?"

Ed rolled his eyes, as if the Colonel had just said something really daft. "Duh! Stupid teeth!" he replied, pointing to his mouth.

"I still can't comprehend what you're saying," Mustang replied. Ed groaned and once again pointed to his teeth.

"Stupid teeth! Teeth that are stupid! You know…some people go to the Dentist to get their wisdom teeth removed, well I already got mine removed 2 years ago, so the teeth the Dentist pulled out this morning must have been my stupid teeth."

The Colonel deadpanned. Was the FullMetal Alchemist really that stupid?

"Ah, stupid teeth, I get it." He replied, not wanting to provoke the blonde. "Is that all you wanted to tell me? Are you going to leave now?"

Ed laughed and shook his head. "Like Hell I will! And leave you here, all alone, with no one to drive you to suicide? Face it Mustang, without me you wouldn't be standing on the edge of insanity right now!"

The Colonel blinked. "Edward, I believe it's you who is currently standing on the edge of insanity. I, however, am completely sane." He gave the youth a smug look.

Ed shook his head. "That's not what your therapist says," he responded.

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"What're you doing?"

"Signing this form."

"Why?"

"Because it says 'Sign Here'"

"How do you know you're supposed to sign your name?"

"Because it also says 'Your Signature'"

"I think that's an insult…"

"No, Ed, it's not an insult."

"Oh…" Ed loomed over the Colonel's desk, his blonde bangs brushing against the paper. His feet were off the ground and he was now leaning his full weight against the desk.

"Why do you sign your signature and not mine?" he asked. The Colonel untangled his pen from the golden locks for the umpteenth time as he replied,

"Because you are my subordinate, and I am your superior,"

"For some bizarre reason, I get the feeling that you just said something raunchy." Ed wrinkled his face in disgust and stuck out his tongue.

The Colonel exhaled slowly, then reached into his desk and pulled out a pack of brand-new sharpies and some pieces of paper.

"Here, why don't you go draw a picture of the Homunculi having a mass orgy." He shoved the items into the blonde's hands and shooed him away.

Ed pouted but obediently took the items and flopped onto his belly on the floor. He ripped open the pack of sharpies and slid them onto the floor.

"Wow! Look at all the sharpies! Are they smellable?"

Mustang shook his head. "No, and don't you dare get high off of them again! I nearly got arrested for what you did to that poor octopus!"

"Ugh, men!" Ed grumbled. "So over-dramatic! And that octopus liked having the melted chocolate licked off his-"

"Ed!" Mustang interrupted sharply. "Just draw!"

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Mustang was about to sign his 34th form when a bunch of colorful papers were shoved into his face.

"Look! Look what I drew!" Ed cried excitedly, motioning to the pictures. The Colonel murmured and ripped the drawings from his face and held them at arms length.

"See? See?" Ed held up various pictures and explained what he had drawn.

"Here's a picture of Envy and Greed eating plums! And here's one of me beating you with a rubber chicken…Oh! And here's one of you in your maternity dress! Isn't it beautiful?"

Mustang stared at the doodle that appeared to be a fat man with black hair who was wearing a hideous pink dress.

"Oh yes…very wonderful." He smiled weakly and swore to torch that drawing later.

Ed squealed happily. "And here's a picture of me with rabies! Remember when I had rabies?"

The Colonel nodded and tried desperately to force the image out of his head. "Yes Ed, I remember."

Ed scooped up a handful of crumbled papers and tossed them into the air. "Let's celebrate!" he cried.

"Celebrate what?"

"That I don't have rabies anymore!"

"Why would we celebrate that? It didn't affect you in any way -Besides the mouth-foaming, twitching and constant biting."

Ed paused to think. "Really? I bit someone? Who?" he questioned.

"Well, numerous people," Mustang replied. "Off the top of my head; Me, Sciezska, Your Father, Your teacher, Black Hayate, Ronald McDonald, George Washington, Hawkeye, Toucan Sam, 3 of the Happy Treehouse Friends, The Lucky Charms guy, E.T., Alf, Shou Tucker, Indiana Jones, That whale from Marineland, Trigger-Happy Retard, Elton John, James Bond, Fred Flintstone, Babe Ruth, Bambi's Mother, J.R.R Tolkien, Harry Potter, Gollum, Mark Twain, Godzilla, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Gluttony, Scar, Mickey Mouse, Anne Of Green Gables, The Pillsbury Dough guy, and several other non-important people."

When Mustang received no reply, he leaned over his desk, only to see Ed sound asleep in his little nest of crumbled papers.

"Atleast now I can get some work done," he mumbled and he picked up his pen –which now had strands of golden hair tangled in it- and proceeded to finish his paperwork.

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Well, That Was Bizarre o.O I Wasn't Really Thinking When I Typed This One. It Was 4:30am, I Was Sugar-High And I Kept Thinking About Mustang In A Maternity Dress (Seriously, There's Something Wrong With My Brain) I'm Beginning To Think That Ed Has A.D.D… Anyway, I Hope You Enjoyed This Chapter!