A/N I planned this a long time ago, so for the person who mentioned it, good call; you'll know what I'm referring to by the end. Thanks again. Hope you all like it.

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While Seth went back to the living room with Ryan and Sarah, Summer and Marissa were going back and forth between the kitchen and the dining table to put the finishing touches on their first Thanksgiving Feast on their own.

"Okay guys…uh…Turkey…uh Turkey dinner…uh dinner's ready." Marissa slurred calling out as she slightly stumbled to take a seat at the table, and Summer looked a little apprehensive that she may not make it through the rest of the night.

The other three by the television had walked over, taking their turns to compliment the girls on what a great job they had done. Summer sat at the head of the table, with Marissa at the opposite end still with a glass in hand. With Ryan and Seth on either sides of Summer at their six-seat dining table, that left a free space on Marissa's left, and Sarah next to Ryan was to her right, where she may as well have sat alone, she may have been drunk but even if, she felt just as distanced from everyone else.

"I feel its only right we let Summer carve the turkey." Seth spoke up.

"Oh! We should do that thing first you know when we say stuff like what we're thankful for and everything." Summer said ecstatic. "Okay, well I'll go first. I am thankful that I got to go to Berkeley with the dearest people in the world to me. I am thankful for Cohen, even though Seth can drive me insane, and act before he thinks…" she said emphasizing the last few words, "I wouldn't know what I'd do without him. Lastly, I'm thankful for Marissa, whom with which this dinner wouldn't be half as good if I had done it alone."

Marissa raised her glass and mimed 'Thank you, Sum-MER!' as if she were singing and hit a high pitched note, and flicked her hair around. The other four at the table were confused as to why she had gotten drunk, but looked on amused by her actions.

"Okay, I'll go next, I am thankful for this beautiful weather for one of my most beloved holidays. For my friends, my wonderful and amazing, and not to mention forgiving, very forgiving, girlfriend Summer. I am thankful for Sony Play-station, the proud sponsor of Seth-Ryan time," he said as Ryan just rolled his eyes and laughed at his remark. "And I'm thankful for the invention of aspirin, which Marissa will obviously need a ton of tomorrow morning." He said smiling, and the drunken Marissa thanked him by flashing her pearly whites in a daze and took another sip.

Ryan was now wondering what had gotten into her to catalyze her drunken behavior, but continued on despite the fact she was now pouring herself another glass, raising the bottle up and down and watched the champagne glass miraculously catch the liquid as if it were magic. "Okay, uh...Well I'm thankful for my friends of course, the ones I have, and the new ones I've met, and all the people who've helped me get this far in life, which I didn't think I could."

"He does us all proud doesn't he?" Marissa said evidently sarcastic with a huge smile and a light clap of her fingers.

"Anyone want to take the glass away from her…" remarked Seth.

Sarah felt a little awkward being amidst strangers, but proceeded after Ryan nonetheless and just thought of whatever was at the top of her head. "I'm thankful for having met great people who were kind enough to include me as part of their thanksgiving."

Marissa just smiled at her and clapped her hands together lightly to applaud her. "You would" she said softly to herself, not really sure of what she was saying. "We're a very welcoming group, especially Ryan. We love Ryan."

Ryan just humored her drunken state to override the situation, "Thank you Marissa, I love you too."

"Hah! You're not pulling that one over me again! No sir!" She scoffed, rolling her eyes to take another sip until realizing it was her turn, "Me?"

Marissa looked around the room to see if she could be thankful for anything that's in there, turning to the doorway stand to see if she could be thankful for the keys that sat on it, the lampshade that made nice flickering patterns off the wall, the piece of lint on her sweater. "My turn? Okay I'm thankful for…uh…for uh…no that's crap…for uh…no that's worse…uh…" she hesitated trying to think of something to be appreciative about, "I'm thankful for…uh…no…I'm thankful for…oh who cares just shut up at eat, I'm hungry", and she grabbed her spoon and took one big clump out of the stuffing and dropped it on her plate.

"Is she okay? How much has she had to drink?' Ryan said under his breath.

Summer thought to herself, "Um, way too much and about…five more after that."

Dinner was hardly a bore with Marissa's random antics and after dinner, they had just sat around watching television and talking while Marissa passed out on the couch. It was late and Sarah was nodding off, so they best decided they should get back home. They both walked to the door to exit with Sarah holding onto his arm and leaning her head falling asleep slowly on his shoulder, which didn't impress Summer one bit, on top of the fact she was never impressed with this girl to begin with.

"Is she going to be okay?" Ryan asked concerned as he nodded towards the peaceful looking Marissa.

"Yeah, she'll just crash here and go home tomorrow, once her hang-over dies. You don't have to worry about her." Summer said, choosing her words carefully.

The four of them quietly said their goodbyes, and Ryan and Sarah headed off home together.

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"…You're up."

The room became clouded as Marissa began to flicker her eyes, and in waking was overcome with uncontrollable throbbing pains in her head; it was the morning after. Summer had been sitting with a coffee in hand as Marissa stirred still horizontal from passing out on their couch the previous night.

",Morning." Marissa said groggily.

"You were quite the guest last night." Summer said as she offered up the coffee in hand as Marissa began to sit up.

Montages of the previous day were coming back into her mind like a slideshow, "Sorry…" she said sincerely.

"You okay?" Summer wondered, as if to ask if she should become concerned.

Marissa nodded reassuringly, "I'm okay…Don't worry I'm not reverting back to my high school days, if that's what you were thinking."

Summer smiled, "well, while old school Marissa was a blast, that's not what I was thinking."

"Really?"

"Not at all. I don't think you drank last night to forget like you use to. I just think the way those two were acting, would cause anyone to want to drink." Summer said understanding with a small smile arising on her face.

"God, I must've looked like an idiot." Marissa said rolling her eyes at herself. "I just didn't want to sit there having to listen to them again. I may have been drunk, but I could hear every word they said, every flirtatious tone they said it in…It's happening Summer."

Summer looked at her confused, "What's happening?"

"Change…I think he's moving on, meeting new people, doing what we said we'd go out and do. I want him to be happy, but it's hard watching him do this. I can't watch him do this. Does that sound selfish or immature?" Marissa said as despair seemed to show through the cracks.

Summer sat there as her best friend became torn, and grew in sympathy for her, "I don't know about selfish or immature, but I think that it would be hard for anyone who's still in love with someone, to see signs of that person moving on and being with someone else…"

Marissa leant her chin upon her hands and shook her head, "I love him, you know…as a friend, but I still want more than that, and I don't think that he does. Not now, or even if…it's hard, sometimes it's hard, being friends but secretly wishing that it were more." She paused briefly, "they must've thought I was an idiot last night, he must've thought that even more so, probably getting flashbacks into pre-therapy Marissa."

"He, of all people, doesn't think you're an idiot." Summer clarified.

"I thought he was going to stay, you know, make sure I was okay…" she said softly.

Summer became puzzled, "is that why you drank? Were you testing him to see if he'd stay and try to piece you back together?"

"No. God no. Those weren't my reasons at all. I just…thought…I don't know what I thought." Marissa answered feeling a little lost.

"You're not that same person you know. You're not that fifteen year old, who once needed that. You're stronger, wiser, you've remained the bigger person in all of these; putting your own interest aside for someone else. Of course that wasn't all based on last night's performance", Summer laughing toward the end. "But I see it, and so does he. Which is why I just think he knows that you don't need saving, but it doesn't mean he doesn't want to be the one to save you in the event that you do."

Marissa looked back up at her and knew every word she meant was right.

"I don't think he saw you as drunk and distraught trying to fix a problem with a bottle, I just think he knew you had a bit too much to drink and left it at that."

"Either that or he was just too pre-occupied with someone."

"He may have been a jerk to flirt with another girl in front of you, but underneath all that, he still cares."

Summer got up and sat next to her on the couch and hugged her; Marissa appreciating the fact that no matter what, the person beside her would always be someone she could count on. "I better get going…" Marissa sighed.

"Are you sure? Are you okay to drive back? We can have breakfast. Oh you know, we should go and do a little post Thanksgiving sale shopping."

"No it's okay, I'll be fine…Sale sounds good, we can go tomorrow, once my head stops feeling like an anchor." Marissa said getting up with Summer following.

"It's going to be okay. Okay?" Summer replied trying to reassure her.

"Yeah…"

"What're you going to do?"

"…Get some space." She concluded.

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Driving home through the streets of San Francisco, led her heart to feel heavy. In passing the manicured lawns, the tailored streets, she watched how the sun would hit the city and illuminated the buildings and the rooftops of houses. She watched families pack up their cars to go on a day trip, the cyclists going for an early morning ride, the people on their trams on their way to a new destination. The city became that much better after her day with Ryan, but it became that much more of a distant memory the more she relayed the events in her mind.

Without giving it much thought, Marissa carefully turned around making a detour before she headed home.

She sat there, for at least a good hour she's been sitting there. By the Golden Gate Bridge in the same spot where her and Ryan had been sitting in; waiting for no one and with nothing to be late for. As she looked at the open space around her, space was all she could think about. Was it the right decision? Is it what I need? Will this solve anything? She would doubt her decision until the beginnings of the afternoon. Watching vehicles pass, and the world move, she sat still in silence until a phone call would disrupt her thoughts.

"Hey, did I wake you?"

"No, it's the middle of the day." She said as her eyebrows furrowed.

"I just wanted to call, see if you were okay. You were a little out of it last night." Ryan said smiling on the other end.

"Yeah I know…impressive huh", Marissa replying with a side of her lips tipping upward.

"So are you okay? Where are you? It's like I can hear cars or something."

"Yeah I'm fine…I'm just out"

"Yeah? Where have you gotten to dear Marissa?"

"Nowhere in particular…just out." She said softly keeping her whereabouts a secret.

"Okay…" He said a little confused why she wouldn't reveal her location, but let it go. "So what are your plans today?"

"I'll be going home soon, and I guess just sleep or hang out at home the rest of the day." She said rather expressionless. She observed her bare feet hitting the earth, reminded by their run around at the park. It pained her to even try and deny the happiness that would overcome her upon hearing his voice.

But In hearing her voice he could feel as if something wasn't altogether there, nevertheless persisted in trying to talk to her. "You want to come over? Or I can go to your place. We can hang out there…rent a movie, anything?"

"It's okay, I really think I'm just going to rest..." All she wanted to do was accept, to be anywhere with him, for as much time as he would give her, as desperate as that sounded. As she rejected his proposals further, butterflies would begin to flutter around her heart and cause twinges of remorse. He really didn't know what he was doing, which made deciding to get some space that much harder, and made it more difficult to be angry and try to blame him.

On his end, his expression turned from hopeful to defeated, and he decided not to press anymore. "Some other time then…"

"Yeah, some other time", she finished. She closed her cell and held it in the palm of her hands, looking as his name disappeared off the front face display.

She sighed, realizing that this was the first she had taken in creating time apart. This is what she would do. When he would call she would say she was busy or too tired. If he would come by her dorm, she would pretend to be on her way out. In inviting her to come by she would say she had to work. This is what she would do, selfish or not, this is what she did, right into the cold whips of December, she did it.

Ryan put the phone down on the hook, feeling uneasy by their brief conversation, hoping that whatever it was he felt that he couldn't quite put his finger on, it would disappear. Right into December he would call, invite her to come over, she would say she had to work. He would come by her dorm and she'd already be on her way to leave. When he would call, she would be too tired from a late night out.

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"She's not home?"

"No, her roommate said she had to go to the library to study…finals and everything coming up I guess." Ryan answered as Sarah threw him a cold beer form the couch.

She patted the empty space next to her, "Come, join me." Sarah invited as he walked over and took a seat next to her, both watching the late night movie. Sarah looked to the person beside her, in a slight daze, which he got a slight glimpse of, as the pair of eyes stared at him.

"What?" He smiled.

She just shook her head and went back to watching the program in silence.

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In the times she wasn't working, studying or hanging out with Summer or occasionally Kyle. She would make her way back to the bridge. She would watch the same sun set or rise or float up above her. She would sit with an umbrella if the rain decided it would grace the city with its presence that day. Marissa would sit with a book and enjoy the quiet, or highlight textbook notes as she sat on a rug laid out on the terrain. It was here that she really only got to properly reflect on anything that had burdened her thoughts. It was here she could sit in peace, and watch the similar cars passing by her from one side to the other across the enormous mass of water below.

On one occasion as she decided that today she would take a walk and observe the view from another angle. Walking across her carefully planted steps she came to a spot and leant up against the railing. With her back turned to the fast paced traffic she looked up and felt the beams of the bridge feel as if it were coming down on her, she turned back to the water and looked down into the depths of the blue, and took a deep breath feeling unnerved by how high up this bridge actually was. This whole world was so much larger than it had ever felt when she was alone.

A thought of Ryan crept up on her as the idea of heights reminded her of him. For some strange reason a tear slid down the surface of her skin, and a few more shortly followed suit running down her face in similar paths. She laughed to herself. Despite the thoughts of Ryan that could get her into this emotional state, she smiled to herself with the memory of the Ferris Wheel, circling around like dancing images.

"NO DON'T DO IT! STOP!" A voice called out.

She looked sharply to her right, to find a young man running quickly toward her waving his hands in the air with indecipherable semaphores, stopping short a few feet away.

"You don't have to do this!" His pleaded as he leant down to his knees catching his breath.

Her face was all puffy and flushed in pink as she looked straight at him in confusion.

"Look, I know it must feel like, nothing is working right now, but I know you don't really want to do this…" The stranger said becoming desperate.

She kept staring at him and then turned back to the fence and down to the water. "I wasn't going to jump if that's what you were thinking." She said bluntly.

"Just don't do-" He said pausing abruptly. "You weren't?"

She laughed slightly, "No…I just wanted to see the view."

"Oh" He said now not knowing what to say. "Okay, now this is embarrassing." The stranger looked around dumbfounded, then just decided to walk over to her. Sticking his hand out in front of her, "I'm Ethan."

The attractive tall guy with soft brown hair looked sincerely down at her. She offered out her hand and shook it in response. "…Marissa."

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