XO'MagickMoon'OX
.Chapter XV. Everyone's On Riku's Case
A/N: Hiiye! omg, I'm so sorry for not updating sooner! I've been on a sort of hiatus on FFN, so that's why I have not only been not updating, but I haven't really been reading other people's stories. Gomen! I blame the start of school, throwing me all off with everything. x.x;;
Aanyway, I'm sort of back, and here's the next chapter! I know people are waiting for an update for Deadly Desire too, and I'll get that up as soon as possible.
Enjoy!
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/Sora's POV/
Olette and Naminé stood, and Naminé turned, putting her hand on my shoulder. Her touch burned. "Sora," she said, "if you have any sense about you whatsoever, you'll break up with Riku right away. He's nothing but a heartless monster."
"Don't!" I all but yelled at her, my resolve crumbling. "Don't talk about him like that!" I shook her hand away.
Naminé shook her head. "You poor misguided child. Just wait a little while, and you'll see that I was right." She turned to Kairi, saying, "I take it you're his friend? Well, you should uphold your duties as his friend and talk some sense into him."
Kairi retorted, "My duties as his friend are to support him and warn him when I think that something's wrong, and I don't think there's anything wrong with Riku. For all I know, you two could be harboring some sort of nasty grudge against him and just want to ruin his relationship with Sora. Or maybe you're jealous of Sora. All I know for sure is that I don't know you two and I trust Riku."
Olette sighed sadly. "It's your funeral," she said to me. And with that, she and Naminé left, and I let out the breath I hadn't known I'd been holding.
"Sora," Kairi turned to me, "don't listen to them."
"I…I know, Kairi. I…trust Riku, too. I trust him with my life." Unconsciously, I began to worry my bottom lip between my teeth.
Kairi sighed then, and said, "Just…be careful, Sora. If… If you start to suspect that they were telling the truth—God forbid—then break off your relationship with Riku immediately. Understand?"
I nodded. "Of course." And yet, my stomach twisted painfully at the thought.
"Hey, come on," she said, standing and slipping her bag over her wrist. "Let's go to the food court. I want some ice cream."
I smiled, though I doubt it reached my eyes. "Okay."
We made our way to the food court in companionable silence, exchanging a word or two every now and then, desperately trying to rekindle the jaunty atmosphere that had been deflated with Naminé and Olette's entrances. We sort of succeeded.
At the food court, we ordered our ice cream and began a hunt for a table. A shock of yellow caught my eye and I squinted to make sure that… "Hey, there's Tidus!" I said. I grabbed Kairi's hand and pulled her over to the table by the window.
"Hey guys," he said grinning up at us.
"Mind if we join you?" I asked.
"Not at all." He motioned for us to take the empty chairs across from him. Beside him was a Wendy's tray piled with garbage, and a tall cup (presumably a Frosty) was in front of him. We'd started to eat our ice cream when he asked, "So, Riku and Sora gave you a show, did they?"
Kairi smiled brightly, nodding. "It was good."
"Heh, I'm sure. You guys were just making-out, right?" He turned to me as I blushed and nodded around my spoon. His expression faltered a little. "Did he…do anything that he…well, doesn't usually do?" he asked uneasily.
I started at the question. "What?"
"Ah, it's just…" Tidus ran his fingers through his hair, a faint pink tint to his cheeks. "It's not like I want to know, or anything, I'm just…curious. Honestly tell me, did he do anything that he doesn't usually do?"
His serious demeanor was making me nervous. "Well…he was a little more…forward, I guess."
"There was a lot more groping," Kairi supplied helpfully, seeing my current state of embarrassment that was generally a hindrance to my speech. "Not that I would really know how much groping there is usually, but…just speculating…"
I nodded. "Yeah, there was."
Kairi laughed nervously. "If I hadn't been in the car," she said, leaning an elbow on the white-and-green tabletop, "I think there would have been little stopping Riku from ravishing Sora."
After our conversation with Naminé and Olette, that didn't sound as funny as it usually would. I looked down at my ice cream, suddenly losing my appetite. "Yeah, he's not usually…that intense."
"Hm." Tidus took it all in with a thoughtful expression, his mouth around his straw. Then, his smile broke through the nebulousness of his countenance like the sun through storm clouds. "Man, if I were into guy on guy action, I might be jealous of you, Kairi," he said turning to her.
She simply laughed and took another bite of her ice cream.
"Well," Tidus stood, "speaking of Riku, I have to get his milkshake. See you guys back at the store?"
"Yup," Kairi chirped.
"All right." With that, he left in the direction of the ice cream stand, tossing his garbage in the trash on his way out.
Grudgingly, I finished my ice cream. I really wished I didn't feel like I was just going to throw it all up.
/Riku's POV/
"Riku!"
I turned from ringing up an Dragonforce shirt and saw Tidus weaving around the shelves, my milkshake and a Frosty in hand. He reached the counter as I stuffed the shirt into a black plastic bag and handed it to the customer. "Have a good day," I said politely. The person nodded and left, and I hopped up onto the counter, reaching for my milkshake.
Tidus hesitated before giving it to me, but give it to me, he did. Even if I'd had to grab at it. There was something on his mind, I could tell, and I didn't think I was going to like it very much.
"Riku," he leaned on the counter, taking a sip of his melted Frosty, "I heard a little more about your exhibitionist display."
I groaned. "Kairi," I sighed. "Never again am I giving someone a show, especially not a bigmouthed yaoi fangirl."
"Riku." Tidus didn't accept my humor. "She didn't blab; I asked them about it, her and Sora."
"Oh? Why? You interested, Tidus?"
"In your behavior, yes, but not in the act itself." For once, he was the one smacking me over the head.
I ignored it, setting my cup on the counter. "What about my behavior?"
"I find it…funny," I could tell he described it as such for lack of a better word, "that right after our little talk, you decide to practically rape your boyfriend."
"What!" My eyes widened at that. "What exactly did they tell you?"
He waved a hand distractedly. "Okay, so maybe 'rape' isn't the best word—"
"Tch, no."
"—but, really, Riku, why did you give Kairi a show?"
"It was…a favor."
"Really? Are you sure you weren't just trying to…reaffirm something?"
"Reaffirm what?"
"That's what I'd like to know."
"Tidus, I don't get what you're trying to say."
He sighed heavily. "Look, here's how it goes. Kairi said that it looked like, if she hadn't been in the car, you would've 'ravished' Sora. Sora said you'd never been so 'forward' or 'intense' before. They said there was a lot more groping than usual. What exactly are you trying to prove, Riku?"
I could feel my jaw set angrily. "I'm not trying to prove anything! I was just making-out with my boyfriend; what is so wrong with that?"
"You just don't get it, do you?" Tidus looked rather livid, which was scary, coming from someone as easygoing and whimsical as him. "I may not know Sora very well, but from what I gather, he's a sweet, trusting, innocent guy. He cares about you."
"And how is that any different from the number of other people I've ever dated?" I demanded hotly.
"That's just it! You're pretending like he's just another goddamn soon-to-be conquest!"
"Because he is!"
"No, he's not! Jesus, Riku, wake up! I thought you'd be able to see it yourself, but—"
"Tidus, shut up. You'd don't know what you're talking about! Nothing has changed."
"Something has changed!" His palms were flat on the countertop, his elbows locked resolutely, and a certain fire in his eyes that just kept growing more angry by the second. I was in a similar state, my arms folded defiantly. The few customers we had were starting to stare, but I ignored them. Tidus continued, "You're such a…such a…such a complete dumbass, Riku!"
I lifted an eyebrow coolly, daring him to continue.
"You think it's okay to just…to just play around with people's hearts, acting as if you don't have one! But we, your friends, have to deal with the aftereffects of your breakups. You don't know what you do to people!"
"Yes, I do."
"But you don't understand the weight of it all. It doesn't even fucking faze you! The hysterical, weeping girls, the guys who are too humiliated and ashamed to even mention your name ever again. Do you… Do you even know how Yuna was after you used her? She was devastated! Do you know how much that hurt me, to see her like that because of something that my friend did?"
"It's all nonsense! Love? Heartache? It's all in their heads! They just delude themselves—"
"You're the one who's deluding yourself! You look at the world through your…your warped Riku-vision! You see yourself so above everyone because you don't think you're susceptible to heartache! You don't think you have anything to lose by going into a relationship! And you don't. You pick out boyfriends and girlfriends, looking for an easy lay, a good fuck. Feelings, love—"
"Fantasy," I said, my voice an icicle stuck through his throat. He couldn't speak for a heartbeat or two, until he shook his head, his elbows buckling resignedly and his head hanging.
"It's not worth it anymore," he murmured, his voice a quiet and broken contrast to his previous robust and incensed tone. "Riku, you're going to make a big mistake, and when you do, an I-told-you-so won't even begin to cover it."
"Hn," I snorted. "Whatever you say, Tidus. You, and everyone else in this world, are just setting yourselves up for numerous inevitable downfalls by chasing a whimsical fancy."
He lifted his gaze daringly to mine. "You're right about the numerous inevitable downfalls; those are just part of life and the relationships that living entails. But you are digging your own grave by refusing to believe in something that is a bigger part of your life than you know."
"Whatever, Tidus," I said again.
"Riku!"
I turned, seeing Sora and Kairi enter the store. Unknowingly, I smiled. They came up to the counter, and Tidus left, going to the backroom and slamming the door petulantly. He was such a jackass.
"What's up?" Kairi asked cheerily.
"Oh nothing, just arguing with Tidus."
"About what?" Sora queried, leaning on the glass showcase to the side of the counter that faced the entrance.
"Nothing important," I dismissed it. "So, what have you two been up to?"
"You should put a leash on your boyfriend," Kairi said flippantly. "He was flirting with the cashier in Abercrombie."
"You were?" I turned, bemused to Sora. He was blushing and pouting at Kairi.
"N-No!" he stuttered, turning to me. "Kairi dragged me in there. She was trying to prove a point."
"Aaand I di-id," Kairi said in a singsong tone.
"What point?" I asked, looking between them.
"Oh, Sora thinks that he's this homely little boy who's nothing special. I was trying to prove to him that anyone would jump on the chance to date him because he's anything but homely," Kairi explained.
I frowned inwardly at this. Sora thought he was homely? Nothing special?
"His self-esteem is about as high as Selphie's GPA. Basically, not very high," Kairi continued. "He's never really looked at himself very positively."
Sora was blushing, but he wasn't denying it. This new information had me a little concerned. How could Sora look at himself that way? He was more than attractive; he was gorgeous, with the innocent adorability to match. I would never have spared him a glance, much less dated him, if he hadn't been attractive. But, why did it irk me so much that he didn't see himself as someone beautiful? Why should I care about his self-esteem?
Why did I want to make him feel beautiful?
Gah, here came the confusing thoughts again! Bad thoughts, bad! Stay back! I mentally beat them away with a metal bat. I think it managed to stifle them for a while.
I looked at Sora, feeling my chest tighten a little. Which was wrong. Only one area of my body was supposed to react to my boy- and girlfriends, and it was much further south than my chest. And I would make that part of my body react whether it wanted to or not, and I would refuse to acknowledge the increase of my heartbeat or the pleasant twisting of my stomach. And everything would be right with the world.
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I arrived home that evening after dropping Sora and Kairi off and began to fix my dinner. Seph was sitting at the table, sifting through the mail. "Figures," he murmured.
"What?"
"Yuffie's having another party."
"Sounds fun."
"Yeah, Friday night."
"I'll invite Sora," I said as I pulled out a package of frozen chicken.
"Just Sora?" Sephiroth lifted his eyebrow at me.
"Yeah. Why?"
"Don't you think he might be uncomfortable without, say, his… little redheaded friend there?"
My eyes flashed at him. "Why would he be uncomfortable? I'll be there."
"And that's exactly what worries me."
I dropped the plate I'd been carrying onto the counter. It clattered in protest. "What?" I hissed. "First Tidus, now you? What is with everyone? Why are you all acting like my being with my boyfriend is a crime?"
Sephiroth didn't answer. He just went back to the mail. I wasn't going to let it go.
"Seph, answer me," I demanded.
"Don't you feel it, Riku?" he asked, not looking up from a letter he was opening.
"Feel what? Anger? Frustration? Annoyance?" I spat.
"Confliction."
Yes. "No."
"Are you sure?"
No. "Yes."
"You'd have to feel it sooner or later, you know. Being the…walking contradiction," he said it with amusement, "that you are."
My hand tightened around the fork that I was holding, and it took every fiber of my being to not stick it in Sephiroth's head. Violently. I would not give him the gratification of knowing that yes, I was conflicted, but about what, I didn't know.
"Do you know why?"
Apparently Sephiroth did.
"Adolescents are psychologically fragile," he said. "You were young when it started. Though you were fifteen when they actually left, it all really started when you were closer to ten or eleven. I remember, because I was thirteen, fourteen maybe. They started to fall out of love with each other then, and you knew it, though you probably couldn't recognize it for what it was. But from the time you were about ten years-old, you started to get the idea that love didn't exist from the two people whom you naturally looked to to set an example for how you should live. For a while, I shared the mentality. But eventually, I grew out of it. You, however, never did. Your love-doesn't-exist mentality was only cemented as time wore on, because you'd been introduced to it at a young point in your life. When you were younger, it was a defense mechanism. You thought thinking as you did would make it easier to accept the things that our parents were doing. The heart will defy reason to protect itself from pain. Soon, it just became a general truth in your life. Because you had believed in it for so long, because it was such a vital flank in your defense against heartache, you couldn't just stop believing in it."
My hand at this point was choking any imaginary breath the fork had. I think it was even turning a little blue. "Seph, shut the fuck up. You don't know what you're saying, just like Tidus."
"There you go again, little brother." Oh, how I hated the way his voice was so smooth and cool. "By denying what your heart truly desires, you are conflicting yourself. How can it not hurt you, to have your heart so twisted that it doesn't know which way is up? How can you not want to kick yourself for even thinking that Sora means nothing to y—"
"Leave Sora out of this!" I shouted, glaring daggers at my brother. "This has nothing to do with him. He is completely irrelevant."
"And there is where you're wrong." Seph picked up the newspaper and started rifling through the flimsy gray pages. "Love is not a whimsical fancy, Riku." His voice had hardened now; instead of being the smooth, cool stream, it was one of the rocks that the water flowed casually over. "If you hurt Sora, you're going to be sorry."
Blah, blah, blah. This was the same bullshit Tidus had been feeding me. Why couldn't everyone just leave me be? I'd been perfectly fine as is for the past three years, and now suddenly they were all on my case because of Sora. Dammit, they didn't even know Sora, and here they all were warning me, practically threatening me, not to hurt him. What did they care about what happened to Sora? Why Sora?
I set my fork down and continued making my dinner, taking it to my room to eat once it was ready.
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A/N: Next chapter: enter all the drama! xD Review, please! I promise I'll try to update quicker!
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