Authoress' notes: Well, I gave up trying to resist the protest of my muses and after four cups of coffee I'm back and writing again. We're expecting three of my grandmother's friends here today and six relatives. Mum's cleaning, I've helped but I need to sit down because the bleach is making me dizzy. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'll work harder to get them longer and updated sooner.
Chapter 5
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Irvine's POV
Sitting down on the bed nearest to the window, I wait for my punishment. The way I see it, Squall's gonna kill me for that stunt… but you have to admit it was pretty funny. Looking up at Squall who strides in and drops out bags on the floor then turns to face me, I swallow loudly and pray that I'll be allowed to live. What I didn't expect was for him to tackle me onto the bed and to find a pair of sweet rose pink lips against mine.
At this moment in time I can barely think as I part my lips in silent admission to him and feel my body explode in tingles of pleasure at the very first brush of his tongue against mine. Holy Fucking Mother Of Hyne! Its never been this good before and I can't help it. Gently kneading my lips against his I begin a battle for dominance with passion as my pain. I whimper as he gently leaves a fading kiss and rests his head against my shoulder.
"Thank Hyne you agreed to come along! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" he cries softly into my shoulder and I grin.
"Just what I'm good for darlin'. But about tomorrow, I can't get exposed to the sunlight unfortunately. It'd kill me so I'll have to sleep in the bag tonight unless you're happy to block out all the light for me…"
He thinks for a moment and then his eyes light up. "Be right back!" he muses and walks out leaving me colder than my normal vampiric state and turned on like you wouldn't believe. THE HELL! What the crap just happened? It takes at least three minutes before my mind fully registers what had occurred. He just full on kissed me! Well damn if I can't get that out of my mind (or my dreams) now! I did know he was gay after all (read his mind. It's funny how half the things that he says are contradictory to what he thinks) but for him to do that willingly, well…WOW!
He returns with what look like black window things and I look puzzled at him.
"They're to cover the windows" he explains and I nod, still looking confused. He tries again. "Dad used to use these when he worked at night so he had these made to keep the sun out so he could sleep. Now since he's the President of Esthar (jaw drop!) he doesn't need them but he keeps them in storage for any possible future use.
WAIT A DAMN HOLY FUCKING MINUTE! THE GUY WITH THE SHOULDER LENGTH BROWN HAIR WHO WAS NEXT TO THE GUY WITH BRAIDS IS SQUALL'S FATHER AND THE PRESIDENT OF ESTHAR!
I think I started to panic because the next thing I knew, my nails were lodged in the wire springs inside the mattress. Just my luck! Why on earth did vampires have to have nails as well as fangs that extend in situations of danger, hunting or fear/panic?
Squall blinks a few times at my stuck nails and grins. "Need a little help?" he asks and I smile happily.
"Yep!" I beam and he laughs. "Well let me put these up and I'll give you a hand. But how on earth did you get them stuck that way?" he snickers and ambles of to the window. Putting all the window covers down and then picking up an individual one, he places it against the window and turns a small lever that locks it in with an audible click. While he puts the remaining ones up, I try again to free my hands. The burns on my hand screech in protest and I have to stop pulling on that one. Taking a deep breath, I relax my muscles and gently retract my nails in my uninjured hand, purring a little at the pain. When I'm in pain or I'm feeling pleasure I purr. It's cute! At least I think so!
As one hand comes free, I sigh and rub the lightly strained muscles. Ow! Squall, satisfied that no light or pervert will have any access visually into this room, sits down next to me and notices the bandages around my burnt hand.
"Oh Hyne! Irvine what happened?" he shouts and I wince. Bloody sensitive hearing…
"It's just a little burn…" I mutter and he goes near hysterical in worry.
"Why didn't you tell me? That doesn't look like a minor burn with that amount of bandages on it. Right, hold still and let me get your hand out" he orders and with gentle bur firm hands, moves my hand around and then tugs lightly on my arm and it comes free from the mattress. Sitting on my lap, he takes the clip off my hand and gasps when the bandages fall away to reveal the skin.
"We've got to get you to a hospital!" he cries and jumping off my lap, proceeds to drag me out the door and over to his father's room where some rather interesting noises are penetrating through the door. He bangs on it a few times and some muffled curses and whines come from inside.
"Squall, just leave it. It'll heal so don't worry. Come on, you need to sleep…"
And I need to wait until you're asleep and then feed. This far out there should be at least some rabbits that I can eat…
"Your hand needs medical attention! It's a third degree burn for Hyne's sakes!" he hisses at me.
"Squall, I'm telling you that it'll be fine. Now let's leave them be. They're enjoying themselves after all!" I plead with him but he seems to be dead to listening.
"I'm going to make sure that someone looks at that hand Irvine. Like it or not!" he growls back and I know that he won't listen to me. So wrenching myself out of his grasp I take three steps back. He turns around startled and staring directly into his eyes, I warn him not to argue with me on this.
"Why won't you believe me when I say that I'm fine?" I ask, needing no answer to the question. "I don't want to be a burden to anyone Squall. Please understand that… It will heal and I'll be fine. Don't disturb your father and Kiros just because I'm hurt. Now just calm down so we can go to sleep and discuss this in the morning…"
He isn't listening though. The words he hears but his mind never registers them. Only concern and worry control him now.
"I refuse to let you do anything unless you get this seen to!" he shouts at me. Why won't you listen to me!
"I'm not going to argue with you on this Squall! I. Will. Be. Fine! Understand?"
"You won't be a burden at all Irvine! Just let me get your hand seen to!" he pleads with eyes watering with tears. No… not again… just like what happened to my mother… no…
I step back shaking from him. "I won't make the same mistake." I whisper. "I WON'T LET YOU SUFFER BECAUSE OF ME!" I scream and run away from him, with the cries of my name from him fading behind me. I make no effort to stop the tears as I tear past Seifer who is getting a midnight cup of coffee and open the door and vanish into the night.
"I won't be the cause of his pain! I refuse to make him cry! I made mother cry! It was my fault she died! I won't be the one to make him suffer!" I howl into the night and collapse in a tearful heap in the middle of a rocky outcrop several miles from the house. I lie there with my salty blood laced tears dripping down my face, staining a dark moist patch onto the rocks. Why do I always cause so much pain to those I love? Is this the curse that I am to bear… to bring only pain and never joy or laughter? To see those that I love die?
Drying my eyes, I scan the horizon until I spot a large old rabbit and utilizing my stealth, I sneak through the rocks and pounce on it. The spine snaps easily underneath my grasp and I sink my fangs hungrily into its neck. This particular breed is one of the breeds responsible for stripping the bark off the trees and killing them. Basically: a pest. Finishing up the last of the blood I bury the carcass and return to the rocks. I have no desire to stay awake so I search through the area until I find a cave. With no inhabitants within, I crawl through the narrow opening and then block the opening up with rocks, dirt and various plants. That should keep the sun out until nightfall. Maybe by then things will be better… I hope…
Squall's POV
He just ran out like that… what did I do? I was only worried about his hand and he just panicked and ran away? What the hell could I have done to make him that upset? Dad answers the door in his emerald dressing gown and glares sleepily at me.
"Go to sleep please. I'm tired!" he commands lightly and shuts the door leaving me standing in the cold. Oh Irvine where are you? Ignoring Seifer's stares from the doorframe, I walk past him and shower briefly before changing into my boxers and going to sleep. The room feels empty without him…and what is this heavy ache in my heart? Is it because I feel something for him? Or something much more?
The next morning brings in Seifer with a hangover and a packet of aspirin and a cup of coffee into my room to wake me up and successfully drag me out to everyone at the breakfast table. Everyone greets me happily but Kiros has an air of concern to him momentarily until he perks up and smiles at me.
"Morning Squall!" he addresses me and I nod in reply. I don't feel like eating a lot now after last night. I just wish that I knew what I did wrong…
Turning back to the table conversation (a mixture of wedding plans and last night's events), I snap my attention to Kiros when he talks to me.
"You really scared the shit outta Seifer last night. Seriously, he spent a whole hour staring at his hands going 'he's gay… Squall's gay…" over and over. I had to dose him up on the best whisky in the house and then he just passed out. Good job Squall!" he congratulates me and I smile softly. I hope that no one notices how I'm feeling. Quistis oblivious to my mood asks me what the yelling was about last night. I don't want to reply and Kiros immediately changes the subject. I swear I would go mad without him.
Stacking the dishes in the kitchen, he approaches me and takes the plate that I'm drying from my hand.
"Can I see you in your room when you're done?" he asks and I just know that this will lead to some sort of punishment lecture.
"Sure. Whatever" I drone and finish up. "Let's go."
Following him to my room, he gestures for me to sit down and I grudgingly take a seat next to him.
"Your dad may be loud when we're at it but I did hear what you said to Irvine last night. You need to understand that you did nothing wrong. It was in that case okay to pressure him to get his hand looked at but honestly Squall, I actually think that the reason he ran away lies in what he meant when he said, "I won't let you suffer because of me." It may be possible that he lost a loved one at some point and maybe something you did brought that back up..." he says gently and I rest my head in my hands.
"He lost his mother. She was killed. That's what he said. I remember that I had started crying before he ran. Was it my tears… my tears that hurt him?" I question and Kiros rubs a hand soothingly on my back.
"May have been. Tears can be a powerful thing that can bring back a memory from the past. I have a feeling that there may be a few things that he isn't telling you at this moment in time that have something to do with it. For now, we should focus on finding him."
I smile weakly and hug him. A sudden bang makes us look up and Dad stands there with tears streaming down his face.
"SO NOW YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME WITH MY SON!" he cries and runs out of the room. I look at Kiros who just sighs.
"I hugged Ward about a month ago after his girlfriend left him. Your father thought I was cheating. I love him but he's got a jealousy streak and inferiority complex a mile wide." Standing up, he stretches and grins at me. "I'd better go take care of this now or else I'll be on the couch with a pink rabbit in a bunny suit tonight sleeping.
"Why?"
"'Guna's idea of punishment for cheating on him."
I was right about Dad being weird after all. I think I need a walk. Bypassing a crying dad and apologizing and explaining Kiros, I walk out the door though not before I steal one of Seifer's English muffins. Heading towards the rocks where I like to walk here and there, I find some recently upturned earth near the one rock that provides an excellent view of the house. Irvine may be near here it looks like. Walking around, I can't find any other sign of life and I sit down in the shade of a cave and sigh. I wish I knew where he was now. Probably hiding.
The warm air is making me sleepy and confident that I won't get burned in the sun; I finish off my muffin and curl up in the shade. Maybe I'll find Irvine when the sun falls. I hope I do. It's really lonely without him.
Irvine's POV
My eyes flicker open as soon as the sun is safely behind the ridge and I kick the stuff out of the way that I used to block out the cave. Crawling out, I stretch and start when my hand feels something soft against it. I look to my right and nearly cry with relief. Squall…
I kneel down and stroke his cheek gently and he murmurs something in his sleep. I should get him back to the house so gently easing him into my arms, I pick him up and carry him bridal style down to the house. I kick lightly on the door a few times and Quistis appears in an apron. Seeing me carrying Squall, she opens the door instantly and steps aside, ushering me in frantically. Once satisfied that Squall is safe and comfortable on the couch, she turns on me.
"Where the hell have you been! Squall's been frantic about you all day! Why did you leave him like that!" she demands and Kiros, Laguna and Seifer appear from the doorframe.
"How could you leave him like that!" she continues and I sigh.
"I'm not going to explain myself to you" I simply reply. I don't mean to sound impertinent but really these guys are being irritating.
"And as her sister" "And her father!" "And her to-be brother in law!" "And the father's lover!"
Hey look, a chorus line!
"We demand an explanation!" they shout together and at that moment in time, Squall decides to wake up. Looking up, he spots me and everyone shouting at me and thank Hyne rescues me by walking calmly over to me and planting another soul stealing kiss on my lips.
"He has his reasons. Now everyone, can we please settle down?" he says, adopting my 'follow or you will die' tone to his voice and they're silent automatically.
"I know that you're worried about me and angry at him for making me upset. But I chose to be upset. He didn't make me that way. I did something that upset him and so it's my fault. And I'm sorry Irvine for upsetting you. I didn't meant to cry…"
"Wait a minute! You mean he got upset just because you cried!" Laguna roars and I groan into my hand.
"Yes I got upset about it! I have my most painful memory attached to the same look he had in his eyes when he cried. Am I not entitled to cry?" I reply spitefully. They wouldn't know the pain that I felt when I saw my mother being burnt to death. They wouldn't understand the pain I suffered. I just want to forget, but the memory won't go away.
"Oh and what would that be?" Quistis pushes angrily. I don't blame them for being angry. I just wish that they would leave me alone. Squall takes my uninjured hand and smiles gently.
"You don't have to tell them if you don't want to Irvine…" he begins but I shake my head to stop him.
"Sit down and I'll tell you. There are a few things in it that I wish to leave private but I will tell you only what I choose to reveal."
Taken aback, they sit down fuming and I face them.
"You ask me why I cried and why Squall was hurt because of me. I will give you your answer. The look Squall had in his eyes was the same look my mother had in her eyes the last two months she lived. I loved her dearly, for she was the only one who did not scorn or try to kill me. But my existence was what killed her I feel. I was not entirely human at that point and I will not explain myself on that. But the people she had grown up with and trusted turned on her because I was alive and for what I was. They called her 'Witch! Demon! Devil's mistress! Demon!' and forced me to watch with my hands bound in manacles and my body bloody from the barbed end of the whips. I had to watch her cry as they took her away. I had to endure that same look in her eyes as she was condemned. And I had to bear her load as they killed her in front of my eyes."
I palm away tears and try to keep my voice steady.
"That is why I ran away last night. I didn't mean to hurt Squall at all. But the remnants of the pain were too much to bear at such a moment. So now you have your explanation. And I will say no more on the matter. I intend to leave at nightfall tomorrow and return to Esthar alone. I think that I have imposed long enough and caused enough damage for now. I was right about myself. Good night" I finish and walk away. Squall follows after me, glaring at everyone who looks guilty. As soon as I get through the door and sit down, he closes the door and locks it.
Gripping my face in his hands he addresses me firmly. "You are going no where Irvine. I don't care that you ran away last night. I'm sorry for pushing you as well. But I don't want you to go. I want to know. What were you right about yourself on?"
"That I only cause pain and death and rarely joy and laughter…" I reply and he slaps my face.
"Then take a look at me. I was hurt but understanding what happened last night has healed it. You have made me smile and laugh more than I ever have for these past two nights. So don't tell me that you bring pain and death. Don't say that you cannot bring you and laughter. Because if what I am feeling isn't happiness and joy then I would rather die than live in a delusional fantasy!" he cries and falls to his knees and weeps into my chest.
"I don't want to see you go. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to be alone and I don't want to be weak. I want to see you even if you only can come out at night. I want to be near you and to feel you against me. I don't want to lose everything that I have with you now. Don't leave me…"
My undead hearts feels as though it is splitting in two and I cannot help the tears of salty blood that find their way down my skin and land on Squall and the sheets below. He notices the blood in them and looks up at me.
"Why am I so weak?" I whisper and he clenches my hand reassuringly.
"Not weak. Human" he whispers softly back. This is all I need to hear, to understand that I am accepted before I bury my face in Squall's hair and sob a century of pain and troubles away.
"Your tears are tinged red. Why is it that the most beautiful pay in tears of blood?" he murmurs and softly he licks the tears off my face.
"Why is it that you know the right thing to say? How can you see in such a way when others before have only scorned me?"
"Because others can't look past your face and see into your eyes."
I sniff and stare at the beautiful creature below me. I wanted him for his blood at first and Hyne be damned now that I think I love him. Irony or coincidence? I don't want to even know why. Thinking back to what Selphie said, I think about everything and I have an urge to ask him about one thing in particular she said.
"Squall, I heard that your mother killed herself after you accidentally shot your father while hunting. If this is true, how is Laguna your father?"
Squall suddenly laughs and smiles at me.
"Laguna honest-to-be Hyne help me is my biological father. What you've heard is a distortion of the truth. My mother Raine died giving birth to me. Dad's gun accidentally misfired and shot him in his leg, which is why he gets a limp when he gets nervous. The sound of the shot sent mum into labour. So it wasn't me with the gun at all" he explains and I sigh in relief.
"Who told you that anyway?"
Hmm… to be a tattletale? Ah what do I have to lose.
"Selphie in Esthar Trading. I'm a regular there since I trade a lot of things I find and get so she knows me well. I described you and she told me."
"Hmm… well she is my cousin on my mother's side after all…"
Selphie's…. Squall's cousin! What the hell? That's scary! A sudden image of Squall bouncing around like Selphie slides into my mind and I snicker.
"What?"
"Oh nothing. Just thinking of you acting like Selphie. Scary though! I can't believe you two are related!"
"You would hardly guess."
That's for sure.
"And why did she call you bad luck?"
He smiles and my heart flips in my chest.
"Oh, that's due to what's happened when she's been with me."
"And what's that?"
"She's nearly been hit by a car seven times, has been mauled by cats, crapped on my several pigeons and always loses in poker against someone when I'm near her. Long story short, she's just unlucky."
"I'm feeling tired now so can we go to sleep? I may have nocturnal living hours but I still love to sleep…"
He nods and gets up off me. I'm confused when he pushes his bed over to mine and clips them together by the extended bracket section at the bottom. I look at him and have to turn away instantly because he's taking his clothes off and picking up his towel and pyjamas.
"Coming for a shower Irvine?"
Well, showering with him would be pretty nice… Ah sure!
"Okay, one sec" I say and strip out of my dusty clothes and peg them into the washing basket in the corner of the room. Picking up my vampire chocobo pyjama pants, I wrap a towel around my waist and walk out with him. Synchronizing our steps, we march down the hall and to the shower bypassing everyone. Quistis looks at us and passes out. I send a sympathetic glance to Seifer who looks at her and replies with his own that clearly says 'I'm working on it!' in response to her fainting. Kiros covers Laguna's eyes while at the same time he attempts to stem his own torrential nosebleed. Very satisfying. And things can only get better with a shower…
Authoress' notes: Well, 9 pages. Not the best I've ever done but just taking it in little steps is getting the job done. Relatives now overrun my house and I'm craving for some peace. I hope that you've enjoyed everything so far and please review!