Authoress' notes: I've decided to postpone the lemon that I was working on for this chapter because of a kind favour one of my friends did for me is now causing me to suffer heavy nosebleeds. I asked for her to help me with writing the lemon for this chapter on the phone because I had a head cold and couldn't think straight (bloody winter) and I know that she's really into kink so before I know it, she shows up at my door with three really kinky gay DVD's and a box of porn magazines. I'm only half way through disk one of the DVD's. Just put it down to desperate research. Looks for tissue box to stem nosebleed. Well, here you go. A no lemon chapter 13.
Chapter 13
Irvine's POV (Situation: 'Guna on drugs)
"Weeeeee! Look at all the happy little pixies and fairies! Shall we play?"
Yep. 'Guna's feeling the full extent of the hallucinogen in the drug laced cookies now. A minute ago he tried to mount the piano until we pulled him off it. Before that he was making finger puppets out of condoms and naming them the most ridiculous names like 'mycoxafloppin', 'dixadud' and my personal favourite, 'ibepokin', all of which sound like alternate names for Viagra. I've suggested that Kiros takes him to the hospital, to which he agreed so while we pin him down ignoring 'Guna's senseless incoherent chatter, Kiros fetches his coat and in a military group effort we manage to restrain the hostage and secure him in a safe location, namely the back seat of the car.
The screeching of tires rumbles back at us as Kiros drives away with Laguna screaming something out the window that sounds like "I wear clothes! I wear clothes now! See! Me no naked! Me wanna fuck! KIROS!"
I snicker and place my left hand on Squall's shoulder.
"There goes the madhouse" I remark and he nods. A call of Squall's name catches my attention and Rinoa runs over to him from the house clad only in a sheet. Thank Hyne I'm gay! Thank Hyne I'm gay! Uh oh! Seifer's in trouble! Bad boy Seifer getting a nosebleed!
I watch amused as Quistis drags him off to find him a tissue and to most likely lecture him. Poor guy. In the meanwhile, Rinoa gets down to her knees and while hugging Squall around his legs apologizes for what happened. He can hardly keep his balance with her hanging off his legs so I stand behind him so he can gain the physical support that he needs now from me.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" she wails and I resist the urge to cover my ears at the shrill noise.
"Rinoa! Put some clothes on!" Squall cries and as if suddenly only noticing her scantily clad state, she goes red, bows her head in apology and hurdles back to the house. I don't know whether to laugh at her for being slow or to pity her.
"Irvine…"
I jump at the sultry tone of his voice and I tilt his had up to face mine.
"What's up sweetheart?"
His eyes look down so I pull out the only stunt that I know succeeds in getting his attention. I cross my eyes to stare at my nose and stick my tongue out in the midst of a goofy grin. Catching the movement of my face, his eyes flicker up to find the stupid expression on my face and he chuckles. Sighing, he finally says what I think he intended to say in the first place.
"Do you trust me?"
Looking puzzled, he tries again.
"Do you trust me enough to let me put us into an awkward situation because I think that Rinoa likes me."
"… You're just using me as an excuse to get rid of your own troubles. Here's my idea. Just play along when we get inside."
Playing his part of looking confused, he shrugs with a soft "Whatever!" and I guide him inside. Pointing at the floor, I direct him to lie down and he obeys with a questioning glance at me. Rinoa's footsteps skip down the hallway and taking my place by Squall's side I run a hand across his cheek and cup his face.
"I'll need you to start groaning when I bite you as if I was giving you a blowjob. Will you do that for me?"
"WHAT?"
"Just do it. Trust me baby."
The door swings open and taking my cue, I bite into his neck and start to feed on his blood and his half impassioned moans. Rinoa screams at us and I with a kick to my willpower I release my fangs from his neck and bathe the area with my tongue until the wounds heal up.
"You… YOU MONSTER!" she screeches at me and I laugh deep in my throat. I smile gently at Squall before we laugh softly and kiss to seal the horror of the moment in her mind forever. Good. Not talking now are you Rinoa!
"How?" she stutters and Squall smiles warmly at her.
"I love Irvine. I'm gay. I love a vampire. This was to stop you loving me."
"How did you know?"
Rolling my eyes I point out the obvious. "Oh how you are obvious. Let me count the ways. Thou showed up in a sheet in the moonlight to fall at the feet of yonder hero to bathe in his holy presence while thou begged forgiveness from his holiness."
"What?"
"You ran across the lawn in a sheet to throw yourself at him. Obvious. And I can read your thoughts. Don't think I didn't hear you think about how you love him."
She whimpers in defeat. Sorry but it had to be done.
"Hey Rinoa…"
Her head snaps up.
"Yes?"
"How did you fall under Zone's control anyway? And when?"
"Shortly after I met Irvine on the train. I got off the train and I ended up meeting him after I tripped and fell onto him. He took me out to dinner and we kissed and that's all I can remember really until now."
And you didn't think to check him for diseases? Silly girl.
"I swear that I'll have to publish a book on what to be careful of when you meet a guy in case they're a vampire."
She nods and swishes over to sit down next to us.
"I'm sorry Squall. I'm sorry for what I did."
"We forgive you Rinoa" I reply for us both and pat her on her back.
"It wasn't your fault you were controlled."
"I should've be-"
"Oh shut up Rinoa. You're not to blame and the bastard who is I killed. Let it go and just tell me straight out now. Do you or do you not have a can of hairspray?"
"Uh… yeah… why?"
"Great. Be right back."
Jumping up, I walk to Rinoa's room and purloin her hairdryer and her hairspray. Ignoring the 'are you crazy or on drugs?' glances from both of them, I plug the hairdryer in and with my much loved vampiric speed I move the large picture frame with the painting of the bowl of fruit in it and spray the large spider there with the hairspray before turning the hair dryer on it.
"WHAT THE HELL? IRVINE!" Squall yells at me when the spider drops to the ground. Picking it up by one leg, I chuck it at Squall who squeals girlishly and chucks at Rinoa who in turn screams and pelts it back at me. Using the spider as a projectile we start up a game of 'I throw the spider at you and you scream then throw it at me'. We're just getting into the spirit when Quistis walks in and in her confusion Rinoa throws it on her. Glancing down at the frozen spider, she picks it up and disposes it in the bin with the lid clanging when it closes.
"Rinoa, grow up! Squall, behave your own age! Irvine… hand over the hairdryer, the hairspray and then go and be a good boyfriend and give Squall a hand job or a blowjob. Either one works. I'm not fussy. Just stop picking on innocent arachnids!" she orders and I relinquish the contents of my hands before I offer my hand to Squall who takes it and we march out of the room laughing. Quistis frowns disapprovingly before she hands Rinoa a movie and with a click we hear the start of the 'Chocobo Chick Flick Spectacular' screen music start. OH GOD! GIRLY CHICK FLICKS! HEAD FOR THE HILLS! Catching the grimace on my face I subconsciously relax as Squall pushes me down and straddles my stomach.
"You're so tense" he purrs, reaching into his bag to remove a bottle of amber oil.
"What are you intending to do about it?"
"Hmmm… get undressed Irvine."
Is he trying to make a point? Conceding, he slides off me and we remove all our clothing and while I lie down, he kneels between my spread legs and unscrews the cap.
"Relax Irvine. I'm going to help solve some of that tension of yours."
Lying back, he tips a generous quantity into his left hand before replacing the bottle safely on the ground and with generous consideration, he heats up the oil before pouring it on my chest and with circular motions, massaging it in. A massage! I'm already purring and when his hand brushes over my left nipple, I groan and arch up.
"I'm just giving you a massage tonight. I'm to tired for anything so either put it down or I'll kick it."
Okay! Okay! Thinking of Rinoa naked quickly rids me of my erection and I lie back to enjoy the simple pleasures of a massage. The near synchronized rhythmic strokes of his hands over my skin, working out tension and bringing such gentle pleasure are driving me over the edge.
"Squall!" I whine and he smiles at me.
"Almost there!" he groans and with a whimper something that wasn't the oil splashes over my stomach. Good Hyne! I didn't even notice he was hard!
"You used me to get off like that didn't you?"
"Yep. And now you're going to have to take a shower with me and you're gonna like it!"
"That wasn't fair Squall."
"So? I'm happy."
"You'll be the death of me yet!"
"Not I! Just wait until Seifer tries to cook for you!"
"So why is it you get to come and I have to think of Rinoa naked to deny myself release?"
"… Because you love me?"
"Hmm… I may forgive you… if you'll allow me to enjoy my dinner. I think I'll start with this!" I quip, squeezing his butt.
Scowling he pinches me on the hip and rolling off me he stands up and walks out of the room wrapping a peach coloured towel around his waist. Looks like this's an invitation to punish my naughty little boy if I ever saw one!
Plodding off down the hall I pass by the girls who are enjoying a really soppy movie with the girl and the guy gazing long into each other's eyes and sighing wistfully then making wild orgiastic passionate love. Gross!
Squall pokes his head around the doorframe to the bathroom and spying me, proceeds to drag me into the bathroom and to start running a bath in the large hot tub that dominates half the bathroom. I don't think anyone was kidding when they said that this place wasn't grand because considering Laguna, well, I'm not surprised that there's a hot tub in here of this size. I mean the salary being the President and all must pay well.
He turns the tap off and after adding a few drops of something nice smelling called 'Lavender', I slip into the bath and jump when he settles himself on my lap.
"You're warm now. I like it that way…" he purrs and I smile. Bringing his head up, I lean down to capture his lips with mine. The kiss is slow and sensual as we wind our arms around each other. There is no urgency in this moment, only the desire to become one. But to ruin the mood, I can't give him what he wants.
"Please… make love to me…" he whispers huskily and I groan as images of him with his face in ecstasy fill my mind.
"Squall… I can't… not if you still…"
"Why not? You impotent?"
"Oh thanks! Kill the mood! No! I'm not impotent! I just don't have any lubricant on me" I scowl and he laughs.
"I'll get up and go borrow some from Kiros."
"And let him and half the house know what we're up to? No! Anyway, didn't we agree that we'd wait?"
He pouts at me with his eyes pleading.
"I'm not going to Squall. I know you're horny but just wait until after your sister's wedding okay? I'd rather save it for when we head back to Esthar anyway."
At this he whines loudly and clutches my shirt in his hands.
"I'm so horny it hurts now Irvine! If we can't fuck then please just help me out!"
"Hand job?"
"YES!" he shrieks. Poor thing. I've really put him through a lot what with Rinoa and Zone. Every time I suggest a cold shower when he's in this state and I'm too tired to deal with his little problem he either lies down, unzips himself and jerks himself off in front of me and keeps me in that state until I'm suffering blue balls or he almost elbows me in the groin to get him point across. I swear he does that to make a serious attempt at causing me blunt testicular trauma or to make me impotent for the rest of my vampiric life.
His moans and kisses tear my heart to pieces as he writhes on my lap. The elegant way he arches up in pleasure. Those rosy swollen lips parted as he pants and moves against my touch. Pleasure. Passion. Love… so why does it feel so lonely?
Authoress' notes: The names I used for the ones I said Laguna used when he was naming his little condom finger puppets are actually part of a rather funny adult joke by David Koch (Kochie). Great guy. He's on Sunrise on I think channel nine in the mornings here so I get up at five, put the video on record and then go back to sleep. I'm going to just make a brief mention in the next chapter on the wedding before I get Squall and Irvine back to Esthar and settle a… few little issues out between them. Hope you can tolerate this chapter and I'll try to have the lemon up soon. And I apologize for the lack of updates but my buggered etiquette course took a lot out of me (and don't get me started on the five goddamn hour long photo shoot after that!) so as you can guess I'm only alive by the miracle that is Berocca Performance and sleep medication at night. Well, I'll get started on the next chapter as soon as I can find the medical tape to stick my eyelids back up. I'm falling asleep. Bloody sleep drugzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…