Disclaimer: PotC belongs to Disney. Not me. Sadly.

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PHASE TWO: Commence MarySue Sabotage

After a moment or two of nothing much happening besides RainbowUnicorn wallowing in pain (That is, exaggerating), SparklyPhoenix spoke up.

"Now. Let's see what we have so far." SparklyPhoenix glanced over the screen, and read, "Once upon a pirate ship."

RainbowUnicorn looked up and made a face.

"That's it? Once upon a pirate ship what? Once upon a pirate ship the world exploded? Once upon a pirate ship I danced around in my underwear?"

SparklyPhoenix whacked RainbowUnicorn upside the head. Again. But without the walkie-talkie.

"Will you cut it out? Did you forget what we're doing here? It's our job to say what happens once upon that pirate ship, dumbass."

This made RainbowUnicorn blush slightly, bashful.

"Oh. Right. Ha."

"Now stop fooling around," SparklyPhoenix barked. "We have a bad fanfic to write."

And so the two bad fanfiction writers began typing away, their little munchkin fingers plunking against the keys with determined ferocity. This story was going to get finished. But who said it was going to be good?

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Once upon a pirate ship, there was a pirate captain. Upon his pirate head he wore a pirate hat. He wore pirate clothes and had pirate air. Oh, and he also had pirate eyes, teeth, ears, you know. The whole nine yards. Anyway, this pirate captain on a pirate ship was sailing through pirate waters in the Caribbean. His pirate crew was having a hard time at the moment because of the terrible pirate thunderstorm that raged overhead.

"Captain!" One of the pirate crew gave a pirate shout --

// "Enough with the pirate stuff, okay?!" roared SparklyPhoenix.

RainbowUnicorn feigned an innocent look.

"What? I'm just trying to make a point!"

"Yeah, and I think they all get it now."

"Fiiine." \\

-- "What is it, Gibbs?" the captain yelled back.

"We should drop canvas! The storm is too strong! The sails will be ripped to shreds!"

"Leave the sails!" the captain shouted. "We'll make it!"

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She was laying on a beach. Her dress was ripped to shreds --

// RainbowUnicorn gasped in horror. "Hey! You used that phrase already!"

"Oh, shut up, will you!"

"Geeze... Aren't we sensitive..." \\

-- ripped to shreds. She had long straight black hair that flowed down almost to her feet. Her eyes (you would have seen them if they were open, but she was unconscious, so her eyes were closed, so you couldn't see them) were bright icy blue with purple and green speckles. --

// SparklyPhoenix stared in disbelief at what RainbowUnicorn had just written.

"... Purple and green speckles? What color are her eyes, vomit?"

RainbowUnicorn looked affronted.

"What?! All MarySues have to have either ice blue, purple, or green eyes. She has all three!"

SparklyPhoenix just siged. \\

-- Her skin was pale. You might think that it was because she had practically drowned, but actually her skin is always pale. Pale as a white sheet. Pale as chalk. Her name? Carapiolinkadinkymacopheniousolopolis-chan (The 'chan' came from her Japanese heritage, the rest her parents made up when they were high). Most people just called her Dinky. But she preferred Cara.

She had washed up from a shipwreck onto the island of Tortuga. --

// "... That's it?" asked SparklyPhoenix, waiting for RainbowUnicorn to type more.

"Yep, that's it," replied Rainbow Unicorn with a nod.

"That's it. That's all you're going to write for the first chapter?"

"Um, yeah. There's this thing called cliffhangers, ever heard of them?"

Sparkly Phoenix sighed. "This is going to take longer than I thought..."

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A/N: There. The first chapter. Enjoy. :)