He sat slumped in the pilot seat on Akatsuki, gazing out of the open cockpit at the grey wall of the hangar bay. He had spent a lot of time down here in the past month or so, which he knew was causing a lot of gossip. He had heard it all...that he'd had a fight with the Captain, that he didn't really care about her...He could ignore the chitchat, because he knew it wasn't true. He and Murrue hadn't fought, and it certainly wasn't true that he didn't care for her - he loved her. No, his reasons for staying away from her were a little more complicated.
And, he knew very well, childish.
He couldn't stay here and avoid the problem forever. Sooner or later, people would find out. And Murrue had given him two weeks to decide what it was that he really wanted. One week of that time had been spent here, or in his room, trapped in confusion. What did he want? He knew that he wanted to be with Murrue, that part was easy. He had seen her a few times in the last week, and each time, all he'd wanted to do was take her in his arms and tell her that everything would be all right. But would it?
Nothing that had happened had been the way he'd imagined. He'd thought that now the war was over, they could go home. That he could live in peace with her, and catch up on everything he'd missed...make up for leaving her alone. But instead, they were still in space, at Copernicus. Not that he minded the setting too much, after all, the lunar city was a beautiful place. But all he'd wanted was to go home. To forget the war, forget the things he had done. But instead...I'm stuck here...
And now there was a bigger problem. One that couldn't be ignored or avoided for much longer. Something that had happened on that first night he'd spent with Murrue in two years. Amidst the passion, tears and promises..they'd never even considered any consequences - especially one like this.
He was going..to be a father.
Why did this have to happen now?. I know that it could have happened at any time...we were never exactly careful. But back in the last war, we kinda just lived for the moment - that might even be how we got together in the first place. We never thought...
"Mwu-san?"
Jerking out of his stupor, he glanced up at the figure floating outside of his mobile suit. Kira. Running a hand through his blonde hair, he forced a smile onto his face. "Uh..hey, kid. How's it going?" Kira clearly wasn't fooled by the affected nonchalance, and sighed. "I wanted to talk to you. Actually, to see if you wanted to talk to me. It must be hard to deal with all this by yourself."
Mwu raised an eyebrow, slouching back into his seat. "Deal with what, exactly?"
The boy sighed again, floating up to sit on the open cockpit hatch. "Lacus talked to Murrue-san the other day. Murrue-san didn't tell her, but Lacus was able to guess what was wrong. And a lot of people have seen how sad and worried Murrue-san is right now. Did you talk to her about it?"
The kid knows? How many other people know?
As if reading his mind, Kira smiled a little. "It's okay. Lacus told me because she was worried, and wanted me to talk to you. But no-one else knows, I swear.."
Mwu looked down, blue eyes trained on his feet. "I talked to her," he replied. "There was so much I wanted to tell her, but I didn't know how to get the words out. She gave me time to decide what it was I wanted, but I still don't know." He glanced up at Kira. "Murrue's sad?" He had seen the tears when she'd left the other week, and had wanted to reach out to her, call to her, but hadn't been able to speak. The boy nodded. "Sometimes it looks like she hasn't been sleeping right, or has been crying. We've tried to help her, but she won't talk to us..."
Guilt stabbed at Mwu, and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. She was alone, scared, and it was his fault. "I..I want to be with her, but I don't know what to say to her.." He let out a short laugh. "I'm...scared. Dumb, huh? All that's happened in the last few years, being shot at, almost being killed...and I'm scared of being a dad. It's pathetic, really.." To his surprise, Kira smiled. "No, not at all. If someone told me that, I'd be terrified.." Mwu sighed, closing his eyes again. "It's more than that, though. The things I did in the last two years, I don't even deserve to live, let alone be a dad. If Murrue knew even half of it, she'd hate me. I acted like him...like Klueze, and it made me wonder if I was more like my own dad than I thought. What if my kid ends up like that too?"
Kira was silent for a few moments after that, perhaps remembering the events at Mendel for himself. But then he looked up, fixing Mwu with his violet gaze. "But you're different," he said finally. "You're nothing like Klueze..because you regret the things that you did. You're a good person, Mwu-san, and that's why Murrue-san loves you. I'm sure that even if she knew what you did, she'd never hate you."
The blonde man sighed, running a hand through his hair again. He knew that what his younger friend said was true. His Murrue would be able to forgive him for the things he had done..after all, she had forgiven him for leaving her alone, even though it had clearly hurt her.
He missed her, and he had no-one to blame but himself. I sure have been an idiot...
"You know, Mwu-san, about what you just said...there's no way you could turn out just like your dad - or Klueze for that matter. Because you only have half of his genes. It's the same for your own child. Half of them...is going to be from Murrue-san. So...I don't think you need to worry..." Kira was blushing as he said that, and Mwu grinned. Hopping out of Akatsuki's cockpit, he ruffled the boy's hair. "Thanks, kid. I have someplace to be.."
By her side, he thought as he floated up the corridor towards Murrue's room. I'm sorry, sweetheart. It's going to be all right. I know what it is that I want now. You...and this child...
He had almost reached his destination, when an out-of-breath crewman dashed up to him. "Colonel! You're needed...sickbay..." The crewman leaned against the wall, gasping for breath. Mwu frowned. "Slow down. Sickbay? Why?" The young man looked up at him, clearly scared. "The Captain...she's been rushed to sickbay...it's some kind of emergency!"
Mwu's blood ran cold...his heart almost stopping with fear. Not speaking to the crewman, he ran for the infirmary as fast as he could go.
Murrue!
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( :sighs: I wonder if I've inherited Sky's love of cliffhangers?
Please read and review:hides in a bomb shelter: )
