Title: Spoken From the Heart

Author: PyroChilde

Summary: All things considered, there are very few certainties in this world and one of those undeniable facts of life is Andrew's complete inability to keep his mouth shut. What happens when Buffy finds out that our favorite bleach blonde vamp is undead and kickin' once again?

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, you know the drill. Lyrics from Bette Middler – "Wind Beneath My Wings"

AN: A special thanks to BrokenPin, boysxkissings, Ready2Run2007, and AlChEmyOtAkU4EvEr for their kinds words. People that review are awesome. So, enjoy and leave me a review!!

Spoken From the Heart

By: PyroChilde

Chapter 3: First Contact

It took a while for the slayer to come up with a way to deal with the situation at hand. She would have loved to get on a plane and rush off to Wolfram & Hart expecting to fall into his arms and have him tell her that everything would be alright, but that just wasn't fair to him. She had no right to expect anything from him, and in her heart she knew that. With all that had happened in the last two years, Spike had every reason not to want anything to do with her. For all she knew, he was perfectly happy there in LA doing his own thing. He might even have a girlfriend, but that was not a thought she wanted to entertain. She considered calling him but that just seemed…wrong somehow. In the end, she decided on a writing him a letter. She figured that it would allow him to make up his mind about how he wanted to respond, if he wanted to respond at all, without feeling pressured by her. Sitting down with a pen and paper, she started pouring her heart on the page.

William,

Hello William. There is so much I want to say, and I'm not quite sure how I should begin. I found out that you were back about a month ago Spike, and…why didn't you tell me? I don't know your reasoning, but I understand that this is your decision and I'm going to respect that by staying away. I've been trying so hard to work it out in my head and all that I can come up with is that you don't love me anymore. With the way I've treated you in the past, I can see why that might be true, but God it hurts. I wanted to leave you alone if that's what you wanted…but I can't just move on and leave things like this. There are things that you deserve to know that I never had the chance to say.

I had a real blast from the past not too long ago Spike. Do you remember Willow's Thy Will Be Done spell? I heard "our song" today. It was like a slap across the face, and I almost turned it off. The memories of that day have tormented me with something that I'll never have at times and then other times they've been something that inspired hope. If I could be that happy because of some stupid spell, I had to be able to find that in real life didn't I? Imagine how disgusted I was with myself when I realized that I'd had it right in front of me and I'd let it slip away. No, that's a lie, I didn't let you slip away Spike, I intentionally threw your love back in your face and stomped on your heart. I think about how I treated you and I hate myself for it.

I want you to know, though I know it's probably too late, that I'm not blinded by my own stubbornness anymore. When you were gone that summer before everything went all to hell, I got the chance to take a very close look at myself. I didn't like what I saw Spike. I hated myself, hated who I had become, and I hated you for being more alive and more human than I felt. I look back on our relationship and I can't believe anyone could have taken all my shit and still been able to stand me. The fact that you never stopped loving me through it all astounds me.

I need you to know that I do see you Spike. I see the man you became, even before the soul, and you are amazing. You deserve to be loved and cherished and treated with respect and kindness. I never gave you that, and yet you gave me so much. I know that now, knew that the entire summer you were gone and all that time while you were there helping me fight the first, but I was so terrified that if I let you in…I would lose you. I'm an idiot, I know, you can say it. I lost you anyways Spike, go figure. You saved the world, and when I finally realized there was no more time to tell you, it was too late. You didn't believe me there in the hellmouth, I never did give you any reason to, but I want you to know that I meant what I said.

I love you Spike, and I don't think I could change that if I tried. You have given me strength when I was ready to throw in the towel and surrender. You had faith in me when I didn't even believe in myself anymore. You could make me feel like I was the only woman in the world with just a look. How could you give me so much when I never gave anything in return? I think about you Spike, and I never stopped being amazed at how wonderful you are. Today, when I hear that song, I couldn't help but notice how fitting the words seem today.

Ohhhh, oh, oh, oh, ohhh.

It must have been cold there in my shadow,

To never have sunlight on your face.

You were content to let me shine, that's your way.

You always walked a step behind.

You were always willing to let me take the lead. You never once complained about being second fiddle. It didn't matter if we were going up against a hell god, the armies of hell, or just out on your everyday patrol. You could let me be strong and in control when I needed to, but I always knew that you'd have my back.

So I was the one with all the glory,

While you were the one with all the strength.

A beautiful face without a name for so long.

A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

When everyone around me expected me to be strong for them, to always know what to do and have all the answers, you were there by my side offering your silent (or sometimes very vocal) support. When my friends and family all turned their backs on me, you found me and gave me the strength to go on. I may have gotten the credit for getting the scythe and later killing Caleb, but I would never have had the faith in myself to go after it if not for your support that night. I hurt you so much over the years but you never turned your back on me, not even when I deserved it.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,

And everything that I would like to be?

I can fly higher than an eagle,

For you are the wind beneath my wings.

You love with your entire being Spike, without reserve and without conditions. You fight for what you believe in and you don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks about it as long as you believe in it. You would do anything for the people you love. I wish I had that kind of confidence. I wish I knew how to follow my heart like that, to hell with what my brain tells me. I don't think you have any idea how much I look up to you for that.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,

But I've got it all here in my heart.

I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.

I would be nothing without you.

I see how much you have changed Spike, and I can't help but be in awe of you. When I really think about it, it boggles my mind. I think about your influence in my life, and I see that there are so many times you held me together when my life and my mind were falling apart. When I came back from Heaven, you're the only thing that kept me grounded in this world. Did you know that? There were times when I actually prayed for death to come and take me back home. That death wish you told me about, I had it in spades. I would come to your crypt and you…you made me forget the pain. You made me feel alive! You could just look at me and make me feel like maybe, just maybe it would be alright again someday. You kept me alive, but more important, you made me actually want to be here.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

You're everything I wish I could be.

I could fly higher than an eagle,

For you are the wind beneath my wings.

Spike, William, you are the reason I am who I am. You have been with me during almost every important moment in my life, and even when you were evil and trying to kill me, you could make me face the truth. You've held me up when I felt like I was drowning and knocked some sense in me when I had to stop pretending.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?

You're everything, everything I wish I could be.

Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,

For you are the wind beneath my wings,

'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you what you meant to me Spike? I don't think I ever did. I wish I could be more like you sometimes. When it comes to fighting the baddies I've got all that super strength going for me, but when it comes to dealing with my emotions I tend to run away scared. You never have that problem. What was it you said, "I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it!" You've never run from your feelings. You're so much stronger and braver than me when it comes to matters of the heart. I wish I would have let you teach me. I know you would have been there for me. You've been my rock, the person I turn to when things get too hard, even when we didn't particularly like one another. How can that be?

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.

You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.

Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,

So high I almost touch the sky.

No matter what I was feeling, you seemed to know how to make it seem better. You could give me the confidence to do anything. You could give me faith in myself even when what I was suggesting was insane. When I'm with you, I feel like I can do anything. How do you do that Spike? How can you make me feel like a goddess when I'm so undeserving of your love?

Thank you, thank you

Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings!

You saved my life more times than I can count, and not just by backing me up in a fight. I don't know where I would be now if you'd never come into my life, but I have a feeling that the world just might have ended years ago. Thank you Spike, for all that you are and all that you do. I don't know if I can convince you, but I love you Spike. I love the soft, shy poet that you try so hard to hide. I love the gentle, tender lover that I tried to make you burry. I love beast within that, despite everything I've every been told, can love with an intensity that sometimes scares me. I love all of you Spike, the man, the demon, the soul, everything that you are. I only hope that this time you know that I mean what I say. You are the most amazing man I have ever met, and though words cannot do anything to repair the damage I've inflicted, I'm sorry for how I treated you. You didn't deserve any of it. You deserve to be loved Spike, and I wish you happiness…even if you decide that you can't have that with me.

Forever Yours,

Buffy Anne Summers

Buffy had stained the paper with her tears as she wrote. She wasn't sure if this letter would make any difference, if he would even read it, but she had been completely honest about her feelings, a rare occasion. As she carefully folded the paper before her, Buffy silently prayed to The Powers That Be that he would give her another chance. She tucked the letter into an envelope and sealed it closed. Not wanting to wait a moment longer than she had to, Buffy arranged to have the message shipped overnight to LA after a quick phone call to Andrew had him divulging her former lover's address. Now, she only had to wait and see if she got a response.

TBC…