Title: Spoken From the Heart
Author: PyroChilde
Summary: All things considered, there are very few certainties in this world and one of those undeniable facts of life is Andrew's complete inability to keep his mouth shut. What happens when Buffy finds out that our favorite bleach blonde vamp is undead and kickin' once again?
Disclaimer: They aren't mine, you know the drill.
Spoken From the Heart
By: PyroChilde
Chapter 4: Mistakes Realized
Spike was catching up on Passions when the knock at his apartment startled him. There weren't all that many people that knew his new address and he'd seen all of them not an hour before. Frowning in confusion, the vampire paused the tape and got up to see who might be calling. Opening in the door clad in a pair of his low riding black jeans nothing else caused the delivery woman to involuntarily look him up and down, eyes wide and mouth hanging open slightly. Smirk firmly in place, Spike cleared his throat and watched in amusement as the woman gulped before her eyes flew back to his face.
"Can I help you pet?" Spike asked finally. The woman smiled sheepishly and announced that she had a delivery for him and it required his signature. Smiling, the vampire took the offered clipboard and scribbled his name quickly. Looking down at the express envelope, Spike's usually pale face went ghostly white. No longer concerned with teasing the poor girl in front of him, he uttered a distracted "Thanks luv," before closing the door without looking up. His mind was already a million miles away. What lay within the mockingly bright wrapping would change his life forever, of this Spike was certain. The return address was in Rome, and as if he needed further proof of the identity of the sender, in the upper left hand corner her name was scrawled out elegantly; Buffy Summers.
Spike made his way back into the living room quickly. Grabbing the remote, he turned off the television and sat staring down at the too-bright package. Turning it over in his hands this way and that, he contemplated what might lie within. Offhandedly, he wondered why courier companies had the bloody idiotic idea that the shinier the envelope, the more attractive. It seemed ridiculous to him. Shaking his head Spike forced himself to bring the current predicament back to the forefront of his mind. Dozens of thoughts raced through his mind as he considered all the possibilities held within such a small thing. He knew that the boy wouldn't be able to keep his bloody gob shut. Still, he expected the confrontation, when it came, to involve a brassed off slayer showing up in Los Angeles or him crawling back to her begging. After all, he always was the one to go running to her wasn't he? He had no idea what to expect now.
"Just open the bloody thing and find out already you git." He admonished. Not giving himself time to rethink it, the blonde ripped through the gaudy courier's envelope and withdrew another plain white envelope. Again, he didn't give himself time for second thoughts as he ripped through the last barrier. It struck him as oddly amusing, in that hysterical sort of way, that after all he and the slayer had been through he was so terrified to read a simple letter.
Looking at down at the paper, all Spike could think of was how much he missed her. His entire being cried out to go to her, but as of yet he had been too much of a coward to face the powerful woman that had long ago claimed his heart. He longed to see her more and more with each passing day and yet he could not bring himself to go to her for the fear that she would turn him away. The longer he waited, the more terrifying that thought became. Looking down at her words scrawled elegantly across the simple lined paper, he knew that this letter had the power to raise him up to unimaginable heights or bring him crashing down to his knees. Only time could tell which it would be.
Settling himself comfortably on the couch, Spike took a deep unneeded breath and began to read. Almost immediately, his stomach was twisted into knots. By the end of the first paragraph, the guilt was staggering. His poor girl sounded so broken, so unlike that strong, confident slayer he'd known. Tears stung his eyes and it became increasingly difficult to swallow past the lump in his throat. The vampire cursed himself for his cowardice and the suffering it had caused his slayer.
A smile curved his lips as he too recalled the brief happiness the two of them had shared under Willow's spell. At first he had cursed the witch for her reckless actions and the resulting snogfest with the slayer. Later though, that night had become something he dreamed about. Holding her close, seeing her love for him shining in her eyes, those had been some of the happiest times in his bloody existence. It had been a gift and a curse, having those memories drifting through his head.
Shaking off his own memories of that time, Spike read on. There spelled out on the page before him, was tangible proof of all the things he had wanted for so very long. The tears that had threatened earlier were now spilling down over his sculpted cheek bones and he stopped trying to keep them at bay. Sobs were ripped from his throat at the intensity of the emotions rushing through him. He had been waiting so very long to hear her say the three simple but powerful words she had uttered in the hellmouth. When that precious gift had finally been given to him, he hadn't dared to hope it was real. He was dying and the slayer wanted to give him one last good memory to take with him to the grave. That was what he'd thought. Now, reading her declaration, he could hear her voice in his head and it took his breath away. She actually love him, had seen all the changes he had gone through and she even went so far as to suggest that it was her that was unworthy of him!
When they had been "engaged" under Red's spell, Buffy had been insistent that Wind Beneath My Wings be their first dance. Seeing the words to the song made him smile even as her shocking words continued to evoke rivers of salty tears. In all his many years walking this earth, Spike had never had the feeling that he truly mattered to anyone after his mother's death. Even after over a century spent worshipping the ground his black goddess walked upon he knew that she did not love him. He had never been appreciated, never been seen as anything but a thing of convenience. Now, the woman that had captured his heart and lead him to seek out his soul had poured out her heart to him. She spoke of love, pride, appreciation, and respect. With her heartfelt words, Buffy gave him everything that had been denied him for so very long and in the process Spike fell even deeper in love.
TBC...
AN: I'm thinking there will probably be one more chapter and that will wrap things up with this fic. This is my first ever story with more than one chapter, so c'mon and throw me a bone. Leave a review and I'll give you the next chapter J You know you want to know how it ends!! J