CHAPTER 6

OF BREAKING HEARTS

Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching,

and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be.

I have been bent and broken,

but - I hope - into a better shape."

― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

Eris couldn't in any way no longer ignore the noise coming from below her.

She didn't feel worry, well ok no, maybe just a tad bit.

Ok, maybe she was really worried.

It was way more than usual. There usually could be heard some little explosions, sometimes something heavy could be feel reverberate on the ground as it fell down, or maybe she could hear the music completely going as it was a concert.

This time she was quite sure Stark had decided to completely blow up the laboratory. And he had to be succeeding by the sounds of it.

She had seen him just in the morning, looking to say the true, quite well and generally put together. He had shaved, took a well needed shower, and was in simple clothes that for the first time didn't have a single oily stain on them, or smelled in any way of iron.

His eyes weren't his usual drugged/drunk coffee addict red and the bags under them were way less present and less angry violet. He looked way more healthy than she ever saw him since arriving weeks ago.

It seemed that she was starting to see the affects of her power on him, even if she was using very very small doses, as she didn't want in any way to interfere with his psyche.

Stark had arrived at her table as she was eating another spun of cereal in her mouth, while lazily tapping on a game on the tablet. He had then looked at her, and literally blinded her with his cheerful smile and white teeth that held absolutely no claim to be so bright in the fucking morning. A gentle wave of mint and wood arrived at her nose as he sat down in front of her.

Stark had then put on literally a puppy face and had asked if she could make him coffee. Eris wanted to deny him just for the fact that he was blinding her with his way too happy grin in the morning.

Yes, Eris was not a morning person.

And yes, she made him coffee, which surprisingly he decided to drink in her company and not down on his lab. He was smart enough to not engage in any conversation, at least he was not changing that, and he kept by himself looking down on his phone, typing and generally ignoring her dark menacing morning aura.

She had slept quite well for the past few days too, and was now feeling quite herself again. It was a shame her power didn't work on her, what a joke. She could help others, or destroy them, but couldn't help herself; obviously destroying herself was an option had she wanted, but she was already good at it without powers helping.

Then the quiet easy atmosphere had benn broken by his phone ringing, Thunderstruck by AC/DC blasting in the silent room.

If she could use some words to describe Stark as he watched the name on the screen, it definitely would be "deer in the headlights", with a hint of terror and definitely panic.

Eris thought that whoever was calling him, had to be probably not very welcomed at the moment by the man, or at least not on his favourite list at the moment. Whoever was, had made him go completely pale and still, almost on the verge of a panic attack.

She saw him gripping hard the phone, to the point it could have snapped by the sheer force of his own convulsion as his face quickly become marble. She stayed on her seat, simply looking at him and sent a wave of calmness out of her.

It wouldn't work well, she was not herself very calm, and worried of whoever was calling to be able to soothe Stark properly, but it would do the trick of making go out of his frozen state.

Which it did.

He didn't glance at her, didn't even acknowledge her person as he slowly got up, half of coffee cup forgotten as he slowly turned around and made a headline to his cave.

She watched his tense shoulders, his stiff posture and the way he clearly didn't want to answer the still blasting phone, like he wanted something, anything to happen rather then have the conversation.

Eris didn't like it, she didn't like it in any way. She felt the urge to go and grab the device and throw it as far as she could, or melt it directly in her hands. All the small little progress he had made, she was sure, was going to be destroyed with the conversation it was going to happen.

She felt angry. Stark was finally doing good, why nothing could go right for just one time?

But she didn't want to interfere, in any way. It was not her problem anyway. He wouldn't want her help, and she didn't even know how she could even offer assistance. She still didn't want to talk, wouldn't be able to sooth him in any way, wouldn't be able to ask, or try at least to give some words of compassion or advice.

Was she really the right person?

Eris knew her compassion and empathy had flown out the window too much ago, too many things had happened, too many times she had been broken to still be able to feel properly, she was now running on shallow resemblance of those feelings.

She put her cereals away from her, not hungry any more.

At least she felt a little surprised at herself, she didn't think she could, dare she even say it, care a little for another person, she didn't think her heart still had the energy to care.

Fury was kind of okay, but he had always felt like some sort of jailer, or someone who had to take care for her not out of kindness, but necessity and obligation. Stark felt different. She was choosing to help him, the first choice she did in so many years, after never having an opportunity to do so, finally she did have a say in who and how helping, doing something.

Minutes tickled by, and she was sure he had at least answered the phone, and then minutes become an hour, then two, then three and so on and she never saw him again, just heard.

Eris had taken her place near the window, and had started drawing with the tablet there, trying to ignore the nagging feeling that she had to do something. What she didn't know how long it went like this, the destruction below and her trying to at least ignore it, but was now night outside, and dinner had been forgotten by both.

She was surprised to see Happy an hour or so ago, he had come, as always dressed smartly, barely glanced at her and went to wherever was the genius in a hurry. After probably twenty minutes ,he had re-emerged with a soured expression, and without a word, went on his way, looking somehow defeated and extremely sad.

She pondered for an hour more, in which the laboratory had started to have a war inside, maybe she should at least go and check if he was trying to effectively kill himself.

Eris opened the chat with Friday to at least tried to find out what had happened.

"Hi Friday, may I ask who Stark was on the phone with?"

"That was Miss Pepper" typed back immediately the A.I.. Eris was surprised, first because she didn't think the A.I. would give any information, and second because she knew who the woman was.

Well, shit, not good. Really bad.

Pepper was the love of his life, everyone knew that. Beautiful, smart and now CEO, Miss Potts was everything a man could have ever wanted, and hoped, to have at his side.

She was sure something had happened between them before she arrived, never saw her in the facility, and she was sure whatever the discussion they had, had not be in the slightest good.

"It would be beneficial to Mister Stark if someone would stop his actions" added Friday, the words daring her from the tablet to do something.

Eris didn't want to go down and see what was sure was pure destruction. She didn't think she could help.

Something broken, can't fix something broken, right?

Still, sighting and grabbing whatever courage she had, she put down her tablet, and headed slowly towards the havoc, trying to put herself on a calm state, as much as she could.

She arrived at the front door, and she heard the last loud 'thud' and then silence. No music, no more things blowing up or thrown away. Nothing.

Eris breathed, taking in all positive emotions she could find, and when she was sure to be in a complete control, she slowly entered the laboratory. She felt kind of afraid that she was stepping in something she had absolutely no business about.

She would still try, he could send her away, she wouldn't be mad, she would understand. She too hated people prying in her private life, always had.

The dark room was completely upside down, the only thing safe from the destruction path of the man, was a red vintage car far away from everything else.

On top of the desk were usually holograms and projects of Stark could be seen hovering, there was an Iron Man suit without any colours, probably a project of his, with its chest cavity completely open.

It was unnerving, bigger and more menacing than she thought it would be, and it also seemed like a corpse on an operation table.

Stark wasn't much away. He sat on a small sofa where she was sure he had spent countless nights, looking completely empty as he swirled a strange blue device in his hands. It looked similar to the one on his chest.

Stark looked completely empty as the lights and shadows flickered on his face. As if he didn't know what to think. He didn't even acknowledge her presence as she stepped in front of him.

Eris wasn't sure what to do, but what she was sure, was that it wasn't right, seeing him like that.

He was too much like her.

She didn't want that. She didn't want him to be this way. No one should. No one should know how it felt to be completely lost in their life, how it felt like everyone had abandoned you, no one that helped to put a foot in front of another, no one to take comfort from.

Eris didn't want him to feel alone. No more.

She sat in front of him, and finally his eyes looked at her, and they were so lost that she felt something heavy stirring in her scarred heart.

He didn't say anything, but she saw every emotion finally dancing on his face. There was anger, confusion, impotence. He looked at her and tried to keep it together, to not fall apart in front of her.

Tried and failed, miserably. She knew way to well. He knew she knew.

Eris took away the device from his hands and put it away, they were dirty with oils, with tons of small cuts that where fortunately not bleeding. She had a suspicion it was from tearing his Iron Man apart.

He was slightly shivering, so she took a black jacked that was on the sofa, forgotten since who knows when, and put it around his shoulders.

And that, moved something in him, because suddenly, a small single tear traced his cheek and his eyes went darker. She kneeled down again in front of him, and with a hand, gently wiped it away and let her hand stay put as he rested his face on it.

He looked so broken, so devastated that she didn't even know if he could ever be able to put the pieces together, she didn't even want to know what had happened to make him go down so hard.

Touching him felt almost foreign, he was so hot, feverish almost, almost alien for her, it felt as if close contact was something that had been long forgotten in her, something unnatural.

Eris was aware she was probably crossing some lines, that he probably didn't want to be touched by someone like her, a failure, a nuisance. That this was a terrible idea, to get so much close to someone else.

But he didn't sent her away, didn't say a word and simply closed his eyes, leaning more on her hand for support that she couldn't give. Leaning on a monster.

But she tried.

She let her power out a little more strongly this time, and without much restrain. She helped him easy his muscles, from his shoulder, to his chest, going down and easing his contracted stomach. She sang a lullaby in Italian on her mind, one that her aunt had sang to her when a child, and let her powers wash over his form, helping her keep a clear head as she worked on him.

Eris felt his form going limper and limper, his face slowly getting heavy on her hand as he immediately fell asleep. She helped him slide down to a pillow, releasing his head only when she was sure he wouldn't fall forward. Then she took off his shoes and put his heavy legs up on the other end of the sofa. He didn't react, having already succumbed to the sleep faster than she thought.

He had to be extremely emotionally and physically exhausted.

She stayed by his side, for hours, going away just to grab a sandwich and some water. She continually let her power out, to make him sleep without troubles of any kind. No nightmares, no panic attacks. Nothing.

Just a deep deserved free sleep.

Eris knew he needed it, even if just to have a clear head when he would wake up, and thinking clearly of whatever had happened and not under the influence of his weariness. She hoped it would help him, she hoped she didn't overstep their boundaries and he wouldn't be too mad.

She let him sleep for hours and hours, until Friday informed her that in was the sunrise.

Then exhausted, she also let herself go, and she also fell in a dreamless sleep, down at the feet of the sofa.

Such fragile things they were.

It had been probably years since he had such a dreamless and long sleep. The only thing Tony could remember, was a little chant of a strange language he couldn't really recognise, as he couldn't even remember a word. And then nothing else. No aliens, no fires, no red eyes or red hair. Nothing.

He was shocked. He didn't have nightmares. He didn't have a panic attack. After the phone call of yesterday, after blowing up his laboratory and sending away Happy, he didn't think he could even think of sleeping.

The words started to repeat on his head, and he tried to shut them up as best as he could, but it was impossible.

He remember to plainly how it went down.

He was watching the woman scowling down the cereals, completely mad at the bright joyful world. He was amused by her irritation, it was getting easier day by day in seeing her emotions, and he was strangely happy to see that somehow she was getting used to his presence.

Tony felt somehow good in knowing he at least was starting to became familiar to her. He didn't know why, but it felt like winning some prize you didn't know was there.

He was fake scrolling on his phone, purely content on enjoying her sour expressions, when a name appeared on his screen, and he felt his chest immediately compress as air went out of his lungs.

Pepper.

Pepper was calling him. His Pepper. After more than a month of complete silence. Finally.

But… he didn't want to reply. Reply would mean that they had to talk, that they had to clarify their relationship, right? Or maybe she just wanted to hear how he was doing, or maybe she just wanted to know something for work.

He started to feel a deep compression on his chest. If just seeing her name on the screen would make him feel this way, what would happen if they saw each other again? More fights? More requests of being better? Or maybe she would ask if he finally had given up on the project. Maybe she would ask to come back.

Then something in him snapped, continually asking himself questions wouldn't help, so he got up and walked away, he didn't want to have ears listening his conversation, he pressed reply the moment he arrived in his laboratory.

"Hello" he said. And god he hoped she didn't feel his stutter, his absolutely panic at just responding to her call.

"Hi Tony" she quietly replied, and oh saints how good was to hear her voice. So gentle, so comforting, so her. How he missed her.

"How are you?" Pepper asked politely.

"I'm alright, and you?" he replied back. He hoped she didn't feel the tightness in his voice.

"I'm alright. Things are going great here at Stark Industries" she replied.

"That's good" replied Tony, but didn't add anything else. There were so much things he wanted to ask, that he didn't know where to start.

Uncomfortable silence entered, and he didn't know how to break it. It was heavy with untold things, unresolved feelings and broken promises. He had promised he would be better for her, he hadn't. He was still trying thought, for her.

"Listen Tony" she said, grabbing the courage first "We need to talk a bit"

"Yeah" he said "maybe I could come and bring some lunch for you at work" he added, and hoped, prayed for a yes. Pepper sighted heavily, and he felt his beating heart fall down on the ground. She didn't sound happy.

"I don't think it's a good idea" she replied "I saw Happy the other day, he said you aren't doing any better" she added.

"I'm trying" he replied, hurt. He didn't want, or need, to Happy to go behind his back on him. It should be him to say if he was feeling better or worse, not the others.

"I know you are trying, but I couldn't help to think…" she paused, almost as afraid to say the words. He knew she had prepared this speech, she was like that always prepared for everything.

"Think what?" he asked, anxiously.

"That maybe I am one of the reasons you are not doing better" she said in a small broken voice. And he felt something sharp enter his chest.

"That's not true Pepper, you know it's not" he replied, and he felt tears swim on his eyes, treating to fall down. She was the reason he kept trying, why would she say she wasn't?

"Tony, I don't know if I can continue like this" she said, sounding as tired as he was, as devastated he felt.

He felt the air escape completely him. This was not true. Not happening.

"I met someone here, nothing happened I swear, but for the first time in months, I laughed at a stupid joke, and I felt so guilty for that, because it's not right for you, or for me, and I am so tired of everything. I just wants us to be both happy" she pleaded.

Happy? He thought bitterly. When had he ever a chance of that the last years? How could she abandon him? Couldn't she see she was the reason he kept trying hard?

"You want to break up?" he asked, and the words didn't even felt like they were coming from his mount. He felt like someone else was doing it. Like watching from afar a train wreck, knowing where it's going without being able to look away.

"Yes Tony, I want to break up" she replied, and she sounded so sure, so determined to end this that he didn't even know how to reply.

And he didn't. He simply put down his phone on the desk, and stared numbly in front of him, not seeing anything, not sure in what he was feeling.

He vaguely heard her calling his name multiple times, before finally ending the call. He stayed there, looking at nothing for hours, the words "I want to break up" swirling in his head, making him dizzy.

Tony felt distant, like he was disconnected, so he started to work on his things. Mending them, broking them, then mending then again, and repeated it again and again. Until Happy arrived.

Then he felt it, the deep seeds in his stomach bursting into vines that clutched on his heart.

The anger. The pain.

His fault. He meddled in. He always did, never shut up with Pepper, always told on him.

He didn't remember what he had shouted in his rage, for sure something he would regret later. Happy just walked away, looking sad and guilty. Then the room was his next victim.

He started to tear apart all his projects and tossing away everything. Breaking them apart as he too broke in million pieces.

All his fault. All Iron Man fault. If he wasn't that, Pepper would be still on his life. He would sleep, he would live without anxiety and fear and pain.

All his fault. He opened one of his last project apart, tearing out the centre of its power, leaving the carcass on top of the desk on his path of destruction.

Then he had no more energies and he collapsed on the small sofa. And he felt so numb, so tired, so empty.

Why him? Why did he always lose the good things? Wasn't even he allowed to have just one good person in his shitty life?

He had no idea how much he stayed there, in his self induced trance. It felt like seconds had passed, and at the same time like years.

Tony didn't notice her until she was on her knees in front of him, taking away the device from his hands. She looked exactly like him, with cracks all over them. Why Pepper couldn't understand it the way she could? Couldn't she see how her presence alleviated his cracks?

But maybe it was better, he didn't want her to be the same as them.

He shivered, and she got up and took a jacket he had forgotten, and put it around his shoulder.

Tony didn't know why such a small action had such a big reaction in his, but it felt like she unblocked something, that the warm gesture, so unlikely her, finally moved him. When was the last time someone had comforted him in any way?

He felt a tear escape as he looked in her bright amber eyes, and didn't see any revulsion, any accusation of being weak, not good enough, like he always saw in other people. She just looked at him like a normal human being.

Not as Stark, ex CEO of Stark Industries, not as Iron Man, not as a genius everyone counted on resolving things.

She just saw him. And when she wiped his tear away, he just couldn't help but lean in a little on her small delicate hand, on the solace this unlikely person was showing. He slowly felt his muscles relax as immense fatigue settled in, and all the pain he was feeling became distant and light. He slowly felt drowsy and slipping from reality very fast.

He fell asleep fast, didn't even had the time to comprehend and soon he was out of the world. He just smelled lavender and the grass.

He felt somehow refreshed, and stunned as he looked down to the small figure of the young woman at the feet of the sofa.

She just had a pillow under her head, and was slighlt shivering from sleeping on the ground. Her short hair were in completely disarray, but her pale face didn't show any discomfort, she looked like she was deeply enjoying her sleep, maybe also for the first time.

Tony knew she also had terrible nightmares, that she was as insomniac as him, if not even worse.

He didn't know how to feel towards her. She was a stranger, but at the same time she wasn't. She was distant, but at the same time offered a silent hand towards him.

He had a nagging feeling she was doing something to him, since she had arrived, well, at least since she started hanging out at the laboratory with him. He was starting slowly to eat better, thanks her juicy meals, sleeping better, having better concentration and generally good humour.

He wanted to ask, to know how she could make him feel better. He didn't know if he was happy she was meddling with him, but at the same time, his head hadn't been as clear in months, his project was coming around, well, was, now it needed some more works as he had kind of ripped it apart the day before.

He still felt numb, and disappointed, but not as heavily as he thought he would be. He remember Happy telling him he needed to go to therapy. Maybe he was right, but maybe not.

No one could understand him, not normal people anyway. But maybe she could. Eris would understand, he knew it.

He got up, careful to not step on her, and took a blanket she hadn't see the night before, covering her. He didn't move her and risk to wake her.

He went up to the kitchen and cooked some scrambled eggs with bacon for both of them, prepared two big mugs of coffee and juice, all on a tray, and brought it down to his den.

She was up when Tony arrived, and he put the tray down on the ground in front of her. She was completely covered like a mummy with the blanket, and her hair were somehow sticking in various directions, like his probably.

He sat down next to her, letting some space between them, surprising the woman, and offered her a plate with the fuming eggs, which she took hungrily. They probably both looked like homeless people in their messy clothes, pale faces and dirty clothes (him).

"Thank you" he said, as he sipped his scathing coffee. He couldn't say anything else, afraid he would scare her away, or simply because he didn't know what else to say.

Obviously she didn't reply, but when he looked into her deep golden eyes, he was happy to see a small timid smile, and a 'you're welcome' dancing in them.