Eventually, the blinding midday sunlight gave way to softer hues.

I'd lost track of how long I'd been sitting on that bench. Protected by the shade of an imposing tree, it offered a good view of the academy's front yard where students were welcoming the arrival of the weekend: laying on the grass, lounging in the sun, moving around in groups and chattering.

Most of these students were older than me. Been in more missions than me. Chances were that, in one of these missions, there had been a Jake. And yet they were all acting like normal young adults: laughing together, talking about normal things like their crushes or how boring the last lecture had been. In the middle of the yard, there was a competitive frisbee game going on. Several people had gathered around to watch it.

Life was moving forward, but I was standing still.

Can't you see it's hard for us to see you like that?

I didn't want to think about what Velvet had said. I didn't want to deal with the memories of the mission, the emotions associated with it, the vulnerability of letting people in. I just wanted to focus on making sure this never happened again. It was right that the work should fall on me. It was my responsibility after all.

You think you're being strong, trying to shoulder everything alone.

No one could be strong all the time. I got that, and yet… I was leading the team. That had to be a relevant point. Fox, Velvet, Yatsuhashi… it was on me to protect them. They were supposed to rely on me, not the other way around.

If I just worked hard enough, developed all the right strategies and made all the right preparations… if I focused on becoming smarter and stronger and more tactical, my teammates might never have to bear a tragedy on their conscience again. Working harder to achieve a goal, carrying the burden of responsibility in isolation… That was a mindset I could get behind. It was straightforward. Understandable. Safe.

But it's selfish, really.

A soft breeze kissed my cheeks.

Where had Velvet even found the spine to say all that stuff to me? Out of all my teammates, she was the one I most felt the need to protect. Not in the battlefield – not moreso than any of the others, at least – but rather in interpersonal matters. She was the one who wouldn't stand up for herself when our classmates made derisive comments about her perceived lack of skill, or when employees ignored her in shops in favor of the next human customer. The one who was too self-conscious to even show her true power in class. At the dance, she hadn't fought back against the team who'd bothered her until I came to her assistance. And up until now, she'd never treated me with anything less than unmitigated respect. She'd never disagreed with my decisions or challenged me in any major way.

But now she had stood her ground against me. She'd spoken her mind and made me listen. About everything. How my actions were perceived by the team… Glynda's role in the whole thing…

I didn't want to think about Glynda, either. In the moment, I had resented her interference: thought she'd given up too easily. But all the second thoughts I'd been pushing away since then were now surfacing with relentless might. Everything I'd read about Goliaths: how a single one of them would typically require a professional team to take down. The memory of Glynda leaning on Yatsuhashi for support, her aura almost depleted. Or the fact that Glynda probably felt responsible for our safety in the same way I felt responsible for my team's.

My own cooler judgement was confronting me with everything Fox and Velvet and Yatsuhashi had tried to tell me, during or after the mission.

How are we going to grow as a team, if you disregard any input you don't like?

I'd always thought good leadership meant being strong for your team. Staying firm in your convictions, making difficult decisions on their behalf, shielding them as much as possible.

But… what if I had been wrong about the meaning of strength?

If a conviction turned out to be unfounded, it would be a weakness to cling to it. If a decision affected multiple people, they all deserved a say. My teammates had signed up to become warriors, the world's defenders: protecting them excessively meant stripping away their agency, denying them the opportunity to grow.

And perhaps more to the point, I wasn't actually protecting them from anything at the moment. On the contrary, my withdrawal and overwork had created an additional burden for them: they were worried about me, and I'd forbidden them from helping.

I wasn't being strong. In fact, right now I was the weak link, responsible for the team collapsing.

A cry in the distance made me look up. One of the frisbee players had taken a nasty fall. His friends gathered around him and sat beside him, waiting for him to feel better. After a while, he accepted a hand up, and the game continued.

How are we going to protect anyone, if we can't even rely on each other?

I took a look at my scroll, then got up in a hurry. If I was fast, I might just make Glynda's office hours.

XXX

"Thank you for telling me all this", Glynda said.

I shook my head. "I should have done it sooner."

"Don't be too hard on yourself", she said, her voice unexpectedly gentle. "Your initial reaction at the mission was normal and even had good elements in it: nobleness, bravery, the capacity to think for yourself. I want to make sure you get the correct takeaway from all this. I am not blaming you for your feelings about the choice I made for you. Any Huntress-in-training worth her salt would balk at such a choice. And any full Huntress would understand its necessity."

"It seemed unthinkable when you said it", I admitted. "It had not crossed my mind as an acceptable option, and I hadn't expected it it from you at all. I can appreciate the logic behind it now, but right then, in the field…"

"I understand. Your persistence is a necessary trait for a Huntress. It is not straightforward to judge when retreat is truly the best option. And you shouldn't resort to it too easily. But you'll have to add the option to your arsenal, because there will be times when it's necessary. And you'll need to be ready to make difficult decisions in general. You'll find yourself in situations where, for example, you'll need to accept some losses to ensure the safety of your team. Or you'll need to decide between multiple locations that need help simultaneously. Or you'll have to chose between a high-risk, high-reward strategy and a more conservative one – and accept the consequences. You get the idea."

I nodded. "I knew all this in theory when I enrolled, but it is only recently that I'm starting to understand what it truly means. The gravity of it all, the moral responsibility. I'll be honest, I… am not looking forward to making these kind of decisions. I mean, I will, of course. It's my duty, and I'll perform it to the best of my ability. But, well… you know."

"I do know", she said quietly.

I hesitated. "I… you have imposed certain restrictions on what kind of assignments team CFVY can do from now on, reflecting our altered status. And I understand why. You can't invest training or put much trust into a team that can't reliably follow orders or react to criticism in a healthy way. But these were only my failings. My teammates didn't do anything wrong. So… I would like to request that you restore our team to its former status and allow my teammates to take advantage of the privileges and opportunities they worked for. Since our latest poor evaluation was my fault, I could take extra days of detention… or any other consequence you think appropriate."

Glynda gave me a genuine smile. "That really won't be necessary. Your request is granted. The point of the restrictions you mentioned was exactly what you said: I had to get you to think. A team with such internal struggles should not be trusted with advanced assignments. I didn't do it to be punitive for the sake of it. I still think your team shows a lot of promise, and I look forward to seeing you reach your full potential."

I started to rise. "Thank you. I'll go tell my teammates."

"Miss Adel."

I sat back down.

"Do not… push your teammates away. That is a weakness in a leader. To be clear, it's a weakness that even experienced and qualified leaders struggle with. It is natural to want to protect one's allies, and it's true that there are some burdens you will have to face alone. But if you lean too much in that direction, you just end up isolating yourself and crumbling under pressure. And if you crumble, the team crumbles. You might think you're being strong, trying to handle things alone, but in reality it just puts an additional emotional burden on your teammates."

"Yeah, Velvet said the same thing. She said that we can't grow as a team if I never consider other viewpoints, and that we can't protect other people if we can't even rely on each other, and that I was letting my pride affect my judgement."

Glynda looked at me a little skeptically. "Miss Scarlatina told you all that?"

I shrugged. "I was just as surprised as you are."

She remained silent for a bit. "You would do well to treasure that."

I nodded. "I will. Thank you."

"And like I said, don't be too hard on yourself. Every single Hunter goes through the same thing you did, at some point in their career. It is not a personal failure, but an inevitable reality of our profession. You have to find a way to keep moving forward, and it is easier to do that with support. Go back to you teammates. Allow them to stand by you this time. Let them help you grow into the leader I know you are capable of becoming."

XXX

As I entered our room, the conversation came to a halt.

Velvet, sitting at the table with her chin on her hands, glanced briefly up at me as I walked in. Then she quickly turned to look out of the window. I winced when I noticed the redness in her eyes.

Excellent work, Coco.

Yatsu was standing by her side, towering over her with a hand on her shoulder. He gave me the side eye as I approached, which would have been intimidating if I didn't know his personality. Fox's expression was blank; he didn't react to my entrance at all.

"Um…" I had not actually thought of what exactly I would say. "Hi?"

Fox got up. "I'm going to the library", he announced. "Got a few things to catch up on. Wouldn't want to postpone studying until the last moment, y'know."

Great. Clearly, I had broken Fox.

"Sounds like a great idea", Yatsu said. "I'll join you."

"You coming, Velvet?" Fox asked pointedly. "Coco, I'm sure you've got a lot on your plate already. Wouldn't want to distract you or anything."

Subtle.

"Wait", I said, sparing Velvet the need to come up with some diplomatic response. "I have something I need to say to all of you."

Fox frowned, but sat back down. Yatsuhashi leaned against the wall and looked straight at me, an eyebrow raised.

"I…"

Coming up with words was harder than I'd expected.

"I'm… sorry."

Silence.

"I landed us in hot water by disobeying orders in the first place. The reprecussions our team faced were my fault. Fox, I shut you down on the spot and pushed both you and Velvet away when you tried to talk to me afterwards. I've been refusing to listen to any of you or consider that Glynda might have had a point. You tried to be involved in coming up with ways to heal from our experience or prepare for future challenges, and I've shut that down when I should have encouraged it. I've been pushing you all away. And worse, I thought I was being strong by doing that.

You deserve better. I know it's not much, but I talked to Glynda and the restrictions on our team have been lifted. You will still get the opportunities you worked so hard to earn. I know I don't have the right to expect it, but I'd welcome any contributions on how to best move forward… if you're still willing to make them. And for my part, I promise to work on my faults so that I can become the leader you deserve."

More silence.

Okay, I wasn't exactly expecting applause. But a reaction would be nice. Any reaction.

Come on, people.

Fox was the first to nod. "Appreciate it", he said gruffly. "For the record, I never thought the outcome of the mission was your fault. It's just the shitty side of the profession we entered. We can only really do the best we can." He paused. "Now after that, yeah, you were kind of being a self-flagellating douche…"

I made a face. "Thanks."

"But it was very natural to react like that, so it would be douchey of me to hold it against you after you acknowledged it. And you haven't been a terrible leader otherwise…"

"Chill out with the praise, Fox, no need to feed my ego that much."

He grinned, then clapped me on the shoulder. "Welcome back."

Yatsu's expression softened. "I understand where you were coming from. You were in a tough position and I think your motives were noble. The academy offers resources for therapy and mental health support, so I would like to suggest taking advantage of them as a group."

"I think that's a good idea", I said. Then I sat on the chair beside Velvet and tried to catch her eyes, which were still lowered. "Vel?"

She looked up. A small but luminous smile formed at her lips. "You listened to what I said… and it got through to you?"

Her hand reached for mine, and I took it. "Mm-hm. You really surprised me, you know. Seems like there is some steel under all that velvet."

She blushed heavily and looked away.

"I think you broke her", Fox commented acidly.

"Hopefully not." I waited until she looked at me again and then smiled at her. "You offered to take a look at these plans I've been working on. I know I'm not entitled to it, but I would value your insight if you're still willing to give it. Offer stands for everyone, by the way. Sometimes, an additional perspective can be… helpful. What do you say?"

Velvet perked up, her ears twitching. "Of course!"

Fox grinned. "Well, as the sane guy of this team I have to make sure our strategies are not too crazy. So I guess I'll get involved."

"I would also be glad to be of assistance", Yatsu said.

"Thanks."

An uncertain silence fell.

"So, um…" It still felt a little awkward, but that was natural. Things would get back to normal eventually. And I could start with something simple. "About your trip to the library. Not to deter such promising scholars, but it's been a while since we did something as a team." I pointed towards the window, which was looking at the front yard. "There are some amateurs out there who think they know how to throw a frisbee. Wanna go out and show them how it's really done?"

Fox laughed. "You are dead meat, Adel. I want Yatsu on my team, and Velvet is not allowed to make copies of the frisbee."

"You're on."

"Do I get a say on which team I'm in?" Yatsu wondered.

"You don't want to be in my team?" Fox said, affecting hurt.

"It's the principle of the thing."

"Well, no, you don't get a say", Fox declared. "It's dibs-based."

"Okay, but who decided who's calling the dibs?"

"Just go with it, Yatsu", Velvet said cheerfully.

"Come on, big guy." Fox grabbed him by the arm and started leading him outside.

Yatsu groaned, but allowed himself to be dragged along. "I maintain that this is a dubious and undemocratic process. Also, we should still set aside some time for homework."

"Come on, don't be such an old man…"

Their voices faded.

Velvet and I exchanged a look. There was an undercurrent there that I wasn't quite sure how to describe. I gave her a hesitant smile; she returned a beaming one.

"We can take them", she said.

"Oh, absolutely", I agreed. "We are going to slaughter them."

We caught up to the guys at the entrance, and walked out in the sunny field together.

XXX

A/N: Ultimate frisbee is a thing in Remnant, I decided.

Can't believe this is the penultimate chapter! The final chapter should come in a week or two, depending on how life goes. Then I'll also be announcing plans for related future works.