Love and Memories:

Author's Note: Wow I was so productive over the long weekend I've written most of the rest of the story, so I should be updating more rapidly. YAY. This is a Ben chapter and his time line moves a little slower then Claire's, its just something to keep in mind. This chapter starts off just after Claire left on the boat. I hope you enjoy the story. Ben starts to come into his own in this chapter.
Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Chapter 4

Tea and Music

Ben's POV

I've spent the last four days reading and rereading Charlie Pace's files. Nothing unusual. Raised in Manchester, older bother's name is Liam. Decent grades in grammar school, and High school. He could have even gone to a university. There was a small stint where he wanted to be a priest but opted for a life in rock and roll instead. He wrote all the songs on the album but was pushed out of the light because he brother was the lead singer. His mother passed away while the band was at the height of its fame. He fell into drugs. He admitted himself into rehab but checked out before the treatment was over. Interestingly an anonymous donor paid it. My best guess is it was his brother. He was smart with his money, a large portion was spent on drugs but most of it was invested wisely. He has a flat in Manchester a few blocks from where he grew up and has a place in LA currently being occupied by Claire Littleton and Aaron.

The kid should have been dead a couple of times, but just narrowly misses the scythe between the drug use and the plane crash, I would say this kid has a golden horseshoe crammed up his ass.

Still nothing about his file stands out. Nothing answers my question of why would he stay behind. He forced Claire and Aaron onto a boat to leave the island but when he was offered a chance to leave, he declined. I just don't understand.

Why?

Why? Didn't he want to leave? Why would he leave Claire alone in a big city? Alone?

Ugh. I rubbed my head and scrub at my hair. Great now it's going to be spikier then normal.

Juliet stands in my doorway with that smug grin she always has. "Are you still trying to solve the great Charlie Pace Mystery?"

"Yeah, it's not going too well."

"I liked Tom's theory, 'he really just loved her. There would be more money for her to live off of if he wasn't there to spend it.'"

I scoffed, "So you're saying he loved her so much he stayed behind? Please no one loves anyone that much."

Her voice becomes ice, "You're right, Ben."

I want to apologize to her, but I can't. If I started I don't think I would know how to stop. Instead I say nothing.

"You know, you could just ask him." She crosses her arms around her body. She glares in my direction until I finally cave in. I stand and head over to Alex's bedroom.

I knock before entering, a habit I've developed since she turned eleven. She's playing with Infinity and reading a Jane Austin book. She doesn't even look up at me. "Are you coming in to eat my bunny? Because you know how evil you are."

I sigh and I'm an inch away from banning Jane Austin in the house, but I know that's not going to work. "You wanna go on a walk?" Clearly she's learned her icy glare from Juliet. "Look, you can't go see Claire and Aaron, but how about the next best thing?"

She puts down the book and smiles at me for the first time a months.

So Tom, Danny, Juliet and Alex accompany me on this little trek. We walk onto the beach. Sawyer looks up from his book, Kate stares at us weary, Hurley stops chopping some fruit and all other activity stops. It feels like time as been frozen and I'm the only one who can walk though it. I call out to the stiff people, "Hello my name is Benjamin Linins and I make a terrible first, second, tenth and twentieth first impression."

Tom pipes in behind me, 'It really when you meet him for like the twenty fifth time you see he's a nice guy."

There is still stunned silence from the group. Until Hurley speaks up, "You know this would have been awesome like three months ago."

"Well live and learn." I shrug trying to play it as cool as I can. Which as it turns out, I'm not very cool. Alex dashes from behind me when she sees Charlie. He's standing near some structure with half a roof and sides, sort of.

"Hi!" She bounds up to him, filled with unharnessed energy and glee. Charlie jumps slightly, unsure what to make of her. "I'm Alex!" She introduces herself without hesitation. Charlie still looks confused by her presences.

He pushes the hair out of his eyes, "Um ok."

"Claire used to talk about you all the time when she said with us."

Charlie grins with pride, "really?"

"Yeah I was the one who got her out."

He nods slightly, "Well then I guess I have a lot to thank you for. You brought the love of my life back to me."

She blushes and tuckers her hair behind her ear. Is she flirting? Yeah that's going to need to end right now.

"You're way cooler then Creepy Ethan."

"Well with a name like Creepy Ethan its hard not to be." Charlie smirked. His eyes quickly shift away from Alex to the ocean shore. His mouth tightens into a straight line. He's not comfortable talking about Ethan, something about the way he looks so lost, makes me think Charlie's never really talked about him. Am I sympathetic in the least, no? But still, it's interesting.

Alex looks around to the tents about out of tarp and the other items, "So you guys live out here?"

"Yep." His eyes are still focused on the water.

"It sucks." She frowns

"Yep." He smirks again.

"So why didn't you get on the boat?"

"I have my reasons." And that's my cue. I trek over the sand to meet Charlie.

My hand instantly goes on her back, "Alex, honey why don't you go see what Tom's doing?" In a rare moment of obedience she scampers off. For a few moments neither of us talks, we just watch the water that took Claire away.

I clear my throat, "So you have no reason to trust us. And if it wasn't for the mysterious reason that you stayed behind on this island that my daughter so eloquently put it, "Sucks" we wouldn't have a reason to trust you. But Claire seemed to want the two groups to get alone…"

"Claire is a much more forgiving person then I am." Charlie cuts me off but he remains focused on the waves.

"I see. So we're back to square one, are we?" hmm disappointing

"What are you doing here?" He finally breaks his graze and peers at me.

"It's a new day Charlie." He seems not amused by the fact that I'm using Claire's words. "And I brought tea." I dig into my pocket and hand him a few tea bags. He conceders them. "Mostly I'm here because I'm sure losing Claire must be hard on you." He says nothing and lets me talk. "Maybe you're tired of playing the guitar, maybe you might want to play the piano instead."

Now for the first time in the conversation he appears interested. "You have one?"

"Yep, it's a nice one too. If you ever wanted to come by and play it, that would be fine by us." I shrug and hand him directions on how to get there.

"Are you going to perform any freaking psychological experiments on me?" Charlie cocked his eyebrow. "Am I going to drool when a bell rings, because I already get an erection when I think about breasts, I don't think I could handle both."

His comment catches me off guard and I laugh. "Um no. Sorry to disappoint you. I figured that Claire stopped a war and you showed integrity, offering you a chance to play the piano is the least I can do."

"Literary." Charlie scoffed. But his voice softens, "I'll think about it."

"Good."

I round up my troops and we start to head back. Alex is beaming now that she finally got to speak to Charlie. She bouncing, "Hey do you think he's going to come by?"

"He might. Hey while we're on this side of the island, do you want to go see your mom?" I smile at her, but I already know what her answer is going to be.

Alex shakes her head, "No, she never remembers me anyway." I kiss her lightly on the forehead.

"I'm so sorry about that, Kiddo."

"You tried Dad, I know you tried." Alex jogs ahead to talk to Dan about something. It's the first time she's called me "Dad" in nearly a year.

I feel something nudge me on the shoulder, "You did good today. That meant a lot to her." Juliet smiles at me. Well isn't this interesting. For the first time in months both of my women are pleased with me. I should celebrate. Maybe I'll throw Carl back into the bear cages again. I can't suppress my grin as we walk home.

It takes a week for Charlie to accept the offer. The piano was Colleen's and not in the working location. Which means Charlie got a free invitation into our inner sanction. He appears nervous as his eyes shift from side to side and his hands are dug deep into his pockets. Before I can get to him my daughter's stupid boyfriend, Carl, assaults him. "Hey, you're that Rock Star guy right? Wow I bet you got laid like all the time..huh?" Shut up you hyperactive spaz. Charlie's eyes narrow as he glares at Carl. See the problem with Carl is that he has not mastered non-verbal cues. He has no idea what Charlie's glare means. "Yeah you know who is hot over on your side of island, that Shannon chick. You ever hit that?'

"Shannon's dead."

"Bummer." Carl thinks of a second, "But that chick with the kid, DAMN she was FINE, boy would I love to get behind that."

Charlie's fist starts to shake, and in a tone I've never heard from a British man he growls, "If you enjoy pissing standing up, you will never speak to me again."

Carl cowers away as I approach Charlie. "I see you've met Alex's boyfriend."

"She can do better." Charlie grumbles.

"I completely agree." He starts to follow me as I lead him through the village, "I've been locking him in the polar bear cages when he pisses me off, but I'm looking for a more perminate solution." I smirk and hope he can tell I'm joking.

"You could give a coat filled with fish and tell him to searching for the "big white fuzzy dogs with really sharp teeth and claws" on the island Or you could have him spend more time with Locke, bad stuff happens to everyone who hangs around him." Once again Charlie's deadpan delivery makes me laugh.

As we walk to the house, I stand before the door, "I'm surprised you came."

Charlie shrugs, "I have nothing left to lose and an piano to gain." He looks around, "Alex is right, compared to this place our beach does suck."

"In all fairness we've been here longer and we've got better funding." I open the door and Dan's sitting in his living room reading, "Um Charlie this is Dan Pickett, the piano's was his wife's."

Charlie was silent for a moment before he addresses Dan, "I am very sorry for your loss. I don't have to play if it will be disrespectful to her memory." Charlie's words are so heartfelt and honest. Obviously he's dealing with the same pain as Dan only on a smaller scale.

Dan speaks softly, "Colleen was a great wife and an even better friend but she was a terrible piano player. As long as you steer away from "Hot Cross Buns" and "Heart and Soul" we should be ok." Dan nods at Charlie and leaves. I honestly didn't expect him to stay. Tom should be coming shortly since we aren't about to leave Charlie unattended.

I point to this wooded instrument and Charlie slowly lifts the lid. His fingers skim over the keys. As if he was touching the most fragile material in the world. One of the keys he pressed with more weight, its note echoes through the room. He seems pleased. He sits on the bench and there is a reunion of two old friends. The music fills the air. Just when I feel like I am invading Charlie's privacy, Tom comes to the door and I take my leave.

I head back to my "office" gather some of Charlie's files and return home. I'm gone more then an hour and I find Tom sitting in the gazebo. Very far away from Danny's house, very far away from Charlie.

"What the hell are you doing out here?"

Tom looks up at me and then back down at his shoes. He sighs, "I swear to God I was about to kill myself if I listened to the music anymore. It was the saddest music I've ever heard. The finny thing was they were all songs I recognized but the way he played them, it was tearing my heart out and placing it on the mantle for everyone to see."

"Where is he now?"

"Oh he's still there."

"Alone?"

"No, I think Alex is with him."

"You left a drug addict, sex obsessive rock start ALONE with my 15 year old daughter?" I shout and suddenly feel the urge to punch him.

"No, the women are hanging around." What? I start to race to the other end of the village. I stop short when I see, a large portion the women sitting outside the house, soaking in every word Charlie says to Alex with the piano providing the soundtrack.

I'm not sure what they're talking about but I come in around when Charlie says, "Sayid's not that bad."

"Oh yes he is. He beat up Ben." Ah Alex coming to my rescue, it would have been nicer if she called me Dad, but beggars can't be chooser.

Charlie sighs, "Listen, Sayid's a good man, he was my friend when no one else was. I agree hurting Ben was a very bad idea but you need to understand something. I'll take you back to the beginning. There was a girl named Shannon and Sayid loved her. A long story short Anna Lucia shot and killed Shannon by accident. Now Anna Lucia was very scared because she thought the "Others", you guys, were after her. So even though Anna Lucia killed Shannon, Sayid blamed you guys. It was the same thing with Danny Pickett and Sawyer. There was no way Sawyer could have been the one who killed Colleen, but Pickett took his anger out on Sawyer."

"Well are you mad at us because we made Claire go away?"

"I'm mad you guys took her away from me for two horrible weeks."

"Oh. Do you want to beat any of us up?"

He laughs, "No, I'm a small guy, I don't think there is anyone I could take." My money says he could take Carl if he really wanted to.

Alex voice gets soft, "Do you miss Claire and Aaron?"

All the women outside of the house lean forward as Charlie speaks, "Only when I breathe."

Juliet bites her lip and swoons a little bit. I roll my eyes at her, "Oh come on, you're buying that crap."

She hisses at me, "Some men have these things, they're called feelings. Try them someday." She turns away and heads back to her house.

I'm about to call out to her when I feel a tap on my shoulder. "Excuse me, Ben."

Deloris, an elderly lady, with salt and pepper hair, smiles brightly at me as she produces a plate of cookies. Mentally I cringe. "Yes, Deloris."

"I made these cookies for Danny in his time of loss and pain, but could you see to it that Charlie gets some too. That poor boy has been through so much."

"Of course." Oh poor Charlie. I don't think he really deserves this sort of punishment. I smile at Deloris and take the plate as I enter the house.

Charlie continues to play as Alex chatters away about meaningless nothings. "Hey, Alex isn't it time for you to go watch the little ones?" She turns to me and grumbles something but looks down in horror to the plate of cookies in my hand.

"Are those Deloris Cookies?" Her eyes wide and her lip sneers.

"You want one?" I wiggle my eyebrows in her direction. She violently shakes her head and runs out of the room.

I listen as Charlie finishes the song. Tom's right, it is a song I recognize but the way he plays it, it's like a whole new song. "You want a cookie?"

Charlie looks at the chocolate chips and smiles. I'm about to warn him about it, but its too late. He pops the confection in his mouth and nearly instantly he turns green, his face scrunches up and he gags. Like a trooper he chews and swallows it. "Oh God, that's what evil tastes like."

I try to suppress my laughter, "Deloris keeps baking the cookies for Danny but she ran out of sugar three months ago. I have no idea what she uses instead. But evil could be an accurate description. Go get a soda from the fridge." Charlie nods and rushes into the kitchen.

Charlie downs about half the can and frowns, "Why won't the taste leave my mouth?"

"It likes to linger. Sorry about that." I drop is file on the coffee table; his eyes followed it from the air to the thud on the table. He considers the file and looks back to me. "Normally we would do this in a observation room with a big metal table and no paint, you know, to intimidate you. But I think you've been through enough since you ate the cookie. Take a seat."

"What's that?" He sits on the armchair and sips his soda, slower now.

"This is your life."

"Really, do you have the orgy in Brazil? Good times." He raises his eyebrows suggestively.

"Sorry but no."

"You're loss." He shrugs. "I guess you have all of my nasty little secrets in there. My con to Lucy, my arrest in Brisbane, drug treatment and such. On paper I'm a monster, huh?"

"No more then anyone else on your side of the island. I mean a lot of those people are really screwed up. You wanna see?" I smile, deep down I secretly like to gossip.

Charlie frowns, "Nah, I have to live with those guys."

I like that he's honest and loyal; the information in these folders could changed the position of power in his little tribe. But instead he chooses to keep everyone's secrets private. Interesting. "You're not so much a monster as much as you are a mystery. You're a follower, that's for certain. You let your brother push you around and you're constantly looking for approval, you made more then your fair share of bad mistakes. But there are other things in this file as well. You paid your neighbor's rent up front for a year. Why would you do that?"

Charlie swirls the soda around in a can, "I'm a sucker for single mom's incase you couldn't tell." He looks up to see if I'm reacting to his statement, when he sees I don't, he looks back down at the soda. "My apartment building happens to be located in a district with good public schools. Her son is six and learning how to read. If a kid doesn't learn it at an early age, it really messes them up for a while. Or at least according to the statistics. Anyway, she could afford the rent if she let her abusive ex-boyfriend back in. The way I figured, seeing you mom get beat every night was worse then not being able to read. I had some extra cash lying around and helped her out. No big deal."

"Were you sleeping with her?"

Charlie coughs out laughter, "With Carla? No, she wasn't really my type. Too much work to get her knickers off. See I was a real bastard."

"A bastard who made some good investments. See and that's what I don't understand. You spent a few months living on the street, begging for money, but you had nearly a hundred thousand shares investing in various companies, including the Hanso Cooperation, the parent company to Oceanic Air. Why didn't you sell your stock?"

"Because I didn't know how. Besides, that was what I was supposed to retire with, I not about to sell all my stock so I can get another hit. Being broke is just temporary situation. I'm not going to use my safety net for that. I only sold a few shares off when I wanted to make a new life for myself in LA."

"But you were willing to give all of it to Claire?"

"Of course."

"You're a strange man, I can't figure you out.." I shake my head and finally ask the question that's been keeping me up at night. "So why did you stay behind, why didn't you leave with her?"

Charlie leans back in his chair, "You know what the worse part about you guys kidnapping her was? Not know what happened to her. It's the "what ifs?" that killed me. That's what I want to know. You won't learn what you want to know until I learn what I want to." He stands up to leave. "Hey can I take these cookies with me?"

"Why?"

"We don't have a telly and these will provide me with hours of entertainment."

I nod at him, lost in my own thoughts for a second. "Charlie, you know Claire came back to you fine. You know she wasn't hurt."

"I don't know that for certain."

'What about now, now that she's gone from you line of vision. You don't know if she's safe or scared or hurt."

"It's killing me slowly. It's the unknowns that make me imagine the worst. It making me loses hope." He looks out to the window.

"That's a dangerous thing to lose." I whisper. I don't know why I hand him the paper. Maybe it's because I think he's funny. Maybe its because I want know the truth. Maybe its because I like the music. I really I think its because I want him to like me. "Here."

His brows furrow. "What is it?"

"A print out of all the charges made to your credit card in the pass few days. I think its funny she bought, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Parenting."

Charlie smiles as he reads the paper. For a while he says nothing and stands in the doorway, "Thanks for the cookies, and the use of the piano. If you don't mind I'll be back to play it again."

"Sure."

He stares down at the paper and looks up, "I stayed behind for many many reasons. Eko and I started building a church. After he died, I felt it was important to finish it. I had to stay until it was done."

Charlie disappeared though the door. Well once again, you've surprised me Mr. Pace. One thing, it looks like this could be the start of a friendship. I know, it shocks me too.