Author's Note:
This is a Ben Chapter and it spans over two and a half months. You will learn about Ethan as well as Danielle. Oh there are many exciting events in this chapter. It will be an emotional rollercoaster. Just three more chapters left! (I am about to start working on the last chapter today. YAY!) Once I finish the last chapter, the final updates will start coming about every other day. I hope you enjoy. Thank you to everyone who has left feedback!
Love and Memories
Chapter 6
Ben's POV
Conversations and Friendship
What I love most about this situation is the irony. Charlie Pace, a ex rock star, a man who has had more women in one year then most men have in a life time, is talking to my teenage daughter about the evils of sex.
"And what no one tells you is that it hurts." He says so serious. Too seriously, she might catch on that he lying.
"Really?" Ok maybe not.
Charlie shakes his head as he plays the piano. Danny and I are standing outside of his house, listening to the conversation, peering through the window. I think this is the first time Danny's smiled since Colleen died. Then Charlie says, " yep, that's why people make those faces and moan. 'Cause it hurts so much." Danny stifles his laugher as he catches my eye. "That's why you should never have sex, and definitely not with a wanker like Carl." I think I might hug Charlie, if it wouldn't be so weird.
Alex says, "You know what, Charlie? You're are a lot easier to talk to then most adults. Creepy Ethan came close but not too much. I think you two would have gotten along… too bad he got eaten by that polar bear." Oh no. Danny and I make quick eye contact and head inside.
"Hi guys." Danny says hoping to defuse the situation.
"Um hi." Charlie's brows furrow still stuck on Alex's comment.
"Alex isn't there work for you to do? Shouldn't you be reading or working with the kids or something?" I try anything to get her out of here. She shrugs and heads out of the door.
Charlie stops playing when she leaves, I've notice he hates to stop in the middle of a song, he will always wait until the end.
I try to ease the mood; "I think its great you're talking to Alex about the dangers of sex."
"Really I just don't want her to have it with that tool Carl. Besides I've tainted my fair share of women, its high time I gave back to the community." Charlie says distracted. "Um you guys know Ethan wasn't eaten by a polar bear, right?"
Danny sighs and heads into his bedroom while I call Charlie over to the couches for a moment. "There's something we need to tell you. Everyone thinks Ethan was eaten by the bears because that's what we told them." I whisper as Danny comes out of the room holding a journal. He hands it over to me and starts to close all the windows and the front door that is normally left open for whenever Charlie comes over. "I made a grave mistake sending him to your beach." I hand Charlie the journal. "Before you look in it, I should warn you, it is pretty graphic."
His eyes widened to the point that I'm certain they are going to fall out of their sockets. Ethan's journal is incoherent psychotic ramblings about how no one understands him, until he met Claire. It contains repeated death threats against Charlie. Some pages are graphic illustrations; while a few pages are written in a deep brown color that I am almost certain is blood. Charlie throws the journal down on the coffee table completely and understandably horrified. "So he was crazy?"
"To say the least." I nod.
"Then why the bloody hell did you send him to us?"
"Well if I had known he was crazy at the time I wouldn't have done it!" I yell and recoil. "Look I am going to tell you what not even Danny knows. I picked Ethan and Goodwin because they were the people standing closest to me when I saw the plane crash."
"Christ, Ben really?" Danny slaps his head.
"Look I had like four seconds to make a choice. They all can't be winners." I rub my temples and sigh.
It's the terror in Charlie's voice that makes me look up, "Did he hurt her? Did he hurt my Claire?" He starts biting his fingernails and tapping his knee.
Danny sits on the coffee table, close to Charlie. Up until this point, neither man really paid attention to the other, they were polite and pleasant but either had an opinion or bond with the other. Which is what shocks me about Danny's reaction. "He kissed her Charlie." What? Really when?
"What!" Charlie's head nearly snaps off his neck, "When?" Good questions, that's exactly what I wanted to know.
Danny pinches the bridge of his nose, "We keep Claire pretty drugged up, most of the time she had no idea what was going on. Ethan was always hanging around her and I guess she felt safe around him because he was the only thing she could remember. I almost never left them alone, it was there I, Juliet, Alex or Tom with them at all times. Honest. I think Ethan took her out for a walk once, but they were being watched. Anyway, for a brief window of time they were alone in the examining room. When I walked in his was kissing her." My eyes flash over to Charlie who looks like some had torn out his stomach and heart and asked him to eat it. He starts rocking back and forth and his hands are tangled in his hair. His eyes are starting but unfocused. "Ethan stopped when I came into the room. Claire blinked and frowned as she said, 'oh, you're not Charlie.' Ethan was enraged and pushed to her. I caught her just before she hit the ground. I ushered back to her room asking her if she was ok. She nodded and said she missed you and wished she could see you again. I went back to the examination room to kick Ethan's ass when I saw he had destroyed the crash cart."
"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" I snapped at Danny.
"I don't know. You already hate Ethan, what was the point in telling you?"
"You're sure that's all he did? Because I have nightmares where he… he rapes her." Water starts to form in Charlie's eyes.
"Charlie I promise you… he didn't do anything else. We kept very very close watch of her. She was examined daily by Juliet. Nothing, Nothing else happened." Danny attempts to calm Charlie's nerves.
Charlie just nods and rocks back and forth for a few minutes. Finally he asks, "Is that why you let her go?"
I sigh, knowing if I tell him, he'll never come back, but at this moment he needs piece of mind more then anything else. "No, we screwed up. We had the wrong anesthesia to use for her c-section. It would have counteracted with the other drugs we had been giving her. It might have killed her. Alex had been reading Claire's chart from the beginning and caught the mistake. Instead of telling us…"
"No, she did, she told Ethan." Danny interrupts. Well, I guess that makes sense.
"Oh, well she set Claire free."
"Oh." Charlie said. Now starting at the journal on the table. "How did you find that?"
Danny smiles, "Well this part is sort of funny. We decided we were just going to leave Claire alone for a while and try again later. You know, in the daytime, when we wouldn't be a scary. Well two days after she left, Tom was returning some of 'adult entertainment' to Ethan that he had borrowed. But Ethan was gone, (which was weird because he was supposed to be here- no one was allowed to interact with us guys for at least thirty days). But Ethan's journal was on his bed. Apparently Tom thumbed through it and ran to tell us."
I pick up the rest of the story. "We figured he was going back to get Claire, as his final entry suggested. The rain had slowed us down, and when we got there, you had just shot him. We decided to lay low and stay in the underbrush until you and the others had left. After all, you guys were pissed off and armed. I decided to tell everyone that Ethan wouldn't be returning because he had encounter a Polar bear. No need to cause a panic."
I scrub my eyes for a second before looking at Charlie's very pale face. "After Claire left the island and you made that comment about getting hung from a tree, we went though Ethan's belongings. We found his first journal. Claire wasn't the only one he was obsessed with." I clear my throat as I think about her, "Charlie I didn't tell anyone you killed Ethan, because you saved me the trouble."
Charlie's still shaken up by the whole incident when Juliet knocks at the door. "Charlie I didn't know you were here, I missed your songs today." She pouts.
Danny helps Charlie up, "Charlie was just leaving, but I am going to walk him down to the path because we're involve in a pretty intense conversation about football. So you like the Dallas Cowboys?"
Charlie shakes his head, "No I like England."
Juliet looks confused as Charlie and Danny leave but she lingers. "Ben, are you alright, you look kind of pale, are you feeling sick?"
Sick is an understatement. I walk over to her and kiss her lightly on the cheek. I could have lost you, forever. Ethan's evil went undetected for so long, festering. He could have struck at any time. I don't know what I would do without you. I don't know how Danny does it. Or Charlie for that matter. Those are the words I want to say to Juliet. Instead I walk out the door and say, "I feel fine, thanks for asking."
I never expect to see Charlie again. After all, now he knows what happened to Claire, why should he come back? He has nothing to gain. I've spent a lot of time at "the office", tending to the orders and supplies, doing things to make sure everything runs smoothly. I mill around, sneer when I see Carl and continue on with my day. I head home earlier, sort of depressed when I hear music. The piano. I find myself walking faster and when I finally get to Dan's house, I'm running.
Juliet, Tom and Dan are stilling around the coffee table talking to Charlie as he plays, "All You Need is Love." Charlie is laughing, "See, it's impossible to stay mad at a man with a puppy. He could tell you anything, but if he hands you a puppy you completely forget everything you were upset about, because you know you've got a puppy. I think world peace could be achieved if everyone had a puppy."
Juliet laughs, "I think you are over simplifying everything."
"Sometimes the simplest solution is the best." I chime in. "Charlie what are you doing here?"
He shrugs, "You've got a piano." The simplest answer. "Hey I hope you don't mind but I told Sayid about your crash cart. He said he would be willing to fix it for you guys. You know a gesture of good will. You could pick the location and bring the tools and the cart. He'll show up and take a look at it." All eyes look at me for an answer.
"Thanks Charlie, I'll look into how difficult it would be to do all that." I nod to him; grateful he's still hanging around.
A few weeks later there is a dizzy frenzy when Charlie shows up. Tom is nearly gitty and Alex begged me to let her be there when Charlie finds out. Danny normally leaves as soon as Charlie shows up and comes back home about an hour after Charlie's gets settled, but today he hangs around the house. Charlie walks in to the grinning room of men. I'm about to leave to get Alex when Tom burst out. "WE HAVE GOOD NEWS!"
Crap. "Tom wait, I need to get my daughter!"
"We'll do a reenactment for her later." Dan waves off.
Charlie is taken back and smirks, "what's going on?"
I've been suppressing my smile long enough. "Claire changed her name."
Charlie's forehead creases, "oh to what?"
"Well she had to go through some pretty shady means, because we forgot she didn't have any ID when she started her life over in LA. So it took us a while to figure it all out." Danny adds.
Tom is shaking with excitement. "STOP STALLING AND TELL HIM!"
"Damn, Tom, calm down." I place my hand on his shoulder. Then I turn my head to Charlie, "She's no longer Claire Maria Littleton, but Claire Maria Pace."
Charlie starts to glow, his smile is so wide, and it might fall off of his face. He slowly sits down, "Wow. This is huge."
Dan and Tom exchange glances and smiles.
Charlie seems overcome with emotions, "I mean she could have chosen any name and she picked mine." He clears his throat and laughs, "She could have been Tits McGee."
"Chesty Larue." Dan adds.
"Pussy Galore" Tom laughs,
"Betsy Big Boob." I add. They all stare at me and start to laugh. Our shared moment of bliss causes Alex and Juliet to come running in.
"YOU TOLD HIM!" Alex hits my arm.
Charlie comes to my aid, "It was Tom's fault. Dan's is going to do a one man reenactment for you."
Later on the day Doris comes over with cookies, Charlie says he is going to eat them later. Just before he leaves Charlie lingers for a moment, "Ben, thank you for tell me. I was getting worried she might be starting to forget. I am, sort of. Not the way she looks or how the light catches in her hair, but I've stopped checking for her in the tent and thinking its about time for Aaron's nap. You've given me hope." He runs his hand through his hair, "I stayed behind because I was scared. I have a lovely way of messing everything good in my life up. What if we left and she discovered I'm really not as great as she thinks I am on this island. What if we only work here, not in the real world? What if we start to fight, what if she stops loving me? What if I fell back into drugs? What if she hated me? I was scared and the idea of her hating me was too much for me to deal with. So I let her go and I stayed behind. We loved each so much I stayed behind to keep it that way." He turns away and heads down the path.
Juliet leans on the doorway, proud and smiling. God its good to see her smile. "Pay up bitch." She laughs at me.
Charlie comes by at least three times a week; I give him any information I can about Claire. This relationship stopped being about what the one can get from the other. No, now I tell him about Claire because I know it makes him happy. When he's happy, so is everyone else. Juliet and Alex have been pleased with me. Charlie's been a great help with Danny, and with Hurley and Sayid, they've been helping each other deal with the grief of loss.
It comes to that time of the month. Time for me to trek over to Danielle's side of the island and see if she's been taking her meds. I know she's not, but this is something I need to do, for me, Danielle and mostly for Alex. This time its different. This time I bring Charlie, so I have someone to talk to. And since Danielle seems to interact well with Sayid and Hurley, they come along too. We walk along the jungle. Its strange walking side by side with Sayid, but as Charlie points out, we all have something in common. All of us have beaten up Sawyer. Sadly we've all found it not nearly as rewarding as we thought it would be.
"Ben, why are we walking through the wood to see the Crazy French lady?" Charlie asks.
"Because she's Alex's mother. Because I need to check up on her. Because I need to get some exercise." I say.
"Um, dude, are you Alex's father?"
"No." We walk for a little while in silence.
Finally Charlie slaps his forehead, "Mate, we're looking for the follow-up here."
"Oh ok. First off Charlie why did you call Danielle the crazy French lady?'
"Um because she is." Hurley added.
"No, she's not French, she's from Ohio. Oh crap she's really regressing." I rub my temples, "she's schizophrenic. She was in the second wave of recruits, and three months pregnant when she came here. After Alex's birth, Danielle started to delusional. She killed three of our people and ran off into the jungle. We begged her to get help. When she refused, we had to take Alex away from her." I smile thinking about how tiny she was in my arms. "I had no interest in Alex when she was first born, I avoided her like the plague. But Danny and Tom had gone off to find Danielle for like the sixth time, they left me alone with Alex. I was terrified, what if she fell and I broke her, or what is she started to and I couldn't stop her? I tried passing her off on other people but no one would take her. Then the strangest thing happened, she yawn and fell asleep in my arms. In that moment, she was mine and I lost all control of my life."
Charlie grins at me, "I know exactly what you mean."
It takes another hour to find Danielle, she attempted to shoot us with an arrow and trap us in nets. She fails. Mostly because once she tricks you once, it's easy to learn from and you tend not to make the same mistakes twice. I attempt to reason with her, it never works. Finally Hurley is able to get her to take one pill because he takes one with her. Afterwards he tells me the meds we've been using isn't as effective as other meds. The problem is her pills already put a huge dent into our budget as it is. I really don't know what to do about it. I've spent years trying to get her to join back with the community, hell a part of me was hoping she would mingle back into Charlie's group, but she doesn't. She just mills around the outskirts and scares the hell out of everyone. Just before we leave she asks, "How's Alex? Is she walking and talking yet?" See that's the biggest problem… Danielle forgets how old Alex is; she has brief moments off clarity but its gone just as fast.
I nod, "Alex is doing great, she knows all her letters too."
Danielle smiles, "You're a good dad." Sure she says that now, next time she sees me, she very well might try to kill me with her bear hands. It's always a gamble with her.
We walk back to Charlie's camp, Hurley's telling Sayid about all the movies he just HAS to see. Poor Sayid just nods and agrees, occasional looking back for sympathy. When get back to the tents and fire pits of the beach, I cringe unable to fully understand how people live like this. Charlie explains there was a storm a few nights ago and most of the tents were destroyed, so he halted building the church to help rebuild the village.
Jin is cooking his catch on the fire. That Nikki girl is making some fruit salad. Rose is mixing some rice from the "kitchen" which was mostly the food for the Swan. Honestly it's looking sort of empty.
Sayid asks me to stay for dinner. They're offering ME their food. Me. I eat the fish feeling guiltier with every bite. Charlie and Locke offer to walk me back to the other island or I could even stay in one of the tents for the night.
More guilt.
I swallow, "Um, there's going to be another food drop in a few days, see we have the drops scattered on different schedules, it seemed to make more sense like that. I can take you there. It's going to one of the hatches we don't use as often as we used to."
Locke makes quick eye contact with Charlie, "But you have more people then we do, don't you guys need the food."
"We're doing alright. We have enough to last us a few more months and there will be at least two more drops before we run out." I shift from side to side.
Charlie rubs his neck, "Will there be sugar in the drop?"
"Um most likely."
Charlie grins, "Well then you need to bring some home of Deloris don't you?"
I laugh, "I guess I need to think about the mental and physical wellbeing of my people."
Charlie comes by at least three to four times a week. Its odd how things changed. He stopped being an outsider and turned into an ally, then a friend and now a part of the family. His trimuph are ours. His failures are ours. Slowly his music is changing, not as sad and gut wrenching but softer and sweeter.
It is a normal day, nothing out of the ordinary. Charlie comes by to play the piano and to prep us on Sayid's arrival. He's supposed to fix the COM links for us.
He plays around the keys for a few moments and asks, "Hey Ben, can you check on Claire for me?" He normally doesn't ask, I'm the one who gives him the information but I've been slacking off lately. It's been nearly two weeks since I gave him a credit card statement.
Once I get down to the "office" and pull up the information from the Internet. I print out the statement and head back. When I get the half waypoint I read what she bought. Hmm, train tickets to New York, a week's stay at the Plaza, room service. Claire what are you doing? Oh my God!
I take the third page out of pile of papers and stuff it into my back pocket. My knowledge weighs me down and I walk slower to Danny's house. I stand at the door with my hand on the handle for a few seconds before entering. I'm good at lying to people who don't know me, but have no idea how it will go with Charlie. Crap, Juliet's sitting in the living room, listening to Charlie play.
Charlie hits the last note on the keys and looks up at me. "So, did she buy anymore towels?"
I smile (fake) and hand him the papers. "Yeah, you would think there is a towel shortage somewhere, the way she buys them." Charlie laughs and takes the papers. Suddenly I feel the need to stare at the floor as I take the seat next to Juliet. I start twisting my fingers up around each other, a nervous habit I devolved as a child. Apparently it caught Juliet's attention because she places her hand over mine. Her eyes ask me if everything is ok. But I say nothing.
"Hey Ben, where's page three?" Charlie asks from the piano bench.
"Um, it must not have printed out." I say, twisting my fingers together tighter.
"Really? It printed out pages one, two, and four, but skipped page three? Whatever she bought was expensive because there is nearly five thousand dollars unaccounted for on the final page." Charlie cocks his head to the side.
"Maybe I dropped it." God I feel sick.
"Or maybe you're stalling." Charlie eyes me up.
I swallow my fears, "Charlie, this might not be what it looks like. Please keep that in mind." I hand him the folded piece of paper.
His face falls, his eyes widen, the paper rattles in his hand. His voice is like razors on ice, "Ben what else could the possible mean besides what I think it might?"
"I don't know."
"A white bustier from Victoria's Secret! A light blue dress! Room Service at the Plaza? She's bloody cheating on me Ben!"
Juliet speaks up, "maybe she just wanted to feel like a woman, you know, feel pretty and sexual. Lots of women need to do that after they have babies."
"Really Juliet, do you dress up in saucy knickers just to feel pretty?" Charlie snaps at her. Hmmm it is an interesting question maybe some other time I'll get an answer. Charlie stands up and starts pacing back and forth mulling over the implications of this paper. "She took my name so she wouldn't feel bloody guilty as she starts shagging some other guy." He pushes his hair out of his face, "What the hell was I expecting? Her to wait for me? I'm stuck on this horrible little island, no chance of ever leaving."
"Charlie," Juliet tries to soothe him but it isn't working.
"Three months, she was with me for three months, its only fitting she waited three months before she starting screwing around." He screams unintelligently for a moment, "I gave her everything, and all she gave me was three months." He punches the air, he flails around but nothing seems to help.
I stand up; he eyes me over but remains where he is. I sigh, "Come on Charlie, I'll walk you home."
We walk in silence, after all the man has lost everything; there are no words of peace I can give him. He walks a few steps ahead of me, his shoulders shaking every so often. He's crying. Hell, at least he has a reason to cry, Jack cries every ten-minutes because he has a paper cut.
We arrive at his camp and he heads right to his tent and into bed. I catch Sayid's eye and quickly inform him of the situation. He looks just as devastated as Charlie does. He nod and thanks me for walking Charlie back and for keeping him informed. I tell him not to brother coming by tomorrow to fix the communicators, and I ask him to watch over Charlie.
I walk back alone. Once again the gnawing feeling of guilt is tearing me apart. I blame myself for this situation. After all it was my idea for Claire to leave. By default it is my fault.
When I get come, Alex is sobbing on the couch and Juliet is doing her best to calm my daughter.
"Honey, sometimes love just isn't enough. Sometimes people just change." Juliet rubs Alex's back while a very old guilt start to twist inside of me.
Alex sniffles and coughs, "But I don't understand, its love supposed to be the strongest force on the planet? Its it what people live and die for?"
Juliet looks up at me for help. My daughter's romantic views of the world seem to be shattering all around her. When Juliet and I broke up, she turned to Charlie and Claire to be her role models for a relationship, for maturity, for love. The idea that Claire would cheat on Charlie is cracking the foundation of her belief system.
Alex looks up at me with teary eyes, "Daddy isn't there anything you can do?"
See now I'm in trouble, she called me 'Daddy' something she hasn't called me in years. And she's crying which naturally makes me weak. Add to that, the way Juliet's looking at me, sad, hurt and clinging on to the last shred of hope. The words fly out of my mouth before I can think, "maybe I can get Charlie a boat out of here."
Alex's eyes grow wide, she smiles through her tears as she leaps off the couch and into my arms, "Oh really Daddy you would do that?"
"It's going to take a few weeks, but maybe I can pull a few strings." A few budget cuts too, I guess I won't be updating the Pearl hatch any time soon. But seeing Alex and Juliet smile at me is worth it. "We'll let Charlie lick his wounds for a day or two. We're not going to say anything thing until I know for sure we can get him off the island."
"Do you think Charlie and Claire will get back together?" She asks with her arms around me, her eyelash catching the last of her tears.
I nod down to her, "you know, sometimes love is enough."
Once Alex calms down of moves on to her chores of feeding Infinity. Juliet approaches me in the kitchen. She stands before me, calculating her next action. Then she leans in and kisses me on the cheek. "I'm very proud of you, Benny. Very Proud of you."
Tonight is the first time in nearly a year she's called me 'Benny' and it's the first time I really believe love can really fix everything.