It was 4am and Ryan was awake. He had been awake for the past hour. Looking over at Summer he got out of bed. For the past hour it had been taunting him. Her room was just through the wall. He crept down the hallway. He paused with his hand on the handle. Did he really want to do this? Stir up all those demons? He had to. Ryan pushed down the handle and entered. He leant against the door and willed himself to turn the light on. He had come this far so he may as well. He flicked on the switch. The room was exactly as she had left it. He recognised the photos on her pinboard, the CDs next to the stereo, the jewellery scattered on the dresser and the smell in the air. It was as though she had gone to the party and not come home yet. Ryan picked up her robe. He tried to smell her. Not the perfume or the body lotion or her shampoo but her, the essence of her. Walking to the closet he flipped it open. All he smelt was detergent. The pile of clothes on the armchair smelt of stale smoke and alcohol. He caught sight of things he'd missed the first time his eyes roamed the room. The cigarettes, the ash tray, a dog tag which wasn't his. On her pinboard next to pictures of Summer and Julie, him and Marissa there were ones of Harper and worst of all her and Volchok at the prom. Damn you Marissa. So perfect yet so flawed. Was it wrong he missed the good bits but was glad the bad bits were gone. The drinking and partying and drugs and depression. Unknown to him a single tear made its way down his cheek.
"Hey what you thinking?" a soft voice murmured.
It was Summer, she stood shoulder to shoulder with him looking at the photos.
Ryan replied, "It was such a waste, look at her she was so happy. When did it all get so fucking wrong?"
Before Summer could answer Ryan continued, "When I came that's when. I broke up her and Luke. If it wasn't for me they'd be prom king and prom queen riding off into the sunset as the perfect couple."
Summer moved to stand in front of him, "Don't give yourself credit for breaking up her and Luke. She picked you."
Ryan spat back, "And now she's dead, some choice that was."
Summer looked disappointed, "You loved her. More than anyone. You would have walked over hot coals for her. It was real. Do you know how lucky she was to experience that so young. Some people never get that."
There was a silence. "What about towards the end?" said Ryan.
"Towards the end…" Summer trailed off, "Was hard. I lost my friend for a while, you lost your girlfriend."
Ryan said in a monotone, "I should have been able to save her."
"You can only save someone who wants to be saved," said Summer softly. With that she took his hand and walked him back to her room.
Summer watched him until he fell asleep. He had been through more than most people experience in a life time. She hoped it wouldn't take him a lifetime to get over Marissa Cooper.
Summer's room morning.
"Summer!" shouted Seth in a sing song voice
Summer opened her eyes, "Shit!" was all she could utter before Seth bounded in