Part Three
Given the reaction at the Burrow to Harry's letter about his arrival, the to-do that commenced when Harry actually turned up was no surprise. Remus hung back from the crowd of Weasleys in the yard -- Charlie had arrived from Romania via Portkey, and the twins had closed shop early. Molly made a fuss over Harry, scrutinising the young man as though she expected to find some vital bit splinched off, or some sign of a mid-Apparition battle with Death Eaters. Harry's cheeks flushed as Molly hugged him and bemoaned his thinness.
Remus, knowing exactly how that felt, was tempted to rescue Harry. He refrained, however, knowing that, even though he had been so low and put off by attention, coddling concern had also been vital in keeping him going last year. At least Harry could be sure he was loved -- and Remus thought Molly deserved not to feel as though she must forsake maternal instinct for the greater good.
It was Harry's sad, strained hello to Ginny that was most difficult to watch. Harry looked so like James: utterly smitten; but James' long-time unrequited love of Lily could not compare to this. Part of Remus wanted to go to Harry at once, as Tonks had jokingly suggested, and discuss it man-to-man. But no, it would be too invasive -- and Molly was sweeping Harry inside for birthday tea.
After the meal, Molly banished everyone to the sitting room whilst she did the washing up. The sofa filled with Weasleys before Remus and Tonks could sit down together. When he offered her the remaining armchair by the fireplace, volunteering to sit on the floor, Tonks playfully shoved him down onto the chair and then flopped onto his lap. Remus chuckled as she wriggled about to get comfortable, swinging her legs over the arm of the chair.
Just as she'd got settled with one arm around Remus' neck to balance herself, Harry approached with a tentative smile. Remus hoped it wasn't because Harry found them as embarrassingly demonstrative as Bill and Fleur -- who he realised, upon casting a glance around the lounge, were actually not attached at the mouth, or the hip, or the hand, or -- miraculously -- anywhere. Bill leant on the arm of the sofa, trading adventure tales with Charlie, and Fleur had cornered Ginny, talking too rapidly to be understood, though Remus was sure from the way Ginny was rolling her eyes and muttering, Merlin's bald head, not again that it pertained to wedding fashions.
"Happy birthday, Harry," said Remus, and Tonks wobbled a bit as he moved an arm from around her to shake Harry's hand.
"Thanks for being here." Harry's grin widened, his face losing all traces of shyness.
Tonks asked, "So have you been up since twelve this morning, doing all the magic you like now you're legal?"
Harry's eyes glinted cheekily. "After the Examiner left, I Disapparated in front of Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon."
Tonks laughed loudly. "Wish I could've seen their faces. Your aunt makes funnier ones than I can morph."
"She'd have been more offended by your hair than seeing me vanish into thin air," Harry said as he lowered his long, thin frame onto the hearthrug, propping his elbows on his knees. His smirk faded, and he glanced away, running a hand through his perpetually dishevelled hair. "I'm…It's good to see you back to…erm…" He half-choked, "...normal…"
"Everyone keeps saying that," Tonks said cheerfully. "Me, normal. Who'd have thought, Remus? Mum'd have Kneazles."
She swung her legs, and for a moment Remus lost himself in her dancing eyes. It was so good to hear everybody saying that, but he was sure no one was happier than he to have Tonks back to normal.
In his periphery, he saw Harry shifting awkwardly, and quickly Remus looked at the young man. "This will be your first Wizarding wedding, won't it, Harry?"
Before Harry could answer, Tonks sat up, kicking Remus as she moved her legs and turned in his lap; she would have fallen off if he hadn't held tightly to her waist -- which was difficult due to the instinct to grab his aching shin.
"Have you been to a Muggle wedding?" she asked Harry. "What are they like?"
Harry shrugged. "I went to one once. It was boring."
"I imagine it depends on the Muggles," Remus told Tonks, then noticed Harry staring across the room, where Fleur was -- not terribly gently -- arranging Ginny's hair and going on about curling charms, ignoring Ginny's baleful expression.
"I assure you, Harry…" said Remus, and at his name, Harry quickly averted his gaze from Ginny.
Remus went on, "…this wedding won't be the least bit boring. Though not nearly as exciting as your parents'."
Harry gestured toward the twins, who stood hunched together near the front broom cupboard, clearly plotting something. "I reckon Fred and George will give Sirius a run for his money."
"No one could ever do that," said Remus.
He felt his smile falter, though not fall completely, and he guessed his matched Harry's, tinged with sadness at the corners, and in his eyes, as they shared a silent moment; Tonks leant her head in the crook of Remus' neck, and his arms tightened around her.
"So, you two," Harry blurted. "How long…?" His eyes, blinking behind his round glasses, darted away as he tugged nervously at his hair.
Tonks raised her head and regarded Remus with a small smile. He recalled his own words from the night before, about Harry being comfortable asking him questions. He must have taken the right approach, then, if Harry -- albeit shyly -- would take an interest in a former professor's love life.
"Most of your fifth year."
Harry's mouth fell open, then he clomped it shut and picked at a frayed edge of the rug. "That's cool. It's just, I never saw…I mean, you didn't let on."
"Oh, but we did," said Tonks with a laugh. "We couldn't believe you lot never cottoned on."
Grinning, Remus added, "Sirius had quite a betting pool regarding when one of you would figure--"
"Whoa! Sorry, mate!"
The room fell silent as everyone stopped to see a startled Bill and Charlie standing back from the open broom cupboard -- where Ron and Hermione once again had been caught in the throes of passion.
"Fancy Quidditch, Ron?" Charlie asked as Hermione blundered out -- bumping into Fred and George, who were laughing themselves to the point of tears -- once again looking as though she had only just become aware of her activities within.
"Actually, Harry," said Tonks, "that was what Sirius' pool was for. When one of you'd catch us snogging in a broom cupboard."
"Now, Nymphadora," Remus admonished softly, as Harry turned bright red.
Tonks tweaked Remus' nose, and her arched brow recalled her previous afternoon's threat. "Don't call me Nymphadora, Remus."
"Quidditch, Harry?" called Bill.
"Not tonight," Harry replied. Neck still streaked with a flush, he glanced up through his untidy hair at Remus. "Erm…Can I talk to you?" His green eyes flicked toward Tonks, then back to Remus. "In private?"
Tonks slipped off Remus' lap. "I'd better do my Aurorly duty and save Ginny from the clutches of psychotic brides."
But Ginny was darting away from Fleur, toward her brothers who were exiting the front door. "I'll be your sixth!"
"Or maybe I'll try and convince Fleur to charm her hair pink," Tonks said, "since it looks nice with the tiara."
Remus and Harry slipped through the lounge to the kitchen to have their talk out back. Molly, separating egg whites from yolks with her wand, caught Remus' gaze with a look that clearly thanked him for agreeing to set Harry straight on the business of returning to school. To Remus' relief, she gave no indication of having read in his eyes his intention to advise Harry according to his apparent need, regardless of what that meant about school; he would not bring it up unless Harry did. Dread settled like a weight in his stomach at the prospect of returning to the house to Molly's displeasure.
When the Burrow door shut behind them, however, the nauseating feeling was banished and replaced by a surge of usefulness and responsibility when Harry, glancing back at the house, asked bluntly, "Am I doing the right thing?"
Remus did not answer immediately, as the tension of Harry's jaw and the furrowed lines of his brow indicated he would elaborate; it was the same look he'd seen James wear so many times, whilst pondering how to voice an elusive thought. But Harry was older than James…
"I…" Harry's voice cracked, and he coloured; then he forged ahead. "I broke up with Ginny because I'm the only one who can kill Voldemort, and I don't want…He could use her to get to me. He could hurt her…" He stopped walking, and his hair fell messily into his face as he ducked his head. "He could hurt all of them…I remember Mrs. Weasley's Boggart. If that came true because of me…"
In the lengthening shadows of the late summer sunlight, Remus thought the laughter of the Weasleys playing Quidditch in the front had an eerie quality; apparently thinking the same, Harry winced. Instinctively, Remus laid a hand on Harry's hunched shoulder. The muscles beneath the jumper were so tense.
"Molly thinks of you as one of her own children," Remus said, because something inside told him it was the right thing, though once he heard it, he wasn't sure it didn't compound Harry's guilt. "Did Ginny understand your reasons for ending your relationship?"
Harry straightened up and, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his baggy jeans, resumed his brisk walk in the direction of the shed. "She took it…great. But it's just…It's hard."
He drew a deep breath, pulled one hand from his pocket, and exhaled as he ran a hand through his hair. "I miss her."
Remus admired his bravery; he'd said no such thing last year on the occasions when Dumbledore had ventured to inquire how he was holding up personally during his mission.
"I know she misses me," Harry went on. "And you and Tonks…You don't think it's too dangerous…"
"She's going for the Snitch! Stop her!"
"I can't send a Bludger at her!"
"She's not a girl! She's our sister!"
"And a bridesmaid! Fleur'll kill me!"
"And she scores because her big brother's a slave to marriage--Oy!"
Remus chuckled, but became serious when he noted the sadness lacing Harry's amusement.
"There are some things," Remus said as they turned to walk further from the house and the rowdy game, "that are not within our rights to protect the people we love from."
Harry looked up at him with a brow arched above the rim of his glasses.
"Well…" Remus cast about for an explanation, unsure how much to reveal, or of how to put in words what he and Tonks had been through and decided to do. It wasn't about being out of danger; it was taking a leap of faith.
And as Tonks had told Ginny, it wasn't quite the same.
"Neither Tonks nor I face your adversary," Remus said.
He had meant to reassure Harry of his decision about Ginny, but instead Harry looked more deeply troubled.
"I shouldn't drag Ron and Hermione into it, should I?" he asked. "I told them they can't come with me, where I've got to go, but they won't listen."
Oddly, Harry's last words had such a familiar ring that Remus had to smile. "Your father and Sirius were exactly those sorts of friends. When they began learning Animagery in order to help me through my transformations, I struggled with whether it was right to allow them. But in the end I realised it was not my decision to make."
Remus stopped in his tracks. In the weeks since battle at Hogwarts, he and Tonks had taken great strides beyond mere reconciliation, yet he'd been unable to put into words just what had changed inside of him that allowed him to be with her. Now, in light of his past, his jumbled present course with Tonks -- and their future one -- sorted itself.
"If we are to respect those we love, as equals," he said slowly, "then we sometimes must seek their partnership even in matters we would prefer to protect them from. It is a matter of trust. In the end," Remus added, "helping me helped them."
He'd hoped he was helping Tonks, and not just undoing hurt. She seemed to be coping better with the increasing horrors of war than she had this time last year. But her words from last night haunted him: Sometimes I'm not sure I'm able to give you as much as you need.
Apparently he had not helped her overcome those feelings of inadequacy he had instilled by separating from her.
"What about school?" Harry's voice brought Remus back to the present.
To the subject Molly wanted them to discuss.
To the answer he'd dreaded giving.
Quietly, Remus said, "No NEWT level classes will prepare you for what lies ahead."
Harry's lips pressed together in a colourless line, then he said, dryly, "Not what a professor's supposed to say."
Molly, in all seriousness, would heartily agree.
Would Lily?
Don't second-guess, don't look back, Remus heard Tonks say.
Shoving away the doubt, he asked hoarsely, "Is there anything I -- the Order -- can do, Harry? I understand if you cannot tell us everything, or anything at all -- but if it is our safety that gives you pause, please do not allow it. We've got the whole Wizarding world to think of."
"Actually…" Harry faced Remus and met his eyes. "There is one thing." Seeming every bit a man, he said steadily, "I want to go to Godric's Hollow. See where Voldemort killed my parents. Visit the graves. I need to do it alone."
Remus nodded. There was nothing to say.
"Could you tell me how to get there?"
"Of course."
"Thank you."
Wordlessly, they started back toward the house, Harry veering to go around the front, to watch the Quidditch. Fleur and Tonks sat in a pair of lawn chairs, the former chattering animatedly, the latter with a look of elfin glee that said she was winding the bride up.
"You won't leave till after the wedding?" Remus asked Harry.
"I want to see one," said Harry, shaking his head. Then, green eyes cutting over in the sly way his mother's always had, he said, "Sure you and Tonks…?"
The engagement ring in Remus' trouser pocket felt as though it had been transfigured into lead. Why was he still carrying it? He was not going to propose today, or even at the wedding as he had planned…He was going to have to wait, and be patient. He could do that. Tonks certainly had waited long enough and been patient enough for him. It was his fault she needed time.
"Not just yet." Though he didn't feel it, Remus gave a small smile, because he should have been amused and happy that his mate's son, his former student, felt comfortable enough to rib him about girls. "Do you think Fleur would stand for another bride?"
"Not when pink hair would take all the attention off her." Harry's grin softened, and he glanced down at the clump of grass he was digging at with the toe of his trainer. "I'm, erm, glad for you. I know Dad would be, too. And Sirius."
Remus' chest tightened as the words touched more deeply than any he'd heard in a while, save from Tonks. "Thank you, Harry."
"But don't wait too long."
A/N: As always, many thanks to my readers and reviewers. It's always lovely to know you're enjoying my work. This time, reviewers get to take a walk with Remus. Whether it's for advice, or just banter is, of course, up to you... ;)