Not many people liked the first part. But I will remind you, this was just some stupid joke I had with my friends. I read a lot of stories where Legolas was such a total pansy, I wanted to make someone else the pansy, so I chose Aragorn. And for this part, well, I'm a sick person with a sick mind. 'Nuff said.
Part Two: Éowyn.
(After the break there are three new bachelors sweating near the right wall. The wall separating then is back and of course the empty bachelorette chair. And the host is out of drag.)
Host: Welcome back to the Dating Game! Let's meet our new bachelors. Bachelor 1, please state your name, occupation, and what you had to do with The Lord of the Rings.
Bachelor 1: (Stands up and looks tall and old.) I am Gandalf the White, the White Wizard. I am apart of the Fellowship.
Host: Nice specifics. Bachelor 2.
Bachelor 2: I am Frodo Baggins, I am unemployed, but I'm the Ring-bearer, so I'm special!
Host: Good for you, Bachelor 3?
Bachelor 3: I am Galadriel, I am the Lady of Lorien, I help Frodo face many treacheries, including myself.
Host: ok, if you're a girl, why are you one of our bachelors?
Galadriel: Me and my husband got a divorce, and since I'm unlucky with men I thought I'd try women.
Host: I like that idea! Why couldn't all women be like you?
Galadriel: Because all women would give up on men, then all men would have to be gay. Like prisons.
Host: Good point. But why aren't you just attracted to Legolas?
Galadriel: Because he's in love with my granddaughter!
Host: She's got good taste.
Galadriel: He.
Host: I said what I said. ANYWAY, let's meet our, hopefully bi bachelorette, Éowyn!
(Éowyn walks out smiling. She sat down and turned to the former drag queen host.)
Host: Éowyn, please tell us about yourself.
Éowyn: Well, I'm a shield maiden, my husband left me for an Entwife and I like to sword fight.
Host: Pleasant, ok, um one of our bachelors is a woman, do you mind?
Éowyn: (Perks up.) Not at all.
Host: Ok, well you can ask a series of questions and then pick one. Ready?
Éowyn: Of course, bachelor 1, how would you propose to a girl?
Gandalf: I'd point my staff at her, pull out the ring and say "Marry me."
Éowyn: Aren't you a romantic? Bachelor 2, same question.
Frodo: I would say, "You're lucky, you have me, now have me permanently."
Éowyn: Honestly, I'm in a room full of romantics. Bachelor…ette 3, you?
Galadriel: Well, I had a bad proposal, he just said "Rule with me," and now I finally realize how pathetic it was. Well, I would say, "You are the love of my like, the woman for me, and I want to spend all days I am alive with just you. Be my bride.
Éowyn: That's perfect, positively wonderful. (She smiles.) Oh, uh, yeah, bachelor 1, have you ever had a one night stand?
Gandalf: I've had a few with Balrog, once with Saruman, twice with Elrond, once with Celeborn.
Galadriel: I KNEW IT!!!
Gandalf: And a one night orgy with Gimli, Boromir, Balrog, Sauron, and – (Gandalf notices Balrog in the audience.) Shadowfax. BALROG! BALROG I LOVE YOU!
Balrog: Then why did you have oral sex with Radagast?!
Gandalf: Radagast thought he was straight; I was helping him be gay!
Balrog: Oh you're such a good friend Dalfy!
Galadriel, Frodo, Éowyn: Dalfy?
Balrog: You are my love! Marry me Dalfy!
Gandalf: Of course Balrog! (And with that Gandalf and Balrog ran off to get married.)
Éowyn: That was fast, anyway, bachelor 2, same question.
Frodo: Once with Sam, and once with Galadriel.
Éowyn: When did you have a one night stand?
(Galadriel sits frowning at Frodo for sharing their secret.)
Frodo: With Sam in Minas Tirith with Galadriel in Lorien. They were great. Almost as good as me. (He smiles.)
Éowyn: Cool, bachelor 3, you? Please state with who and where, and how good.
Galadriel: Once with Frodo Baggins in Lorien. It was absolutely horrible as he didn't have much down south.
Éowyn: Isn't he a hobbit?
Galadriel: Some hobbits are relatively large. It must be a Baggins thing.
(Frodo decides to put on the Ring and go "under" Galadriel. Galadriel sits unmoved.)
Galadriel: I'm sure Éowyn could do better.
Éowyn: I don't wanna know. Bachelor 1…2, describe the perfect girl.
Frodo: (gets up and takes off the Ring.) Her name won't be Galadriel, and she'll enjoy me!
Éowyn: Disturbing, very disturbing. Bachelor 3, same question.
Galadriel: She would be the most beautiful woman in the world, at least to me. Her heart would be made of gold. And my love for her would grow each day.
Éowyn: (mumbles.) I'm in love with a woman.
Host: Just move on!
Éowyn: Can I pick now?
Host: No! You've asked like three questions!
Éowyn: (Sighs,) Fine. Bachelor 2, if I were to pick you, where would you take me?
Frodo: Mordor so I can take over with my precious…I mean destroy the precious…RING! It could kill us.
Éowyn: (sarcastically.) Wonderful, I've always wanted to go there. Bachelor 3, same question.
Galadriel: Rivendell, under the stairs, where its just us surrounded by flowers to emphasize on your beauty.
Éowyn: Ok, I'm choosing! I pick the girl, bachelor 3.
Frodo: Hey, why not me?
Éowyn: You're disturbing!
Host: Ok, let's have these two beautiful ladies meet each other!
(Éowyn closed her eyes. The wall lifted and Galadriel walked over. Éowyn opened her eyes and stood up.)
Éowyn: You are the one!
Galadriel: I feel the same way!
(And with that they kissed or attempted to kiss. Celeborn walked out.)
Galadriel: Celeborn!
Celeborn: I'm sorry baby, you were right, your hair is prettier!
Galadriel: No, you were right, yours is.
Host: Your argument that caused you to get a divorce, was about HAIR?!!
Galadriel: Let's get remarried!
Celeborn: Of course! That's why I came here! (They leave to get remarried.)
Éowyn: Wait! No! What about me?
(Just then, Aragorn walks out.)
Éowyn: Aragorn?
Aragorn: Éowyn?
Host: Shouldn't you be in Minas Tirith with Arwen?
Aragorn: She went to Rohan to rescue Legolas. So I came back. Éowyn, wanna come with me to sit in my hall and polish my staff?
Éowyn: Which one?
Aragorn: (Shrugs.) Either.
Éowyn: Sure.
Frodo: Wait, by default won't I get her:
Host: No, you get Bill.
Frodo: Bill? BILL THE PONLY?? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! (He runs off stage closely followed by Bill holding a Trojan.)
Éowyn and Aragorn: Disturbing, very disturbing. (They look at each other and start giggling.)
Aragorn: Éowyn, will you be my king….QUEEN!
Éowyn: (smiles.) Yes, I would love to be your king…QUEEN!
Aragorn: I can wear pink King robes!
Éowyn: We'll be the hottest royal family ever!
Aragorn and Éowyn: Yey!
Host: Just LEAVE!
(They walk off set to go to Gondor. Éowyn lifts Aragorn onto Brego, who continues to ride side saddled.)
Host: What a gay…I mean HAPPY couple. Well that's our show! I'm off to Edoras!
(He ran off to find a certain elf to rape.)