A/N: I hadn't really planned to add to the initial chapter, but here's a little more of Jacob's thoughts that night. Thank you to all who have reviewed. I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon.

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I ran hard and I ran fast. It only took a short while, though, for me to realize what I running from: myself.

I didn't want Bella to hate me, or be afraid of me. She couldn't think of me as a monster. Was she truly scared of me? I thought back; I didn't think she had been. She had wanted to hug me that day…she had been willing to enter my embrace before that bloodsucker held her back. It was all his fault. If he didn't exist, there would be no one keeping me from Bella now. I wouldn't be some kind of creature, forced by instinct to hunt and destroy. The 'Cold Ones,' and a certain one in particular, made my blood run cold and my heart feel as if it'd never melt.

Instinct and love…there could never be two stronger forces at work, and they were both at work inside of me. Instinct told me to kill the bloodsucker, and my love for Bella screamed for his death. But that same love tried to tell me that his death would only ruin Bella, a thought that pained me but kept me from doing what would be the worst thing I could ever do.

Bella would hate me if I killed the bloodsucker, regardless if I did it for her. The treaty would be broken, thrusting my pack into an unnecessary war with the vampires. And I would have a…life… on my hands – an innocent life if what Bella said were true, if the Cullens really were good. These thoughts kept me rational, kept me sane. They kept me from transforming.

I realized I had stopped in a part of the woods far away from Bella, and from La Push. I decided to lie down on the mossy bed and look up at the stars. It was a cloudless night, a rarity in Forks. Tonight, it was an unwelcome rarity. Stars were what you wished on, and I knew no matter how hard I wished, my wish would never come true.

Think about him, Jacob, I heard a voice in my head say. One might assume it was my consciousness trying to tell myself something, but I recognized the deep and richer tone of Sam's voice. I wanted to scream back, How can I not? How can I not think about him and how much I hate his very being? But somehow, I knew that wasn't what Sam meant. How could Sam want me to put myself in his shoes?

I didn't understand. Sam took Bella and the bloodsucker's relationship in stride, as if it were normal for a Cold One to be with a human, and not just any human, but Bella – as if it were safe, as if nothing could happen. When I questioned him, he merely said that we would keep an eye out for her, that we would do anything we could to protect her, as long as it was within the treaty.

Fine, I snapped back in my head. If the bloodsucker could read my thoughts and know how I felt, it was only fair that I should be able to do the same. Yes, it would take a bit more imagination on my part, but, I would figure him out. I would figure him out and only learn to hate him more because his actions and thoughts would surely betray him to be the monster he was.

I had little to work on. Bella hadn't told me much about their separation and I could never have pushed her about it – it didn't take brilliance, or even any love for her, to realize how much pain the mere thought of him brought. Ok, so point number one, if I were…him, I knew Bella loved me. I wanted to stop my role playing game there, relishing in the idea that Bella loved me. I still harbored the hope that she did, that she loved me in at least one way. But I remembered our last meeting, how I had betrayed her. How could she love me? How could I have messed up so badly?

Suppressing the emotional wave that the thought of Bella's love had washed over me, I tried to bring my thoughts back to the bloodsucker. I considered for a moment what he might think of himself. As a werewolf, I was consciously aware that I was a monstrosity. And, as much as I refused to believe it, I posed a danger to those around me, even Bella. Perhaps it would be giving him too much credit, but I decided that he might think the same – he might think of himself as a monster and a threat to Bella's well-being. That's because he is! I screamed in my head. But I had to be fair. I thought about the pain that accompanied realizing I was a monster, and could do nothing about it. I also thought about the irresistible pull of transformation when Cold Ones were around…how all of my instincts shouted at me to destroy and kill. Was that how it was for them…but for human blood? I shuddered at the thought. No, it couldn't be. I thought how hard it was to resist transformation – the call for blood couldn't be that strong. It couldn't be. How could they resist if it were?

I quickly reran through my thoughts, putting myself in the bloodsucker's place. One, Bella loved me. Two, I was aware I was a monster. Three, blood was…tempting. I refused to think irresistible. It would be to give him too much credit, and if it were true, I couldn't handle the thought that he loved Bella enough to resist as I resisted transforming for her sake.

These points only brought about the worse one, though. The one that needed the most study, and, if were to do this right, the most objective study. He had left her. Why? Because he hadn't wanted her anymore? Yes, that's right. He hadn't wanted her anymore and she didn't deserve his forgiveness. He didn't deserve it. He deserved to be left in misery, the misery that I'm being forced to suffer. He deserves this pain, not you.

Struggling to put those feelings aside, I tried to think of any other reasons for him to have left. Because he realized he was dangerous and didn't want to hurt her? Maybe. It was possible, but if it were true, it were really, truly true, he wouldn't be back. If he loved her enough, he wouldn't be back. He would stay away, far away, where he could never hurt her again and she could have someone else by her side to comfort and protect her…and love her.

Silent tears were running down my cheeks before I realized it. Trying to understand the bloodsucker just made the realization that Bella wasn't mine, and never would be mine, all the more painful. So what if he was good? It didn't matter. She would still never be mine. If he were good, yes, I didn't have to be as afraid for her as I would have to be if he were bad. I could be happier for her. But I wasn't. How could I be happy that the person I loved was with someone else, completely regardless if he were my worst enemy or not?

I realized it didn't matter that he was a vampire. It didn't matter that he had left her and hurt her. The only thing that mattered was that he was with her now and because of it, any chance that I ever would be was gone.

You'll move on Jacob Black, I heard the voice in my head say. I didn't know if it were Sam's or mine; for all I knew, it could have been any one of the pack's. I just knew it was true, it had to be true. Otherwise, it wouldn't be the beast inside of me that was going to kill me but the heart ache.