A Nighttime Vigil Chapter 3, a twilight fanfic

A/N: A continuation of Jacob's thoughts because today has begun horribly and I need an outlet. Also, there seems to be a plot brewing. Perhaps this will move beyond a bit of angst. Enjoy!

The sad yet ever necessary disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon, or at least in the sense that counts.

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I opened my eyes to find the sun rising against the ever hazy sky of Forks. Dawn: the sign of a new day. However new it was, though, it didn't prevent the misery of the night before from filling me once more.

Bella wasn't mine. This dismal thought overshadowed any other I had. I felt weak for the pain it caused me. I knew that to seek love that would never be reciprocated was a useless venture. I knew it was true, but yet… knowing the truth and believing it were different. I still harbored a hope, a hope that someday things would be different. But someday wasn't today. There was more to Jacob Black than a love for Bella Swan. The beauty and the beast were never meant to be, for in this instance, there was no reversal for my fate, no way that love, even if it were there, could break the curse. I had a life that was entirely my own, with or without her. Being without her was painful, but not impossible. I felt my resolve strengthen…but with one thought, one imagining of her face, it was gone.

I dwelt on my memories with her, the defining moments of our friendship. Was there a moment that I would take back? A moment that, if it had happened differently, would have somehow thrust our relationship beyond the confines of mere friendship?

I reflected on our first meeting at La Push after she had moved to Forks. Did I regret telling her the legends that day? I knew that somehow I was responsible for her revelation on the truth of his nature… had I served to only provide her with what was to be an inevitable discovery, or had I served to help her realize something that she may have never stumbled upon herself? Would he have ever told her? Would he have been too afraid to tell her the truth and have ignored her instead of bringing his dark demons into her life? The thought that I had provided the key to an understanding between them pained me, but I couldn't regret informing her. If nothing else, I had warned her of a danger that existed. I shuddered at the thought that a relationship could have progressed between them without her being aware of the danger, even if I at the time had no idea of the truth.

Did I regret going to the dance and seeing her again, secretly harboring an infatuation that grew to be so much more? No. That night had been a building block to the foundation of our friendship. To regret that night would be to regret any further involvement with Bella. Further involvement… did I regret helping her when he had left? In a way, I did. It was just… if I hadn't helped, if she had wallowed in that misery, all broken, would her despair have eventually turned to anger and hatred? Would she have still taken him back? She would be safer if she hated him as she should, if she had turned away from him when he returned. Even if I couldn't have her, was it selfish to wish that he didn't either? Even if it were for her own well-being?

But he did! He did have her! I had to come to terms with it. No selfish, or unselfish, thoughts were going to change it. But somehow, even if he did have her and her love, I still felt she had a place for me. Somehow, I felt like a pivotal piece in Bella's life. My involvement somehow marked the steps of her involvement with the bloodsucker, as if I was meant to fill in the gaps. Could I be happy with that?

If I were to be deprived of her love, there existed no reason that I should also be deprived of her presence. Her friendship, even before my realization that I loved her, was what was important. She understood me. She was what had helped me come to terms with my monstrosity, even if she did it unconsciously. The due that I owed Sam and the rest of them for helping me was nothing compared to what I owed her. The joy I attained from the different facets of being a werewolf – the speed, the strength – first originated from the realization that I could protect others, most importantly her.

There was no reason why we couldn't just be friends, if one could ignore the omnipresent shadow of hostility between werewolves and the Cold Ones. Bella was in the midst of a conflict she had no control over, this conflict between monsters. She shouldn't have to be punished because of what we were. Neither should we, I thought sadly to myself.

I grudgingly got up from the mossy bed on which I had fallen asleep and realized with a start that there was a voice in my head. I thought sullenly, Will I never be alone with my thoughts again?

What Sam?

Where are you? I've got news…

In…the forest. What news?

The red-head one, Victoria, is back

WHERE? WHERE IS SHE?

She's not on our land, Jacob.

We have to do something

It's up to…them. We can't break the treaty, Jacob.

I was fuming – angry at Sam, angry at the bloodsuckers, angry at myself. How had she returned undetected? I ignored whatever Sam was telling me; he was either trying to calm me down or ordering me not to do anything against the treaty. I had to do something. I began running, running towards Bella's house. As I ran, I thought and, unfortunately, came to only one conclusion. I had to see him.

If he truly loved her, he would be the only one to fully understand the urgency of protecting her.

A/N: I originally intended to focus this story solely on Jacob and his feelings, but I've decided to explore the possibility of a one-on-one conversation between Jacob and Edward. Hence, there should be a little tension, and hopefully some understandings reached, in the next chapter. Bye for now!