JD woke up for the first time feeling better than before. He couldn't tell what time it was, but based on the deepening shadow on Cox's face probably the next day. He turned his face to get a better look, head resting on the back of the chair, legs up on the bed that cannot be comfortable.

"Hey Perry?" He cleared his throat and tried again "Dr. Cox?"

Cox's head jerked up and he turned to JD meeting his eyes and rested face "Don't do that Charlotte. Jesus." He moved his feet to the floor and rubbed the back of his neck, softening his facial features "how are you feeling?"

"Better. I think." He faltered and took stock of himself.

Dan had gone to eat one more time before his discharge. He was convinced that Dan was still feeling guilty and was avoiding his brother. The meeting for this afternoon in both their minds. Cox took JD's hand and started the finger stretches again. "Any pain? The swelling's gone down substantially".

"Some." He pulled his hand away "I don't want to talk about that".

Cox gently took the hand back but instead of exercise, he just held it, rubbing circles over his fingers with his thumb.

"I'm scared".

"There's no reason to be."

"I miss you"

"I haven't left"

"That's not what I mean, and you know it." He sighed "What's going to happen? With us?"

Cox looked at him hard. He'd been thinking about this ever since the conversation with Carla. "Move in with me."

JD stared at him. I can't have heard that right. "What?"

"You're going to need more help. I took the leave. Stay with me. At least until you're better." He looked down "I'm not good at this JD. Don't make me say it."

And with that, he wouldn't. He knew what he meant, underneath the emotional unavailability "Okay".

"Good." He squeezed his hand. "And since we're in the realm of honesty, I'm meeting with Dan and your mom today."

"No." He'd never spit an answer with such conviction.

"No choice Hannah". He put on a stern voice and tightened the grip on his hand "I want to know what I'm up against. I want to know that when we go home at night, they aren't coming."

JD had never thought about that. What if they did stay, what if they did come to the apartment, what if they… He felt a hand touch his face.

"Hey, don't do that." Cox rubbed the crease forming on his forehead. "It's fine, okay. You're fine, I'm fine, Dan's an idiot but he'll be fine". He paused. "You know, when I think about what they did to you" JD cringed "I'm surprised. You're not like me, you know? You're not jaded and hardened around the edges. You want to believe in people. You want to see the good in people. You're the exact opposite of everything that should have made you. You're good. Too good. For me."

JD stared at him. This was as kind and emotional as he was going to ever receive. Don't mess this up."You're good too. You just don't think you are."

"Newbie I am a God in this hellhole"

"You know that's not what I'm saying, why do you always have to do that?" He sighed. "How will you look at me again? Knowing what they did to me? Knowing, knowing someone else got here first? Do you know how humiliated I am?"

He held the side of JD's face. "That's not humiliation, that's shame. You know that." He brushed his cheek with his thumb. He missed this, the two of them, alone. "Listen, if you really don't want me to go, I won't. But how can I protect you if I don't know what's going on? I don't expect you to tell me." He stopped, the next part would be hard. "I know I'd never tell you. But I need to know, so I can help you. I need you to tell me", you can do this, "what you're feeling."

"I feel, bad"

"I don't know why, I"

JD interrupted him "No. You don't understand."

He scoffed "Try me"

"I just feel, bad." panic was growing inside of him. I can't do this "I need to get up."

"You haven't been up in a day, it's normal to feel" He was cut off again.

"No. I need to get up. Let me up." He started turning quickly, his head spinning. "Help me up"

Cox was worried, this wasn't like him. "Take it easy, you still haven't eaten. Which you need…"

"Bathroom, now, please". He started to stand up and felt clothes under his gown. "Am I wearing shorts?" He was practically panting as they walked the few steps to the bathroom. His head swam. "Did you do this?"

"Yes, JD I…"

JD closed the door behind him as he slid into the tiny bathroom alone.

"JD, I, you know I, hell kid, let me in"

"No. Please just go away. Please just give me a minute. Please." He couldn't stand anymore and sat on the toilet seat. Cringing as his stitches pulled and ribs ached against the movement. Breathe, just breathe. "Please."

"I'm not leaving, I'll be right here". Cox slid down the otherside of the door before hearing the sobs he'd expected. He'd never felt more heartbroken.

—-

When sobs subsided, Cox knocked on the door. Listening had broken him, inside and out. He wanted nothing more than to punch something, or someone "Let me in. Please."

JD wiped his face. "Okay."

Cox had to stop himself from scrambling inside. Calm. Opening the door slowly, unsure of what he'd find, he looked at the sight in front of him. Tear tracks stained his face. He thought he couldn't look worse before, but he was wrong. He kneeled down in front of him "You are the strongest person I know. But if you keep shutting me out, I can't help you. Let people help you." He touched JD's hair and he cringed away.

Cox stood up and wet a washcloth in the sink, letting the warm water run while rubbing some soap into it. "Take the gown off, you can leave the shorts on".

JD silently did as he was told and slid his arms out, letting it fall to his sides. He stared down at all the cuts on his body. Touching some of them softly.

Cox started with his face "Close your eyes and look up" taking his chin in his hand. And in the most gentle and unexpected way, a way that only JD would know, washed his face.

JD started to cry. Why am I this emotional?

And as if his mentor heard him, he answered "You're exhausted. And you need to eat" picking up one of his arms and soaping it down.

JD had yet to open his eyes, so he didn't look at Cox when he stopped rubbing and instead felt a hand on the side of his face. He didn't even open his eyes when he suddenly felt a kiss against his forehead.

"You need to eat. For me. If you don't keep something down, I'll have to NG you. I don't want to do that. IV fluid isn't enough. You're killing yourself."

When he opened his eyes and looked at him, he saw it. For the first time since working with him, he saw genuine fear.

Cox started to wash his other arm, unable to look him in the eye. "Can you turn a little? I'll get your back".

He did the best he could to turn in the tiny space. The cloth against his back felt like a dream. He let out a sigh.

He was being a coward at that moment, he knew. Turning him around so he didn't have to look at him while vulnerable. By the time he tapped JD's shoulder to turn back, he'd composed himself. An "I'm sorry" breaking him out of his thoughts. What? "What was that?"

"I said I was sorry."

"Maryann what can you possibly need to be sorry for"

"This. The whole thing. This was not what I wanted. I…" he was silenced, with a hug. It wasn't long, but he felt what he needed to feel. Someone cares. Someone loves me.

"You ever apologize for something so stupid again, and I'll…"

JD squeezed him back. "Thank you".

—-

By the time Dan returned, JD was tucked back into bed. The whole morning ordeal had taken a lot out of him. He was still awake, but on his last leg trying to keep down a juice and a jello. Both sat half finished in front of him while his anxiety protested. Cox was trying not to look worried while reading some medical files.

"Hey Johnny" he walked over. Limp almost gone, just a sling keeping his shoulder from josling too much as the only remaining evidence.

"Hey" a soft reply as JD stared at his food tray.

Dan sighed. Just rip the band-aid off. "Mom's coming."

"I know. Cox told me."

Cox didn't look up from his files as Dan stared at him, he wanted to give them the illusion of privacy.

"Listen, I didn't want to have to do this. But he's right, you know, what if they come back. Chris is worried they might come to your apartment." He paused, and fiddled with his hands in his pockets like he wasn't sure what to do with them "I'm worried about you."

"No one was worried before". JD instantly regretted saying it. Cox cringed, and Dan stood guiltily. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

"No, no. You're right." He looked at his brother "but let me help you now." He paced back and forth "I can't live like this. Pulled between both sides. I'm taking your side. You know that right? I'll always take your side." He pulled up a chair. "She's coming soon. I told her I'd meet her outside. She'll probably bring him. She doesn't go anywhere without him. I'm worried I won't even be able to look at them to have this conversation." He composed his thoughts for a second "Am I like them? Do you think of me the same way?"

JD didn't know what to say. Maybe he did sometimes, in the worst moments. "No Dan. You didn't know, and you'd never hurt me" quickly adding "on purpose" after remembering where he was.

Dan nodded and breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay." Before he lost his nerve he added quietly "Is there anything you want me to tell them?"

He didn't really need a minute to answer, but didn't want to appear like he had thought about it his whole life. Why me? "All I want is to never see them again." And I wish they were dead. "I want nothing more than to never remember them". His juice felt like it was going to make a return appearance. He closed his eyes. "Just, be careful okay?"

Cox cleared his throat "we should leave soon." He looked at JD "are you going to be okay alone?"

"No, it's fine. The people you're scared of, will be with you." He looked at him carefully, trust visible in his eyes.

Cox nodded and he followed Dan out of the room. Before exiting he looked back and saw JD mouth the words they'd both felt but never said "I love you". He pulled the door shut behind him.

Maybe if he wasn't so tired. Maybe if he wasn't so distracted. Then maybe he would've seen the man down the hall waiting for them to leave.