Angry Ed: Why the hell did this take so long, bitch?
Me: (smacks angry Ed on head with rolled up newspaper) You're not allowed to cuss!
Angry Ed: Says you f--k a--.
Me: (takes out baseball bat and bashes his head in) No cussing!
Little Ed: Ha... (yawwwwn)...ha...
(A/N: This took so long to post because 1. it's longer than the other chapters. 2. I proof read it. And 3. I was working on an English project over the weekend. Sorry! But it's up now so--YAY!)
Disclaimer: Me no own, sadly. But, I if did--I'd have a freaking lot more money than I do now.
Chapter 6: Fear the number seven
"How can this be?" asked Winry, still stunned by the appearance of the small boy. Sure, she could deal with four extra Eds, plus a girl version. But a little kid? This is just too much.
"GRAHHHHHH!" screamed the other new Ed, pulling Winry away from her thoughts.
"Someone do something!" cried the smarty-pants Ed, cowering behind a table, deathly afraid of his stronger counter-part.
"Are you kidding?" yelled what Winry assumed to be the flirty Ed. "He could bash my beautiful face in!" he turned to Edwina. "You--go calm him down!"
She tsk-ed, turning away. "Chivalry IS dead..." she muttered.
"Fine," muttered the mega-depressed Ed, "I'll handle this." He slowly walked up to the rampaging shrimp and began to speak in his normal, dark, low voice. The other Ed was screaming too loud for anyone to hear what the dark one was saying. But after a moment, the angry Ed dropped the chair that he was about to throw and flopped down in it; face drained of all color. "...And do you really want that to happen?" finished Emo Ed. The one in the chair shook his head, near to fainting.
"Jeez," sighed Eddie, "What'd you say to him?"
Emo Ed turned around and said monotonously "just what's on my mind every single day."
"But that means that it should be on my mind too. But I have absolutely no idea what you were talking about!" shouted Eddie.
"Its better that way," mumbled Emo Ed, walking away.
"My day," began Winry, stumbling over to an empty chair, "just can't get any worse..." she flopped down into the chair and sighed. She looked up to see that all the Eds (except for the kid, who was still asleep) were staring at her. "W-what?" she asked, flustered. Of course, they each had their own answer. Like angry Ed was about to scream something up until Emo Ed shot him a very icy glare. Flirty Ed attempted to woo Winry, but was dragged away by Edwina by the ear. All that left was Mr. Smarty-Pants, and sadly, there was no one to stop him.
"Winry," he began, approaching her. "Could you please be so kind as to listen to my theory as to why there are some many of me now?" she stared at him, completely oblivious as to what he had just said. Ed scowled. "Helloooo?" he asked waving his hand in her face. "Are you even listening?"
"I'm hungry." came the tiny voice of little Ed, who had just randomly woken up and started to walk out of the bar. "Yummys for my tummy..." he murmured.
Winry stared at after him, thoroughly creeped out. 'Something is DEFINANTLY wrong with me...' She shook her head, just realizing that she was letting a little kid walk out into the crowded streets of a big city all by himself. Yeah, it was Ed--but little Ed! No matter how you look at it, he needed to be chaperoned! Winry dashed after him, but quickly lost him in the crowd. "Ed!" she called, trying to see over the peoples' heads. The other five Eds from the bar came running out at her call.
"What is it?" they cried.
"Ugh, not you..." muttered Winry, wishing that if she wasn't dead, that she'd hurry up and die--this is just too stressful.
"Hey," said Al, coming out after his siblings. "Where's ototochan (A/N: little brother)?" Winry froze.
'Stop getting side tracked!' she screamed at herself. "I was wondering the same thing."
"He's over there." stated Edwina, pointing over to an open-air cafe.
Winry looked over to the cafe, and by goodness, there he was! 'Sitting right there next to...that...nooooooooooo...! It can't be, it just can't!' she told her self. The group slowly made their way to the cafe, and oh, did Winry want to die more than ever now.
Little Ed turned around and smiled at them and waved. "Hey," he said sleepily with a biscuit dangling out of his mouth. "What's wrong?" he asked, looking at Winry. The girl stood frozen, eyes glued to the (let's just say 'larger') boy sitting next to him. The boy turned around and smiled at the group; most of the Eds were about to pass out from the sight.
Smarty-Pants Ed made a horrible face and groaned in disgust. "They call me Chibi-chan?" he asked the new Ed sitting by Little Ed. "You're more like Chubby-chan." The Ed put down his fork and stood up, sizing up to Smarty-Pants Ed (and for some reason, he was slightly shorter) with a scowl on his face.
"What did you call me?" he asked darkly, eyes twitching.
"Chubby-chan," repeated the one with glasses, clicking his teeth at his other self.
"I dare you to say that again, Four Eyes!" shouted the new Ed, drawing back his right arm.
"Do you actually plan on fighting me, Lardo?" taunted the smart one, also raising his fist in preparation for attack.
"ENOUGH!" screamed Winry stepping between the two. "If you two are really the same person, then get along and act like it!"
"He started it," grumbled chubby Ed, crossing his arms.
Smart Ed snorted and turned away. "I may have started the fight, but you are the one that started eating."
"JUST WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?"
"Exactly what it sounds like, fat-ass!"
"STOP!" shouted Winry, bringing out her wrench of doom and smacking the two. "QUIT. MAKING. A. SCENE!-!-!" She snatched up their collars and began to drag them off.
"Hey," called a man from behind the counter of the cafe. "Are you guys gonna pay for that?" Winry stopped and turned. "Don't dine and dash or I'll call the cops!"
"Don't...give him...anything..." mumbled Smart Ed weakly. Winry sighed and dropped the boys, pulling out her wallet.
X
(night time!)
"Honestly," sighed Winry, flopping down backwards onto the bed of their hotel room. "Why is this all happening?" she moaned, covering her face with her hands.
"I'm telling you, if you'd just let me explain--" began Mr. Smarty-Pants.
"Cram it, four eyes." commanded the seventh Ed; smart Ed stuck his tongue out in return.
"Both of you," sighed Winry exhaustedly, "just...shut...up..." She quickly lowered her hands and craned her neck backwards, startled by someone behind her.
"You know," began Flirty Ed, setting his hands down on her shoulders. "A little massage would cure everything--make your problems melt away. So take of your shirt an--" Winry slapped him and scooted off the bed and as far away from him as she could in the tiny room. "What'd I say?" he asked innocently.
"Don't EVER try that again!" she commanded, blushing furiously.
"So sleepy..." muttered little Ed, climbing up onto the bed.
"Hey," shouted Flirty Ed, kicking at his smaller doppelganger. "Get out! This is mine and Winry's bed! Go sleep on the couch or somethin'!" And again, that magical wrench made painful contact with the boy's head.
"WHAT did I just tell you?" screamed Winry. She pointed to the couch and yelled "YOU--sleep on that!"
"But--!" started the flirtatious boy, highly offended that she refused to share a bed with him.
"NO!" she screamed, finger shaking at the cold, dark, lonely couch.
"What about HIM then?" he screamed, pointing to little Ed.
Winry paused, thinking, then smirked evilly, saying in a sly tone "he IS just a little kid, so I don't see any harm in sharing a bed with HIM."
Flirty Ed gawked at her. "But--but--but--! WHY?-!-?-!" Winry threw her wrench at him again.
"Because," she huffed, "HE'S not a hormonal freak like you!"
Flirty Ed stopped dead, arms hanging limply at his sides. 'H-hormonal freak?-!' he thought angrily. He got two ideas. A: he could make some smart ass come back, but that would probably result in another wrench-related injury. B: He could use his newly trademarked puppy-dog face to win her over. ... Or C: He could just go to the couch and avoid any pain what-so-ever. He chose the latter. He sighed and hopped off the bed, sulking right over to the couch, where, of course, he had to battle the other hims for it.
That night was hell, and the following morning just got worse. In fact, this whole damn incident been one gigantic fu--
X
X
X
"Alright, alright," sighed Mustang. "I get the point! But tell me, how did it take you six days to get from that city to here in Central? You could walk between the two in less than an hour!"
Winry bowed her head as she approached the Colonel's desk. She slammed her hands down, got up into his face, and said very darkly "you know how hard it is to deal with ONE Ed, right? Well try handling SEVEN of him! Then we'll see how long it takes to get from point A to point B! GOT IT?" Mustang nodded, cowering under Winry's rage.
"Ooookay, that's enough!" stated Flirty Ed, pushing Winry and Mustang apart. "That's just a little too close for comfort." Winry grabbed his hand and glared at him.
"THAT was too close for comfort?" she demanded, squeezing his hand so hard it was near to breaking. "Then what category, may I ask, did three nights ago fall under?" Mustang grinned at the two, evil thoughts running through his mind.
"And just what happened three nights ago, may I ask?" heinquired slyly.
"NOTHING." growled Winry, shooting a nasty glare at him. The colonel nodded, slumping down in his chair, deathly afraid of the girl.
"Now, Colonel," began Smarty-Pants Ed, approaching the desk. "Will YOU please listen to my explanation for all of this? It is imperative if not essential that a superior officer such as yourself be informed and...blah blah-blah blah-blah..." Mr. Smarty-pants once again began to drone on and on, and again, no one cared enough to listen.
"So, Colonel," began Hawkeye uneasily. "What are we going to do with all these...Eds?"
"I can think of one thing we can do, baby..." cooed flirty Ed suggestively. The lieutenant blanched and quickly drew her gun, taking a shot at Ed. "HEY!" he screamed as the bullet ricocheted off his metal shoulder. "Are you trying to kill me?"
"Who isn't?" asked Emo Ed darkly. Ooh...mood killer, much?
"Colonel!" called Lieutenant Ross, busting into the room. "There's an urgent call from--uhh..." she glanced around the room, completely forgetting her 'urgent news'."W-what's going on here?" she asked, pointing to all the Eds. Flirty Ed came running up to her, taking her hands into his own.
"My dear," he sighed, pulling out another magical rose. "Have you ever been told how lovely you look in this light? I'm sure if we were to step outside, your radiance would glow so brightly that the sun itself would be jealous!" The lieutenant turned bright red.
"Oh--uh--Really? My mother used to say I had a wonderful complexion, but no man has ever told me that before!" she squeaked dreamily.
"But..." whimpered Balsh poking out from behind Ross."I tell you that everyday..."
Ed put his arm around Ross and dipped her, both completely ignoring the other man. And THAT'S when yet another wrench came flying at him. "OWE!" screamed Ed, dropping the lieutenant. "Whaddya do that for?" he demanded.
Winry pulled out another wrench and pounded it over an open palm menacingly. "If you don't know then I suggest that you get a new automail mechanic." she whispered darkly.
Flirty Ed cocked his head. "Now why would I wanna do that?" Winry raised her arm, preparing to throw the wrench, but Al caught her just in time and gently pulled the arm back down.
"Now, now," he laughed nervously, trying to sooth the girl. "Let's not cause anymore major injuries, shall we?"
"We shall." stated Mr. Smarty-pants, stepping into the middle of the room. "Now will you please--"
"HEY!" shouted Hughes, bursting into the room. "I just heard! WOW! Seven of you, eh? And look! A girl! But she's still not as cute as my little Elycia!" As Hughes began another rant about his adorable daughter, Smart Ed stood there, twitching and seething, just about to go insane if no one listened to him.
"YOU!" shouted Hughes, pointing over to girl Ed. "How'd you like to baby-sit my little Elycia sometime? I'd ask another Ed, but I don't trust him--he might elope with her she's so cute!"
"How much would I get paid?"
"SHUT UP!-!" screamed smart Ed, fed up with being surrounded by 'buffoons of a lower intelligence status'. "No one cares about your stupid daughter!" he cried, snatching away the picture of the girl. "If any of you have even a few brain cells left--you'll listen to what I have to say!" Once he had finished,he opened his eyes and looked around the room to find that everyone was staring at him--and not too kindly either.
"You twit," came a dark voice after a moment. "Do you really think that yelling will solve all of your problems? I suppose that if you do, then may I ask who sir is the real dim-wit here? Surely I tell you, it is neither I, nor anyone of these fine people, officers or otherwise. If you actually wish to perceive the true culprit of lacking brain cells, then might I suggest that you go look in a mirror?" Smarty-pants Ed stared at the speaker, mouth agape and glasses dangling off the tip of his nose. The speaker lifted an eye brow, suppressing a smug smile. "Does it really surprise you so much that one such emotionally depressed as I could challenge your intellect?" Smarty-pants Ed nodded mindlessly like a little kid who was being scolded.
'When,' thought Winry, astonished, 'when did Emo Ed get so smart?'
Al: I smell a half-assed ending!
Me: So do the readers!
Smarty-Pants Ed: Then why did you write it?
Me: Because this chapter is long enough as it is and I thought that it needed to be wrapped up.
Smarty-Pants Ed: And what a fine job you did at that.
Emo Ed: Shall I explain to you in great depths what I told our more violent self? Do you really want to know the horrors of pancakes?
Smarty-Pants Ed: Oh puh-lease...What could be so bad about--
Emo Ed: (whisper whisper)
Smarty-Pants Ed: HelenistisFudgeCakes! No wonder you're so depressed all the time!
Chick Ed: Whaddya say? Whaddya say?
Emo Ed: You honestly don't want to know. (creepy glare)
Chick Ed: O-okay...
Emo Ed: Now...review! (creepy glare)