Me: ………

Al: What's wrong with her?

Roy: She's in shock.

Al: Oh yeah… from that whole last episode thing. So, (turns to authoress) how was THE last episode ever?

Me: Incest.

Al: WHAT?-!

Me: Yaoi.

Roy: Huh?

Me: Masturbation--I don't care! Ed needs some lovin'!

Flirty Ed: (with a big grin on his face) I like the way you think, honey!

Roy: Well of course YOU do--both of you have two of the most gutter minds ever!

Flirty Ed: So do you.

Al: He's got a point. …OMG!-! Lecherous Niisan has a point?-! It's the end of the world!-!

Winry: (smacks Al) Shut up--you're giving me a headache! By the way, how come every perverted thing you just mentioned had absolutely zero femininity included in it?

Me: (turns away) Well… Partly because this fic isn't a yaoi (mutter for the most part mutter)

Winry: What'd you say?

Me: Nothing! Anyway, it's mostly due to the fact of well… um… How can I put this lightly?

Winry: (glares) What're you trying to say?

Me: Well… I've heard this rumor that the movie doesn't end well for Ed/Winry fans, and then in the last episode, well… let's just say I can now understand where Elric Incest comes from.

Winry: WHAT?-! (turns to flirty Ed) You sick f.a.b.!-! I'll kill you!

Flirty Ed: Aiee! Don't hurt me--don't hurt me! It's not MY fault--I haven't lived through it yet!

Winry: GRAGH!-! (starts pummeling flirty Ed)

Me: (aside) But I DID see a movie screenshot where Ed and some new girl were making out. Or maybe he was sleeping and she was just leaning over him? I dunno--there was no caption to go with it.

Roy: (stares at authoress)

Me: What?

Roy: These are just rumors, right?

Me: YEP!

Winry: Die!-!

Flirty Ed: OOOWWWWWEEEEE!-!-!

Roy: Think that you should go tell them that?

Me: Naw, this is too much fun. (starts munching on some popcorn)

Disclaimer: …(sobs horrible and presses 'play' on a remote controller, therefore starting the last episode again)…Noooooo…
Chapter 10: Sins and Virtue

Flirty Ed and Edwina finally tore their gaze away from the two strangers and looked up at Al, who was standing oddly still and looked as frightened as a suit of armor could look. "Oh, shit." he muttered. He took a fumbling step backwards. "Shit…shit…shit…!"

Flirty Ed and Edwina exchanged worried glances. "Al doesn't cuss--not like, ever!" hissed the girl, leaning over to flirty Ed.

"Yeah, I know," he whispered back. "So there must be something really wrong with those people to freak him out this much."

"Yeah, but what?" (Ugh…two stupidest Eds EVER). They looked back over at the two people. They stared and stared, but they just couldn't quite put their thumb on who they were. So finally, they decided to look back at Al to find that he had scooted several feet away. "Hey, Al!" called flirty Ed. "What's wrong?"

Al pointed a shaky finger at the strangers and squeaked, twitching all over. Flirty Ed and Edwina turned around and jumped back a little; the new girl had approached them, dragging along the little boy. She leaned up really close to Flirty Ed, hardly three inches away. Ed turned bright red, thinking how cute this girl was--definite girlfriend material. He loved how her long taupe hair was pulled back into a perfect ponytail. How her hazel eyes glimmered in the late morning sun. That adorably innocent expression that she wore and her--

"Niisan?" she asked.

--And that's when flirty Ed dropped dead.

X

X

"Ugh…" moaned the flirtatious boy a little while later, finally regaining consciousness. He sat up quickly, making himself dizzy, but he had realized that he was back in the military base.

"You girly-man," came an amused voice from behind him. Flirty Ed spun around, making himself dizzy again, but at least he could see his speaker now. "How can you call yourself a true male figure if you've fainted twice in one day?" it was Smarty Ed.

Flirty Ed scowled. "I was beaten to a pulp the first time." He barked. Then he realized how stupid that sounded. He shook his head, telling himself that it didn't matter. "And it wasn't my fault the second time!"

"Oh really?" cooed Smarty Ed. That's when the door burst open and the young girl came bounding in.

"Niisan!" she cried, running straight to flirty Ed and giving him a big hug. "I'm sorry! I'm not sure what happened--but I know it was my fault!"

Flirty Ed stared at her with wide eyes, recalling everything he had been thinking before. 'STOP IT!' he screamed at himself. 'She's my brother--I mean sister! Argh!' "What the hell is going on here?" he screamed in a panic. The girl immediately let go of him, a worried look on her face. Flirty Ed turned to Mr. Smarty-Pants, looking hysterical. The other Eds, and the three other Als came running into the room at the sound of his cry. "Explain--NOW!" he ordered to his far more intelligent counterpart.

Smarty Ed just kind of stared at him for a moment. "…For real? You actually want me to explain?" Flirty Ed nodded vigorously. Smart Ed laughed a little and then cleared his throat. "Lust," he stated, pointing to Flirty Ed.

"Huh?" he asked stupidly. He frowned. "I told you to explain--not remind me who the homunculi are!"

Smart Ed groaned, slapping his forehead. "No, you dimwit," he sighed. "The homunculi are named after the seven cardinal sins." He pointed to flirty Ed again, "Lust," then to Edwina "Pride", Emo Ed "Envy", angry Ed "Wrath", little Ed "Sloth", chubby Ed "Gluttony", and then finally to himself "and Greed." The other Eds looked at each other, thinking that if this was his long-awaited explanation, it was a far cry from the hype he had been giving it.

"So then, what about me?" asked armor Al timidly.

"Well," began greed Ed. (…How does he qualify as greedy?) "You know what we don't see enough of?" everyone in the room shrugged, making him groan again. "Uneducated halfwits," he muttered.

"What'd you say?"

"Nothing!" he chirped, clearing his throat. "Anyway, as I was saying… Prudence, Justice, Faith, Fortitude, Hope, Temperance, and Charity--do those ring any bells?" they all shook their head. "Ugh… Anyway, those are the seven great virtues. Any questions?"

"Uh, yeah," said Flirty Ed, raising his hand. "What was the point in all that?"

"Um…That Al is a lot nicer than us?"

Everyone groaned.

"Well," started Edwina, heading out the door. "Have fun with your worthless theory, Mr. Greed. I on the other hand need to finish my shopping. Miss Prudence, would you care to join me?"

"M-me?" squeaked girl Al, pointing to herself.

"Who else is a 'Miss' in this room?"

"Hm…good point," and with that the girls left.

Little Ed looked around the room, spotting little Al. "Hey," he called, trotting over to the small boy. "Where've you been?" The other boy stared at him. "Do you know how worried mom will be if she found out that I lost you?" Al shook his head, making little Ed sigh. "Really worried--that's what!" He grabbed Al's hand. "Come on--let's see if we can talk that Mustang guy into getting us back to Rizembull. Everyone's probably freaking out 'cuz we've been gone so long."

Little Ed started to walk off, pulling little Al along behind him. "Wait, Niisan!" cried the boy. "Why don't we just call first? Make sure everything's okay?" he smiled at his brother. "That way we can stay here a little longer--I think this place is really fun!"

Ed stared at him a moment before giving a broad grin. "You're right," he chirped. "If we stay, we can laugh at that flirty idiot some more!"

Flirty Ed fell forwards. 'Does EVERYONE think I'm an idiot?' he thought sadly, watching the kids run from the room.

"…They really don't know, do they?" asked gluttony Ed. Flirty Ed looked over at him.

"Know what?"

"About mom,"

"Do you know how worried mom will be if she found out that I lost you?"

Flirty Ed looked away. 'I guess they don't…' He looked back over at smarty Ed. "So how many more Als are there left to find?"

The other boy groaned. "Think about--I know it's hard for you, but what's seven minus four?" he asked sarcastically.

"Three, then I take it?" said Flirty Ed coldly. The other boy nodded. "Hey," said Flirty Ed suddenly. "Where's Winry?"

"Still asleep in her room, I think."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" came the distinct cry of Winry from down the hall. "EEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDs!" she screamed.

Smart Ed instantly ducked behind flirty Ed, whimpering "hide me!"

"We are SO dead…" muttered flirty Ed hopelessly.

Me: Mwa ha ha…

Al: You just like being evil, don't you?

Me: Oh yeah!

Roy: (rubbing temples from stress) Hey, how come you don't say 'armor' Al or whatever here?

Me: Because that'd get confusing if I had more than one of the same character here.

Flirty Ed: Um…Hello? What about me?-!

Me: Pfftht! Al's cooler than you, that's why.

Wrath Ed: Ooh—she didn't!

Emo Ed: She did.

Flirty Ed: I dare 'ya to say that to my face!

Me: I can't! 'Cuz that would mean turning on the TV and watching last epi--!-!-! …

Flirty Ed: What happened to her?

Roy: She went into shock again.

Me: ………

Flirty Ed: Oi!

Fuehrer King Bradley: Review!

Others: …

Fuehrer: What?

Roy: (saluting) Um…Sir? Why are you here?

Me: 'Cuz I hate him!

Roy: Why?

Me: 'Cuz he's a big meanie pants! Oh wait, yeah, I'm supposed to be in shock. ………

Roy: Oi…