CHAPTER 16

How Do I Live

UA High School,
Musutafu, Tokyo Prefecture,
March 10

As soon as Yosetsu arrived at his own room, he locked the door and jumped onto the bed. "I'm here. I'm here."

"Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt your study session," Chika tried to sound bright. "And I promise, I won't take too much of your time. I just need to see you, and talk to you, and maybe…"

"Chika, I'm here," Yosetsu said in the earnest. "I'm here for you."

Chika's mood quickly turned dark. "Nothing works the way I expect. We are one week away from Love Live Finals, and we should've been polishing our moves. Yet we still have to adjust here and there. We are far from ready. Riko can't sing right. She's our composer and our best musician, but she can't sing her own tunes. She is shaken by the violence that Yoarashi guy inflicted upon our rival. Hanamaru can't make up her mind whether she wants to go left or right. She is still thinking about that chef student, even though he cheated on her… technically. They were never a couple, but he still cheated. Ruby and Yoshiko can't let go of the nasty harrying by Yon*Machi. And the 3rd graders seem to have something on their own. Their minds were not on Love Live. They're just… distant, as if they are not part of Aqours anymore. I'm losing everything that I worked so hard to achieve!

"But maybe that's alright. Maybe I'm asking too much of myself. Maybe Aqours is never meant to go beyond a small-town idol group. I'm OK with it, as long as I can share everything with someone that have a special place in my heart. Someone that I have given my heart to. But you… you…" she started to choke up, "you're not even going to be here for me!"

"Babe, don't say that!" Yosetsu grimaced in pain. He knew Chika would never let herself down. She would brave even the coldest ice storm with a warm smile on her face. It was part of her that he loved and adored. To see her like that really broke his heart, and if he could, he would go to Numazu and give everything he had to make her feel better. But he couldn't. "I have been burning midnight oil for days to get this assignment completed before Love Live Finals, so I can be with you. My friends are here with me every single night because they know how much this means to me. I love you, Chika. I'm working on it the best I know how, so please be patient."

Chika buried her face between her arm. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry, I don't mean what I said. I'm just tired, tired of things going wrong at the most unfortunate time, tired of swimming upstream, tired of convincing myself 'That's how Muse did it' and then it's not. Why can't we get a break like Muse?"

"Honey, Aqours is not Muse, and you're not Honoka. You're stronger than her. Why can't you get an easy break like Honoka? Because you can handle failure and disappointment and keep moving forward. If Honoka had to go through what you did, she'd sink into depression, binge-eat, pop out babies, and become obese."

That put a smile on Chika's face. "You're a horrible person, you know that?"

"A horrible person who loves you," Yosetsu smiled. His heart rejoiced, watching the light returned to Chika's face even for a little bit. "Hey, remember that day at Yoyogi Park? It was raining like crazy. I was soaked down to my underwear. You had to practice on a leaking stage."

"The day we first met!" Chika chimed.

"I saw this girl in the center, standing out among other girls. She wasn't the prettiest, she wasn't the best dancer, she wasn't the best singer, but she was the lighthouse where ships looked to when the sea was rough and the weather was cold and dreary. She was the glue that put everything together. And that's the girl I fell in love with, from the moment I laid my eyes on her till the last breath I take."

The fire in Chika's eyes returned. "Aww, that is so sweet! Do you really mean it?"

"Honest to God." Yosetsu made a cross sign in front of his chest. "Look, Babe, life has been hard on you since the beginning. You told me the first time you tried to found a school idol club at Uranohoshi, no one signed up. The first concert, electricity cut out. The first competition, you got no vote. Love Live Preliminaries, you had to be in 2 places at the same time. But you didn't quit. You keep moving forward. You've overcome adversities and heartache. This one is no different. Maybe harder than you've ever done, but you'll get this. I believe in you."

Pieces of confidence and doggedness started to assemble in Chika's face. "You're so sweet, Yosetsu-chan."

"Babe, you're Aqours' leader. Talk to them as their leader. They have great respect in you, and they will follow your direction. Of that, I'm sure."

Chika didn't answer right away. She rested her chin on her palm, as if trying to solve many problems at once. Her eyes shifted back and forth between the phone screen and something in the background. She nibbled on her thin lips and played with her braid. "Well, I don't know…" she finally sighed, heavily. "Over the past few weeks I feel like I'm losing grip of Aqours."

"You'll get it back. I don't know how. I can't offer you anything. I just know that you will get through this, just like you get through everything else."

Chika was already opened her mouth when her phone beeped. "Oh, that's Kanan. Why is she calling me in the middle of the night, I wonder?"

"Take it," Yosetsu said quickly. "This could be the break you need, to take Aqours back. Take it…"

"No! I don't want to lose you just yet…"

"Take the call, Chika. I'll call you back…"

"No, don't hang up, please. I'll start a conference call and put you on mute…"

"Wait, wait…" But Chika already set up the connection. A new window showing Kanan and Mari popped up on his phone. Their faces were as surprised as Yosetsu's.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know if I interrupted something," Kanan said politely. "We can wait until tomorrow."

"No, that's fine," Chika replied. "I was just venting. I'm running out of moral support in Numazu."

That prompted Kanan to gushed out. "Chika-chan, I am really sorry. I have not been a supportive group member. I make things hard on the rest, especially you. I know you are our leader, but the way I have been acting was somewhat disrespectful to you. I am truly sorry."

"Chika-chan, I have been dealing with a personal problem," Mari added. "I can't tell you what, but it got the worst of me. I have been bringing my bad attitude to practice, yelling at Maru-chan when she made a mistake. I feel terrible. I know she has a problem of her own. She doesn't deserve that. I have sent her messages telling her I'm sorry, but it is not enough. She is not the only one affected by my behavior. I am sorry, Chika-chan."

"Everybody has a personal problem," Chika said. "If you don't want to share it with me, I'm OK with that. But we're all here for each other. We sing and dance for each other. If you ever need support or encouragement from anybody, just let us know. You don't have to tell us in detail, just tell us that you need us. We are here for you."

"That means a lot to me, especially coming from you," Mari said at the point of crying. "I'm sorry for what I've done."

"That's OK, I'm not upset. I'm just worried that this situation could affect our chance at Love Live Finals. We worked so hard to come to this point, and it'll be heartbreaking to see it fall apart because of personal problems."

"Mari and I have been talking with Dia about this," Kanan said, "and as callous as she is, she actually has a gentle heart and cares about every member of Aqours."

Dia screamed from somewhere off the screen. "I heard that!"

"We're the older members of the team," Kanan continued, "and we've been here before. We're supposed to set example. We'll work with you to go through this."

"Thank you guys, it means a lot to me," Chika chimed. Her growing confidence spilled all over her face. "You're still together at this hour? You need to get some sleep. We have a lot of work to do tomorrow."

"Thanks, Chika, for talking to us. You need to get some sleep too." Kanan turned to Yosetsu's window. "Awase-san, don't spend too much time with her. She needs to rest. Get off the phone and let her sleep!"

"He's on mute, but he appreciates your concern," Chika giggled. "Ja matta! I see you guys tomorrow!" With that, she disconnected Kanan.

"See? I told you, they look up to you," Yosetsu gave her a smile. "This is just another roadblock in your quest. You'll get through this, just like you got through many others before it."

"I think I know how to talk to Maru-chan," Chika started to plot her plan. "This is her first time dealing with broken heart. I don't have experience in the matter, but I know what makes her happy. I don't know how to deal with Ruby-chan and Yoshiko-chan, but I'll think of something. Thank God I don't have to deal with You-chan at this time. Riko-chan…" she sighed. "Riko-chan is difficult…"

"We have been talking about this, and we'll handle Inasa Yoarashi from our end," Yosetsu said. "You can handle Riko from your end."

"She doesn't want help," Chika muttered. "She wants to handle this situation on her own, which I don't think she did a good job on that."

"Yoarashi is trying to court her. All boys do irrational things when they try to attract their mates. If she tells him that she is not interested in him, he will stop."

"She did, and he didn't."

"Then tell him what she really is. Tell him he can't have her, no matter how hard he tries."

"She doesn't want to."

"Babe, I don't see any other choice," Yosetsu said matter-of-factly. "Either come out and tell him right away, or go to the police. Those are the only ways we can stop Yoarashi from hurting anybody."

"Yeah, I agree with you," Chika massaged her temples. "I'll tell Riko tomorrow."

"Don't do this alone. I can ask Kendo to accompany you, in case Yoarashi becomes violent."

"No, I don't think that's necessary. We are not as defenseless as you think we are. We can handle it."

"It hurts me to not be with you phisically," Yosetsu said morosely, "but know that I'm with you in spirit, every minute of your life."

"I know," Chika shot a warm smile. Her eyes were glassy. "How do I live without you?"

"Hopefully not happily ever after," Yosetsu smiled back. "Well, it pains me to have to let you go, but you have to rest. This is past midnight, and you still have school and practice tomorrow. So I'm going to hang up. Sorry, Sweetie, but you have to sleep. I have to get back to this essay and get it done as soon as possible."

"I wish you didn't have to go through mess," Chika pursed her lips. "You don't deserve it."

"Hey, we fight our own battles, and in the end we'll get our prize together. I promise you."

"I'll take that," Chika yawned as fatigue overtook her. "Good night, Yosetsu-chan. I love you."

"I love you, Sweetheart. Sweet dreams. See you in a better tomorrow."

As soon as Chika hung up, Yosetsu rushed back to Kosei's dorm. It was close to 1 am, but he hoped he didn't miss much. The last 2 hour didn't advance too far, since half of the time they were gossiping instead of doing real work. But when he busted into the room, his heart sank. Hiryu slumped on top of the computer. Sen was lying on the floor, snoring lightly. Kosei lied on his bed, his phone blinking in red, out of power.

"I'm sorry, guys," Yosetsu gently slid the computer from under Hiryu's face. "Sorry I had to bail out for a moment. Here, I'll continue where you left off."

But he barely managed to finish 1 paragraph when he collapsed on the floor from sheer exhaustion.