The Truth of What Is

We broke camp and headed east before noon that day. At my nagging insistence Phillip released all the Dogs from their oath and I promptly threatened the lot of them with exile if they decided to get any ideas about carrying on the tradition of following the horses everywhere. My dear brother and sisters thought this was perhaps the funniest thing they'd ever heard. They could laugh. They hadn't been - quite literally - hounded for months on end.

We hadn't gone twelve feet when Peter and Phillip started singing some monotone equine chant and pretty soon the entire party was singing along with them. Despite the fact that I find that kind of song excruciating I joined in just to prove to Peter I really could sing. Oreius and I kept Peter between us as we rode behind Aslan and the girls, occasionally switching off with them so everyone had their turn to talk to him. Phillip occasionally mixed in with us and he was clearly possessive of both me and Peter now. I had the feeling the other Horses would be wild with jealousy.

Walking next to Aslan, leading Jett as I stretched my sore legs, I found myself feeling strangely light and content. I supposed it was rather sad that I had never felt this way before, but at least I could appreciate the sensation now. For me, the world was newly painted, all my senses seemed heightened as never before. I was free of Jadis' blood, my brother was back and well, the Tree of Protection was thriving. It seemed a perfect end, somehow even better than our triumph at Beruna. I looked to the huge golden Lion beside me.

"Aslan? May I ask you something?"

He smiled as he padded along. "Of course."

"Before, as I was eating the apple . . . what did I see?"

I could tell by his expression that he was pleased with me and all I had done these past days and weeks. He gazed upon me and his smile never faded as he replied,

"You saw the truth of what is."

I frowned, turning his words over in my head, concentrating so hard that I never noticed I started lagging behind until Susan stopped her palfrey right beside me. Her voice was merry as she called,

"Wake up, Ed! You'll get stepped on!"

I blinked, coming out of my revery. Aslan was well ahead of me and I was just a few paces away from some highly amused Centaur lancers bunched up behind me as I daydreamed. "Huh? Oh! Thinking," I said, coming out of my distracted daze, feeling myself blush.

"It's not supposed to be so dangerous," teased Susan as I mounted Jett again.

"Sorry," I sheepishly apologized to the grinning Centaurs. I turned Jett and caught up with Susan. She smiled as she cast me a look from the corner of her eye.

"How do you feel?" she asked softly, and I knew she didn't just mean the deathless spell and all it had wrought.

"Complete," I replied. "Like I belong."

She reached over and laid her hand on my arm. "Edmund, you've always belonged!"

"Maybe. But at least now I feel as if I fit in."

With a nod she drew her hand back, understanding what I meant. I smiled to let her know all was well and she came back with that lovely, reassuring smile that filled our subjects with such content. For the first time I felt the power of that gentle expression and I knew all was right in the world. She was silent afterwards, knowing that I had a great deal to think about, but she stayed close. A little while later Lucy joined us, still clutching Celer's pipe. She made certain she had our full attention and began to play a simple tune he had taught her. We listened with delight as she picked out the notes. She really had improved quite a bit since the anniversary. When she was done we all clapped and the Centaurs cheered and Oreius called out a marching tune that set us all singing again.

That night a large fire was built and after supper we gathered around it. I stood behind where Peter sat on a low stool and happily tossed his nasty old boots into the blaze one after the other. I had tried to get Lucy to help with the scheme but she wouldn't touch the boots even with gloves on. Leather really won't ignite, but at least they smoldered and blackened nicely.

"Hey!" Peter exclaimed indignantly.

I pinned him in place with one hand on his shoulder, feeling smug at having saved his life. "Just watch them burn, Peter."

Finally he laughed and shook his head and began to tell us about the quest. Phillip, his tail healed by a drop of Lucy's cordial and his spirits high, stood close by and offered a less romantic and rather mother-henish account of his efforts to keep Peter from himself. It was all very fun even though some of the stories were terrifying, especially their description of the Slinn. I was eaten up with curiosity to ask what he had meant by the valley and the Host of the Air, but I knew he'd get to it in time.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Though it was almost dark and we normally would have halted to make camp, we were a mere three hours of steady riding away from Cair Paravel and we decided to press on. There was not a one of us that wanted to stop, not even the horses. This was the fourth night of our journey back and the weather had taken a downwards plunge. We were all freezing cold and weary, but there was not a word of complaint when we realized Peter had endured extremes like this for months without so much as a tent between him and the elements.

About two hours from the Cair I realized said brother had fallen unusually quiet and I gazed over at him in surprise. It was then that I saw he was falling asleep in the saddle. He swayed slightly and I leaned over to steady him, calling, "Oreius!"

The general trotted up, seemingly impervious to the biting cold.

"He's asleep," I said softly. "Can you carry him?"

A smile gentled the Centaur's angular features and he easily plucked Peter from Marsk's back. My brother looked so small cradled in Oreius' arms, and the Centaur's expression reminded me of the Dryads exclaiming over the apple seeds. It was as if he was looking at a baby. Peter never stirred and Susan sent for a blanket to keep him warm. Watching Oreius, seeing the tender devotion and love he bore my brother, I resolved in that instant to make him a knight. It was the least I could do for the remarkable dash he had made all the way to Caldron Pool and beyond.

The Cair was well lit for our return but I sent Bats ahead to warn them that Peter was asleep and I'd like him to stay that way. Silent, grinning soldiers of all kinds lined the road, all of them carrying torches and lanterns to light our way to the palace. There was a huge, quiet crowd waiting at the main entrance and everyone was delighted at the sight of their High King fast asleep in the general's arms and many a giggle was stifled. Peter remained asleep all the way up to our bedroom, rousing only when Oreius set him on his bed.

"Whu? Oh!" He groaned in embarrassment as he realized what had happened. Oreius chuckled and Peter scrambled to his feet. He was immediately waylaid by Silvo and Martil. The valets were in ecstasies over having him back and happily scurried about to ready a much-needed bath for him.

"Thank you, General," I said, seeing the Centaur to the door.

He smiled once again, laying his hand on my shoulder. "Thank you for asking me, King Edmund. And thank you for trusting me to find him."

I looked up into his earnest face and said with absolute honesty, "There's no one I trust more, Oreius."

An hour later Peter emerged clean, refreshed, and with short hair once again. Even cut his hair was blonder than it usually was in the winter. Susan actually whined at the loss of those dreadful, bleached locks and asked Silvo to save her some, which struck me as the height of silliness. Peter and Lucy didn't make it far past supper and Aslan laughed and sent them off to bed. Susan went to tuck them in and I sat with Aslan for a few moments.

"I'll be departing in the morning," he told me.

I nodded, sad to hear that but well aware that I had taken up a great deal of his time and attention. "Thank you, Aslan," I said softly. "Thank you for everything. I wouldn't have made it without you."

"You have carried yourself admirably through this ordeal. Remember all you have learned, Just King, and rejoice in your freedom."

"I will," I smiled. "Aslan?"

He looked at me expectantly.

"Will I ever be able to forget the Deplorable Word?"

"Sadly, no. Poison may be removed, but knowledge remains. You lack the desire to use it, Edmund. Even if you did manage to say it the effect would not be as wide spread as if Jadis had said it. Bury it deeply and do not dwell on it."

"She said it was a gift," I snorted.

He cocked his head. "It may well be someday."

"Are you foretelling the future?" I teased.

He growled in amusement, a low, deep sound that wasn't quite a purr. "The only certainty I can say for your future is that I will love you more each passing day."

I smiled, rising up from my seat and hugging him 'round the neck. "Thank you, Aslan. Even though it's been awful, I'm a better king and brother for it. Thank you . . . and . . . I love you. More than I can say."

His golden eyes shone with affection. "You have grown in many ways, Edmund. Continue on this path and you will achieve your greatest desire."

To be a judge. To be the voice of reason and wisdom and justice. To shield Narnia from dangers of every kind.

To be King Edmund the Just.

"I shall," I promised.

He kissed me on the forehead. "I know. And now good night."

I bowed to Aslan a final time and entered the bedroom I shared with Peter. I stood watching him sleep, amazed at what he had done for me. Amazed at him.

"Ed?"

I smiled a bit at the drowsy voice. "Sorry to wake you."

"No," was his mumbled reply. He shifted, waking up a bit more. "Are you cold?"

"I could be if you'd like," I said, unable to keep from grinning.

He let out a mighty yawn. "I'd like."

"Shove over, Peter, I'm freezing," I ordered, already kicking off my slippers.

He happily shifted over in the bed and lifted the covers. It was wonderfully warm as I crawled in with him and Peter wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close. His slow, steady breaths were like music to my ears.

"Peter?"

"Hmm?"

I reached up and took his thin hand in mine, trying to express what I felt. "Thank you."

He pressed his lips to my hair, letting me know he understood and that he loved me as completely as I loved him. "I'd do it again."

I sighed, remembering when Aslan had used almost the exact same words. "Yes, I was afraid you'd say something like that."

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Ed? Ed! It's all right. Wake up. It's all right. I'm right here. I'm right here."

I woke with a gasp, trembling and tearful, clinging desperately to my brother. My dreams and thoughts scattered as I roused out of a troubled sleep. Peter lay on his back, holding me carefully and speaking in that soothing tone that always set the world aright again. Even when I had been at my very worst he never lost patience with me or refused to offer me all the comfort he was able. He had been Magnificent even then.

I raised my head, blinking at him in the moonlight. "Peter?" I whispered, not certain of what I wanted or needed beyond his presence.

"I'm right here," he promised, pulling me closer and covering me warmly.

"I know," I whispered, my voice cracking with emotion.

His voice was as soft and gentle as the hand that brushed the hair from my eyes. "You had an awful time of it, didn't you?"

That simple question overcame all my weakened defenses. There was no way I could begin to answer with mere words. I lowered my head and I let my relief and worry and loneliness and joy pour out. He held me while I cried, never telling me to shush or stop, just a whispered, "Oh, Ed," as he let me vent my pent-up feelings. I think he may have cried as well. Probably. This was Peter, after all. It felt so good, so right to have him back. How had I survived so long without him?

"Edmund?" he whispered much, much later, when finally my tears had dried up and my breathing was back under control.

"Hmm?"

"I'll make a pact with you right now. I will tell you every single thing that happened on this quest if you'll tell me everything that happened to you while I was gone."

"Everything?" I wondered dubiously.

He nodded. "Good and bad. Every last detail."

There seemed so much more of the bad than the good, and the darkness that had imprisoned me seemed so much worse than anything he may have encountered. I knew what he was doing. He was offering me a chance to talk. It wasn't confession. It was discussion. He would not judge me any more than I would judge him. He just knew I needed to say some things aloud and he was giving me an opening.

"We can do it at night, when we're alone. No one else will ever know."

My head still resting on his chest, I nodded. He hugged me tight and kissed my hair.

"Good. Now go to sleep. I'm right here and I love you."

I slept.