Chapter Four: Decisions

Willow was scrunched up against the headboard of her bed, thinking. She hadn't bothered to turn a light on, she didn't want to wake up Rona, her roomie. When her relationship with Kennedy had finally heaved its last gasping breath, Rona had gracefully agreed to trade rooms. She still wasn't quite sure what had gone wrong. Well, if she was truly honest, what had gone wrong was that she'd never been in love with Kennedy. But she had loved and needed to be pursued so relentlessly, and had relished the idea of someone so different from her two former lovers. But good reasons and intentions do not a love make. She sighed. No sense dwelling on it now.

There were much bigger things to freak out about. Such as: was she going to join Buffy on her journey to another dimension? She still couldn't figure out why Buffy had chosen her. She'd always felt a bond between them, even at their worst times, but she'd never been sure if Buffy felt it, too. Their relationship had always consisted of stops and starts, wide breaches bridged hastily by need and regret. She knew she should just ask Buffy about it, but she felt awkward about seeing her before she'd made up her mind.

Buffy's reasoning aside, did she want to leave everything she knew? The real Willow, the honest Willow, knew that she hadn't felt right here ever since she'd tried to destroy the world. There was so much pride and horror and guilt, that it seemed impossible to step past it. She'd been drawn back into the horrors of Sunnydale so quickly that she hadn't finished dealing. The thought of starting over was enticing. And ultimately, this was Buffy. Realistically, she knew she had to go for the simple reason that she couldn't let Buffy go alone, nor could she face losing Buffy in a forever kind of way. That bond spoke up with a little tug at her insides, and she knew that she would go, reason and logic be damned. She put a stop to her useless internal debate and crept out of her room. Knowing Buffy, she wasn't sleeping either.

She quietly opened the door to the room she knew Buffy and Dawn were sharing. Sure enough, Buffy was sitting up in her bed in the dark, just as Willow had been. She was watching the doorway when Willow peaked in. They looked at each other silently, and then Willow nodded her head towards the hallway and backed out of the room. Buffy tiptoed past Dawn's bed and closed the door behind her. They walked quietly down the stairs and out the double doors into the darkened garden beyond. Neither said a word as they sat down on a stone bench. Buffy drew her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them.

"So, I'm guessing you got your visit from the Whistler fairy?" she asked. "Distance did not make my heart grow fonder."

"Who is he, again?"

"Just another annoying balance demon that gets off on screwing with people's lives. I first met him when I had to kill Angel."

"Huh," Willow said, rubbing her hands together nervously.

"I mean, all in all this was a great meeting," Buffy went on sarcastically. "I found out that on top of perverting the slayer line and unleashing the First, I'm causing problems now because I somehow evaded my third death."

"I think you forgot the part where I'm the one that brought you back from the dead, and I'm the one that bound you to the scythe." Willow inserted dryly. The two young women looked at each other, and began to giggle at the ridiculousness of the situation. As their laughter trailed off, Buffy began to frown again.

"I know I have to leave, but I'm really worried about Dawn. I'm afraid that she'll just see this as yet another person leaving her. The thought that's always made me happiest was the thought of watching her grow up. And now I won't get to see it." She began to cry quietly.

"Buffy, did you think about taking Dawn?" Willow asked.

"Whistler said that it has to be another warrior. Plus, deep down I don't think she'd want to leave, and I know she's better off here. I'm going to an unknown land that's apparently more primitive than this one, and I know the real reason I'm being sent is because I'm the slayer. Which means it will be dangerous. The rest of you guys, you know the drill, and you're smart enough to draw the line when you don't want to be dragged into this life any longer. You fight for your own reasons. Dawn doesn't get that yet, and what she needs is time and space to live her own life and not mine."

"And me?" Willow couldn't help it.

"I know you'll only come if it's what's best for you. You fit Whistler's warrior criteria. The reasons I want you to come are, well there're two main ones." She met Willow's eyes nervously and then looked out into the garden again. "OK, one: when Whistler asked me to choose, I just kept coming back to you. Gut reaction. So much has gone wrong between us…" she trailed into a whisper. "And two: I have this feeling that you don't feel right here, either. That out of all of us, you and I are the ones most changed by everything that's happened. I thought you might want a chance to start over, even if it's a dangerous, chore-laden kind of chance." She stopped to look her in the eye. "But I told him, Wil, that it has to be your choice." She fell silent and Willow felt breathless, and oddly, slightly hopeful.

"Buffy, I've decided. I'm going with you," she said quietly.

"What?" Buffy gasped, looking awed and frightened at the same time. "You are? Oh my god!" She grinned hugely, but then frowned again. "Oh Will, as much as I don't want to be alone, I don't want to put you in danger yet again. I mean, here, you at least have a chance to live a normal life, but not if you come…" she babbled.

Willow held up one hand, cutting her off. "It's not just for you. It's like you said, you can trust me to make this choice for my reasons and not yours. There's so much pain and regret here, Buffy. Let's hold off on this for now. We only have," she checked her watch, "22 hours until we leave. We'd better start getting ready, cuz as soon as everyone wakes up we have to tell them."

Buffy giggled, slightly hysterical. "I kinda love you, Wil." She leaned forward and they hugged.

"Well, this is familiar," Willow replied, smiling. The sun began to rise as they walked back into the Hyperion together and began to quietly discuss what to bring.

"Whistler said comfy, all-weather duds, but that we should pack light cuz apparently there aren't any cars. Or indoor plumbing," Buffy said.

"WHAT?" Willow cried, stifling a giggle as Buffy clamped a hand over her mouth and said "Shhhh!"

"I am so not going with you anymore," Willow threatened.

"He also thought I needed to be told to bring weapons," Buffy pouted. She thought for a minute. "Oh, shit! I just remembered that I only have two outfits! Warm, summery outfits. Closet go boom." This brought her back to thoughts of Spike, and she suddenly felt she might cry again. Willow patted her shoulder comfortingly.

"I guess we'll have to go shopping," she whispered, hoping to cheer Buffy up. "Hey! Maybe Giles can get his hands on some Council funds."

"I hope so," Buffy replied. "Somehow I don't think we'll get any insurance money for the house." She giggled again, helplessly.

"Look, I think we should wake everyone up now," Willow began. "It's going to be chaos, and we're gonna need all the time we can get to straighten this out and say our good-byes."