A/N: wiggles eyebrows At the bottom. (breaks habit of putting notes at the top)
O o o o o o o o o o o o O
Two weeks later found James and Sirius living at Hogwarts, despite it still being the middle of summer. James had no other family; they had been hit hard by Voldemort and his followers. Sirius of course had no interest in his family and the feeling was heartily mutual, which left very few options for the boys. Dumbledore offered the opportunity to stay at Hogwarts and they reticently accepted it.
James was torn; on one hand, he didn't want to leave his parents' home where all his memories of them were, on the other, the opposite was true. Behind every corner lurked memories that drove a steel spike straight into his heart. Sirius and Remus were who finally convinced him to leave. Remus lived at Hogwarts during the summer anyway, and he was glad to have his friends closer to him. There was also the concern that Voldemort might try and return to finish the last Potter.
So, he packed up everything he could: books, photographs, jewelry and his father's invisibility cloak and bid farewell to the place he had called home for as long as he could remember. In some ways it was harder than the funeral, because even then he could pretend that it wasn't really his parents going into the ground, it was all some horrible mistake. But to leave his home, his family's home…that meant they were never coming back.
Settled back in Gryffindor tower, he felt antsy and uneasy. He wasn't supposed to be there during the summer and the hole in his heart ached constantly. Sirius did his best to try and keep his friend busy. Sirius himself had suffered greatly with the loss of the Potters, but he felt his job, neigh his duty, was to take care of James, which included his mental health.
Sirius was greatly worried about James' mental health. He was very concerned that James would try and face Voldemort on his own to try and avenge his parents. Sirius had no illusions what that would mean to James - he would die, painfully. So, he tried to keep a steady stream of activities and jokes to try and engage James in more productive activities, along with the help of Remus.
Remus had suggested the map. One day, they had discovered a secret passageway and Sirius had remarked in an off-hand manner that they should remember where it was and thus the Marauder's Map was born. They had hours upon hours to work at discovering every inch of the castle, diligently recording it into a map. Peter, in a flash of brilliance, thought of the idea to try and charm the map to let them know where teachers were. He and Remus worked tirelessly to figure out which charms would be needed and how to allow them to work within the security charms of the castle.
These pursuits were enough to keep their minds and hands occupied during the remainder of the summer, for which the staff of Hogwarts was eternally grateful. They weren't sure exactly what the boys were working on, but it did keep them out of trouble. Filch was suspicious of them, but Remus' special touch to the map was to keep it hidden to all but those who knew the secret. He had impressed even Sirius with its ability to insult anyone who tried to force it to reveal its secrets.
Looking back on it, James couldn't say it was a good summer; the black cloud of his parents' death still loomed over him, no matter what else he did, but at least it was tolerable, thanks to his friends.
O o o o o o o o o o o O
While James was doing his best to show his friends that he was ok, he knew in his heart that it wasn't ok and that it wouldn't be ok for a very long time. He started trying to think of ways that he would be able to deal with the pain and guilt on a long term scale, which meant only one thing to him: he had to become an Auror.
He approached Professor McGonagall several weeks before school began again about the subject. "An Auror, Mr. Potter." Her eyes, softened by sympathy for his loss, still bored into him. "That is quite an…ambitious career goal," she said diplomatically.
He nodded, meeting her eyes and showing his determination. "Yes, it is and I can do it. I have the scores to do it," he added, almost defiantly.
"There's no doubt Mr. Potter that you have the intelligence, but what I fear you lack is the discipline. Being an Auror means one would have to follow rules occasionally," she said pointedly.
"I can follow rules," he said defensively, then muttered softly, "I just choose not to."
McGonagall couldn't help but smirk slightly when he said that. "Well then Mr. Potter, you need to begin to make some different choices in your life. NEWT level classes in Auror subjects are not easy, they take a lot of self-discipline and study."
"I can do it," he said solemnly. He had to do it, he needed to help bring down Voldemort if it was the last thing he did, and becoming an Auror would train him to do just that.
She regarded him carefully, speaking softly and gently, "I believe you can Mr. Potter." Her gaze sharpened again, and she spoke briskly, "I will change your schedule then Mr. Potter. I would suggest that any free time you have, you study to be prepared for this year. It will not be easy."
"Thank you Professor McGonagall, you won't be sorry." He nodded to her and took his leave from her office.
O o o o o o o o o o o o o o O
So in between his exploring with the Marauders, James tried to study for his NEWT level classes that he had not been prepared to take, namely Charms and Potions. He wasn't worried about DADA or Transfiguration, but the other two subjects were more challenging for him. He had just barely managed to qualify to continue on in the classes, so he took McGonagall's advice to heart.
He tried to hide his studying, he hadn't told his friends about his change in career plans. They would try and talk him out of it or fuss over it too much, knowing how it was related to his parents. So he kept it to himself, reading books at night and when he had a moment alone, plus he was secretly afraid he would fail and he didn't want that to be common knowledge.
Before he knew it, students began returning to Hogwarts, making his covert studying even more difficult. He had a reputation to keep up, after all. He lounged in the common room with the rest of the Marauders the night of the welcome banquet. He and Sirius were inspecting all the girls in Gryffindor; well, to be honest, Sirius was inspecting them, James was half-heartedly playing along.
Lily Evans had, of course, come back and he couldn't help staring at her, nodding occasionally to Sirius to keep up the appearance of interest. She turned around and caught him staring, looking at him oddly. He looked away, trying to seem nonchalant. Her voice drifting over his shoulder surprised him.
"I'm sorry, Potter." He turned around to look at her, a sad expression on her face. "About, you know…"
James felt a flare of anger at her pity. "Whatever, Evans. I know you can't stand me, so don't start pitying poor old me now," he said harshly.
She recoiled at his tone, muttered a quick farewell and retreated to her friends. "What did you do that for you prat?" Sirius inquired with a sigh, "She was actually voluntarily speaking to you, that should make you happy."
"She pities poor James Potter, orphaned by Him." He was aware of his voice raising slightly and Sirius' expression becoming concerned. "I don't need her pity, or yours!" He stood up and stormed off to his room, drawing the curtains tight around the bed.
O o o o o o o o o O
"Can you tell him I'm sorry?" Lily approached Sirius later that night. She looked guilty and didn't meet his eyes.
"I'm not sure if he's talking to me either at this point," Sirius said with a shrug.
She sighed, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."
"Look, don't sweat it, I know James can't stay mad at you for very long," Sirius said with a grin.
She cocked an eyebrow in the air curiously, "Why not?"
Sirius was struck dumb for a moment when Remus came to his rescue, picking up the conversation thread easily, "He doesn't want to get on the bad side of a Prefect."
"Oh." She nodded, "Speaking of which Remus, we have a meeting in twenty minutes, don't forget."
Remus nodded as Sirius whispered to him gratefully, "Thanks, mate. James would have hexed me into next week if I had said something." Remus rolled his eyes and patted him on the back, going to gather his stuff for the Prefect meeting.
O o o o o o o o o o o O
"Hey James…?" Peter called hesitantly into the room.
"What is it, Wormtail?" James said with a sigh.
Peter walked into their shared dorm, shrugging, "Just wanted to get away from everyone downstairs." He purposefully avoided saying that he was concerned about his friend, knowing that it would piss him off. "Sirius was starting to get on my nerves a bit." He sat down on his bed, across from James.
James pulled back the curtains with a sigh, "What's he doing now?"
"Nothing really, I just get tired of constantly rating the girls. It's not like any of them are going to go out with me," he said matter-of-factly. "Not with you and Sirius around."
James winced, not bothering to deny the truth in the statement. He and Sirius were popular and considered good-looking and apart from Lily, he could probably get most of the girls to agree to a date with him, if he wanted, same as Sirius. "I'm sorry…" he began.
"I don't want your pity, any more than you want theirs." Peter snapped. He relaxed a bit, "But I'm ok with it, really. You guys are good friends and it's not like I'd be getting many girls without you either. I've gone places I'd never thought I'd go with you three."
James smiled sadly, "We do make a pretty good team. I guess you blokes are the only family I have left."
"Bloody hell James, don't start getting sentimental on me." Peter said uncomfortably. "Save that for your girlfriend." He laughed and threw a pillow at his friend.
"Don't make me jinx you. Or worse, set you up for the next Hogsmeade trip!" James smirked and threw the pillow back at Peter.
"Merlin forbid. You'd probably set me up with Enid from Slytherin." They both gave a shudder at the thought.
James stood and took Peter into a headlock and rubbed his knuckles slightly into his friend's scalp, "Nah, not even I would do that. And thanks, mate." He didn't need to specify exactly what for, they both knew.
"Isn't that what I'm for?" Peter grinned wryly, "But, if you ever want to get out of here, I'm sure Mum and Dad would love to have you over."
"Thanks," he said sincerely. Then he grinned, "Though, since most of us are living at Hogwarts now, we just need to get you confined to the Castle for the next holidays."
Peter snorted, "No way Prongs. My mom would send me a howler a day if I got confined to the Castle. But I'm sure she'd let me sign on to stay with my friends. Especially," he continued in a high falsetto, mocking his mother, "for that poor James Potter boy."
They both dissolved into laughter and James felt much better. He wouldn't have to face Christmas alone without his parents, the rest of the Marauders would help him through.
O o o o o o o o o o O
Thank you to my reviews, they are very appreciated :) And thanks for the tips Lacy; I'm used to a much smaller and more 'informal' fandom, it takes some getting used to playing with the big boys. :D And thanks fireinu for the review. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So, read, review, tell your friends :)