Chapter Nine: Tears and Washtubs
Buffy immediately took off for the woods that Willow had disappeared into. Despite her conflicting emotions, and her concern that Willow was wandering alone in an unknown land, she still couldn't stop herself from reveling in this place. It was as though every blade of grass and flower petal was perfect. There were none of the visible signs of the death half of nature, like broken limbs and rotting trunks and plants fighting for a place in the sun. She pressed forward, following the sound of running water, and finally found Willow and the river at the same time. Her friend was kneeling in a small glade of flowers near its edge, head bent so that tendrils of her fiery hair covered her face. She gave no indication that she knew anyone was coming. Buffy sat quietly beside her and watched the waters of the river pass by.
After a while, Willow said, "Arwen was right. There are no good witches."
"Willow, you're a good witch."
"I'm not, Buffy. I'm not. Why did you want me to come here? Because I can't do last year again. I wasn't ready, but I did what needed to be done. But I can't live like that, Buffy. I have nothing but the remorse stage and the getting things done stage. My soul can't take it."
"But you've changed. You went all white goddessy instead of black veiny when you did the slayer spell. Kennedy couldn't stop talking about it."
"I don't think that was me, Buffy. I think that was the power of the Guardians. It was their magic that I tapped into. That just leaves me as black veiny Willow."
"I think you're wrong. It leaves you as conduit Willow. You are not evil, and you never were. But you channeled dark magick and you let it control you, because you didn't know that there was another way. That not all power is black. But our world is so full of it, and we asked so much of you, that you took the power regardless of its shape. So many things have gone wrong, Willow, that I can't even breathe when I look back at them. All I see are the people I let down. And you're the one I let down the most."
"Funny, I feel exactly the same about you, Buffy," Willow sniffled. "How do we get beyond this? Because if we don't it'll suffocate us, and we'll be useless. Galadriel was right."
"Stupid elves with their perceptiveness and TV commercial hair," Buffy muttered. Willow stared at her, and they both started to laugh and then to cry. They wrapped their arms around each other and let the river drown out their tears.
Arwen went to see Galadriel. They had agreed that she would approach the girls and try to learn more, as she wasn't as intimidating as the Lady. After spending an afternoon with them, she felt like they were on their way to becoming friends, and she felt guilty for even the most innocent deceit. She sat down next to her grandmother, whom she found at her mirror.
"How fare our young champions?" Galadriel asked, adopting the name Buffy had used.
Arwen sighed. "There is so much pain there. They have endured more than their share of sacrifice and loss, and yet feel I only learned but drop in the river's worth of what there is to know. They have a strong bond and love shines clearly between them, yet so does guilt and bitterness. It is this last that worries me. I have used my sight to delve more deeply, and it is clear that they have not dealt with their anger."
"It seems, young one, that you have learned much more than I expected. I merely thought you would learn who they were in their world, and what is the nature of their power. For both are powerful, indeed. It seems their power increases tenfold when they are together, but they do not know this."
"I think I am making friends, grandmother," Arwen said shyly. She told Galadriel all that she had heard, and the shock and sorrow on her grandmother's face frightened her a little. She was usually so serene and calm in all situations.
"They are so young, and have packed elven lifetimes worth of horror into a mere counting of years. I come to see why Buffy expresses bitterness towards the Powers That Be. The Valar are mercurial, and their ways are often strange, but never have they been so careless with those that serve them. I know that these women, these champions, were sent to aid us, but I will not allow them to be used wantonly. I am glad I had them brought here early. They will have time in which to heal before they are tested. Because I wish it!" Her steely gaze flashed in the afternoon light and Arwen had never seen her evince such power. It was not her way, but she had been stirred. Arwen was just glad that her new friends had Galadriel as their friend rather than its opposite.
Arwen left Galadriel by her mirror, after promising that she'd find the young women and invite them to the Great Hall that night. Later that afternoon, she began her search. Retracing her steps, she paused at the edge of the wood at the sight of Haldir.
"Suilad Haldir," Arwen smiled.
"Lady Arwen, well met."
"I am looking for our young friends. Have you seen them?" she asked.
"I have not, but I have just returned from perimeter watch."
"They were headed that way when I saw them last," Arwen said gesturing towards the woods she was facing.
"I will accompany you to look, if you would like."
"Thank you. Are there tidings from outside the Golden Wood?"
"Nay, it has been quiet these past days." They walked on in silence for a while, and then stopped when they reached the river. There, at it's edge, Buffy and Willow had passed from grief into sleep, and lay intertwined among the golden flowers. Their tearstained faces belied their peaceful expressions, but did not taint the beauty of the scene. The elves looked at each other and smiled, amused.
"It is heartening in these darkening days to come across something so strange and wondrous, even to eyes that have watched millennia pass." Haldir said.
Arwen smiled, thinking that she and Haldir would get along much better now that they had something to agree upon. "Their days have ever been dark, and yet they somehow find whimsy and hope." Her tone completely changed and she smirked at the elf beside her. "I like them."
"Should we wake them up?" he asked.
Buffy woke up first, feeling confused. She could hear the gentle sounds of the river and someone speaking softly in an elvish tongue nearby. Once again she felt like she'd had the best sleep of her life, which was especially odd since she'd entered it crying. She was lying on her back and the next thing she noticed was that there were arms around her and a leg stretched over her own. She opened her eyes. Willow was next to her, and somehow they'd gotten all tangled up in their sleep. Her face was a foot away, and Buffy momentarily forgot the voices as she watched her. Willow groaned a little, and then slowly opened her eyes. She was surprised to see Buffy so close. And her arms around Buffy's torso. And her leg… Woah! She could tell the alarm showed on her face, because Buffy looked worried.
"You OK, Will?" she whispered.
"Yeah," Willow whispered back, and then decided to relax. "Why are we whispering?"
"I don't know," Buffy whispered, and then giggled.
"Good sleep?"
"Good sleep." They untangled their arms and legs and sat up, looking around them as they yawned. A very amused looking Arwen and Haldir were standing off to one side talking quietly. The slayer and the witch glanced at each other, feeling slightly embarrassed.
Buffy stood up and greeted the duo. "Hey guys. What's up?"
"What's up?" Haldir repeated, confused.
"As in, what's going on, how are you, that kind of thing."
"Ah. Arwen was looking for you and I decided to help," he smiled.
"Are you feeling better?" Arwen asked, concerned.
Buffy turned to Willow, questioning. "Actually, yeah," the redhead replied. "We never really got to sleep much in Sunnydale, what with evil coming out at night and school and jobs coming out during the day…"
"School and jobs?" Arwen asked. Buffy haltingly explained their school system and the concept of working for pay.
"Your world sounds very organized," Haldir said.
"I guess it has to be cuz there are so many people," Willow commented. They walked back into the city together, and then Haldir left for a meeting of the guard.
Arwen turned to them and said, "Come with me to my dwelling. Galadriel has requested that you come to the Great Hall tonight. I have dresses that, with a little alteration, should fit you well. You will be able to bathe there, too."
They agreed and followed her. "Galadriel mentioned wanting to talk to us when we woke up," Buffy mentioned.
"She has decided to put it off until tomorrow," Arwen replied. "I hope you do not mind, but I shared with her some of what we spoke about today." She grinned at them suddenly. "I have not seen her so animated in many hundreds of years. I think she likes you." They each tried on a dress and Arwen sent them to be mended. Then, she had two large washtubs brought in. "I will return for you at dusk," she told them. Two tall elves placed the tubs in the center of the room and then filled them before leaving Arwen's house. Buffy and Willow looked at each other.
"So," Willow began. "Two tubs, one room..." she trailed off.
"These elves aren't really big with the privacy," Buffy agreed.
"We could take turns?" Willow offered.
"But then the water'll get all cold. Look Wil, I'm OK with this if you are."
"Right!" she replied brightly. "I mean, we're friends, good friends, and this shouldn't be a big deal," she rambled on nervously.
"Exactly," Buffy said, not sounding quite convinced. They wound up turning away from each other to undress quickly, and then hopped into their tubs. Each one was tall and round and bubbled up with amazing smelling soap.
"Oh wow," Willow sighed in contentment as she sank into the tub.
"Seconded," Buffy replied, grinning. "How come I never took baths before?"
"Probably for the same reason you never got a full night's sleep."
"Well, I for one am loving this new world so far. Lots of sleep, gorgeous elves, baths..." she trailed off.
"I wonder how everyone's doing back home," Willow commented after dunking her head under and coming up scrubbing at her hair.
Buffy sighed. "Dawnie. I really hope she's OK." She grabbed her bar of soap and scrubbed between her toes.
"I'm sure she is, Buffy. Dawnie's strong and she's grown up so much. Plus she's got a new friend and protector in Fred."
"Yeah, I really like Fred. I kinda wish we'd found her instead of Team Angel."
Willow smirked. "So she could see you as her knight in shining armor instead of Mr. Broody-pants?"
Buffy blushed. "That's not what I meant. And anyway, I think you would be the knight."
"Wanna know something embarrassing?"
"Always," Buffy replied, moving to the other side of her tub to be closer. She ducked under along the way and began to work suds into her hair as she listened.
"OK, so I went to help re-ensoul Angel and some big nasty was using major mojo to try and stop me. It kept doing all these showy tricks, but I wasn't fooled, so I told everyone to ignore them and I finished the spell. Fred was really fascinated with the magicks that I used and kept telling me that we should spend more time together. She looked so eager and flushed that I thought she was coming on to me. So I told her that I was seeing someone, and she got really confused. Then I realized she had no idea how she looked, she was just so excited to find a kindred spirit. Must've been those five years in a cave. Culture lag. But boy was my face red!" Willow blushed.
Buffy burst out laughing, and Willow threw her bar of soap at her, causing her to shriek and fall back into her tub. She resurfaced and tossed the soap back to Willow. "That's my Wil, leaving broken hearts all across the Western Hemisphere." Willow growled at her.
"Me?" she protested. "You've dated way more people than I have. And most of them weren't people," she smirked.
"This from the girl who dated a demon, a werewolf, a witch, and a potential slayer." Buffy shot back.
"Kennedy doesn't count. She's human."
"The jury's still out on that one," Buffy said, and then gasped.
"BUFFY!" Willow screeched, and chucked a sponge at her. Buffy was still shocked at herself and didn't see the sponge until it hit her in the face with a loud thwock. Willow collapsed into giggles at the sight.
"I'm sorry, Wil, that was really rude," she said chagrined.
"But not entirely untrue," Willow replied, and then sighed. "Why are we so unlucky in love?"
"I thought we agreed years ago that we were doomed to failure because of the Hellmouth," Buffy said.
"True." Willow paused and then spoke tentatively. "Buffy, can I ask you something?"
"Sure," Buffy answered.
"Have you ever been happy with anyone? I know all of our relationships have ended in disaster, but with Oz and Tara there was a period where everything was perfect, where we'd worked through our problems and things were how they're supposed to be."
Buffy looked thoughtful. "I've been in love, but I've never had what you described. With Angel it was all tied in with death, and we never got past the doomed, star-crossed lovers part. You wanna know something I've never admitted?" Willow nodded. "The reason Angel and I didn't work out wasn't cuz of the obvious vampire/slayer, immortal/mortal stuff. It was Angel. I'm the slayer, full of power rooted in darkness, and my life is guaranteed to be short. But he refused to see that. He insisted on treating me like some flighty schoolgirl with a crush on the dark, mysterious stranger. He kept saying that I deserved sunlight and children and a future. He couldn't admit that for me, there is no future. There is only now, and I belong in the dark. What did it matter that he's immortal when I only had five more years of life, at best. All I wanted was to be loved."
"Wow, Buffy. I'm sorry. I never really saw it that way."
"Well, I really only recently figured this out. Hell, Spike understood me better than Angel even when we hated each other. But our tragedy is that we ruined our chance because he had no soul and I couldn't seem to feel mine," Buffy broke off. "And Riley…"
"Was never in the running," Willow interjected. Buffy looked at her, shocked. "It was obvious. But all that stuff Angel didn't get? I didn't get that either, Buffy. I wanted you to be a normal girl just as much as you did."
"I made the same mistake. I tried to pretend you hadn't changed, that all this magick and power were separate from you. I was wrong about myself, and I was wrong about you, too. I wish I'd helped you more."
"As Xander would say, that was the then, this is the now. What say we don't do guiltapalooza?" Willow replied.
"Agreed. 'Sides, I'm getting all pruny." They forgot about feeling awkward and stepped out of their baths to get dressed. As she brushed her long hair, Buffy continued to talk. "You know, I think that the gang's all better off where we left them."
"I think so, too. I wonder how much time has passed there?"
"Who knows," Buffy laughed. "I can't even figure out how much time has passed here." They finished getting ready and turned to face each other. Buffy was picking uncomfortably at her dress. "I haven't worn anything this elaborate since that Halloween costume. I hope I don't turn into an elf!" Her dress was a golden color that complimented her hair and skin tone.
"Oh, Buffy, you look beautiful!" Willow exclaimed. "That color is perfect." Her own dress was a deep, velvety green that brought out her eyes.
"Wow, you look great!" Buffy squealed. "I feel like I'm going to a ball." Then she frowned, "Where do I put my stake?"
Willow burst out laughing. "Buffy, I think you can take the night off." She grinned as her friend compromised by strapping it to her thigh under the heavy layers of fabric.
"That'll have to do, but it's gonna take me a year to find it again!" Buffy harrumphed. They looked at each other and both envisioned her frantically trying to find her stake as a vampire menaced nearby. They began to giggle hysterically.
At that moment, Arwen glided into the room. "Is there something on my face?" she asked nonchalantly, and they laughed some more. The elf smiled and waited for them to collect themselves. "Are you ready?"
"I think so," Buffy said.
"Definitely," Willow said at the same time. They left Arwen's house and walked through the city again.
"It's funny, I feel like we've been here for weeks, but this is the first time we've seen it after dark," Buffy commented.
"It's beautiful," Willow breathed. They were surrounded by green, gold, and silver lights that twinkled like stars. "Do all elves live in trees like this?"
"No," Arwen replied. "The elves of the Golden Wood are the only ones. Elves have an affinity for nature and all live in harmony with the land, but they dwell in a variety of places. Some live by the Sea, some live in caves or so I've heard, but most live in great cities on the ground." They walked on in silence until they reached the Great Hall, which was covered in lights. There were elves playing instruments and singing, while others sat eating together at tables. Presiding over all was a large table at the back of the hall, raised above the rest, where the Lord and Lady sat with their court. They were dressed all in white again, and their glow cast light throughout the entire space. As they stopped in the entryway, Buffy fidgeted with her dress.
"Lose something, Buffy?" Arwen asked solicitously and Buffy just stared at her.
"Do you hear everything?" she asked.
Arwen smirked for a moment, and then said, "The Lady has asked us to join them."
"She has?" Willow was confused. "Oh, in your head right?" Suddenly Buffy and Willow both heard her voice welcoming them. They approached the dais and were motioned to take seats across from the Lord and Lady.
"Good evening," Galadriel said musically. "I trust you rested well?"
"Welcome, ladies. You both look lovely," Celeborn added.
They both bowed quickly before sitting down. "I feel great," Buffy admitted, smiling.
"Thank you for inviting us to your hall, it's beautiful," said Willow.
"Has Arwen made your stay more comfortable?" Galadriel inquired as they ate.
Both young women flashed secretive smiles at Arwen, and Galadriel was happy to know her granddaughter had indeed made new friends. "Definitely," said Buffy. "She's been very helpful."
"I am glad," The Lady replied. "You should know that she has spoken to me of the things you told her. From this point on, I will ask her to break no confidences, but I felt that this was an easier way to learn more about you. I've been told that I can be intimidating," she finished with a pointed glance at her husband.
"Don't worry," Willow rushed to assure her. "He's intimidating, too." Then she blushed and Celeborn laughed.
"Lucky are we to know ladies so dark of destiny that hold such lightness of spirit," he said with a smile that was teasingly flirtatious, and suddenly he was not an ancient lord but a virile, handsome male. This time both young women blushed.
"Careful, grandfather, or you will disabuse all such stereotypes of the cold, barrenness of elves," Arwen said, smiling.
"Indeed," Celeborn replied. "We must not disturb the air of mystery that keeps the world at bay. You ladies are never permitted to leave the Golden Wood," he announced, mock-solemnly.
"Awesome!" Buffy exclaimed, and everyone laughed.
"You have spent enough time with us," Galadriel then said, smiling, "You may go and join the festivities. When you wake tomorrow, please come speak with me." They nodded and bowed, and then they each grabbed one of Arwen's hands.
"You're coming with," Willow said as they dragged her away, and Arwen giggled helplessly.
"Why she seems like a young elfling again," Celeborn commented.
"Yes. Our dear one has made friends. My heart tells me they will keep her light shining brightly against the coming darkness," Galadriel replied quietly as they watched the trio dance together on the floor.