Prompt: Can you do a post ep for last night's episode where Deeks is sad and tells Kensi about his day and also talks about his dad and Kensi comforts him
"You look like you could use this," Kensi said, coming up behind Deeks on the back patio. A cookie appeared in his field of vision, and he chuckled, accepting the offering.
"Thanks." He turned it slowly between his fingers instead of taking a bite. Kensi looped her arms around his upper chest, kissing the back of his neck.
"Rough day?"
"That's one way of putting it," Deeks answered. He put the cookie to the side and laid his hand over hers, sighing heavily as a wave of exhaustion permeated his body. In some ways, it felt like he'd aged significantly in just a few hours. He turned his head enough to see Kensi's face.
"Today's case involved a murdered Navy Lieutenant. The prime suspect was his wife, Alice, uh—"Deeks paused to scratch at the side of his head. "She was the victim of domestic abuse."
"Oh my god. Deeks," Kensi gasped, releasing him to come around and sit by his side. "Is she ok?"
"I mean, he's dead, so she's safe. And we found her a place to stay for now, but, uh, no. No, she's probably, not ok at all," he said honestly. "At least she can maybe start healing now."
Taking his hand, Kensi shook it slightly to get him to look at her.
"Are you ok?"
He inhaled unsteadily. It was such a loaded and complicated question.
"No, not really." His throat tightened and he had to look away to control himself. "After I figured out that she'd been abused, I told her a story about my and me when my dad was still in the picture to get her to open up."
Kensi made a sharp noise, her hand squeezing around his, but didn't interrupt.
"It was like I was ten all over again. I could almost feel the bruises on my legs and arms."
"Oh baby."
He rubbed his hands over his face, barely hearing Kensi's soft exclamation or her hands over his.
"I hate that he still has that control over me after all this time and even though he's dead," he continued softly. "I thought I'd finally put that part of my life behind me." He blinked back the tight, heavy feeling of building tears behind his eyes.
"Deeks, he doesn't control you," Kensi told him, shifting to cup his chin. He leaned into her touch, feeling weak and defeated in a way he hadn't for a long time.
"Then why does it hurt so damn much?" he whispered.
"I don't know why. I wish i did." Kensi brushed her thumb over his cheek, her tenderness bringing his tears front and center. "But something I do know is that you are strong, and caring enough to share that part of yourself with Alice. Even though you knew how it could affect you."
"Sometimes I wish I didn't care so much." He made a bitter sound, and Kensi shook her head gently.
"I don't. It's one of the many reasons I love you, and what makes you such a good man," Kensi told him, thumbing away a tear as it rolled down his cheek. Without another word, she tugged him into her arms, holding him as he cried in earnest. For Alice, for the ten-year-old boy he was once, and for the man who felt he'd never be quite whole.