I am so sorry for another long delay! I am in my last semester of college so all my focus has been on that. Many life changes have happened in the last few months, but my passion has reignited for writing and continuing this story.

I want to thank everyone who continues to read this story, it means more to me than you all know.
I took extra time on this chapter, and hope it was worth the wait.

Love always - Ash

TW: descriptions of death/sensation of death

SSV Normandy

2183

"Disengaging FTL drives, emission sinks active. Board is green, we're running silent." Joker spoke into his comm, his face resting on his hand, bored as the Normandy cruised leisurely through the Terminus system.

"We're wasting our time," Pressley replied gruffly, holding a datapad. "Four days searching up and down this sector and we haven't found any sign of geth activity."

Joker glanced back at the XO for a moment, then returned his interest to his flight controls. "Three ships went missing here in the past month, something happened to them."

"My money's on slavers, the Terminus system is crawling with them. I know mistakes are possible, could be a false flag, but we have orders to check so that's what we're gonna do." Pressley left the cockpit, pacing as he made his way back to his post.

Shepard approached from behind, yawning and clutching her mug of coffee tightly, trying to warm up. Early mornings always felt so cold on the ship; maybe the frigid temperature helped the night crew stay awake, she thought to herself. She stood behind Joker, looking at the vast void of space and stars that twinkled so many light years away.

"You're up early, Pressley is still scheduled as XO for another hour," Joker commented, without fully turning his head.

"Having trouble sleeping lately, not sure why I'm feeling so restless." She replied sleepily, taking a sip of her coffee. She made a face from the bitter taste, wishing the ship wasn't out of creamer.

"Well we hit a lull, who knew looking for possible pockets of geth activity could be so damn boring. We haven't encountered anything remotely interesting in nearly a week." Joker sighed. He swiveled around in his chair to face the commander. "Damn I've never seen you up here in your pajamas before."

Shepard chuckled lightly, brushing her disheveled, long hair out of her face. "You're right, I really need to get ready. Just wanted to check up on how everything's going first. Where are we exactly?"

Joker swiveled back around, "in the Terminus systems still, Omega Nebula, Amada system. Apparently there's been "unusual activity" reports coming from there." Joker used air quotes to emphasize 'unusual activity. "Three ships going MIA and there's nothing to show for it, could be batarians for all we know out here."

"Well it's better to be safe than sorry."

"I guess, I mean everything after saving the Citadel from Sovereign and stopping Saren feels so-"

"Inconsequential?" Shepard finished his sentence, giving Joker a wry smile.

"That's one way of putting it, but I guess it's nice to have some R&R every once in a while, hell we didn't even have to request shore leave."

"We're in the Terminus systems in an Alliance vessel, we're bound to run into something . Just have to be on alert." Shepard added.

"Hmph, that's rich coming from someone wearing their pajamas." Joker deadpanned.

Shepard punched him playfully on the shoulder, being careful to be extra gentle because of his Vrolik's syndrome.

"Shut up, I'm going now to get changed." She replied lightly, turning on her heel to return to her quarters. "Do you think we can stop somewhere to get some more creamer and sugar? Coffee just isn't the same without it."

"Coffee? Aren't you usually a tea person?" He questioned.

"Yeah, but we ran out of that, too." She replied with a sigh.

"I mean I can try to find a trader out here, it's so easy to get ripped off though."

"That's true, oh well, if we can, we can." She said with a shrug.

As Shepard left the cockpit, Pressley waved her down.

"Commander, the krogan and quarian are requesting to be dropped off within the next week or so." He informed her.

"Makes sense, our mission with Saren is completed so now everyone wants to return to their normal lives. I'll let them know we can swing back around to the Attican Traverse after we're done checking on this… "activity." "

"The asari and turian don't want to leave, so I'm sure that'll cause conflict down the line." Pressley muttered grumpily.

"Hey, there's no need for that, Navigator. They helped us save the galaxy, they can stay on the Normandy as long as they'd like. Branching relations between humans and council species is important, you should know this by now." Shepard countered.

"I know, I know, I like them, Shepard, I do. I just don't want the Alliance to start blowing smoke for some non- Alliance personnel staying on the ship." Pressley explained, relaxing his posture a bit.

"It'll be fine, I can deal with them when the time comes. Alright I'm going to go get ready so I can relieve you on time." Shepard assured him.

Shepard returned to her quarters, placing her cup of coffee by her terminal. Alerts sounded from the screens, making her aware of the dozens of unread emails she had received in just a couple hours. She sighed, taking off her pajamas and dragging her feet to the bathroom. She turned the shower on full blast, making it as hot as it could possibly go. She scrubbed herself down quickly, watching her fair skin turn red from the heat and friction. She gave her hair a quick wash and rinse, then turned off the nozzle, then proceeded to wring her hair dry with her hands. She rubbed her eyes as she blindly made it over to her bathroom sink.

She peered down at the sink, running cold water to splash on her face to wake her up faster. She suddenly felt a chill run down her spine; the hair on the back of her neck stood up; she gripped her hands firmly on the sink to stop them from trembling.

Shepard glanced up into the mirror, trying to swallow the all too familiar uneasiness down. She squinted into the mirror, the wafting steam and fog made it difficult to see. She wiped the fogged-up mirror down with her palm.

Behind her reflection stood the grayish strange man-creature. Its gaping mouth unhinged at the jaw as it opened it, revealing grotesque fangs. A horrible, deep growl came from the creature.

Shepard screamed, instantly blasting it with a rush of biotics, sending it flying into the bathroom wall. It slammed into the wall, hard, leaving an indent in the steel. The force of her biotics shattered her bathroom mirror, leaving shards of glass littered everywhere. She dashed out of the bathroom, still illuminated blue, closing the door and locking it on her way out.

How the hell… how could IT be here? She thought frantically.

Shepard panted heavily, staring at her bathroom door in fear, backing away slowly. Red Alert suddenly sounded, basking her cabin in an eerie red light. Shepard gaped up at the emergency lights on the ceiling, circling the dimly lit room. Her locker was located outside the cabin; she scrambled for her under armor clothing then left her cabin in a near state of panic.

She pulled her tank top over her damp body, her fingers fumbling in anxiousness. She pushed her wet hair away from her face as she struggled to pull up her pants. She could taste the adrenaline in her mouth, sour and metallic; her eardrums pounded with the relentless sound of the siren going off across the Normandy; her body shook from her encounter just a few moments before. She had no time to think and pushed the fear of the possiblity of losing her mind down so she could focus on whatever was causing a state of emergency on the ship.

She dared a glance back toward her locked bathroom door, only to see imprints of the creature trying to claw and pound its way out.

A few moments earlier

"Picking up something on the long-range scanner," one of the navigators announced, seated in close proximity to Joker. "Unidentified vessel, hmm… looks like a cruiser." She swiped by the information the scanner was pouring in, her voice steady but her brows furrowed in confusion.

Pressley studied her readings from behind her seat, as Joker gazed at the readings from his own screen.

"Doesn't match any known signatures…" Joker replied, squinting at the confusing data. Joker noticed a change in the Normandy's pull from the gravity from the nearby planet's descent; something else was now added to the equation.

"Cruiser is changing course, now on intercept trajectory." The navigator reported.

"Can't be, the stealth systems are engaged," Pressley looked over at his own screen, taken aback. "There's no way a geth ship could possib-"

"It's not the geth…" Joker interrupted in fearful awe. "Brace for evasive maneuvers!" Joker adjusted in his seat and took full control of the Normandy.

The mysterious, looming cruiser fired a beam at the ship. Joker did his best to avoid it, but the gravitational pull of the planet made it harder to move the. The beam seared through the top of Normandy's hull. Pressley's work station exploded, sending him tumbling backwards into unconsciousness. A fire broke out into the cockpit, causing the ship's emergency systems to automatically activate Red Alert. The female navigator tried to spring up to help Pressley, but her console had also exploded, sending her down to the ground.

"Kinetic barriers down, multiple hull breaches, weapons offline! Somebody get that fire out!" Joker yelled frantically, keeping his focus pinned on his console.

Another deadly beam directly hit the Normandy, leaving it tilting and losing more altitude as it tried to move further from the planet. Almost the entirety of the inside of the Normandy was on fire, the inertia dampeners had failed making the crew feel every stomach-churning jerky movement. The G-force alone was making crew members begin to lose consciousness, while deadly smoke posed an even greater threat with suffocation.

Kaidan frantically dashed around the ship looking for Shepard; his hands groping blindly into the thick smoke as he searched from room to room. His helmet made it harder to navigate through the burning ship, even with night vision on it was useless, but the dropping oxygen levels and rising carbon dioxide levels made wearing it necessary. Crew members shoved past him, desperately trying to locate functioning escape pods. Many fell before they could reach safety, either dying from the flames or loss of consciousness; Kaidan tried his best not to accidently trample onto them as he ran around the ship - the sight was hellish.

"Shepard!" His voice drowned out by the explosions and chaos.

Outside the med bay Shepard was fully suiting up into her armor, wobbling and unorthodox as the ship continued to jolt and tilt out of control. She knew Joker was damn near giving himself a stroke from sheer concentration on keeping the Normandy sturdy manually. With her helmet secure, she started hastily inputting orders to launch a distress beacon on a nearby terminal. With all the mayhem she had already pushed the memory of the creature sighting in the back of her mind.

Kaidan turned a corner, seeing Shepard with her back to him, solely focused on the terminal. He exhaled with a mixture of both relief and terror, reaching and grabbing her shoulder, turning her around to face him.

"Distress beacon is ready for launch," she reported, panting heavily.

"Will the Alliance get here in time?" Kaidan asked, holding on to any fleeting hope he could grasp.

Shepard stared wordlessly at him. Another powerful jolt made both of them lose balance, grabbing onto each other to remain stable. Shepard and Kaidan both grabbed some nearby fire extinguishers and attempted to put out the fires, roaring with growing intensity and proximity. It was a useless effort to even try and extinguish the flames.

"I don't know, but I doubt they would abandon us. You need to focus on finding the others and make sure as many crew members can reach the escape pods as possible." Shepard ordered, emptying her entire fire extinguisher, then tossing it to the ground.

"I won't abandon the ship, or you!" Kaidan objected, taking a strong step forward.

Another explosion made the ship shake violently, this time a horrible groaning pitch of metals under pressure rang through the ship like a bell. It was only a matter of time before the ship started gaining re-entry velocity under the influence of the planet's relentless gravity. It was holding itself together by a mere thread.

"Get the crew to the evac shuttles," Shepard glanced back toward the direction of the cockpit, "I'll take care of Joker."

"Forget it, Shepard! We're going together! I won't leave you!"

"I'm the commander of this ship, Kaidan, and you're my first lieutenant! It is my job to make sure everyone still alive exits the ship safely, and that means you!" Shepard snapped, taking a staggering step around him.

"Shepard, I-"

"Go, I'll meet you at the escape pod!" Shepard waved him on, leaving reluctantly as she watched his silhouette disappear in the smoke.

Shepard made her way as quickly as she could through the ship. Even in her armor she could feel the heat from the outside environment, even with the filtration system in her suit it was nearly too much to handle. A flickering, dying terminal displayed many of the escape pods deploying, and she watched as her chances of survival lowered closer and closer to zero. She walked briskly away from the terminal, pushing forward and keeping looming thoughts of doom out of her mind the best she could. She kept her mouth clenched sternly, her eyes focusing on reaching the cockpit.

"Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! This is SSV Normandy!" Joker's voice exclaimed through the ship's intercom system. "Suffered heavy damage from an unknown enemy, come on hold together…"

Shepard opened the door leading to the CIC. Any remaining oxygen and gases were immediately sucked out of the previous room. She gripped the door frame for support as her armored boots automatically switched to being magnetized. The CIC was completely exposed to the vacuum of space by an enormous hole above the bridge. All the deafening chaos had immediately quieted into an eerie gentleness, as the planet's blueish atmosphere basked the deck in a calming light. Shepard wished she could move faster, but her boots kept her pinned and awkwardly stomping the rest of the way. The only sound she could hear was her own haggard breathing as she slowly approached the cockpit. A protective atmospheric bubble had deployed around the cockpit, she was grateful to see Joker alive with a safety oxygen visor on, and still trying to steer the ship. Shepard finally entered the bubble.

"Come on, Joker, we have to get out of here!" Shepard altered him.

"No! I won't abandon the Normandy! I can still still save her!" He pleaded, still frantically swiping the computer's controls as he sat.

"The Normandy's lost, going down with the ship won't change that."
Joker glanced down solemnly for a moment, his face falling into a terrible expression of sadness Shepard had never witnessed on him before.

"Yeah, okay…" He reluctantly agreed, sitting up carefully from his pilot's chair. She helped him up, slinging her arm around him.

The ship's sensors started to blare like crazy, they both glanced at the pilot's terminal and out the window of the cockpit to see the mysterious ship start to approach them again.

"They're coming back around for another attack!" Joker exclaimed, alarmed.

Another deadly beam fired and hit the ship, Shepard and Joker watched helplessly from behind the atmospheric bubble as the Normandy was seared in half. Shepard grabbed Joker, probably rougher than she should've, and placed him into the nearest, and last surviving escape pod by the cockpit. The ship was falling apart, the atmospheric bubble had finally given out. Shepard was flung from the doorframe of the escape pod like a ragdoll. She gripped a nearby wall as the artificial gravity failed to keep her grounded.

"Commander!" Joker called perilously, his hand extending in her direction.

Pieces of the ship were breaking off and descending into the planet. As Shepard hung onto the outer wall, she knew attempting to make it back to the escape pod was pointless, and that Joker would die waiting for her to get to safety. Another beam had cut in between them, searing any safe passage she had toward her only means of escape. She stared through the white hot energy ray from the beam at Joker, his face contorted in desperation as he watched her float on the little scrap that remained from the Normandy.

Shepard knew this was it, she knew what she had to do to ensure Joker survived. She knew she was going to die.

Even with the gravest realization of her own demise there was a stillness to her decision and her final moment of resolve. Of course her heart hammered fearfully in her chest and her stomach was somersaulting with anxiety, but her mind was nearly blank and hyper focused on pressing the large red button to release the escape pod. Shepard let go of the wall, and forced herself in the current zero gravity state to reach just far enough to push the button. She could hear Joker's cries of desperation as he called for her; just hearing his voice made tears prickle in the corner of her eyes. Her fingertips brushed the button, just enough to activate the door and send the last escape pod hurtling down to the planet. She spun around slowly in zero gravity, spread out like a starfish as the ship continued to explode around her. A close explosion completely knocked her out of the ship, spiraling from inertia outside of what remained of the fallen vessel.

She watched the last few recognizable pieces of the ship blow up, and whiz past her and closer to the planet behind. The reality of the Normandy being completely destroyed had put her in a trance; the quietness of the vacuum had made it seem almost unreal as she floated in space. From the events starting at the creature appearing in her cabin bathroom to this, she thought to herself how this had to be a dream.

Her armor had reached its capacity, damaged and fried from an error and being jostled around too much. The remaining oxygen had begun to vent slowly out of her armor, she could feel the vacuum pulling out whatever she had left - like the air was being forced from her lungs. She desperately grabbed around her helmet and body, trying to hold onto her armor and press anything she could to stop the venting. She squirmed and writhed in agony, gripping her neck due to the unbearable sensation of being suffocated. She tried to cough and attempted to take deep breaths, her lungs begging for oxygen, but the lack of pressure was causing what was left in her lungs to expand too much and rip her tissues from the inside. The extreme pain was nearly beyond comprehension, or what was left of her rapidly losing consciousness. Her eyes' vision fazed over, her animal instinct to survive and fight death was fading away as the lack of oxygen in her blood damaged and impaired her. Her body movements stilled, and her thoughts faded closer and closer to nothingness.

Before the last excruciating moments of life as asphyxiation reaped her body, part of her recognized that she was falling into the planet along with the rest of the Normandy. She thought of Kaidan, the man she loved, hoping with the last ounce of emotion she could muster from her dying brain that he had made it to an escape pod.

The planet's atmosphere had been pierced, her body now was entering re-entry velocity speeds as the dreamy rotation of gravity turned into a violent freefall. Her body ignited as the speed of her descent broke the sound barrier. She had become a comet in the sky of Alchera, falling in a rain of fire and debris as pieces of the Normandy burned up in the atmosphere. Just another small glimmer of light among hundreds of others.

Shepard was gone.

The escape pod successfully landed on the planet. The safety harness latch finally released, and Kaidan could stand up and check the terminal and activate the safety protocols to open the door. Dr. Chakwas sat across from him, her face dreadfully pale as sweat beaded on her wrinkled forehead. The other crew members moved stiffly, checking their gear and space suits for any damage. Everyone on the escape pod was so rattled with shock they moved so sluggishly that it took several minutes to even get the system going. Kaidan himself was fumbling with the controls of the terminal, finding it hard to focus.

The automated computer began to speak in its robotic voice, making everyone jump.

"DISTRESS BEACON LAUNCHED. DESTINATION OF LANDING: PLANET ALCHERA. LOCATION: AMADA STAR SYSTEM. ATMOSPHERE DETECTED: METHANE AND AMMONIA. TEMPERATURE: NEGATIVE TWENTY-TWO DEGREES CELCIUS. FOR YOUR SAFETY PLEASE ENSURE ENVIRONMENTAL SUITS ARE ON AND SECURE. METHANE CAN CAUSE SUFFOCATION IF EXPOSED TO IN LARGE QUANTITIES FOR MOST LIFEFORMS. AMMONIA IS A RESPIRATORY IRRITANT AND WILL BE HARMFUL TO MOST LIFEFORMS. PLEASE EXIT WITH CAUTION."

"Okay, everyone have their suits on or at least an oxygen visor on?" Kaidan asked the shaky crew.

"Y-Yes…" Chakwas stuttered.

Kaidan could only nod, trying to swallow the hard lump that had formed in the center of his throat. He opened the door; the air of the cold and thick atmosphere immediately rushed in. The planet was covered in ice and snow, dampening the sound of nearby crew members shouting and escape pods landing. The atmosphere was hazy and lifeless, making it hard to see the other escape pods that had landed close by.

"My god…" Chakwas muttered in horror.

Kaidan followed her fearful gaze up toward the sky. Hundreds of debris was falling into the planet like a meteor shower. He felt like he had been punched squarely in the gut by the sight. He could hear crew members crying and huffing to themselves as those exiting the escape pods walked around aimlessly and found each other. Kaidan started to patrol the area, telling anyone he saw to stick together and not wander off too far, but the crew had looked too disoriented and lost to even heed his directions. He started to check the escape pods for survivors. The more he peered into and evaluated the crew, the faster his heart began to beat.

Shepard hadn't been in any of them so far.

He knew she had gone to the CIC to get Joker from the cockpit, so she'd most likely be with Joker in that escape pod. As he searched he continued to desperately grasp onto that fleeting sense of hope that he would find her emerging from one of the pods, maybe a bit banged up, but alive and well.

Kaidan saw a crew member helping Joker out through the thick haze. His frail body clung onto the crew member, trying to balance as he got his footing. Kaidan broke out into a jog, relieved to see Joker.

"Kaidan!"

Kaidan whirled around to find Liara rushing toward him, an oxygen mask covering her mouth. Garrus and Tali followed closely behind, their helmets also secure and undamaged. He was glad to see them okay and unharmed.

"I'm so happy to see you safe!" Liara exclaimed, her vividly blue eyes streaming with tears.

Wrex approached from the other direction, his armor also was on and still hanging on.

"Where's Shepard?" Garrus asked.

"I last saw her trying to reach Joker on the ship, she has to be in the escape pod with him." Kaidan led them closer to Joker, who was now sitting on the ground, his face in his hands.

"I've never seen him so sad, he must be taking the loss of the Normandy hard." Tali whispered.

"The Normandy? We barely escaped with our own lives, and who knows if whatever was driving that murder-ship won't come down here and try and finish the job." Wrex mumbled with a sneer.

"Wrex!" Liara gasped, gazing up at the krogan in terror.

"Let's just hope the Alliance sends reinforcements on time."

Kaidan did his best to ignore their banter. He kneeled down to Joker's eye level, placing a hand on his shoulder to stir him out of his apathy. Joker looked up slowly, his gaze turning steely as he realized it was Kaidan. The expression of devoid-ness made Kaidan's heart sink, but he buried down any horrible assumptions the best he could, but even still he could feel his body start to tremble.

"Where's Shepard?"

Joker's eyes broke contact with Kaidan's, they dropped and refused to linger again. Kaidan could feel his mouth start to go bone dry. Kaidan gave Joker's shoulder a light squeeze, trying to get the pilot to look at him again.

"She's not in here," Garrus announced, looking in the escape pod, his voice a little higher than usual.

Shepard's squad mates froze, now all looking at Joker. He started to shake his head, biting his quivering lip down. Time seemed to slow down to a near halt, Kaidan was suddenly very acutely aware of the bones moving under his skin in his fingers as he continued to apply light pressure to Joker's shoulder. He could hear the blood pulsing and rushing inside his head.

"No…no…" Tali's voice came from behind Kaidan, her tone lament and hushed.

"Joker, where is she?" Kaidan pressed again, his own voice starting to raise a little too high in distress.

Joker finally locked eyes with Kaidan, the look of utter sorrow and regret was plainly noticeable. The world had fully stilled, Kaidan's vision began to vibrate as his body trembled even more. He could hear Liara weeping faintly behind him, but she sounded so far away. Everything around him sounded so far away...

"She went back to save you…" Kaidan tried not to choke on his words, but his voice failed him. "Why isn't she with you? She went to save you…"

A single tear ran down Joker's face, his breath hitched. Kaidan stood up, now towering over the pilot. Kaidan noticed a dampness on his own cheeks and a heaviness behind his eyes; he had started crying, too.

"We both tried to make it to the escape pod, but the ship came back and shot that beam at the Normandy again. She got blown out of the escape pod, and manually released the pod from outside…" Joker cried, his voice cracking. "She-"

Kaidan balled up his fist and moved in to strike Joker in the face. He felt Garrus' talon wrap around his torso and pull him back. Wrex's towering body came in between them. Someone was wailing, it was the most awful and depressing sound he had ever heard. Everything still felt so far away and so outside of his own body that he didn't realize the wailing was coming from him. He collapsed to the icy ground, overcome by grief.

Shepard was really gone.