Lookie lookie! I finally got to use the why-Kouichi-is-weaker-than-Kouji scene that's been in my mind for years!
Warnings: Kidnap-victim trauma, mention of rape, neglect and other things that lead to a severe inferiority complex.
POV: Tomoko Kimura
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon or anything related to it. Don't sue me, I think I need the money for therapy.
Account of Abduction
Chapter 5: Mama
Kouichi was never really Kousei's son.
I've known it for years, ever since the boys were very small. Kousei and I… disagreed on many things, but especially on parenting. Kousei had this mental idea of what a son should be like: strong and athletic, brave and confident. He grew attached to Kouji because he was the son Kousei had always dreamed of.
I think that was also why he nearly rejected Kouichi. Kouichi was everything Kousei thought a son shouldn't be: quiet and meek, kind-hearted and above all else, sickly.
Not that he was sickly his entire life, mind you. Both boys were born the way most twins are, slightly premature and not in the greatest of health. It was three weeks before we were allowed to take them home from the hospital, and even then we had to keep a very close eye on the both of them. But as they got older, they grew into health like any other children.
Well…mostly…
I suppose the separation really started when the boys were four. It was mid-winter, late January at the time. We were on one of the family walks that used to be so common before our relationship fell apart. There was a river near our apartment at the time, one that was only just starting to thaw in the light chill.
The boys were playing with each other as we walked, a game of tag. They were so very close when they were younger, the game was almost never-ending, since they each knew exactly where the other was going to move. Then something strange happened… I don't know if it was the ice or if one of them mis-stepped…but all of a sudden, the boys tripped.
Kouji fell first, I think, and accidentally grabbed Kouichi's ankle. Kouichi stumbled a bit more than his brother and fell to the side, rolling down the bank and straight through the thin ice.
At least, that's what I assume happened. The first Kousei or I saw of the incident was Kouji running back up, frantic, and Kouichi screaming for help down below. Kousei went down after him. The water was barely over a meter high at the time, waist-height on Kousei, and the ice paper-thin, so it was easy enough for him to pluck Kouichi out, but my poor baby was soaked to the bone and freezing.
We went straight home and got them both into a warm bath and dry clothes, hoping that would stem off whatever cold would come, but that wasn't enough. Kouichi-kun got sick, and then he got worse, a severe case of pneumonia that spread into his lungs. It got so bad we had to take him to the hospital, where they kept him for a week.
I remember how worried Kouji was when we took him in. As we left that first night he asked me, "Mama, Ichi-nii's gonna be okay, right?"
I told him he would be, of course. He had to be.
Eventually, with time and medicine, Kouichi managed to recover, but the doctors did tell us that the disease had affected his immune system. As a result, he'd be more susceptible to viruses for the rest of his life, and he did get sick many times when he was a child.
I suppose that's part of the reason Kousei asked me to take him. Kousei was never very good at taking care of the boys when they felt bad, and Kouichi was ill so often he never had a chance to grow strong and good at sports the way Kouji did. Kouichi was my little boy, I was the one he came to when he was sick.
And I loved him for it. He was always so sweet, so loving, so willing to help no matter what mother or I needed, and he never complained, not once. He was sensitive, too, never asking about his father or pressing us for information when he knew Mother and I couldn't handle it.
Although he grew steadily healthier and stronger as the years went by, he always remained somewhat feeble, deep down. I guess that's why it was so easy for that monster to get ahold of him…
( - ) ( - ) ( - )
No one slept that first night after Hiroaki-san brought him home, but then again, no one really wanted to. Kouichi was in tears for hours, clinging to me, to Kouji and even to the Inspector just before he left for home. Kouji was furious when he heard what his brother had been put through, demanding that Kanbara-san tell all the details and occasionally left the room to take his frustrations out where it wouldn't bother Kouichi. Me, all I wanted to do was stay there on the couch with my baby in my arms, to hold him close, stroke his hair, hear his voice…
Needless to say, the next day we were all exhausted, but there wasn't time to sleep. Kanbara-kun, Orimoto-chan and the others came to visit that afternoon, and Kouichi-kun was overjoyed to see them again. They left just before dinner, and Kouji with them, swearing to be back by the next morning.
But even through his exhaustion, Kouichi's demons plagued him and kept him from rest.
It was almost midnight when he came in the first night. I'd just turned out my reading lights and was only just settling down when he came in. He didn't knock, but I know he wasn't trying to be rude. He cracked the door open slightly, letting the light from the hall fall in onto my bed.
I rubbed my eye and sat up. "Kouichi? What is it?"
It was then I noticed that he was crying. That is, he wasn't sobbing or anything…but his eyes were full of tears and his lip was trembling. It's the kind of sight to make a mother's heart break. I beckoned him over. "Sweetheart, what is it? What's wrong?"
He reached for me, pulling himself close and sobbing lightly. "Mama…" He whimpered, holding tight and burying his face in by lap. "M-Mama…Mom…"
He seamed so small, so young, so frightened. My baby, my sweet baby…in so much pain. It was like a knife straight into a mother's heart. I couldn't stand to see him like that. But what could I do? What could any mother do?
I suppose just one thing.
"Hush now, baby." I whispered, running my fingers through his soft hair, pulling him close. "Mommy's here now. Everything's going to be okay…"
He sniffed, turning slightly to look up at me again. "Ma…Mama…"
"Yes, sweetheart?" I cooed and clicked my tongue. "Is there anything I could do?"
He stared at me blankly It hurt, somewhat. I wanted my baby back, my sweet little boyu who always had such love and hope in his eyes. There was nothing in them now, no gentle glow of love, no gleaming light…nothing.
I've never hated anyone before, not my boss, not even Kousei after everything he did to me. But at that moment I hated him. The monster who did this to my baby, the one who stole the light from his eyes…
But for Kouichi's sake, I kept a smile on my face. "Would it make you feel better if I called Kouji?"
He shook his head. I frowned a little and put a hand to his forehead. "You don't feel warm…" I looked down at him again. "Are you feeling sick? Would you like something to help you sleep?"
He shook his head again and blinked up at me sweetly, sleepily. "Mama?"
"Yes?" I smiled again.
He put his arms around my waist again and lay his head in my lap. "Don't…" He gulped slightly and nestled in to the blankets. "Don't go away…please? Can I…Can I stay, please Mama?"
His voice had become a small, almost childlike squeak. According to the doctor Kanbara-san had examine him, his vocal cords had been wounded from constant strain, what they needed was rest and some warm, soothing tea, to give them pleanty of time to heal.
But what Kouichi-kun needed now didn't have anything to do with physical pain. He was scared, frightened by something…a nightmare? Whatever it was, the cure was simple: he just didn't want to be alone.
"Please Mama?" He whimpered painfully again. "I don't…want to go…"
"Hush now." I soothed, leaning down to kiss his forehead and tuck him gently under the covers. "It's all right now, baby. Mama's not going anywhere."
My baby smiled at me lovingly, then closed his father's blue eyes and slept.
TBC…
Hell, short chapter, and not a very good one either…I really was trying, you know.