"Um...Raoul? E-Erik?" Christine gently pushed the door to Raoul's study opened and groaned at the sight before her. They'd been drinking themselves stupid.

"Christine?" Raoul asked, giggling when he saw her. Erik looked at her as if he couldn't comprehend who she was. Jamie was sitting on the floor playing with the empty bottle of whiskey.

"No no baby...that's not for you." She said, picking him up and cuddling him close. She touched Erik's shoulder.

"Erik? I am going to get Roxana to take you to bed, although I suspect she won't be thrilled. Then I am going to drag Monsieur le Vicomte to bed by his hair." She said a small growl beneath her usually pure voice. She found Roxana in her bedroom and put Jamie at her feet.

"It seems our eh...husbands have fallen into a whiskey induced stupor."She said and Roxana groaned.

"Damn him." She said, brushing past Christine after placing some toys with James. She threw the door to the study open.

"Erik. Get up..." She said, pulling him by the arms. He leaned heavily on her.

"Annie, I swear I only had a little..." He said and she rolled her eyes.

"Sure you did...my name is Roxana." She said and he looked at her again.

"Oh, Roxy..." He said, slight recognition flashing in his bright green eyes as he smiled. Christine meanwhile had Raoul up and walking with her arm around his waist.

"Christine...I don't feel so good..." He said and suddenly fell to the waste basket, releasing the contents of his stomach into it.

"Dolt." Christine muttered pulling him back up.

"Are we going to make love?" Erik asked, as Roxy pushed him onto the bed and began to take his shoes off.

"You wish Destler." She muttered, pulling his socks off. "You're going to bed." She said and he sighed.

"I don't blame you for not wanting to..." He said and she grabbed his face in her hands.

"Don't speak that way about yourself. I don't want to because it wouldn't be right, because we don't love each other. Besides...you're drunk." She said, ignoring the way he was touching her bruised cheek.

"I've never seen anything like you Roxana...not even in Persia. Darya wasn't even as beautiful as you are." He slurred and she closed her eyes. It's but drunken babble again...why Erik must you be so lovely when you are intoxicated?

"You've never seen a big boned, tall girl with dark skin and a big mouth?" She asked, laughing as she removed his vest and set it aside. "Jamie love, don't eat your toys." She said, seeing her son cramming one of his toys into his mouth.

"Raoul really loves her you know Roxy..." Erik said, looking up at her and she nodded.

"I know sweetie." She said sympathetically before realizing she'd used the sentiment she always called Justin and James. He grinned crookedly.

"She's so happy with him." He said, rubbing his eye.

"Yes she is..." Roxana said, not knowing what else to say.

"I told him if he ever hurt her, I would break his neck in two..." He said, laughing dumbly. Roxana felt like hitting her already bruised head against the wall about five times.

"Good...it's good to see you're accepting it." She said and he sat up.

"Accept what? Christine loving Raoul? I've known she wanted to be with him from the moment he showed up that night. I was just living in denial." He said and Roxana laughed.

"Justin used to call that living with your head up your ass." Erik chuckled, sobering up just a bit.

"That's exactly what it is." He said, taking his mask off and yawning. She'd never seen him so free with himself. As if a conversation with his nemesis could free him so. "Roxy, when we get home, I think I shall start to compose again...maybe a song for an alto voice?" He asked and she looked at him. He'd remembered. She pushed him back.

"I'm no singer Erik. I'm just me." She said and Erik sighed.

"An alto voice is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, an alto voice can be more pleasing to the ears than a soprano. It's a gentler tone." He said and she nodded.

"I just...can't. It hurts to sing. Ever since Justin died, music has just been a reminder...I used to play. I can't compose I was never that good, but I could play and he used to listen. Sometimes I would sing along with it. He always said I had a voice that could put a bear to sleep. I haven't touched a piano in three years almost." Erik was nearly sober now and let out an exasperated sigh.

"Woman, it is time to get on with your life! Do you think your husband would want you to sit around in black all the time pining for him or do you think he'd want you to be happy? Look at you Roxy! You are twenty-one years old, hardly a woman at all and you are old. You're already getting lines around your eyes, not very noticeable but if you aren't careful you are going to look in the mirror one day and realize you are old long before your time! Look Roxana...I can't let you go down that road. I was old before my time...and it ruined me until I finally wanted to change and it was too late for me. Don't you see?"

Roxana glared at him.

"Roxy, I am not telling you to forget Justin, that's nuts, but at least find the will to be happy! For your son! Your son deserves it. Look at him Roxana...look at him sitting there with Justin's eyes and smile. Isn't he beautiful?" Erik asked, gripping her hand as she let her hair fall to cover her face.

"Stop it..." She whispered, her heart hurting.

"Don't you want to be happy?" He asked and she looked up at him angry, not even trying to cover the tears on her face.

"And what? You think you're just the man to do it? What makes you think I am even attracted to you?" She asked and he crossed his arms.

"I am not an idiot Roxana...I saw the way your cheeks were flushed when I changed this morning. If I was so repulsive to you, it wouldn't have mattered. And no, I never said I was the one to make you happy...I am only speaking about you. For I know...my heart hurts too, but I am filled with hope at being able to be friends with the girl I loved...love. At least I get to see her everyday and she will look at me without pity, but with affection. Isn't that enough to hope for? I know she will never love me the way I love her, but if he makes her happy, then isn't their union right? I realize how selfish I was being, wallowing in my own self hatred and pity. Maybe I never will find someone to love me like that, but I have loved...to run from happiness is the most selfish thing you can do Roxy. I know I am not handsome and I know I never will be...it was you that first day that made me realize my stupidity...I no longer consider myself a monster. I just want to be human...I just want to be a man...not a demon, not an Angel...a man. Just a man." He said, breathing raggedly as she stared at him in horror and awe.

"Erik, you are a man! But you tell me not to run from my feelings when you thrive on it! You hid from the world five stories beneath an opera for Christ's sake!" She cried and he nodded.

"Another selfish mistake." He said bitterly and she pushed herself further away from him.

"Ever since Justin died, I had the will to go on because of my baby...my son, his son. I did everything in my power to see he was healthy and happy. I fought his uncle relentlessly and married a man I don't love to save him. How am I selfish?" She asked and he pursed his lips.

"Roxana...all of those things you did were wonderful selfless things, and that is the selfish part. You never think of yourself. It's always those you can help. That time you bought the riding outfit for Christine...you thought I didn't know. I saw the card. Raoul said she was so happy...she treasures you Roxy. You go through the motions of your life but you don't really live it. Don't you want to live Roxana?" He asked his voice nearly a whisper.

She looked up into his flashing green eyes.

"I don't know what I want." She said coldly. "I can't stop thinking of Justin..." She said, holding her heart. He knew exactly what she meant, but this day had inspired him and he was determined to make her see how much better it could be for her.

"No Roxana...it's that you won't stop thinking of Justin, and no one wants you to. I just want you to see that you could enjoy the rest of your life...maybe you'll never love anyone as much as Justin, but it sure would be a hell of a lot better to go through life with someone by your side. There is nothing worse than being alone." He said and she shook her head.

"Erik, I don't know...I really don't think..." He growled at her.

"That's all you ever do is think! Why don't you ever feel?" He asked and she began to get up angrily but he stood as well and held her wrist.

"Let go of me you bastard!" She said, trying to pry his slender fingers from around her arm.

"No." He said his voice low.

"Erik...you are not my master...I don't have to listen to you..." She said seeing his green eyes darken.

"Not until you truly hear what I have said..." He said, as she begged with her eyes, rage flashing in the dark pupils.

"You complete ass...you would treat me like this in front of my son!" She cried and tried to pull away again. This time he let out a sound that sounded like a cross between a growl and a moan and whirled her to face him, grabbing her face gently and crushing his lips to hers. If she wouldn't listen, he'd have to show her. Not that he had a damn clue what he was doing or why he was doing it.

She beat at his chest with her clenched fists but with a fiery determination, his hands closed tightly around her waist and he held her steady, deepening the kiss with the touch of his tongue. Something he had never even thought he would experience. To his shock, he felt her stop resisting and her arms came up to twine around his neck as he allowed his hand to venture into the shining black silk of her hair. She suddenly pulled back and looked at him with fire burning in her eyes, partially from reawakened lust and part rage. He smiled slightly and when he thought she might kiss him again, instead it was her hand that collided with his cheek.

"Roxana...I..." He began but she shook her head and ran into the adjoining bathroom slamming the door behind her. He sunk onto the bed, holding his head which was beginning to throb with the after effects of alcohol. He sighed resignedly and took off his shirt before getting up to put Jamie on the sofa where they had made him a comfortable makeshift bed. He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He crawled beneath the covers of the bed and turned down the lamp as he heard Roxana running the water in the bath. What the hell had he just done? It had to be the alcohol...he loved Christine...he would never love another. What had he been thinking? But Roxana had been there so near and so...lovely. The kiss they shared was nothing like the kiss Christine had given him, intense and beautiful but with the horrible reminder that it was out of pity and not of love. This kiss had been pure lust. A hunger he'd never even known he'd had. As Roxana opened the door of the bathroom and re-entered the room, he noticed her robe was open. He quickly pretended to be asleep and through one barely open eye he watched her pull her nightgown over her head, getting a good look at her body. She was not delicate, but she was slender...she was extremely well endowed in the bosom area and her flat stomach curved gently to smooth legs. She had round hips which complimented her greatly. Suddenly he closed his eyes tightly. That was rude. All of those times he'd had a chance to watch Christine change and he never had out of honor for her. Now, he couldn't tear his eyes off of Roxana in the dim light.

He watched as she moved to kiss Jamie goodnight and came to the bed, hesitating a moment before crawling in beside him. He moved his arm so she could settle in the way she had the night before and when she resisted he wanted to kill himself for taking advantage of her, but she relented and settled with her head on his chest, filling him with the scent of her hair. Again her arm draped across his stomach, but this time he didn't flinch at the touch.

"Roxy?" He whispered and she looked up at him.

"What?" She asked, having trouble meeting his eyes.

"I'm so sorry." He said and she nodded.

"I forgive you...Erik!" She said suddenly and he looked at her.

"What?"

"You've never called me Roxy before." She said and he shrugged.

"No I suppose not...goodnight Roxana..." He said and she settled back down.

"Goodnight Erik."