Hi,

Sorry for the long wait. I had a bad depressive episode and couldn't

find the energy or motivation to write. I'm not super happy with the chapter, but I hope you all enjoy it. Take care of yourselves.

Always and Forever,

Ari.

Warnings for all chapters: Mentions of death, funerals anxiety, parental arguing, silent treatment, bullying, emotional abuse, discussion of death, implied sexual relationships, unwanted touching, sexual assault, suicide attempt using a medication, suicidal ideation, manipulation, panic attack, abandonment, stress, abandonment.

Disclaimer: I only own my O.C.s and parts of the plot you do not recognize from the Twilight Saga.

Chapter 30: Best Intentions

"When the darkest part of you meets the darkest part of me, it creates light."

― Coco Mellors, Cleopatra and Frankenstein

9:59 a.m. Lahote House, La Push, Washington

I sat on the steps, pulling the blanket closer as I watched the rain fall. Paul had left earlier with a quick kiss goodbye and a promise not to overwork himself. I fiddled with my phone, content to hide from the problems I knew were waiting for me at home. Deep down, I knew I couldn't hold off any longer. I pulled my phone out from underneath the blanket, seeing the missed calls from Grace. I was startled when a shoulder knocked into mine. I flinched, seeing Jay smirking as he looked out at the rain, and I shoved his shoulder, "Jerk."

"Should've been listening around you," Jay rubbed his arms, and I moved, sharing some of the blankets with him. "Thanks..." He trailed off, and I waited for him to continue, "anything from mom?"

"Some missed calls; she wants to talk and for us to spend time with her and him," I neglected to tell him about the frantic voicemails. "What are your thoughts?"

Jay chewed on his lip, fiddling with the tag on the blanket. "I don't want to." He sniffed, trying to wipe his face subtly. I leaned on his shoulder, "But at the same time, I want to. I miss her."

I could understand how he felt, and I hated that a part of myself felt happy that I could see her. "I get it, Jay." I felt his head rest on mine, and I wrapped my arm around his. "I feel the same way. Happy that she is here, upset because of what she brought." I squeezed him tightly, "we can't hide here forever; sometimes, we must face things head-on, even if it makes us uncomfortable." I felt him tense, "but if you aren't ready, I won't force you. I'll do it for us."

"You will," His body relaxed, and his arm tightened over mine. I nodded at him, squeezing his arm.

"I will," I sat up, touching his chin and wiping the wetness away. "I got us." Jay sniffed, resting his face in my hand. "C'mere," I pulled him closer, tucking him underneath my chin. I ran my fingers through his tangled hair, humming as I rocked us.

"I'm sorry for being an ass. I was upset and hurt, but I get it," Jay whispered, and I almost didn't catch it. "Paul talked to me about it, and I get it." Jay closed his eyes, and I could feel him gripping my clothes.

"I wanted to tell you so many times because all the stories are real. We have protectors, and can you imagine how excited dad would be?" I grinned, envisioning his smiling face. "But, it's dangerous and not for me to share. I'm sorry this is how you found out, and I wasn't there to comfort you."

"Paul did a good job. I may have hit him with a shoe, but we're cool. You can't do everything, sis. Sue needed someone," I faltered, wondering why Paul didn't tell me. "He's really good at calming people down and didn't tease me." I laughed, trying not to think of my brother yanking off his shoe and tossing it at Paul as I pulled back to look down at him. "Don't laugh; I'm already mortified. Besides, I think it brought us all closer."

"I think it did, too," I squeezed him tightly, knowing I should get going soon.

"I don't want to leave here." Jay rested his head back on me just as I was about to let go. "It feels like home." These past few days felt peaceful, and it was nice not feeling like I was on edge. It felt like we were in our world, far away from everything and everyone.

"It does," I agreed, deciding it was more important to stay with him longer. I adjusted the blanket over us, and we watched the rainfall.

11:29 a.m. Chiago House, La Push, Washington

I sat outside the house, tightening my hands on the steering wheel, seeing Grace come out of the house in a green pantsuit, tightening her tan shawl around her as she waited on the porch. I took a deep breath, forcing my hands to let go of the wheel. Mark stepped out beside her, putting his hand on her shoulder. "You can do this." They looked like a couple that stepped out of one of the Hallmark movies.

I opened the door and stepped out, walking to the house slowly. "Marie!" Grace smiled, stepping towards me, and she opened her arms, faltering when I didn't walk into her arms. Mark smiled, reaching out to take Grace's hand, and I watched Grace when her eyes darted back to the car. "Where is my son?" I shoved down the rush of annoyance.

"He didn't want to come," I answered, trying my best not to fidget. Grace opened her mouth, "I'm not going to force him into something he doesn't want to do."

"You aren't his parent," She whispered, and I rolled my eyes, debating whether to leave. "This is a family meeting, and he should be here."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to hold my irritation at bay. "No, I'm not his parent, yet the one supposed to be is unrecognizable. As I said, I'm not going to force him, and I won't let you either. So we can either do this or not."

"Why don't we all go inside? Come on, Grace, Laryssa," Mark cut in, gently tugging Grace inside. He held the door open for me, and I looked back at my car. I tried to shove the dread down, and I hated that I was feeling like a guest in my home. I forced everything down as I walked past him, my anger flaring when I noticed the mountain of dirty dishes in the sink and her clothes flung everywhere. Grace sat on the couch, watching me as I surveyed the mess. I ignored her walking through the house, noticing my art room was still closed, and relief filtered through my body when I realized they hadn't entered.

"Marie, what happened to all my papers on the table," Grace asked when I walked back into the living room. "I asked you specifically not to do anything-" I sat down, staring at her blankly, daring her to continue her rant, "Sorry, that's not where I wanted to start." Mark stepped into the living room with two steaming mugs in his hand. He gave one to Grace with a smile and offered the other to me, and I declined it, staring at Grace, waiting for her to start again. Mark faltered with the other mug, settling beside Grace, holding it tightly. It was silent, and the awkwardness suffocated the air. I kept my gaze on Grace; she would meet my eyes and then look away.

I deeply breathed, knowing I would be the one to start, "How long are you here this time?"

Grace perked up, "I thought we could stay for a while. Maybe you could come to New York with us for a few more weeks, and I think a change of scenery could be good."

"How long is awhile," I asked, trying to keep my composure, ignoring the offer of New York.

Grace leaned forward, her grin blinding, "I thought until you graduate, then we could move to back to New York. They have a great art school, Marie. You will flourish, and Jay will love New York too."

"No, we aren't moving anywhere," I stated, watching her grin start to disappear. "Now that you have our answer, how long will you stay?" Grace scoffed, sitting back and rubbing her eyes.

"You are not his parent. You don't get to decide this all on your own, Marie. You'll be an adult in a few months; fine if you don't want to go, but I am taking my son," Grace scowled, and I clenched my jaw. Mark set his mug down, putting his hand on her knee. She relaxed slightly into his touch, her eyes glaring daggers when I refused to back down.

"You are going to do more harm than good. I am not saying this to be spiteful, but I have been taking care of Jay since you left. You say you are his parent, but where have you been? The last time you saw, Jay was six-seven months ago? You have not been here physically, emotionally or even financially. It's been me. You say you want to take him; you can't; I won't let you." I stared at her, feeling my eyes burn.

"What are you talking about, Marie? I send money every month," She pulled out her phone, taping on it rapidly. "You are wrong."

I hummed, looking at Mark, who watched Grace frantically scroll through her phone. "Nope. But that shows how much you know. Financially isn't the only thing. What about the rest?"

Grace ignored me, continuing to scroll through her phone. "No... no..." She tossed her phone to the side, staring at Mark. "Someone has been stealing from me. Find out who." Grace turned back to me, ignoring Mark scrambling to get his phone, "Why didn't you say anything?"

"When should I have Grace? The many times we spoke, and you cut me off because you were busy or tired, or the many other times you didn't answer my calls." I blinked, and to my horror, I felt the tears escape my eyes. "The fact of the matter is, Grace, I didn't need you then, and I don't need you now. I figured it out all by myself. He is fed, clothed, supported, and we even have a roof over our heads." I sniffed, wiping my face.

"Marie... I," Grace moved quickly, so she knelt by my knees and put her hands on my knees. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, princess. I..."

"I don't want to hear it. Your apologies mean nothing to me," I felt more tears fall, and my throat closed as I stared at Grace's hurt expression. I leaned forward, putting my hand on her cheek, wiping her tears. I missed her so much, the kisses on my cheek and her hugs. The green eyes that stared at me were foreign, and I missed the brown. "You can't take him. If he wants to go, then fine. But if he doesn't, then he will stay with me. I will protect him with everything I have and then some. I won't let you hurt him more than you already have."

"Laryssa," The pain in her voice caused me to falter. "Please, don't. I will be better." I dropped my hand. "Danny said there is no room for hate in our hearts, please."

My chest burned at her saying my dad's name. The memories of her laughing and screaming his name returned in full force. "I don't hate you, Grace. I will always love you, but you have hurt me, and I know I have hurt you. So let's go back to what we know."

"What we had wasn't good or healthy, Laryssa. What if we take baby steps?" Grace offered, looking back at Mark for his permission. "We can come back and forth, more video calls; I'll make more time."

"Whatever you need, we can do it," Mark agreed easily. "We have nothing but time."

I stared at him, and he sent a small grin. I ignored his grin, "I won't make any promises."

"Can we try and meet halfway," Grace prompted, squeezing my knee. Her words caused despair in my chest as I stared into her hopeful eyes. I felt like I was being forced into a corner, and all I could hear was my heart pounding. "Why didn't you believe me?" The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. She fell back, staring at me with wide green eyes. "You believed your nurse over me." She stayed silent, her mouth open, and Mark knelt beside her. "You believed your lover over your daughter."

"You knew?" Grace whispered, inching away from me, seeking shelter in Mark's embrace. "You didn't want to move, and Norris wouldn't do-" She pressed her hands to her face, a sob escaping her. "No... he wouldn't."

I closed my eyes hearing her deny it over and over. "Dad would've believed me, and I have someone else who believes me." My chest hurt, and I pressed my hand to my heart. "I don't need you to believe me now, Grace. I wanted you to, but I don't think you will. I'll have to learn how to live with it, but I just wanted to know why."

Mark stared at me, confused, and I wiped my face. Grace pulled her knees to her chest as she cried. "I'm sorry, baby girl." She pulled herself away from Mark, holding onto my jeans. "I'm so sorry."

I stood up, pushing her hands off me. "I'll see what Jay wants to do. But I don't have it in me to meet halfway. Please ensure you clean up after yourselves. Don't stay too long; I want to come back home." I walked to the front door, trying to ignore her sobs. I hesitated, looking over my shoulder and seeing Mark envelop her. "Goodbye."

1:29 p.m. First Beach, La Push, Washington

I stared at the waves crashing against each other, feeling the wind brush against my face. "Are you with me now?" The wind blew my hair away from my face, and I felt comforted knowing he was beside me. "Are you disappointed?" I tried to imagine what he would tell me but couldn't. "Make sure he protects her, dad. He seems like a good man." Thunder rumbled, and I saw the lightning flash in the sky. I laid back in the sand, staring up at the gray clouds. I didn't know how to move forward. When I said goodbye, it felt final. "I miss you." I closed my eyes, feeling the rain splash against my face. I hated that a part of me wished for it all to stop or that I would've succeeded when I tried to end my life. Fighting was so exhausting, and I wanted to give up. Yet, simultaneously, I wanted to continue pushing forward, "I don't know what to do. Send me a sign."

I opened my eyes when I no longer felt the rain touch my face. Paul stood above me only in cargo shorts and shoes, holding a towel over us. "Is this your sign?" I sat up, and he leaned down, pressing his nose against mine. "You're going to get sick, and you didn't teach me how to make that soup yet." I smiled at him, and his warm palm brushed the water from my face. "I hope you like the canned stuff." He offered his hand. I wrinkled my nose before sending him a smirk.

"It's my favorite," I lied, taking his hand and pulling myself up. I ignored his coughed 'smart ass' comment. He gripped the soaked towel, and the cool rain touched my skin. I grabbed his hand, sprinting towards the shelter of the trees. I panted, letting go of his hand as I rested mine over my heart. "How'd you know I'd be here?"

"Hunch," Paul shrugged his shoulders, leaning against the tree. "Jay left with Jared and Kim." I pursed my lips, letting my hair loose from my braid. "I think Kim said something about a girl's night soon." I nodded, looking down at the foliage. "It was bad, wasn't it?" I bit my cheek, blinking, trying to clear my burning eyes. I nodded, unable to form the words. He let out a long sigh, stepping towards me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, and pulling me into his warm embrace. "I'm sorry." I let out a shaky breath, holding onto him tightly. "We should get out of the rain; I don't want you to get sick."

"You don't want to nurse me back to health?" I pulled back, trying to grin at him. Paul rolled his eyes, pressing a short kiss to my forehead. He let me go before he kneeled, putting his back towards me. I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, feeling his strong hands holding my calves tightly to him. I buried my face in his neck, holding on to him, when I felt him jog to the car.

"Let's get you into the car, c'mon." He stopped, and I slowly let him go. He let my legs go, and I pressed my face into his back, hearing him opening the door. I stepped away from him and got into the car. My clothes were sticking to my body, and I glanced at Paul from the corner of my eye when he got in, cursing at how cramped it was. He turned the car on, cranked the heater on, and held his hand to me. I placed my hand in his, bringing his arm closer to me so I could hug it. Paul placed his palm on my thigh, "wanna talk about it?"

"I just miss my dad," I murmured, feeling his hand squeeze mine. "I feel really screwed up, and I just wish I could talk to him and get advice and a hug."

"It's okay to feel that way," I peered at him, "a lot of buried emotions all rushing to the surface." I nodded, "I know it's not much, but I'm with you, and we can sort them out together."

My body warmed at the fact that I wasn't alone. "It's everything, and I don't know if I'm doing the right thing." I felt his lips on my forehead.

"Even if it's not right, you are doing it with the best intentions," Paul reassured. I reached over to the heater turning it off. "See right there, it's not right, but the best intention," Paul tried to turn the heater back on, but I fought him for control. "Just because today is Sunday doesn't mean you need to be a pain in the ass." I let him go before moving to sit on his lap. I accidentally put more weight on him, wincing when he gripped my hips tightly. "He let out a shuttered breath, pushing his nose into my hair, breathing hard, "sweetheart, you've gotta be careful; you want kids in the future, right?"

I felt my cheeks heat up at the implication of us having children in the future as I tried to keep my weight off him. I felt warmth in my belly increase when I thought of the future. "Sorry, baby." Paul kept his face pressed in my hair, his hands releasing from my hips. "I'll be more careful, promise."

"Good girl," I shivered at his deep voice, feeling my chest heat at his tone. "Now, let's turn on the heater." He tried to lean forward again, but I smacked his hand away, grinning at him when he frowned at me.

"You're warm, and I can be with you, and you won't overheat, but I will warm up." I tucked myself closer to him, drawing shapes on his arm. "Tada, best intentions."

"Dork," Paul murmured fondly, nuzzling my hair.

"More like a genius," I muttered, trying to push down the urge to flick him. I rested against him, listening to the rainfall. Paul started humming, but I couldn't place the song. "Paul, I'm scared she's going to take Jay," I said after a while, and I felt the fear return. I didn't want to imagine him in New York, in a house alone, with no one he knew. "What...what if she takes him from us?" Once the words were out of my mouth, I knew it was a possible reality.

"Then we fight to keep him," Paul reassured, holding me tightly. "Laryssa, you know that Jay doesn't want to leave. I don't know your mom, but I know Jay. If for whatever reason, she does, then we go with him. I'll give up shifting, and we can go. We will do what we need to do to keep everyone together, okay?" I stared up at him, nodding. "C'mere." He tucked our bodies closer together. "Everything will work out the way it's supposed to."