This chapter takes place before Secrets of the Scroll. I do not own nor have any ownership over the franchise, but only of my character and art of just the character.
Shortcomings and Strength
The undying desire to finally give into the tempting submission known as rest berated my mind. Alas, the bag of meat and bones I had the displeasure of being wouldn't condone such action as the air continued to be too frigid, sending me into a shiver that juxtaposed my notions to even consider stopping. What I considered divine intervention only compelled me to keep going yet the urge to lay down and expire had set itself on the other side of the balance keeping the balance unfathomably close to tipping. I could only plead that the balance would finally be upset. The echoes of death's whistle reverberate as it journeys through my hair to my ears, but feels so far away.
The void in my abdomen that yearned for food cried out on deaf ears. Where was something to feed it before it moved on to consume me from the inside out? I considered eating anything now. Oh, how those villagers I would come across would be a treat. Disemboweling couldn't be that hard, could it? To cut through the skin and muscle wall with my claws as I watch the guts… No… Not again. I would rather starve, but just the need for something to finally devour had also been devouring any working moral synapse that was left in my dense skull. The meat will feed me if I must.
Everything has just felt… The same. The change was welcome in my eyes, but never seemed to have a fraction of a chance of occurring. Sometimes I hoped that I would open my eyes to something else other than this desolate wasteland that continued into somewhat of a pattern, as if I had been traveling in circles. Circles. Circles. The circles stared back. Circles of hatred and fear. Circles of many varieties rested behind the eyelids of those who spotted me. Something that is only a coalescence.
So young, I am. Finally being an adult after years of torture, but still looking so young. It wouldn't matter as it was anyway, as I could never approach anyone in a way that would keep them from running or immediately closing shop. Monster. The usual outcries of anyone I was within eye shot of. Monster. Beast. Killer. Soon-to-be well-fed killer if the coat of words covered me. To eschew or be eschewed would be the best for any sane man's longevity at this point.
Comparable to a wolf that foamed from the mouth spreading disease to others through the slime of its saliva, wearing pure schizophrenic episodes with a matte of fur stained in its feces, urine, and blood. I wasn't too far from the stupor that led into it, but nor was I that disgusting to neglect some kind of dignity. It was the missing look of the walking cadaver that I had become to truly make a rabid animal out of me. The absolute insanity of that which threatened to take over, to replace my sentient thought with the mere thought of a mindless predator trying to survive. A vile beast that knew no limitations. A being wherein the only realistic measure of halting its rampage would be his death.
Death must be a touchy subject, no? The fact that after any eyes have closed, the eternal darkness envelops everything forever. The possibility of being reborn into something else, maybe. Could it be that there's somewhere one's consciousness goes? Why is it impossible to imagine not existing at all? Is any of this real? Alas, it is. The driving force of all life is to escape death, or at least run until it becomes futile. Why not welcome it at any time? If it cannot be escaped, why not be ready to face it at any time? Laughing at death will only provoke it.
"Come get me, you cowardice-wearing fool," I spat before giving a soft chuckle. I knew it would be soon enough from the whistle of the wind nearing. Fear itself no longer resided in my mind, as it had been replaced by the longing for death. The forbidden fruit I held but couldn't stomach of the purely rancid nature it possessed. The same rancid nature I wouldn't mind devouring, especially after a few more restless nights I know lie ahead. What could be the worst that happens? Could it be that I repeat this life? Maybe I should keep going. Yet, seeing if this is the way out sounds so much more enticing. The last ingredient. The secret.
A shiver down the unprotected patchy fur of my back pulled me from the thoughts I had. Alopecia had run its course as I no longer wore the once beautiful coat of fur I once had like a medal of honor. One notable thing is that somehow my skin under the fur is also striped. The scars have become more pronounced as well. Each scar is a reminder of how close to being gone I truly am. Each late-night slice to distract from the deep emotional turmoil I thrived in. One slice is all it can take for liberation. To only feel my life drain from the very body I wished to no longer be in sounded enticing. A sacrifice to the earth below to give back what the monster took. A beautiful crimson-red decoration to the cold snow that covered my hind paws.
The snow has become a welcoming bed that was too cold to sleep on. The depth of winter loomed. It's hard to comprehend being in this for so long without any form of heat or shelter, but I managed. I at least managed when the cold wasn't so bad, but it seems that tonight had a mind of its own to torment those who dared step out of their cozy homes. Here I was, walking in it as if it were a usual stroll comparable to any other day, numb to it.
Numbness. The indifference to emotion or physical feeling was the reality to me lately. My skin could no longer recognize any feeling, yet the joints below thrived in a frozen agony. Every sprain, impact, or overuse of anything left me in a bubble of agony I am sure I can call home. The agony chained itself to every part of my decrepit frame. It hurts to breathe. Each breath was sharp from the intense pain in my back, along with the air being so cold it burned too much to even sniff. Asthmatic if it could be called a name.
The sun had made its way back around to give some dawning illumination to the unchanging landscape I traversed. For anyone knows how long it's been. The line between days and months is a blur anymore. Winter only began yesterday, but it was in its depths today. Life only began weeks ago, yet I've lived through so much of it I can't tell if I am elderly. Life has become a drunken bastard behind the illusion of wonder. Some days aren't bad at all, even going as far as describing them to be quite peaceful, while others test the will to survive. Abhorrent.
Throughout life, I've truly learned so much. Regrettably, through all the parchments and scrolls I had stolen to learn anything, no assortment of words that will ever come to light will describe what, or how I felt. Similar can be assessed to describe how much I no longer want to feel in this life. To crudely say in a way that gets the point across is that life is just like defecating in one hand and putting wishes that come true in the other. Which one fills up first? Unless it is the sick bastard that wished the other hand would fill up first, the other hand stays cleaner than a saint's vocabulary.
Feelings. An anchor destined to drown any person whether it be strong or weak at the bottom of an ocean of emotions. Something that makes the strongest of wills, worthless. There is nothing that can be done to ever escape. It is only just ruses and locked doors. We live in the room we die in, the room within the clutches of our mind.
The only thing I could do was wander, as my legs seemed to just move on their own. Mindless they had become. Though as time passed it seemed my legs took me in what was finally a good direction. The snow had begun to thin out from its usual swamping depth as the temperature had eased into something much more comfortable. I could finally see more than just the peaks of mountains that surrounded me from all sides, as it undoubtedly was spring in the distant valleys I now saw. My wandering had taken much longer than I originally anticipated.
Time, so valuable it is. It can almost be forbidden to waste currency that many do anyway, regardless of their depictions of its true value. Time is priceless, as is the notion that it is everything. Always so limited, but so vast. The idea is that so many generations have lived and died, while each would only exist for so many years. How a son or daughter will never get to see a great-great-grandfather or grandmother or vice versa. How the greatest alive currently will only be remembered by word or descendants after their deaths. Everything just seems so short in life, as if the allotted time were a curse or just a trial of what could truly be experienced. Where is my mother or father? Will I ever get to see them? Will I ever get to find out where they went, or if they died? Maybe they just abandoned the mistake that I am.
I never felt the loving touch of someone who was my flesh and blood. The love of someone who labored for a term to push me out. The love of someone who truly wanted what was best for me and did their best to guide my decisions in the right direction. The love of someone who would sacrifice everything if it meant that I could live another day. Someone to tell the bedtime stories that would lure me to sleep. The warm meals would have helped me grow into something that wasn't such a lesion in the world.
I am worthless. Something that could be compared to the feces of a criminal. Not even the orphanage I grew up in from birth until a few years ago saw me as something worthwhile. Nobody would ever see more in me than just being a leech on anything I was near.
"Of all the places, you could have ended up. Why didn't you end up dead? We only pity you because you can't live on your own. You owe it to us because we let you live." The old hag of a goat slammed her cane on my door as it flew open. "Your parents must have had a world of relief when they abandoned you. Who would want such a disgrace of a child? Who would want a damned monster? You were never meant to be here. All you do is fuck up everything you touch. You hurt so many of my kids that you should live in prison at this point. I honestly can't tell if you truly want to play with them, or if you are out for bloodlust." The goat stomped over to me, and began beating me with her cane. A beating I had no longer been phased by, as it had become routine. A repetition. All I wanted was just someone to accept me. All I wanted was to finally have something worthwhile in life. Minutes passed as she realized that nothing would phase me anymore about her. She stared into the back of my head with daggers as she paced out of the room and slammed the door behind her. "Enjoy wasting away." Such a bitch she had become. It had not always been so bad. There was a time when she did care, but as I grew older, she could not figure out how to help. She tried to help me around the other kids, but no matter how she approached me; my recklessness always had someone hurt or something demolished at the end of the day. Hopelessness laced with pity became resentment. Resentment became hatred. Hatred had become a common theme around me, as I would come to begin to hate anyone who stepped foot around me. A hatred invoked by fear that I would be relentlessly abused or shunned. The catalyst that would eventually lead me to be evicted by the time I had become old enough to provide for myself. The orphanage, by no means, had not seen a better day than that day.
The months that followed my divorce from the orphanage only began to define who I would become. The countless stealings, would leave me beaten within inches of my life by the wrong person or guard to fuck with solidified my life of crime. Encounters that would banish me from countless villages over the next coming years. The word about a 'monster' that ravages villages would begin to spread. Nobody would help me anyways, but I could at least help myself. Growing larger and stronger than everyone else had its perks. The invocation of fear into the hearts of anyone around gave me the chance to go for the taking. A taking that would often feed me or acquire a garment to protect me from the harsh conditions I had been subjected to for years. At least from my stealing, the personal stolen additions I keep close are a black cloak and a black jing mask that only shows a blue stripe down the middle. It never kept away the elements like my other garments, but only hid my identity as I did my deeds. You need to survive somehow, right?
The scars only collected. Wounds that some people would worry were lethal, were subsequently papercuts to me. Nothing but a simple scrape to be shrugged off. A simple tourniquet and cauterization would help. I owe my life to whomever invented black powder. The blood would almost always stop when the powder ignited. The resulting burns were invited as they signified that the blood had stopped. If only I didn't have to take it carefully afterwards, I wouldn't have seemed different after the injury. Alcohol had become a fateful ally as the infections would sometimes grow rancid. Infection was the only thing that hindered me as it threatened to cause an unwanted amputation that never happened. There was always recovery before anything ever reached that point. Years I had spent stuck on the same route. Years establishing myself as the so-called 'monster' of the mountain valleys I roamed.
The world around seemed to grow so vibrant as the stale color that once coated everything faded into the past. I had finally begun to make it somewhere that wasn't so void of life, or stale.
The night was pitch black as all that could be seen through the haze of the blizzard was the glow of the lanterns that lit each of the villagers' houses. A starved tiger waits for all homes to cease activity and go dark perched on a roof making sure he wouldn't be spotted by curious eyes. It patiently waited, intent on finding at least something to feed the aching stomach that felt as if it were being pulled out of itself to digest for the recent months. The eyes of the tiger only grew feral as each house one-by-one began to go dark. The dark that indicated stealth wasn't such a necessary skill to behold. The aid of the harsh howl of wind only made things so much easier to go for and not plan out. The tiger should have put more forethought into what he was about to get himself into.
The tiger leapt from his position to the snowy path below. Quite the efficient scout he had become. Something that could have been used for good, only if he changed his ways. His eyes and ears stayed alert as anything could go haywire at any moment. He never needed to be reminded twice. He flowed through the village like the water flows through a stream. In and out of tight spaces he was as he blended in and allowed himself to almost morph into something else out in the open. Even if he thought everyone was asleep, there could always be that one. He had become the shadow of the town in the search for a broken lock, cracked open window, or at least something to lead him into the food.
The shadow of the town had another shadow. A 'worthy' opponent had been following the tiger. A vigilante of some sort that knew of his legend. Someone who thought that they were the hero who could stop the monster. A poor body that would regret its decisions. A poor body that would end up being a warning in the village center.
The tiger felt something stab into his left shoulder blade. Ambush. The tiger turned with haste to come face to face with a kin to the felines, an older male leopard almost his size. The leopard had a smug look on its face wielding their own right handed bow, like it had gotten the upper-hand. The tiger only stared through his mask with eyes of irritation that started to convey that the killing was about to start. The tiger emanated a growl deep enough to swallow the words of his attacker. The leopard visibly shrank in his stature realizing he tempted a force to not be tempted. The tiger's claws unsheathed as he slashed with his right paw right across the chest of the leopard leaving exposed bone and muscle in its trail of destruction causing the leopard to drop the bow. The leopard seemed stunned until their own fight-or-flight sense kicked in. Its own claws retracted, ready to kill. It lashed out trying to claw at this cloaked and masked figure from what it had gathered on it so far. The flawed defensive stance the leopard had only ended up being to its detriment. The tiger only avoided each attempt by taking the clawings to each arm. Retaliating by knocking the leopard off balance. With swiftness the tiger clawed the leopard's face with his left paw ripping open the leopard's right cheek, eyelid, and forehead. The leopard fell on its back holding its face along with his chest as both soaked with blood. Each heartbeat only sprays out blood from the leopard's mortal wounds. The smell of blood only enticed the tiger into a deeper desire in hunger.
"Aahhh! You Fucker!" The leopard spat only being muffled by the howl of the wind. "You.. You will pay!"
All words fell on deaf ears. The tiger had hungered enough. The beast starved. The leopard was starting to lose its own sanity as the swift blood loss lured it into a lifeless trance. The tiger grabbed the now unconscious leopard by the neck dragging it out of the town and far into the distance. The preparation for the feast was underway.
Fate had it out for the leopard as the countless heinous crimes it wore as a coat outweighed the atrocity the tiger had committed. Innocence is what the unknowing eye would perceive the leopard as, but it was never innocent. The tiger had simply done a favor for many that night, whether it would know of it, or not. The feast has begun.
The thought loomed over my mind as I tried to shake it. I had vowed to leave that specific memory behind, even leaving my prized cloak and mask as well. The memory that clung to my mind tighter than the reputation of a prostitution epicenter being placed on a bar designated for prostitution which vows no such thing happens there. The taste of… No.. He must have been a father, a brother, a son, or a friend. I took that away from him. I took it away from everyone who knew him. Do I deserve to be here..? I looked around at the lush environment. The trees sparse but so close. The bamboo is so uniform, but so unorganized. The grass is so green, but so golden from the sunlight overhead. I turned to look at the mountains behind me. I should have died that night without a doubt.
A pinkish flower petal landed on my nose that felt as if it had an ethereal power to it. I traced my digits to the tip of my nose as I picked it off. A vibrant scale of white to pink It beheld. The deepest pit being so pink it brought a deeply caring feminine feel to this moment. The farthest reaches being so white that it feels untainted. It feels so pure as if it was trying to pull away the coat of my past. It felt like a calling to liberate myself from this disgusting life I live. The absolute shame that my parents would feel if they ever cared in the first place would be crippling if they could see what I've become. A change truly felt necessary in this moment where I could decide between it and dying back in those forsaken mountains. I am beginning to feel that my time as this monster is going to come to an end. Or at least I hoped this was the case. It's much easier being hypocritical than being responsible.
The walk to the depths of the valley below not trailing any path actually felt peaceful. The warmth of the now spring weather brought much of the lost feeling back I once longed to get rid of.
The sound of a young tiger crying can be heard. The thick sobs as the tiger was beginning to realize that it had nobody. The tiger thought it would be alone for the rest of what life it wanted to have left. The old hag had blown up on him earlier that night as she finally couldn't take her own failures in helping him.
"Nobody wants me," The tiger spat before continuing his episode of sobbing. Each item in his room had been destroyed, all except his clothing. No toy remained, no complete bed nor bed sheet remained. The frame of his bed had been shattered and heavy with claw marks. Some small stains of blood lie around from the accidents that had happened when he let his strength get the better of him. Often just a bad scrape or a simple cut as something caught his arm or bottom paws in his clumsiness or fit of rage.
The lack of his own control only was the result of the ignorance of those who he was around. Admittingly, nobody in that place was like him, but it was always worth some kind of try to help. Nobody had the right touch of what to do, or how to do it if they had an idea.
"Nobody wants me. Nobody needs me. Nobody cares." The tiger once more commented before breaking down into more cries. There would to his detriment not be an answer.
The world around beckoned me to follow along, to actually search for something missing. Something that led me to start realizing that, I may no longer be my former self at least after a while. A change in mind and heart will never be instantaneous. The change of the environment was something I needed dearly. Delusions only start when one is choked until their body starves.
A stomach crying for help could be heard behind a locked door. The tiger had not eaten in a while as his appetite had long gone away. The tiger only wanted to feel what he felt he deserved. Fog clouded his mind as he lived through hallucinations which drug through his mind destroying everything. Something like a serrated blade that cuts through flesh. Shredding the nerves in a jagged cut that brought a haywire feeling of pain mixed with a mental void only imagining what the cut could do.
Maybe I am in an illusion. All of this was just too surreal to actually be true. I can almost swear up and down that I am dead. It's all too good to be true. It all has to be a dream. I'm still in the orphanage imagining every moment I could have. It can't be true. Maybe the leopard was eating me. It has to be something else.
I stopped in my tracks as I dug a claw into my left arm, wincing at the abrupt pain I felt. Maybe the leopard was clawing away, or one of the guards, or just myself stuck in my daydreams as a child. Did a villager get an upper hand? Did I fall? What is going on? The reality feels so surreal that it's ultimately fake. I looked to my arm as the few inch long deep gash began to bleed. My already dirt and blood stained fur is dying itself a deeper crimson. I clenched my arm into a fist as I watched the wound morph becoming thinner or wider than its original appearance. The years of feeling deep agony from any cut or wound had only helped me develop a resistance toward it. No stab wound, broken bone, torn ligament, ripped muscle would hinder my ability to ignore the pain. Even with the cold no longer picking away at me, anyone else who possessed this body would croak when the untrained will felt the agony it was in.
This body should have been done many years ago. The number of stab wounds, broken limbs, torn muscle, or whatever else there could possibly be would outnumber the imperial army all-together in the short time I've lived. It's surprising that this body has not rejected my spirit yet. How has this body not died yet?
Before long, the world around me had closed in since my descent into the forest had become part of the next trek of my journey. Tall trees had intertwined within each other dancing as if an old love story that started long before even my ancestors were unfolding. The gentle breeze that ruffled the fur on my head brought the sound of rain, yet it was only the leaves that rustled together.
The cold that once ravaged my body had fully departed through each step I took. The ache the cold induced in my joints only remained, yet it wasn't the daymare it once was. My stomach still cried for something at least while my mind cried for some form of rest whether I set down or fell asleep. I couldn't stop then even if I truly wanted to. I needed to at least find somewhere that I could rest.
Noon took hold of the world as if it was its hostage. Exhaustion began to ruffle my body as if it were a gentle wind, bringing an onslaught of yawns. The surrounding trees had ended their dance of love as vast open fields lie ahead. Beams of sun glittered in my eyes as I looked up through some trees I passed under. The harsh reality is, even if I had found my way to somewhere better, I am still alone in this world. The world could be so small and be so populated, but I still won't find anything worthwhile. It may be worth the try in the end. Though It may only be the end of my time by then.
A wounded tiger trudges through the snow leaving a trail of blood. Few were easy while massive groups had the upper hand. Few massive groups had weapons. Unfortunately for the tiger, he had chosen the wrong group to target. While a few good punches and clawings took a few down while others merely discombobulated the others a bit. These were much more skilled combatants than the usual group that he faced. Few found enough of an opening to engage the tiger. Lacerations soon covered the tiger as papercuts or deeper wounds that if unkempt could mean his demise. The papercuts covered his torso, while the deeper wounds on his limbs were beginning to threaten his movement. He had to get out of there. Just a simple stealing of some food had turned into his possible death. At least this was a group of bandits and not the commoners of any nearby village. He continued to trade strikes and blows focusing on his surroundings as such to ensure he was not taken down or killed. These moments allowed him to find some sort of value in his survival, and he was not going to let a group of bandits continue their conquest or take him down in his mission. Even if he did bad, there was always a way he wished he could redeem himself. Maybe the leopard was too much of an overbearing on him finding redemption. Keeping keen with his defense, manages to take down the last of the remaining bandits at least before one had managed to slice his back. The shrill agony spread through his glute's to his very toes as the other waves clouded his mind bringing him to his knees.
He stood and ran away the very second he could at least think straight enough to control his limbs. Through the biting cold he went as it dived into his wounds constricting any blood flow that had remained temporarily sealing them until he could get them taken care of. Each step was agony as the laceration across his back also damaged some muscles responsible for balance. He then stared at both arms where other deep cuts were as he could see muscle though the dried blood on his cuts. As he flexed his arms, he watched each muscle strand stretch and contract. A lot was learned about his own anatomy from the resulting injuries he has sustained over the years.
"Dammit," he spat. "If I knew they would have been that much I would have stolen from someone else." The time he would be in shock was now wearing thin as he made his way far from the camp hoping that when his adrenal high was over they couldn't find him. The heavy nausea began to settle in as his sense of balance began to whirlpool. His face felt cold as his legs metaphorically turned into boiled noodles. His vision began to tunnel as his stomach felt at an unease."Agh. I..." He couldn't speak another word as he was just trying to breathe calmly to at least sponge up some of his nausea. A sense of electrical shock that hummed in his head didn't do much on the flip side to help as he ended up vomiting. Yet to say that nothing much came up except numerous thick sounding retches and whatever acid his stomach could push out. The retching lasted what seemed like forever, but after the exertion, he passed out. The only wish would have been for someone to at least see his distress and help. Nobody came. The lone wolf or what shall be said, tiger, for this matter remains.
Solidarity solitary is life's plan it seems. Many hours in just a single direction had not led me to even an almost never used path. I may just end up becoming the monster of this land as well by the time I finally find a place at this pace. Sometimes it only feels as if it's the only destiny that I am allotted to in this waste of a life. I didn't want it to happen again.
My eyes pierced through the terrain looking for any form of civilization in the distance. My vision was keen but slow due to the unobvious fact that my nutrition was running a deficit. The lack of food is killing me slowly. At least I am able to drink some water whether it be snow or a running stream untainted by another's waste.
Hours had seemed to pass in an instant as nothing still lay ahead. The exhaustion began to settle in causing me to stumble from time to time. Distant mountains are still so large behind me, yet so much smaller than what I thought they would be walking away from them. I couldn't get out of there fast enough as it was. Blazing sun above had shifted in the sky resting just above the mountains in the distance. Only if I had some sense of direction of where I actually wanted to go would it help. Even with my literacy, I was never sure about many other things. My sense of direction never failed to disappoint even with basic knowledge that should have helped. "The sun rises in the east and sets to the west. North is ahead if east is on your right. South is ahead if east is on your left." Yet I honestly don't understand what that does mean. What is the importance of such a direction if you never had a map that has a "you are here" on it. Anymore, it's just a mindless wander.
The wind had picked up a bit more as the evening cool had settled in. The cool air was more of a relief for this moment as the bearing sun had warmed my fur quite a lot on the day of walking I had. It is not that it was unbearable, it was really that it was too comfortable. A comfort that would end up laying me down for a rest I honestly wanted to avoid. I did not want to lose any time I had remaining just sleeping it away.
The sun had laid its way behind the mountains in the distance as I glared around looking for somewhere to go, or really just anywhere where I could make camp. Relief struck me much like the rise to normalcy after the initial shock from an injury wore off. A small village in the far distance had become visible. The land around had almost completely turned to fields with the exception of groups of trees that coated the ground much like the plentiful white wool balls that floated in the sky before the storms arrived. The village was not much larger than the ones that I came across in the mountains. It had the basic houses and community buildings that were necessary for any village to thrive in these lands as well as a simple farm that offset a bit so things didn't feel so tight.
Step by step I made my way towards the village holding onto a small burst of adrenaline. There was no stopping now as I knew I could at least find somewhere. Whether the villagers would be welcoming would determine if I remained in my archaic ways or not. It wouldn't honestly hurt to truly see what was thought about me. Sometimes the death of many rests on the decision of a few. The sickened and sadistic grin on my face only grew. After all that's why there are wars. The power hungry individuals who see us as disposable. The poor man fighting the wealthy man's war. It's ingrained throughout our entire existence. We are always at the mercy of who holds the power unless one would want to be an outlaw, a break in the endless chain of slavery others hold the unfortunate in. The only slavery left is what the mind binds us to. The concept of free will will always exist but is just a myth once the mind is betrayed. Insanity is the resulting loss of free will.
Insanity is such a wild ride. The loss of control that can lead to pure terror with no hint of delight on the flip side of the coin only coated in dread. A trapped spirit that cannot think, but only live the thoughts that lead them to where they were. A mindless body that roamed the lands only seeking destruction and vague non-discriminatory genocide of what it observed. Whomever it was seen was waste before another thought could be had. Insanity was a new beginning, as much as it was the end. Best known as 'the beginning of the end' if it couldn't be stopped.
I stood before the village as the ocean of gold above this world shone well enough to illuminate everything before me in a vast ocean of gold hues. The sight of villagers roaming the streets at least showed that the place wasn't sparsely numbered, but it really was a thriving community. I took a few steps entering the village looking around at the buildings as many began to blend and blur, while an all so familiar buzz etched its way into the depths of my skull and limbs. Lightheadedness took over as I began to stumble, the sight of some villagers beginning to stare with fear yet changing to slight concern over the public display of my body beginning to tire out. I felt the ground rise to my knees as I planted my paws firmly on the ground before me trying to fight my sudden burst of exhaustion. The deep buzz in my mind wearing the remaining consciousness away into an unconsciousness much like that of a wood carving that left the figurine behind in the shadow of its original form.
Pulsating static enveloped my vision bringing waves of beautiful patterns much like when I would put pressure on my closed eyes. A pattern that was never repeated, but always morphed into something else. The pattern had given way to a world of which I never had dreamed of before. The feeling of any kind of force that kept me planted to a solid ground was not there. A world before me which had several islands which were floating many relics of buildings of the past, a quiet and serene place. This place was something I had begun to traverse for a while as it brought an absolute feeling that nothing here could ever go wrong.
There had always been a silver lining throughout all the stereotypical pain and suffering that made most of it almost worth it to reach. The story that it had to tell after oh so long often was a tale that would be formidable or a waste. The entitlement of others to vouch that their lives were 'so terrible' whenever the worst they had to go through was an honest day's work, always struck a nerve with a dull blade. Had they been stabbed or beaten numerous times? Had they almost died on numerous occasions? Had they had to go weeks without a proper meal? Oh, what about numerous days at a time without any form of sleep eventually wasting into it through the delusions of their mind that plagued them into it? Ah that's right, their significant others will not quit their onslaught of bitching about their own entitlement. They didn't get the last cookie from the jar. Oh so sad, dad wouldn't be home that night due to his job or venture that he had to go on. Oh how it would be nice to have parents just to whine and cry about them every chance that was remotely possible because they didn't do this or that? I had practically nobody in this damned life, and the best part is that those that I ever did eventually turned on me anyways. Fuck them.
In my thoughts I failed to recognize a feeble presence of which was slowly surrounding me. The short bursts of a warm wind swirling around, was enough to halt the thoughts vaulting their way into the epicenter of my mind. I darted my vision around in vain as I couldn't tell if something was there or if it was the otherworldly gusts of wind I had not noticed before. A feeling of a hand on the end of my tail shocked me from my observations as I still looked in vain at nothing. The grip still held as it began to make its way up my tail, looping around it as it reached my lower back wrapping itself around my torso as well. It trailed its way further and further as it followed my spine and dived into my head when it reached the base of my skull which connected to my spine. The buzzing returned with a jolt of a fulfilling energy that had been deprived of its usual debilitating void that sucked my life away.
I breathed a sigh of relief as this seeming entity felt so welcome, yet shriveled as it had been something foreign that hosted itself inside of me. Parasitic I hoped it hadn't been, since this world was something of dreams. All speculation was settled as its force clicked something of an understanding that provoked the feeling of symbiosis. It was hard to really feel how it had been done as it didn't feel like a dam which redirected the waters of one stream to another, but more so a way that conveyed that one stream was less desirable to take than the other. Free will was left on the table, with an educated idea of the right choice.
"Best hope your intentions don't test my patience or test the validity of my integrity," I spoke with a deep river of stoicism. The feeling had been entertained by my words as it dissipated, leaving behind a newfound energy of which its value could not be compared to the purest gold. I could still tell it was there from the unusual comfort I felt, It would only show itself when it was truly needed. The world around froze, bringing a deep green across the world like going through a tunnel. I looked toward the direction It had come from only seeing a deep green orb flying at me. The green orb sprouted a green dragon which had a wide maw ready to feast. I shrunk down in fear, ready to meet my maker only to…
I shot awake setting up with a gasp of air holding my chest. My heart was ready to bust out of my chest beating away at my lungs. I couldn't seem to catch an actual breath of air for an eternity. My field of view flying around the room I laid in. My residence had been in a simple unfurnished cabin room with a bit of clutter laying in some places like it was a storage room. I had been placed in a cot which was set in the middle of the room against a wall having a window overlooking it. A door parallel with the window opened with a figure of similar stature to mine which was illuminated with the sun that perfectly lined the doorframe. A female leopard stood at the door looking me over as I stared back. Eyes of a burning gold blanketed a soft comfort over the spirit the sudden presence rocked.
"I see you're finally up after a few days." A younger feminine and rich velvet voice spoke. All I could do was nod in response.
"Not much of a talker are you?" I shook my head. Responses only came in times of vain or of need to hold a deeper explanation.
"Only when I need to."
"I see." Her eyes looked around my form, almost scoping out for something amiss, meeting up once again with my eyes.
"You must not be from around here. As far as I can tell you must be a long way from home." I shook my head. I had never had a home as it was, so I am nowhere close nor far from somewhere I never had.
"I have no home." I stared back with my usual unfeeling expression. Her eyes closed before she nodded.
"I know how that feels. It's been quite a few years myself. I had been dropped off by my mother as she was trying to get me as far away from home as she could without dropping dead in those mountains. We made it here luckily. Unfortunately she perished from previous injuries sustained in trying to escape the ruthless clutches of my father. Oh how I hated him. A power driven monster was all he was." She paused, reminiscing in her thoughts gazing off in a random direction. Her presence became very well unsettling as that night began replaying its events in my mind. A deeper and deeper loop realizing that I did both a good deed and heinous crime in a thin veil of time. A thought that would never be revealed.
"I see.." I spoke finally.
"What about you..?" I shook my head.
"Would only be fair since I did just tell you of my past." She spoke with disappointment.
"I don't owe any explanation to you, nor should I owe anything to you." She grinned with a sweet smile. She lunged at me, dagger drawn stopping with it inches from my neck holding her smile.
"I didn't need to help you, did I? I could have considered you dead and buried you, no? Maybe you could have been my next meal! After all, you're only getting any comfort because of me. You owe me. I have your ass. Betray whatever little trust I have for you and I will slit your throat without any remorse in the world." Her gesture took me a bit by surprise which quickly turned back into my usual demeanor. I leaned my neck towards the blade.
"I don't have anything to live for anyways," I said, my voice rolling deep with lust for the blade to be driven into my neck as I stared into her eyes. She seemed to be a bit taken aback by the lack of self value, and lust for death I had shown. The blade dropped from my neck returning to her side.
"Torture it seems would be the best method then." She launched a blisteringly swift punch to my nethers sending a wave of pain to rock my mind. I fell forwards off the cot holding everything in a paw hoping to protect it all from another punch if it was underway. I gasped for air as the agony held onto my diaphragm. A man's weakness had become another's delight.
"I'm going to get you for that," I said through clenched teeth.
"Try me." She stuck her tongue out at me. "I doubt you have the balls right now." She giggled following her statement. The absolute agony had worn away but still was overbearing. I planted myself on my hands and knees as I tried to stand. Pushing myself up to try to stand, my legs could barely handle my weight as I dropped back to my knees with an exacerbated huff. Even with my hostility the leopard was back by my side helping me balance.
"As I had said before. Try me. You're much too weak to even stand, I am surprised you even woke up. Scratch that. I am surprised you were alive." She helped me to my bed, sitting beside to the right with her paws in lap. Her face concerned, looked in my eyes.
"I don't apologize over my first impressions, but I would like to understand what brings you here. I would like to know something about your story. I may have not had the experiences you have, or the trauma you possess, but I can at least try to understand your pain." I set silent for a few minutes, closing my eyes to think about everything. Is it worth telling someone who may just betray me later on? Is it worth it telling someone who may just die later on? I gave a soft sigh as the same warmth that comforted me in my dream sent a soft warmth to my heart.
"I began my life stuck in an orphanage. Any care turned to abuse after a few years after they realized that I couldn't be helped. Locked away and forgotten until I was old enough to be kicked out to live on my own. Since then I.. I became the old wise tale parents would tell their kids to keep them in check while parents themselves were in fear of me." She looked a bit curious, yet confused as well.
"So this is the 'monster' of the mountains I've heard about, that I just knocked down with a nut-shot? I will do it again if I get a snarky retort." She glared.
"The same." I stared back.
"From the way I hear it, you also did some necessary deeds that others couldn't really pull off. So I wouldn't call you a monster per-se. I would recommend something like a hunter with no good morale where it's due, but a criminal as well. I may have to turn you in to the imperial army at this pace." I looked at her dumbfounded but I could see a stupid grin on her face.
"I had to do what I had to do to sur-" She shushed me with her right first digit of her paw.
"I understand, I had a similar rise to where I am now. It's honestly no big deal." She placed her left paw on my right shoulder. So that's what the tender touch of someone who cares feels like? Such a simple gesture that spoke volumes to the being and spirit that existed inside me. I sighed, lowering my head.
"Thank you." My voice began to break. I felt the paw on my shoulder begin rubbing across my back which in turn further amplified this feeling. A feeling that I never knew could bring the world back together into solidity for the exiguous time that it lasted. Such an alien feeling that felt so damn right. For the first time in a long while, the tears began flowing. Small sniffles thickened into silent and choked sobs. There was so much else to this story, yet I couldn't stomach the slightest ability to have to tell it.
"There's much more than what meets the surface. Quite vague, but much is explained simply by this interaction. It's a lonely world isn't it? A vast land with countless opportunities, yet none have presented themselves in a way that benefits you as a person. A world where you have suffered countless injuries, but nobody but yourself to ensure that you don't die as a result. I've seen most of the current wounds and past scars you wear as a coat. Also, I hope you like the new pants. The other pair were a bit destroyed." I met her gaze with subtle shock which dead ended my sobs. She retorted a bit amused.
"I may have seen all of you, but I won't stoop so low as to do anything to you, even with the crimes you may have done. I will say though, you seem like you could make someone very happy." She chuckled.
"Enough," I said, my face with a tinge of discomfort.
"Seems you have calmed down a bit." She gave a joking grin. She was quick witted and clever, I will give her points on that.
"Clever girl." She nodded in response.
"There is much to learn in life from people I have come across. My most notable stories come from a few masters of Kung-Fu. That can be saved for another time though." My stomach growled with ferocity.
"I assume you're hungry?" She grinned.
"It's been a while since I had something to actually eat. Answer that for me if you can."
"I will be right back then." She responded as she stood to make her way out of the room, closing the door behind her. The silence filled the room, beckoning a moment of thought. This moment had become a picture in my mind worth a thousand words. After so long of the deep suffering a simple touch conveyed such a deep message that there was no longer a life to be lived feeling completely empty. A simple touch that meant so much more than any other action could have ever meant in my entire life. A gap had been filled that I thought would have only grown deeper until I couldn't climb out of it.
I sighed, glancing around once more around the room. The last room I had ever been in was covered in blood, and just generally visually resembled a fallen building. This room was neatly tended to besides the clutter. This was a room I wish I had. Just a room that I had longed to rest in. A room full of warmth that aided with my rest I had all so longed for. The door once more opened as the leopard walked into the room with a large bowl.
"I doubt you care much about what the meal is, but this is all I could make up in the knick of time." She put the bowl full of noodles in my lap as she sat back down beside me handing me a pair of sticks.
"What are those for?" I asked, confused.
"You've never heard of chopsticks?" The realization hit her. "Ah… There was no time to learn to use them when you needed to eat. I can teach you though." She took my right hand as each stick was placed and each finger was moved in a manner where my index and middle digit was in control of the top stick and the other was in control with my ring and pinkie digit. She then proceeded to squeeze my hand in a guided fashion that helped me understand the basic function of chopsticks. I pulled my hand to watch as I squeezed my fingers together opening and closing the chopsticks.
I never knew it would be so much harder than it looked. I couldn't for the life of me get the noodles to stay on the sticks. The laughs beside me were amplified each time I subsequently failed.
"Okay, okay. Let me help you out with that." She chuckled, grabbing the chopsticks. She immediately had the sticks loaded with a large amount of noodles ready for me to bite from. The humiliation felt soon to begin, but after not eating much the last several weeks, I no longer cared. I took a large bite of what noodles I could possibly get as I slurped up the rest of what the sticks held, swallowing them with a satisfied sigh. The bite had barely left a dent in the bowl on my lap. The feeding lasted another minute before I felt that I understood how the chopsticks worked.
"Mind if I take those back?" I asked. She nodded, handing back the sticks. This time I luckily had very miniscule trouble trying to feed myself. The remaining humiliation would be saved for later. It had not been too long and my appetite had slowed, making me a bit nauseous to continue eating a bite even through the belching that should have eased some of the pressure. She must have planned for this too as she took notice.
"Seems It's my turn." She snuck the bowl from my lap as she withdrew her own chopsticks and began to devour the remaining noodles making sure to drink the soup as well. She looked at me after setting the bowl on the floor while simultaneously taking my sticks and setting her own in the bowl.
"Why is it that you act as if you have known me for a while?" She looked into my eyes. She then looked down with a depressed sigh.
"I know I come off in such a way that makes you feel odd. But one thing that you should probably understand now is that at one point in my life, I was looked upon in a degrading manner. At one point many people here couldn't keep me under control as I became more destructive as time passed. I almost became an outsider like you had become. At the time I was told about you I didn't really know much about you other than the fact that you were just injured."
"What does that have to do with how you were ac…" I was hushed.
"Shhhh... We are getting there." She paused.
"I saw the extent of your injuries, from the cracked ribs, fractured bones, scrapes, cuts, bruises, as well as that nasty gash on your left arm. I felt that your Qi was practically gone. I'm still quite surprised we are talking about it now honestly. I had to help though. Using my own I could only get so much as the extent of your injuries that went unhealed wore deep into my body. I could feel the agony, but I myself was not sustaining the injury but simply healing you at the expense of what force of life I was willing to give for you. What I honestly did not expect was a sudden burst of Qi in you to force me out. I almost feel like that old turtle had something to do with this." She grinned before continuing.
"There's just something about you, that even if you did heinous things in those mountains, there's something that is out there for you. Even if it's something that's just small. It's still something worthwhile and not something that will ever amount to a waste no matter how hard you fail." She fell silent, for another moment.
"Do you know how often I see a feline around these parts..?" She asked bluntly.
"I'm not sure." I responded with mild curiosity.
"Just you so far. I mean I've heard about other species existing, and had come across one or two during my travels, but it seems that you are the only one that I have seen so far where I live. Something just screams 'destiny' about your presence here it feels like. Also it may finally stop the villagers from trying to hit on me…" She spoke the last sentence in annoyance.
"Yet I know that your destiny likely doesn't set with me." She sighed. She must be daydreaming about something related to me.
"Likely not." She seemed to snap from her thoughts in an oddly timed but mild annoyance.
"None of this stops me from killing you though if it turns out your destiny was a ruse to this place though." She spoke with daggers trying to intimidate me but ultimately failing, as she picked up the bowl standing up.
"But besides," She spoke with a warm smile once again. "I do feel like I can trust you well. Under that thick hyde of skin you wear, a heart of pure gold remains. A heart that even through its wrongs will always try to write itself. You just wear the darkness on the outside so that anyone else would be too afraid to engage with you in any form of friendly contact, no matter how much you wish to not do so."
She turned to walk away but stopped a few steps from the door. She seemed to be pondering her thoughts.
"I never got your name." She turned around once more.
"I don't have a name.. Unless you want to settle with 'Monster'. What is yours though?" She dropped her ears a bit.
"My name is Mei. Monster does not suit you at all. More of an insult to injury than anything. Yet I do have an idea of a name for you." She perked up with a small grin."
"What name would you have in mind for me?" I asked.
"Lim."