Ratings and Disclaimers: As Ch 1
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John Sheppard trudged into the Gateroom, followed minutes later by Elizabeth, Chuck and Vicki Collins. Lorne and his team were standing in Elizabeth's office as far away from the pear tree as possible as they knew that as soon as the Partridge and the Turtledoves saw the new arrivals all hell would break loose.
"Well?" said John
"Same as always" replied Lorne "flash of light and then those" he nodded at the four parrots sitting on the DHD console who were being made a fuss of by Chuck and Vicki,
"All the threes, thirty three" squawked one of the parrots. All eyes turned to it
"Did it just say thirty three?" said Elizabeth
"Two little ducks, twenty two" squawked another "on its own number 6".
"Its bingo calls," said Vicki "they are four calling birds after all"
"Four and Nine forty nine" said another parrot. Elizabeth put her head in her hands
"I'm going back to bed, Chuck, Vicki take them to your quarters and bring them back when you come on duty, I'll decide what to do with them then" she said as she rubbed her face, she'd have to go back to her room via the infirmary as she could feel a migraine building.
Later in the afternoon, the parrots were sitting on the balcony rails watching Chuck work and ignoring the death glares from the Partridge
"Two fat ladies eighty eight, two and nine twenty nine, lucky seven, Kelly's eye number one, unlucky for some thirteen" said the parrots, John wandered past the console.
"How can you put up with this?" said John to Chuck
"Easy" replied Chuck
"'Ere, you John Sheppard?" said the grey parrot. John's eyes widened
"Yeah" he said carefully
"Got a message for you" said Grey
"Go on" said John wondering if an African Grey Parrot with a Cockney accent was they strangest thing that he would encounter today.
"She ain't 'appy wiv you yer know" said Grey, John stiffened
"You know who's sending me these birds?" he asked
"Course I do, what do you think I am, a Partridge?" Grey replied, the Partridge bristled in the pear tree
"Who is she?" John demanded, Grey chuckled (In a parrot like way)
"I ain't that daft mate, she'd kill me," he said. John grabbed the parrot by the neck
"Tell me you miserable bird before I use you as target practise" yelled John as he shook Grey by the throat
"Clickety click sixty six, six and eight sixty eight" gasped Grey as Chuck, Lorne and Elizabeth came running towards him
"Tell me, tell me who she is" demanded John. The other parrots swooped down and pecked at John's hand until he let go of Grey. John pulled out his 9mm and took aim at Grey, who flew into the rafters and hid with the other parrots. John was sent to Carson to have his hand stitched and then he was sent to Kate Heightmeyer to deal with his bird issues.
In the late evening Elizabeth demanded that four Marines were stationed permanently in Gateroom to keep the birds in order, ever since the John/Grey incident the Partridge and the Parrots had been squaring up to each other and it was only a matter of time before yet another Bird War started. At 23.00 Atlantis Standard Time the Partridge had had enough and started flapping up to the rafters to give the parrots the evil eye, the parrots started taunting it and the turtledoves with football chants and 'Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough'. The parrots swooped on the pear tree and an almighty battle took place, seeing, as the birds were more intent on harming each other the humans kept a safe distance. At 23.30 Atlantis Standard Time the Partridge and the Turtledoves were homeless as the parrots had kicked them out of the pear tree, Vicki and Chuck had taken them back to their respective quarters until they recovered. Elizabeth had taken to hiding a bottle of whiskey in her desk draw, John was now visiting Kate hourly, Carson had requested the SGC send him more tranquilizers, the parrots were singing 'We are the champions' from the pear tree and Lorne was contemplating calling in sick for the next eight days.
The next day Atlantis heaved a sigh of relief; this was day five, what could possibly go wrong with five gold rings?
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AN: I had the absurd idea of making the four calling birds bingo callers a couple of days ago. I have no idea where the idea for giving Grey the Parrot a cockney accent but as I was writing it I had the notion of it looking and sounding like Phil Mitchell from Eastenders.