Ratings and Disclaimers: Same as Ch1

Author's Notes: I will apologise now for taking many liberties with Lord of the Rings. You didn't expect anything else did you?

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Elizabeth, John, Carson and Rodney were having their usual weekly progress meeting when there was a flash of light in the office and a large jewellery box appeared in front of John. John pulled out his 9mm and looked wildly around him,

"Come on, show yourself you mind bending bitch" he yelled at the top of his voice "get your ass in here now". He began to pace the office looking up at the ceiling; Rodney looked at Carson, put his finger to his temple and twirled it in a we-need-to-redecorate-his-room-with-rubber-wallpaper gesture. Elizabeth got the whisky bottle out of her draw along with four glasses and poured them all a substantial belt, she drained hers in one gulp and poured another, Carson frowned but didn't say anything as his bottle had been taking a few hits lately.

"John it's five gold rings, nothing can possibly go wrong with five gold rings" said Elizabeth as she opened the box "see", she handed John the box, John's grip tightened on his gun as he peered in,

"Hey these are pretty cool" he put the gun down and picked one out of the box "do you know what this writing on the side says" he said as he passed it to Elizabeth. Elizabeth peered at the ring

"It's nothing I've seen before" she tapped her earpiece "Teyla, can you and Ronon come up to the office please" she said. After a couple of minutes Teyla and Ronon came through the door, the Partridge perched on the window, looked in, saw the ring in Elizabeth's hand and flew off in a panic twittering madly, it perched on Chuck's shoulder and tried to bury itself under his jacket. Slightly un-nerved by the Partridge's panic attack Elizabeth showed the ring to Teyla and Ronon,

"Do either of you know what language this is?" she asked, Ronon picked up the ring and looked

"Never seen it before" he replied, he handed the ring to Teyla and shook his head, trying to fight the urge to kill Sheppard.

"I have not seen it either," said Teyla as she handed the ring back to John "but I have this feeling of...evil, oppressiveness". Rodney gasped and snatched the ring out of John's hand

"It can't be," he said as he turned the ring over in his hand "it can't be"

"Can't be what Rodney" said John

"The ring, the ring, the one ring, this writing on the side is...elvish I think I never saw the films I only read the books" said Rodney

"Elvis?" asked John "the writing on the side is thankyouverymuch in Ancient". Rodney gave John his long suffering I'm-surrounded-by-idiots look

"Elvish not Elvis, it's the ring from Lord of the Rings, it didn't make sense until Teyla said she felt a feeling of evil and oppressiveness" said Rodney as he began to pace.

"Rodney, the Lord of the Rings isn't real, it's a book" said Carson, thinking Kate was going to start demanding double time before long

"The twelve days of Christmas was a song until five days ago," retorted Rodney "we have got to destroy the ring". John handed the ring to Rodney

"Your mission, should you choose to accept it is to destroy the ring, good luck Frodo McKay," said John with a smirk; he was enjoying his present causing someone other than him to freak out. Rodney scowled at him

"Go ahead, mock me but I'm not doing this by myself, Teyla is there anywhere around here that translates into the Mount of Doom" said Rodney, Teyla thought for a moment

"I do not know, I will have to consult the Elders on the mainland" she replied. Rodney nodded

"Go" he said, Teyla bowed and left, Rodney clapped his hands together "now the only thing left for us to do is go and form ourselves a Fellowship" he said as he hustled John out of the door. John looked imploringly at Elizabeth who shrugged "come on Colonel Aragorn, your Arwen will still be here when you get back". Elizabeth sighed sympathetically and accepted the tranquilizers that Carson handed to her.

TBC

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AN: Don't shoot me because this is not as side splittingly funny as the others and don't shoot me because this is going to be a two parter, the mayhem will return when the six geese arrive, promise.