Okay, this is chapter two, obviously. I've incorporated some things about Emma that may not happen in order with the actual ravine timing. Just so you know, I don't think I'm going to include the Gonorrhea outbreak, because I thought it was ridiculous when it happened. However, if anyone can give me good reason to put it in, I will.

Also, this is not a romantically charged fanfiction. However, there will be a boy in Emma's life further into the story, and it may or may not be romantic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or the amazing characters. Crazy, I know.

I woke up the following morning feeling about the same as the previous night. I was reluctant to actually get out of bed, but I knew if I didn't mom would wake me up in about ten minutes anyway. So, I threw off my covers, turned off my fan, and shuffled my way to the shower. I took an extremely cold shower, I think it was my attempt to actual feel something.

After drying my body, applying my perfect make up, and blow-drying and styling my hair I was ready to get dressed. I chose a black spaghetti strap top with a denim mini, pairing it with black heels. This was after all the Emma Nelson people had gotten used to. I wasn't Greenpeace anymore, I was hot Emma. I saw the looks I got now, and with my abnormally long legs and blond hair it was, quite frankly, expected. It was a less obvious hot compared to, say, Manny.

I was trying to shed my past, which included the shooting and Sean Cameron. I think secretly I wanted him the entire time I was with Chris, and the entire time he was with Ellie. They say it's difficult to forget your first love, and I guess it's true.

So, I left the house that morning thinking retrospectively if I could have prevented losing myself. This unfortunately then led to thinking, retrospectively, about the shooting itself. Noone knew, but deep down I blamed myself for it all. It was me, after all, who had started the whole campaign to remove Rick in the first place; and, even though I backed off, I know that the stung still remained. I also didn't do enough to make him feel welcome. I knew what he did to Terri was horrible, but didn't he deserve a chance to be forgiven? Maybe I didn't give him that chance. And the number one reason why I was to blame? When he kissed me I made him feel like such a loser. Like he didn't have enough battery that day, Emma! If I could have calmly explained to him that even though I liked him as a friend, I was still in love with someone else. No. I had to be overly dramatic Emma. The moment kept flashing into my consciousness, almost as much as the actual shooting itself. Of course, I wouldn't let anyone else in on what had happened between Rick and I, because I didn't want the blame put on me. I didn't want everyone to know that it was all my fault.

I eventually reached the doors of Degrassi and was pulled out of my thoughts by the shrill, demanding voice of Liberty, "Emma! You agreed to play lead lady, did you not?"

I looked at her quizzically, "Yes..."

"Then would you care to explain to me where you were last night for rehearsal!"

Damn. I looked past her, hoping to maybe find an explanation somewhere. Unfortunately, the first thing I saw was Jay Hoggart, making out with Alex Nuez, against his orange Civic. I frowned, why did I even care?

"Emma!"

I shook my head, returning my attention to Liberty. "I'm so sorry! I tried to call your house, but you were already gone. Mom had to go to meeting at the last minute, and Snake already had plans with Joey. I got stuck babysitting Jack," I paused, taking my first breath of air. "I'm really sorry, Liberty. But, we have a rehearsal at five tonight, don't we?" She nodded. "I'll be there at four thirty. You can quiz me one my lines alone then if you want."

She smiled, apparently this was good enough for her. "Fine, but one more slip up, Em, and I will not hesitate to go back with Darcy as lead. Got it?"

"Crystal clear," I responded, plastering on a completely fake smile.

"Good. I'll see you at four thirty." With that said, she walked away; probably to go and pester someone else into insanity.

I took a deep breath, put back on the completely phony smile, and rushed by Jay's car.

First class that day happened to be English; and, apparently Mrs.Kwan thought today was a great day for expressive poetry. "Emma, care to start us off?"

I frowned, not knowing what she was talking about, "Excuse me?"

"Your poem. I'd like you to start us off."

Shit. I didn't have a poem. I meant to write it the night before, but things got out of hand again. I was such a screw up lately. "Actually, Mrs.Kwan, I would love to listen to some poetry first. You know, so I can get in the right...mood."

She looked at me filled with doubt,"Alright. Then," she looked at the list of names before her, "Toby, you're up."

Sighing, I took out a pen and my notebook, and began my feverish attempt some sort of poem that would show how expressive I could be. After ten minutes of sitting staring at the page, I scribbled something down. Apparently, right on time too, because Mrs.Kwan chose this as her moment to call me back up. "Have you heard enough poetry now to put you in the right mood, Emma?"

Forcing a tight grin, I responded, "I think so."

"Great. Please take your place at the front of the class."

I obeyed, walking to stand in front of her desk. Clearing my throat I began, "So, this is my poem, I guess:

Rose are red,

Violets are tainted,

I should be dead,

Instead, everyone acts as though I should be sainted."

There was scattered applause throughout the room, I assumed that everyone had become fairly uncomfortable. Good, they should be.

Finally, end of class came with the ringing of the bell. I stood up, gathered my books, and was half way out of the door when Mrs.Kwan stopped me. "Emma, can I have a minute?"

I closed my eyes, not turning around; I could tell by the tone in her voice that this wasn't going to be a good conversation. "Actually, I should be going. My locker is on the other side of the school and I have Algebra, and you know how he gets when you're late," I spurted out, barely taking time to breathe in between the lies.

"I'll write you a note," I sighed heavily, and turned to face her. "Emma, I'm worried about you. You just don't seem to be focused, your work is suffering..."

"I'm just stressed, that's all."

"I understand," she sighed, giving me a sympathetic smile. "However, you can only use the shooting as an excuse for so long. I've let you slide, but it ends today, Emma. Do you realize that your participation mark has dropped to 46?"

I shook my head. Somehow, I didn't care.

"It's not just that. Your mark over all is hovering in the low fifties; you used to be in the eightieth percentile!"

I forced a small smile, "I'll try harder."

"And your poem today...I think you should talk to someone."

"I'm fine," I responded fiercely through my clamped teeth. "Can I go now?"

She frowned, but waved her hand towards the door, indicating that I was indeed free. I spent the rest of the day drifting off into space. Had I completely lost control? Why couldn't I focus, why didn't I care? Why, for the life of me, couldn't I prevent losing everyone I loved?

Jay and Silent Bob had arrived at the school earlier in the week, and Manny Santos herself was sucked into the limelight. I wasn't good enough, not that I tried. It seemed like the only attention being given to me from anyone was at play rehearsals and the ravine. My life was spiraling, and as it did, people were getting of after each rotation.

I skipped lunch and supper that day; I just wasn't hungry. Besides, if there was one thing I could control in my life it was my food intake.