Chiana and D'argo exited the clinic and the Luxan guided the girl through the busy streets back toward the spaceport. He was anxious to return to Moya with the news they had learned of John and Aeryn's condition. That there might be hope they could be reconstituted back into living beings. He hadn't given the Shrike much thought and he half hoped the assassin wouldn't make it back in time to leave with them.
Halfway back to the Transport Pod that hope was dashed.
Besides him, Chiana paused for a microt and smiled.
"You're here!" she exclaimed happily.
"Yes," returned a hushed voice.
D'argo abruptly turned in the gray girl's direction and noted that Berret had somehow materialized along side her from out of the crowd. He snarled a low curse to himself with the man's appearance and silently scolded himself further for not being more observed of the Enforcer's approach. Briefly, he wondered how Chiana knew he had rejoined them, and then considered the Nebari's hearing must have sharpened significantly more then he realized. Berret obviously hadn't traveled up or cross wind from them otherwise the warrior's keen sense of smell would have detected him. The breeze shifted toward the Luxan as Chiana searched blindly to take Berret's arm with her free hand. D'argo idly sniffed the air to be sure he hadn't picked up anything in the doctor's office that might have dulled his sense of smell.
What his awareness told him in the next instant made him seethe with sudden anger.
"You'll never guess what we found out at the Diagnosan's," Chiana was telling Berret excitedly.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" Dargo demanded with a roar. He abruptly stepped in front of the other two to confront the Shrike. The move was so unexpected that Chiana ran into his huge frame and let out a surprised squeak.
"What! What is it?" Chiana frantically asked, clenching onto the Luxan's long coat. She looked around wildly but her blind eyes could tell her nothing.
Berret calmly regarded the Luxan from under his hood, his ice blue eyes showing neither care or concern that the warrior was on the verge of losing his control.
"If you have jeopardized us in anyway... I will kill you myself," D'argo snarled in low warning. "Now, tell me what you have done."
"Survived," was the assassin's toneless one word reply.
The Luxan's eyes narrowed with fury and he bared his teeth.
"What's happening? What did Berret do?" asked Chiana. She yanked hard on D'argo's coat, making him look down at her and answer.
"He smells of blood," D'argo hissed, "At least from several other people!"
"Huh?" Chiana said. She looked around trying to locate the Shrike's position again. "What - what happened? Were you attacked, Berret?" she asked the air.
"Yes," answered the ex-Enforcer. D'argo again growled lowly.
"You see," supplied Chiana, "It was self-defense... wasn't it, 'Ret?"
Before the Shrike could reply, the Luxan spat out, "No! We don't know that for sure with only his word! He could have started it for all we know... and now our chances of getting Aeryn and John back are at risk because of him!" D'argo stabbed a finger in Berret's direction, not caring that the emphasis was lost on the still blind Nebari female. He had had enough of Chiana defending the assassin.
"You have been nothing but a liability since you arrived," the warrior accused the Enforcer.
"D'argo..." the Nebari girl tried to cut it.
"No, Chiana!" D'argo snapped. "We're talking about Aeryn and Crichton - our friends! Now 'he' has gone and killed more people... calling more attention on us. Attention we can NOT afford!
Chiana's face grew more serious, she padded D'argo chest in an attempt to calm the Luxan and make him listen to her.
"We don't know that for sure either," she countered.
The Luxan ignored the black-garbed assassin for the moment and reined in his anger. If he and Chiana were going to make it with this second chance they had, he had to learn to control his anger while trying to reason with the woman. He took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts. Chiana stared blindly at his chest, patiently waiting and giving him the time he needed to prepare what he wanted to say.
"Chiana," he started in a low voice so only she could hear him. "I know... 'he' means something to you. That you shared a harrowing experience..."
"He's my friend, D'argo," Chiana told him.
"I know, I know," he interjected. "But so are John and Aeryn. And they have been your friends longer than Berret has been. I'm sorry to say... but this might be a time when you will have to choose who has your greatest loyalty. I don't see this working out to where you can have it both ways."
The Nebari looked at him, open mouthed and slightly shaken at the statement.
"I-I can't just pick one over the other!" she said, "D'argo... they're all my friends. All important to me."
"Still... you will have to choose," the Luxan insisted.
"I can't! You don't understand!"
D'argo's face tightened. He didn't like pushing Chiana into a corner, but he saw no other way.
"I understand," he said, "That Crichton and Aeryn have been there for us in the past through thick and thin - always! They have saved our lives time and time again. Berret is unpredictable. He is... dangerous, at the best. Who do you want at your side when trouble comes?"
"Its not that simple, D'argo," Chiana told him.
"I'm afraid it is."
The gray girl shook her head. "No. No, it's not," she replied with conviction. "What you don't understand... where I was when we met..." she started and then left off. A microt later she went on with a slightly different line of thought. "When we met... he saw something in me that no one else has ever saw before... not even any of you. He saw a me that gave him the will to break free of his enslavement. It wasn't because I conned him or offered my body... it was just me... as a person. I saved him and then he saved me. Do you know what that was like for me? To have somebody see me like that? Do you know how I felt when I realized he was willing to die so I could escape?"
"No, you didn't want to talk about it with anyone," D'argo murmured to her, "Not even me."
Chiana gave him a helpless smile. "I didn't want to worry you... about what happened to me. I didn't want to let you know how much everything was hurting me. Losing you after what I did... then finding Berret and thinking I lost that good feeling I had about myself when I thought he'd been killed by the Syndicate.
It was crushing, D'argo... I thought I was destined to loose every good thing in my life. Nerri, you, ...Berret, Zhaan. Now John and Aeryn. But I got some of them back. Nerri's still alive, you're giving me a second chance, and Berret wasn't killed. Now we may have a way of getting Aeryn and Crichton back. D'argo... I can live with being blind... if I can just keep what little I've gotten back so far. Don't take that away from me."
D'argo felt a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, knowing he had to convince the Nebari girl that he was right about the assassin. "I don't want to take anything away from you," he told her with all the sincerity he could muster into his gruff voice, "But this is not a matter of my making. The Shrike is a threat and as long as he remains with us we are in danger. The possible return of our comrades is in jeopardy as long as he runs around free murdering beings on a whim."
"He didn't murder anybody!" Chiana insisted.
"He's an Enforcer! That's what they do."
"Not anymore he's not," the gray woman shot back. "D'argo, he deserves a chance just like the rest of us. Give him time to adjust and prove he can fit it with us."
D'argo sighed heavily. "It's been weekens... and he's made no attempt to fit it."
"He's afraid," Chiana said, "The only one he trusts is me."
"And we cannot trust him," D'argo replied. "Face it, Chiana... you have to make a choice. Ask him to leave or run the risk of having him destroy us all. I have to tell you, before I let that happen, I will do my best to kill him or die trying."
"You can't mean that, D'argo?" Chiana asked with a breaking voice.
"I do," answered the Luxan with solemn certainty.
Chiana turned her sightless gaze down at the ground between them. D'argo glanced over at the topic of their discussion and found the Shrike standing about ten paces away watching the flow of the crowd around them. Berret had to know that their hushed conversation had to be about him but he showed no more interest or concern about it then he normally did with any other thing that happened aboard ship. The warrior turned his attention back to Chiana; the Nebari had a deep look of concentration on her beautiful gray face. Again for a moment, D'argo had a quick feeling of guilt about asking the girl to choose between her friends. In the end, he knew it was for her and everyone else's good on Moya. If they ever hoped to restore John and Aeryn to the group, they needed Berret as far away from them as possible.
The Shrike was bound to bring them the wrong kind of attention at any time.
A number of subtle emotions danced across Chiana's face and then she muttered a single sentence.
"Pass it on."
D'argo blinked, not sure he heard what she said right. "What?" he asked.
"Pass it on," Chiana repeated. "Its what Crichton told me to do one time," she explained, "He said if I ever came across somebody in need, I should try and help them... to 'pass it on'."
The Luxan looked momentarily puzzled at what the statement should mean. When he didn't speak, Chiana went on.
"Even if I didn't owe Berret my life," she said, "I couldn't turn him away if he needs me. John wouldn't want me to do that... he'd be disappointed with me if I did. Its not what he would have done, you know that. Aeryn wouldn't let a comrade-in-arms down either. She'd rather die then betray a loyalty."
"This is not the same thing, Chiana!" D'argo put in.
"Isn't it?" asked the Nebari. "We get rid of Berret because you think he's a threat... who goes next? Rygel? Froggy can't be trusted half the time. Wrinkles? Stark? I'm blind now and that's a liability, maybe me? Who gets thrown off Moya next?"
"No! I would never do that! You're blowing this all out of proportion," D'argo protested.
"Am I?" Once it starts where do we stop?" she asked. "I'm not doing it, D'argo. I'm not going to ask Berret to leave and if you cared for me you wouldn't ask me too."
"Chiana..." the Luxan started to say.
"You won't ask!" the girl repeated more urgently. "I have to see this through and help him. I-I need to be reminded of the way he sees me... I wanna be that person. Especially the way things are now. Don't you understand?"
D'argo closed his eyes and tried not to become angry. He was torn between what he felt for Chiana and the loyalty for his friends. The Nebari picked the wrong time to try and become a better person... and the wrong individual to try and help. A scowl still creased his lips despite the effort.
"Say something," Chiana pleaded after a moment of silence. One of her hands reached out to rest on his chest.
"You're not going to do this?" he finally asked. Chiana took her hand away at the question.
"I can't."
The warrior sharply inhaled and stood ramrod straight. It was obvious now that Chiana wasn't going to let herself see his logical reasoning concerning the Enforcer. Try as he might, it was still frustrating attempting to get the girl to see the light about the situation.
"Then you would willingly put any chance we have at recovering Aeryn and John at risk for him?"
"No! D'argo..." Chiana sputtered.
"Because that's what you have done."
The gray girl looked blindly in the direction of the warrior's rough voice. "Wait... just listen to..." she tried to get out.
"I'm done discussing this, Chiana," D'argo told her firmly. "You've made your decision... I just hope it doesn't cost us our two friends."
The Luxan took a step away from her, making his disappointment known with the symbolic distance between them.
"D'argo..." she cried beseechingly.
He hardened himself against Chiana's tone and look of helplessness. He didn't want to hurt her but he needed her to get his point.
"I need to be alone now to think of a plan," he told her, "If I'm going to save John and Aeryn I need to get started and come up with something..." he paused to glance back at Berret, "...before what little chance I have is ruined." He looked back at Chiana. "Your 'friend' can take you back to the Transport Pod. I'll join you there shortly."
He turned and stalked away from the Nebari girl. Chiana felt the movement of air on her face as the huge Luxan walked away from her.
"D'argo!" she called after him, the Luxan didn't answer, "D'argo?" she repeated in vain.
She sensed her lover was gone, at the same time she was aware of the blank presence that to her was Berret coming up behind her. She automatically reached behind her to the Shrike, still facing the direction that D'argo had departed in. To her mild surprise, Berret gently gripped her elbow to let her know for sure that he was there. She realized that the warrior was disappointed with her choice, but for her there was no other she could have made. She hoped with time that he would see she made the right one. As soon as he got to know Berret, as soon as the Shrike opened up to the rest of them, they would see she was right about him.
The assassin waited to see what she would do. A moment later she turned in his direction and padded the arm that still supported her elbow, as if she were reassuring him that everything was going to be all right.
"Its okay," she told him, even though he hadn't asked anything. "Everything will be okay. D'argo will come around."
Unseen, the Shrike raised an eyebrow in doubt but remained silent.
"It just takes a little time," she went on.
"Of course," the assassin agreed in a low voice. It seemed the only thing he could say to the girl.
Chiana tried to give him a solid smile, but it came out troubled and weak.
"You have to try and talk more," she pretended to joke, "Your voice is all dry and raspy."
"I will try."
Chiana nodded. "And maybe talk more to the others... so they get to know you," she added as she took his arm. "Things will get better if they know you."
"I will try," he repeated.
"Good," Chiana said, "Now take me back to the Pod. We'll wait for D'argo to return and come up with a plan to save Crichton and Aeryn."
Rygel slightly adjusted the height of his hovering thronesled and narrowed his eyes as he regarded the sight before him. The Hynerian ruler tisked lowly to himself in disgust as an anxious hand abruptly placed itself on his shoulder. The unwelcome touch from the jumpy being behind him made his scowl deepen.
"You see!" exclaimed Stark in an excited whisper, "He gorges himself after the kill! I hear the voices of those he murdered on the planet crying out from the grave. It was cold-blooded murder, I wager."
The Hynerian turned to glance at the Banik.
"The yotz with that!" he countered, "I want to know how much more is he going to eat? It's been nonstop for over half an arn now and if that frellnik doesn't stop stuffing his face soon there be no more food left for the rest of us."
Stark gazed at the Hynerian in taken aback astonishment. "Don't you care about the lives that he viciously snuffed out?" the former slaved asked.
Rygel turned back to peek into the Center Chamber. Berret had half the large mess table covered with an assortment of consumables. Many of the containers were now empty and haphazardly scattered about. The Shrike was still eating and showing no signs of slowing. As soon as he, D'argo, and Chiana had returned to Moya the assassin had headed from the Center Chamber, not bothering to even take off his scale-like armor before setting down to placate the microbes that colonized his body.
"No," replied the Dominar dourly, "I only care about my share of the food."
At that moment Berret cleaned out the last remnants of a container and dropped it to the table before picking up another. "Animal," Rygel muttered to himself.
"That is worse than an animal," Stark agreed. "Those five souls..." he began.
"Got exactly what they deserved," put in Noranti from behind the pair, "Or so I gather." The old woman's sudden appearance made the pair jump.
"Must you always sneak around like a Glummet?" barked Rygel.
"You should pay more attention to your surroundings," rejoined Noranti.
The Hynerian snorted. "I should have paid more attention to my nose. Then I would have smelled you coming two tiers away."
Noranti let the insult slide off her with a shrug like she did with so many other things from her shipmates.
"The two of you be off now," she ordered, "I have something private to discuss with the Shrike."
"You?" sneered Rygel, "What could you possibly have to discuss privately with HIM? Didn't your feeble brain take enough addling the last time you interacted with that abomination? Or do you enjoy being slammed into bulkheads?"
"It is something of the spiritual nature and doesn't concern you."
"Hah! That's a laugh," said the small being sourly. "But you're right, it doesn't concern me. I could care less about what you have to discuss. As long as he stops eating all the food!" He turned his thronesled around to face the corridor. "Come on, Stark. Let us leave Noranti... to get her skull caved in by Chiana's pet. Maybe then we'll get some peace out of it."
"But... but...?" Stark sputtered as the Hynerian sailed away. He looked back at the old woman who made a shooing motion with her hands at the Banik. Reluctantly, Stark turned and followed Rygel, beginning to talk to Zhaan in his head once again.
Noranti fully entered the Center Chamber and took a seat opposite the ex-Enforcer. She folded her hands politely in front of her and gave him a pleasant smile. Berret remained silent and only regarded her through slitted, wary eyes from across the table, not bothering to cease eating.
"Are the pains abating?" she asked casually.
The Shrike slightly tilted his head at the question, his eyes hard as diamonds.
"Yes," he muttered grudgingly.
Noranti nodded as if she were pleased with the response. "Good," she told him. "We called the microbe's requirement for protein consumables 'the reparation'."
She paused and waited for the Shrike's reaction. Berret said nothing and only gazed at her with steady unblinking dead eyes. It was soon apparent that he wasn't going to rise to the bait and ask how she knew about the microbe's demands and why she had a name for it. Instead, he deliberately shoved another forkful of Hynerian kelp into his mouth and began chewing.
Noranti pursed her lips slightly and tried another tack. The third eye in the middle of her forehead lazily drifted halfway open, glowing a cool relaxed blue as she leaned part way over the table toward the man.
"I know you're not as cold and distant as you pretend to be," she said.
This earned her a disdainful lift of one of the Shrike's eyebrows in response.
"I also know what you sought from the shaman on the planet."
This did finally net her a look of interest from the assassin. Encouraged, she went on.
"May I suggest... you had the right idea in seeking out help, but that your solution to your problem was the wrong one? Perhaps you should look in the opposite direction then the one you were?"
Berret placed the container and his fork on the table. "What would you know about it, old woman?" he asked in an emotionless tone. He placed both armored forearms on the tabletop and gave Noranti his full attention, though his demeanor told her his patience was razor thin and wouldn't last long.
Most people would have squirmed under the Shrike's lifeless gaze, but the woman just settled herself more comfortably in her seat before going on.
"Oh, a great deal I assure you," she replied. "I propose that instead of locking your emotions away that you take the reverse action and unleash them. Allow yourself to experience them before deciding to close them off forever."
"And the purpose of this will be?" asked Berret.
Noranti smiled and shrugged a shoulder. "So you will know what you're missing."
"It seems like a poor proposition... and a useless one."
The old woman's lips curled into a tiny smile. "Why? Are you afraid of what you might learn about yourself?"
Berret's glare hardened. "I am afraid of nothing," he spat heatedly.
"Except for what you might feel if you allow it," Noranti retorted. "For what you're life has become... for what the Syndicate has done to you... for what you have done as an Enforcer?" She cocked her head and held his eyes steadily. "For... Chiana, perhaps?" she asked.
Berret surged forward before she could visually register the movement. It didn't surprise Noranti at all as she had seen it coming in the man's cold eyes and she calmly remained in her chair, even when the Shrike's armor covered fist slammed into the table between them and sent several plates and bowls flying.
"I feel nothing!" he snarled just hentas into her face. "I am that which I am... and nothing will ever change that!"
"If that were true," pondered the old woman, "Why do you stay here? You don't like it here aboard Moya with us. You're not at home... you make no friends other than the Nebari girl. Why don't you leave?"
Berret backed away a little from the woman. "I made a promise," he told her.
"And that keeps you?"
"To break my word makes me no better than the Syndicate."
Noranti grinned. "An excuse, I think," she said. "You're here because you care about Chiana. Oh, you tell yourself that you might only need her to help you work out dealing with your emotions since being free from the collar... but that's not the real reason."
Berret hissed in annoyance and stood up straight. He reached over and seized up his cloak from where it was draped over a nearby chair and then flung it around his shoulders. Noranti continued on as he buckled the clasp at his neck.
"The real reason is you're already feeling and it frightens you," she told him, "You can't stop it and you want somebody to tell you it's all right to feel and show you how to handle emotion."
Berret shook out his cloak so the folds covered his body again in its shapeless shroud of black.
"You're as mad as that Banik," he said to her with a tone of contempt.
"Maybe," admitted Noranti, "But I don't hide what or who I am." She waved a wrinkled hand to take in the Shrike's form. "Look at you," she continued, "The first thing you do when confronted with the truth about yourself is seek cover. You hide yourself under metal plates and cower in the shadow of a cloak and hood. Tell me... do you feel warm and safe inside your little mobile fortress?"
"Old woman..." the Shrike warned with a half growl.
"Does it keep life at bay?" she cut him off, "Does anything touch you under there?"
"Old woman... if you don't stay away from me, I will surely kill you!" the assassin snarled next.
Berret had murder in his eyes. He clenched his fists and almost succumbed to the impulse to eradicate the witch woman where she stood. He forced the building rage down, taking a strangle hold on it as surely as if it were a living enemy. Losing control and slaughtering Noranti aboard the Leviathan would not bode well for his already precarious position on the ship... then Chiana would know him for what he truly was.
Noranti watched his face, reading exactly what was going on within the assassin.
"It makes it easier to kill doesn't it? Hiding in there," she said.
"Its what I am," Berret found himself replying before he realized it.
"So easy to be unfeeling as the metal," Noranti went on as if Berret hadn't spoke. "So easy to be as colorless as black silk... so easy to incise emotion from your soul. The blade is the most appropriate weapon for you, I think. It mirrors you perfectly, so shining... so cold, so hard... and so sharp. So mindless as to whom it cuts."
Normally the Shrike had little tolerance for the woman's ramblings, but this time something in the singsong-like rant gave the assassin pause enough that his anger began to wane. Noranti was in some way scoring too close to home and too close to something Berret didn't want to think about. He took a half step away from the old woman and unconsciously gathered his cloak tighter about himself.
"You owe her everything, even your name. But even the sharpest blade becomes dull with too much use," Noranti continued on after seeing the effect her comments were having on the ex-Syndicate Enforcer. "Even the best blade will crack if tempered too much. There has to be a little softness in the metal to make it flexible before the blade ceases to be brittle and becomes a useful tool."
She smiled when she saw the anger in Berret's face replaced with a more astute look as he regarded her. She reached into one of her many pockets and produced a small packet she'd prepared especially for him.
"Here, take this," she told him as she held it out.
The Shrike surprised her by immediately holding out a hand to accept the small package. He did however eye it with some suspicion. "What is this?" he of course asked.
Noranti gave him a tiny shrug of one shoulder.
"Something to temper the metal."
Berret closed his fingers over the packet and his eyes narrowed sharply. It was clear that he expected a more concise explanation from her. Noranti sighed in exaggerated aspiration.
"It's a mixture of herbs... and some chemicals, that will help you... shall we say, experience emotions in a more normal capacity," she explained. "Completely harmless," she added a microt later.
"I have heard how 'harmless' your potions can be," retorted the assassin. He looked as if he were about to throw the packet away.
Noranti threw up her hands to halt him from discarding the herbs. "These are! I swear!" she interrupted, "They will only relax you and allow you to lower the mental blocks you don't realize you put up... or in the case of control collar tampering... they allow the brain neural synapses to operate closer to normal. You'll feel more in balance here," she said while holding one finger to her own temple, "For a short time."
"Why should I trust you?" Berret asked after a moment of thought.
"Then don't," countered Noranti with a toss of her hands. "Just throw the package away if you're afraid."
Berret cut a glare in her direction at the barb, Noranti smiled back innocently at him in return.
"I do think I should tell you..." she said a few microts later, "That should you decide to try the potion be sure you are positive you whole heartedly want to give the experience a chance."
Berret frowned with renewed mistrust. "And why is that?" he demanded to know.
"Because on you this will only work once," she answered. "Once the treatment has run its full course your microbe enhancements will make you immune to any more doses." She looked almost sad as she gave the man the news. Noranti was quite proud of her skills with herbs but this was all she could do for the Shrike. "After that," she went on, "If you want to experience normal emotions... you'll have to work at it the old fashion way like everyone else."
She watched Berret, looking for a hint as to what he was thinking. He simply stood there staring at the white paper packet in the palm of his hand. When it was obvious that he was going to be lost in his thoughts for a while, Noranti turned to leave the Center Chamber and give him some time alone.
"I've opened the door for you," she said over one shoulder, just before walking out, "If and when you walk through it is now up to you."
Halfway back to the Transport Pod that hope was dashed.
Besides him, Chiana paused for a microt and smiled.
"You're here!" she exclaimed happily.
"Yes," returned a hushed voice.
D'argo abruptly turned in the gray girl's direction and noted that Berret had somehow materialized along side her from out of the crowd. He snarled a low curse to himself with the man's appearance and silently scolded himself further for not being more observed of the Enforcer's approach. Briefly, he wondered how Chiana knew he had rejoined them, and then considered the Nebari's hearing must have sharpened significantly more then he realized. Berret obviously hadn't traveled up or cross wind from them otherwise the warrior's keen sense of smell would have detected him. The breeze shifted toward the Luxan as Chiana searched blindly to take Berret's arm with her free hand. D'argo idly sniffed the air to be sure he hadn't picked up anything in the doctor's office that might have dulled his sense of smell.
What his awareness told him in the next instant made him seethe with sudden anger.
"You'll never guess what we found out at the Diagnosan's," Chiana was telling Berret excitedly.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" Dargo demanded with a roar. He abruptly stepped in front of the other two to confront the Shrike. The move was so unexpected that Chiana ran into his huge frame and let out a surprised squeak.
"What! What is it?" Chiana frantically asked, clenching onto the Luxan's long coat. She looked around wildly but her blind eyes could tell her nothing.
Berret calmly regarded the Luxan from under his hood, his ice blue eyes showing neither care or concern that the warrior was on the verge of losing his control.
"If you have jeopardized us in anyway... I will kill you myself," D'argo snarled in low warning. "Now, tell me what you have done."
"Survived," was the assassin's toneless one word reply.
The Luxan's eyes narrowed with fury and he bared his teeth.
"What's happening? What did Berret do?" asked Chiana. She yanked hard on D'argo's coat, making him look down at her and answer.
"He smells of blood," D'argo hissed, "At least from several other people!"
"Huh?" Chiana said. She looked around trying to locate the Shrike's position again. "What - what happened? Were you attacked, Berret?" she asked the air.
"Yes," answered the ex-Enforcer. D'argo again growled lowly.
"You see," supplied Chiana, "It was self-defense... wasn't it, 'Ret?"
Before the Shrike could reply, the Luxan spat out, "No! We don't know that for sure with only his word! He could have started it for all we know... and now our chances of getting Aeryn and John back are at risk because of him!" D'argo stabbed a finger in Berret's direction, not caring that the emphasis was lost on the still blind Nebari female. He had had enough of Chiana defending the assassin.
"You have been nothing but a liability since you arrived," the warrior accused the Enforcer.
"D'argo..." the Nebari girl tried to cut it.
"No, Chiana!" D'argo snapped. "We're talking about Aeryn and Crichton - our friends! Now 'he' has gone and killed more people... calling more attention on us. Attention we can NOT afford!
Chiana's face grew more serious, she padded D'argo chest in an attempt to calm the Luxan and make him listen to her.
"We don't know that for sure either," she countered.
The Luxan ignored the black-garbed assassin for the moment and reined in his anger. If he and Chiana were going to make it with this second chance they had, he had to learn to control his anger while trying to reason with the woman. He took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts. Chiana stared blindly at his chest, patiently waiting and giving him the time he needed to prepare what he wanted to say.
"Chiana," he started in a low voice so only she could hear him. "I know... 'he' means something to you. That you shared a harrowing experience..."
"He's my friend, D'argo," Chiana told him.
"I know, I know," he interjected. "But so are John and Aeryn. And they have been your friends longer than Berret has been. I'm sorry to say... but this might be a time when you will have to choose who has your greatest loyalty. I don't see this working out to where you can have it both ways."
The Nebari looked at him, open mouthed and slightly shaken at the statement.
"I-I can't just pick one over the other!" she said, "D'argo... they're all my friends. All important to me."
"Still... you will have to choose," the Luxan insisted.
"I can't! You don't understand!"
D'argo's face tightened. He didn't like pushing Chiana into a corner, but he saw no other way.
"I understand," he said, "That Crichton and Aeryn have been there for us in the past through thick and thin - always! They have saved our lives time and time again. Berret is unpredictable. He is... dangerous, at the best. Who do you want at your side when trouble comes?"
"Its not that simple, D'argo," Chiana told him.
"I'm afraid it is."
The gray girl shook her head. "No. No, it's not," she replied with conviction. "What you don't understand... where I was when we met..." she started and then left off. A microt later she went on with a slightly different line of thought. "When we met... he saw something in me that no one else has ever saw before... not even any of you. He saw a me that gave him the will to break free of his enslavement. It wasn't because I conned him or offered my body... it was just me... as a person. I saved him and then he saved me. Do you know what that was like for me? To have somebody see me like that? Do you know how I felt when I realized he was willing to die so I could escape?"
"No, you didn't want to talk about it with anyone," D'argo murmured to her, "Not even me."
Chiana gave him a helpless smile. "I didn't want to worry you... about what happened to me. I didn't want to let you know how much everything was hurting me. Losing you after what I did... then finding Berret and thinking I lost that good feeling I had about myself when I thought he'd been killed by the Syndicate.
It was crushing, D'argo... I thought I was destined to loose every good thing in my life. Nerri, you, ...Berret, Zhaan. Now John and Aeryn. But I got some of them back. Nerri's still alive, you're giving me a second chance, and Berret wasn't killed. Now we may have a way of getting Aeryn and Crichton back. D'argo... I can live with being blind... if I can just keep what little I've gotten back so far. Don't take that away from me."
D'argo felt a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, knowing he had to convince the Nebari girl that he was right about the assassin. "I don't want to take anything away from you," he told her with all the sincerity he could muster into his gruff voice, "But this is not a matter of my making. The Shrike is a threat and as long as he remains with us we are in danger. The possible return of our comrades is in jeopardy as long as he runs around free murdering beings on a whim."
"He didn't murder anybody!" Chiana insisted.
"He's an Enforcer! That's what they do."
"Not anymore he's not," the gray woman shot back. "D'argo, he deserves a chance just like the rest of us. Give him time to adjust and prove he can fit it with us."
D'argo sighed heavily. "It's been weekens... and he's made no attempt to fit it."
"He's afraid," Chiana said, "The only one he trusts is me."
"And we cannot trust him," D'argo replied. "Face it, Chiana... you have to make a choice. Ask him to leave or run the risk of having him destroy us all. I have to tell you, before I let that happen, I will do my best to kill him or die trying."
"You can't mean that, D'argo?" Chiana asked with a breaking voice.
"I do," answered the Luxan with solemn certainty.
Chiana turned her sightless gaze down at the ground between them. D'argo glanced over at the topic of their discussion and found the Shrike standing about ten paces away watching the flow of the crowd around them. Berret had to know that their hushed conversation had to be about him but he showed no more interest or concern about it then he normally did with any other thing that happened aboard ship. The warrior turned his attention back to Chiana; the Nebari had a deep look of concentration on her beautiful gray face. Again for a moment, D'argo had a quick feeling of guilt about asking the girl to choose between her friends. In the end, he knew it was for her and everyone else's good on Moya. If they ever hoped to restore John and Aeryn to the group, they needed Berret as far away from them as possible.
The Shrike was bound to bring them the wrong kind of attention at any time.
A number of subtle emotions danced across Chiana's face and then she muttered a single sentence.
"Pass it on."
D'argo blinked, not sure he heard what she said right. "What?" he asked.
"Pass it on," Chiana repeated. "Its what Crichton told me to do one time," she explained, "He said if I ever came across somebody in need, I should try and help them... to 'pass it on'."
The Luxan looked momentarily puzzled at what the statement should mean. When he didn't speak, Chiana went on.
"Even if I didn't owe Berret my life," she said, "I couldn't turn him away if he needs me. John wouldn't want me to do that... he'd be disappointed with me if I did. Its not what he would have done, you know that. Aeryn wouldn't let a comrade-in-arms down either. She'd rather die then betray a loyalty."
"This is not the same thing, Chiana!" D'argo put in.
"Isn't it?" asked the Nebari. "We get rid of Berret because you think he's a threat... who goes next? Rygel? Froggy can't be trusted half the time. Wrinkles? Stark? I'm blind now and that's a liability, maybe me? Who gets thrown off Moya next?"
"No! I would never do that! You're blowing this all out of proportion," D'argo protested.
"Am I?" Once it starts where do we stop?" she asked. "I'm not doing it, D'argo. I'm not going to ask Berret to leave and if you cared for me you wouldn't ask me too."
"Chiana..." the Luxan started to say.
"You won't ask!" the girl repeated more urgently. "I have to see this through and help him. I-I need to be reminded of the way he sees me... I wanna be that person. Especially the way things are now. Don't you understand?"
D'argo closed his eyes and tried not to become angry. He was torn between what he felt for Chiana and the loyalty for his friends. The Nebari picked the wrong time to try and become a better person... and the wrong individual to try and help. A scowl still creased his lips despite the effort.
"Say something," Chiana pleaded after a moment of silence. One of her hands reached out to rest on his chest.
"You're not going to do this?" he finally asked. Chiana took her hand away at the question.
"I can't."
The warrior sharply inhaled and stood ramrod straight. It was obvious now that Chiana wasn't going to let herself see his logical reasoning concerning the Enforcer. Try as he might, it was still frustrating attempting to get the girl to see the light about the situation.
"Then you would willingly put any chance we have at recovering Aeryn and John at risk for him?"
"No! D'argo..." Chiana sputtered.
"Because that's what you have done."
The gray girl looked blindly in the direction of the warrior's rough voice. "Wait... just listen to..." she tried to get out.
"I'm done discussing this, Chiana," D'argo told her firmly. "You've made your decision... I just hope it doesn't cost us our two friends."
The Luxan took a step away from her, making his disappointment known with the symbolic distance between them.
"D'argo..." she cried beseechingly.
He hardened himself against Chiana's tone and look of helplessness. He didn't want to hurt her but he needed her to get his point.
"I need to be alone now to think of a plan," he told her, "If I'm going to save John and Aeryn I need to get started and come up with something..." he paused to glance back at Berret, "...before what little chance I have is ruined." He looked back at Chiana. "Your 'friend' can take you back to the Transport Pod. I'll join you there shortly."
He turned and stalked away from the Nebari girl. Chiana felt the movement of air on her face as the huge Luxan walked away from her.
"D'argo!" she called after him, the Luxan didn't answer, "D'argo?" she repeated in vain.
She sensed her lover was gone, at the same time she was aware of the blank presence that to her was Berret coming up behind her. She automatically reached behind her to the Shrike, still facing the direction that D'argo had departed in. To her mild surprise, Berret gently gripped her elbow to let her know for sure that he was there. She realized that the warrior was disappointed with her choice, but for her there was no other she could have made. She hoped with time that he would see she made the right one. As soon as he got to know Berret, as soon as the Shrike opened up to the rest of them, they would see she was right about him.
The assassin waited to see what she would do. A moment later she turned in his direction and padded the arm that still supported her elbow, as if she were reassuring him that everything was going to be all right.
"Its okay," she told him, even though he hadn't asked anything. "Everything will be okay. D'argo will come around."
Unseen, the Shrike raised an eyebrow in doubt but remained silent.
"It just takes a little time," she went on.
"Of course," the assassin agreed in a low voice. It seemed the only thing he could say to the girl.
Chiana tried to give him a solid smile, but it came out troubled and weak.
"You have to try and talk more," she pretended to joke, "Your voice is all dry and raspy."
"I will try."
Chiana nodded. "And maybe talk more to the others... so they get to know you," she added as she took his arm. "Things will get better if they know you."
"I will try," he repeated.
"Good," Chiana said, "Now take me back to the Pod. We'll wait for D'argo to return and come up with a plan to save Crichton and Aeryn."
Rygel slightly adjusted the height of his hovering thronesled and narrowed his eyes as he regarded the sight before him. The Hynerian ruler tisked lowly to himself in disgust as an anxious hand abruptly placed itself on his shoulder. The unwelcome touch from the jumpy being behind him made his scowl deepen.
"You see!" exclaimed Stark in an excited whisper, "He gorges himself after the kill! I hear the voices of those he murdered on the planet crying out from the grave. It was cold-blooded murder, I wager."
The Hynerian turned to glance at the Banik.
"The yotz with that!" he countered, "I want to know how much more is he going to eat? It's been nonstop for over half an arn now and if that frellnik doesn't stop stuffing his face soon there be no more food left for the rest of us."
Stark gazed at the Hynerian in taken aback astonishment. "Don't you care about the lives that he viciously snuffed out?" the former slaved asked.
Rygel turned back to peek into the Center Chamber. Berret had half the large mess table covered with an assortment of consumables. Many of the containers were now empty and haphazardly scattered about. The Shrike was still eating and showing no signs of slowing. As soon as he, D'argo, and Chiana had returned to Moya the assassin had headed from the Center Chamber, not bothering to even take off his scale-like armor before setting down to placate the microbes that colonized his body.
"No," replied the Dominar dourly, "I only care about my share of the food."
At that moment Berret cleaned out the last remnants of a container and dropped it to the table before picking up another. "Animal," Rygel muttered to himself.
"That is worse than an animal," Stark agreed. "Those five souls..." he began.
"Got exactly what they deserved," put in Noranti from behind the pair, "Or so I gather." The old woman's sudden appearance made the pair jump.
"Must you always sneak around like a Glummet?" barked Rygel.
"You should pay more attention to your surroundings," rejoined Noranti.
The Hynerian snorted. "I should have paid more attention to my nose. Then I would have smelled you coming two tiers away."
Noranti let the insult slide off her with a shrug like she did with so many other things from her shipmates.
"The two of you be off now," she ordered, "I have something private to discuss with the Shrike."
"You?" sneered Rygel, "What could you possibly have to discuss privately with HIM? Didn't your feeble brain take enough addling the last time you interacted with that abomination? Or do you enjoy being slammed into bulkheads?"
"It is something of the spiritual nature and doesn't concern you."
"Hah! That's a laugh," said the small being sourly. "But you're right, it doesn't concern me. I could care less about what you have to discuss. As long as he stops eating all the food!" He turned his thronesled around to face the corridor. "Come on, Stark. Let us leave Noranti... to get her skull caved in by Chiana's pet. Maybe then we'll get some peace out of it."
"But... but...?" Stark sputtered as the Hynerian sailed away. He looked back at the old woman who made a shooing motion with her hands at the Banik. Reluctantly, Stark turned and followed Rygel, beginning to talk to Zhaan in his head once again.
Noranti fully entered the Center Chamber and took a seat opposite the ex-Enforcer. She folded her hands politely in front of her and gave him a pleasant smile. Berret remained silent and only regarded her through slitted, wary eyes from across the table, not bothering to cease eating.
"Are the pains abating?" she asked casually.
The Shrike slightly tilted his head at the question, his eyes hard as diamonds.
"Yes," he muttered grudgingly.
Noranti nodded as if she were pleased with the response. "Good," she told him. "We called the microbe's requirement for protein consumables 'the reparation'."
She paused and waited for the Shrike's reaction. Berret said nothing and only gazed at her with steady unblinking dead eyes. It was soon apparent that he wasn't going to rise to the bait and ask how she knew about the microbe's demands and why she had a name for it. Instead, he deliberately shoved another forkful of Hynerian kelp into his mouth and began chewing.
Noranti pursed her lips slightly and tried another tack. The third eye in the middle of her forehead lazily drifted halfway open, glowing a cool relaxed blue as she leaned part way over the table toward the man.
"I know you're not as cold and distant as you pretend to be," she said.
This earned her a disdainful lift of one of the Shrike's eyebrows in response.
"I also know what you sought from the shaman on the planet."
This did finally net her a look of interest from the assassin. Encouraged, she went on.
"May I suggest... you had the right idea in seeking out help, but that your solution to your problem was the wrong one? Perhaps you should look in the opposite direction then the one you were?"
Berret placed the container and his fork on the table. "What would you know about it, old woman?" he asked in an emotionless tone. He placed both armored forearms on the tabletop and gave Noranti his full attention, though his demeanor told her his patience was razor thin and wouldn't last long.
Most people would have squirmed under the Shrike's lifeless gaze, but the woman just settled herself more comfortably in her seat before going on.
"Oh, a great deal I assure you," she replied. "I propose that instead of locking your emotions away that you take the reverse action and unleash them. Allow yourself to experience them before deciding to close them off forever."
"And the purpose of this will be?" asked Berret.
Noranti smiled and shrugged a shoulder. "So you will know what you're missing."
"It seems like a poor proposition... and a useless one."
The old woman's lips curled into a tiny smile. "Why? Are you afraid of what you might learn about yourself?"
Berret's glare hardened. "I am afraid of nothing," he spat heatedly.
"Except for what you might feel if you allow it," Noranti retorted. "For what you're life has become... for what the Syndicate has done to you... for what you have done as an Enforcer?" She cocked her head and held his eyes steadily. "For... Chiana, perhaps?" she asked.
Berret surged forward before she could visually register the movement. It didn't surprise Noranti at all as she had seen it coming in the man's cold eyes and she calmly remained in her chair, even when the Shrike's armor covered fist slammed into the table between them and sent several plates and bowls flying.
"I feel nothing!" he snarled just hentas into her face. "I am that which I am... and nothing will ever change that!"
"If that were true," pondered the old woman, "Why do you stay here? You don't like it here aboard Moya with us. You're not at home... you make no friends other than the Nebari girl. Why don't you leave?"
Berret backed away a little from the woman. "I made a promise," he told her.
"And that keeps you?"
"To break my word makes me no better than the Syndicate."
Noranti grinned. "An excuse, I think," she said. "You're here because you care about Chiana. Oh, you tell yourself that you might only need her to help you work out dealing with your emotions since being free from the collar... but that's not the real reason."
Berret hissed in annoyance and stood up straight. He reached over and seized up his cloak from where it was draped over a nearby chair and then flung it around his shoulders. Noranti continued on as he buckled the clasp at his neck.
"The real reason is you're already feeling and it frightens you," she told him, "You can't stop it and you want somebody to tell you it's all right to feel and show you how to handle emotion."
Berret shook out his cloak so the folds covered his body again in its shapeless shroud of black.
"You're as mad as that Banik," he said to her with a tone of contempt.
"Maybe," admitted Noranti, "But I don't hide what or who I am." She waved a wrinkled hand to take in the Shrike's form. "Look at you," she continued, "The first thing you do when confronted with the truth about yourself is seek cover. You hide yourself under metal plates and cower in the shadow of a cloak and hood. Tell me... do you feel warm and safe inside your little mobile fortress?"
"Old woman..." the Shrike warned with a half growl.
"Does it keep life at bay?" she cut him off, "Does anything touch you under there?"
"Old woman... if you don't stay away from me, I will surely kill you!" the assassin snarled next.
Berret had murder in his eyes. He clenched his fists and almost succumbed to the impulse to eradicate the witch woman where she stood. He forced the building rage down, taking a strangle hold on it as surely as if it were a living enemy. Losing control and slaughtering Noranti aboard the Leviathan would not bode well for his already precarious position on the ship... then Chiana would know him for what he truly was.
Noranti watched his face, reading exactly what was going on within the assassin.
"It makes it easier to kill doesn't it? Hiding in there," she said.
"Its what I am," Berret found himself replying before he realized it.
"So easy to be unfeeling as the metal," Noranti went on as if Berret hadn't spoke. "So easy to be as colorless as black silk... so easy to incise emotion from your soul. The blade is the most appropriate weapon for you, I think. It mirrors you perfectly, so shining... so cold, so hard... and so sharp. So mindless as to whom it cuts."
Normally the Shrike had little tolerance for the woman's ramblings, but this time something in the singsong-like rant gave the assassin pause enough that his anger began to wane. Noranti was in some way scoring too close to home and too close to something Berret didn't want to think about. He took a half step away from the old woman and unconsciously gathered his cloak tighter about himself.
"You owe her everything, even your name. But even the sharpest blade becomes dull with too much use," Noranti continued on after seeing the effect her comments were having on the ex-Syndicate Enforcer. "Even the best blade will crack if tempered too much. There has to be a little softness in the metal to make it flexible before the blade ceases to be brittle and becomes a useful tool."
She smiled when she saw the anger in Berret's face replaced with a more astute look as he regarded her. She reached into one of her many pockets and produced a small packet she'd prepared especially for him.
"Here, take this," she told him as she held it out.
The Shrike surprised her by immediately holding out a hand to accept the small package. He did however eye it with some suspicion. "What is this?" he of course asked.
Noranti gave him a tiny shrug of one shoulder.
"Something to temper the metal."
Berret closed his fingers over the packet and his eyes narrowed sharply. It was clear that he expected a more concise explanation from her. Noranti sighed in exaggerated aspiration.
"It's a mixture of herbs... and some chemicals, that will help you... shall we say, experience emotions in a more normal capacity," she explained. "Completely harmless," she added a microt later.
"I have heard how 'harmless' your potions can be," retorted the assassin. He looked as if he were about to throw the packet away.
Noranti threw up her hands to halt him from discarding the herbs. "These are! I swear!" she interrupted, "They will only relax you and allow you to lower the mental blocks you don't realize you put up... or in the case of control collar tampering... they allow the brain neural synapses to operate closer to normal. You'll feel more in balance here," she said while holding one finger to her own temple, "For a short time."
"Why should I trust you?" Berret asked after a moment of thought.
"Then don't," countered Noranti with a toss of her hands. "Just throw the package away if you're afraid."
Berret cut a glare in her direction at the barb, Noranti smiled back innocently at him in return.
"I do think I should tell you..." she said a few microts later, "That should you decide to try the potion be sure you are positive you whole heartedly want to give the experience a chance."
Berret frowned with renewed mistrust. "And why is that?" he demanded to know.
"Because on you this will only work once," she answered. "Once the treatment has run its full course your microbe enhancements will make you immune to any more doses." She looked almost sad as she gave the man the news. Noranti was quite proud of her skills with herbs but this was all she could do for the Shrike. "After that," she went on, "If you want to experience normal emotions... you'll have to work at it the old fashion way like everyone else."
She watched Berret, looking for a hint as to what he was thinking. He simply stood there staring at the white paper packet in the palm of his hand. When it was obvious that he was going to be lost in his thoughts for a while, Noranti turned to leave the Center Chamber and give him some time alone.
"I've opened the door for you," she said over one shoulder, just before walking out, "If and when you walk through it is now up to you."