CHAPTER THREE:
KIRK THE JERK

"I gotta admit I did a pretty good job of forgetting about you all these years, but then when things are just starting to go smoothly again you pop up outta nowhere like a hemorrhoid, irritating and right on my ass. But seriously, why did you choose now of all times to come back?" Vay asked her ex-boyfriend over tea.

"Well, I didn't exactly choose to come back. I was compelled to," he added, sensing Gidgel's disapproval. Kirk sat at the kitchen table, across from Vay, while Gidgel sat adjacent, slightly closer to Kirk than to his sister. Just within arm's reach, Kirk had noted uncomfortably.

"I've spent the last fifteen years in the Beta Quadrant of the Neverun Galaxy. I've got a place out there, along with a post at a Federation embassy on Eiros Sans. It's been a quiet, uneventful life out there, up until the whole Kaizaxx uprising. I got caught up in the war, flew a few missions, never managed to kill any Kaizaxx or earn a medal. I was wounded in battle, too! Well, not really. Shrapnel in the patooki from an explosive you accidentally trigger yourself doesn't earn you a Purple Heart, apparently. And to think I risked my life for the Federation," Kirk snorted before taking a sip of tea.

Vay snorted, too. "Sounds like you were in more danger from yourself than from anything the Kaizaxx threw your way."

Gidgel also snorted. "You're in more danger in this house than you ever were in that frigging war."

Vay ignored his remark. Taking cues from her, Kirk did, too.

"As I was saying… I was content, had a lady friend, no kids, by the way (I always made doubly sure not to make the same mistake again!) and life was good. Until I heard the news about the Kaizaxx finally being defeated. Well of course I couldn't avoid hearing about it. I was up at the embassy when it happened. The celebrations must have lasted a whole week. And then I heard who was responsible for it all: Agent Vay Pleakley, and her son… Wendy." Something in Kirk's proud words faltered then, and for a second, Vay thought she saw his lip tremble. "And then I saw it. The award ceremony. The live broadcast of you and him receiving the Supernova. And I was just — wow."

Kirk took a moment of respectful silence to sip his tea.

"I'd heard about the boy, some of the work he'd done for the Federation, but I had absolutely no idea that he - the two of you - had done something like that. I mean, bringing down the Kaizaxx! Wow. Just - wow. And when I saw the award ceremony, and I saw Wendy for the first time, I just about broke down and cried. I couldn't help it. I kept thinking 'that's my son. My son.'"

Gidgel growled a little and Kirk stiffened. He looked at Vay, fully expecting her to correct him on his status as Wendy's sire. But to his surprise, she didn't. She simply nodded her head and took a long sip of tea. He went on.

"For the past five months I've been struggling with myself, trying to decide whether or not I should make contact with you. I wouldn't even be here today if I hadn't seen that award ceremony, and the two of you on it. That's what compelled me to seek you out. By the way, who was that other woman who got a Supernova? That gorgeous blonde?" Kirk asked with ill-concealed interest.

"That was Captain Leera Analilia of the Federation's Elite Fleet," Vay said stiffly, "and my daughter-in-law."

"Oh." Kirk blushed, then blurted out, "Wendy married her? When did that happen?"

"Day after the award ceremony. Couple weeks later she was pregnant."

Kirk grinned impishly. "Sounds like someone didn't waste any time."

Vay scowled at him. "Wendy's nothing like you, Kirk. He happens to love Leera very much, and he's very excited about becoming a father."

"So obviously he didn't take after you," Gidgel added angrily. "Lord knows if he had, that poor girl would be just as bad off as Vay was when you dumped her. Remember that?"

"Gidgel -" Vay started, but was overridden by her brother's rising anger.

"Yeah, life's all fun and games when you're banging some hot babe, but then you have a little 'accident' and she tells you she's pregnant, and all you think is 'Woops! Time to play a different game!' and you disappear for thirty years! You got a lot of nerve coming back here after that. I'm just surprised that Vay hasn't done what she said she would do to you if you ever came back."

"And what's that?" Kirk asked timidly.

Vay volunteered her answer. "Oh, I just vowed to myself that if I ever saw your face again, I'd gut you and strangle you with your own intestines, pull your lungs out through your nose, bite your head off, chew it up, and spit it back down your throat."

Kirk paled at this statement.

"Of course, I was in labor at the time, but afterward I put it on my To Do list."

"And Vay's no procrastinator," Gidgel mumbled threateningly. "You'll be lucky if she gives you a running start."

"But now that you're here, and things have been going so well lately, I guess I really ought to thank you," Vay said, taking both her brother and her ex by surprise.

"For knocking you up?" Gidgel asked incredulously.

"For giving me such a wonderful gift: my son." Vay got up from her seat and walked around the table to Kirk. "This is for Wendy," she purred, before wrapping her arms around him and kissing him deeply. When she pulled back, Kirk was flushed and staring at her in shock. "And this is for ten hours of labor and having to raise a child all by myself!" she said a microsecond before planting a steel-toed boot into his groin.

Kirk fell off his chair and lay whimpering on the kitchen floor, curled in a fetal position.

"There's a ray gun on my belt," he groaned. "Just take it and do me in now."

Vay smiled down at him, shaking her head. "No, thanks. I think I've got it all out of my system now." After a minute she decided to help him up. "I'm feeling generous, so I'll let you live," she told him, setting him back up on his chair, "but screw around with me or my family again and I'm mounting your sorry ass up in my living room."

"Is that a threat or an invitation?" Kirk asked seductively, the threw his arms up to shield himself from another blow.

"Bastard hasn't changed much in the last thirty years, has he? I'd gut him right now and have done with it," Gidgel muttered. Vay just chuckled.

"No. I think I'm going to have a lot more fun dragging it out. If anyone's getting screwed now, it's Kirk. And this time he's not gonna enjoy it."

"What are you talking about?" Kirk demanded.

"Well, I assume I'm not the only one you came to see after all these years. So, if you want to see your 'offspring,' and if you wanna stick around long enough to see his, then I suggest you start doing some serious ass-kissing. Hey - and keep it outta the gutter," Vay warned him with an evil grin.

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Wowowow! It feels great to be back! Have I snagged anyone's interest yet? Hope so. Especially those of you who enjoyed the first "Pleakley's Story." Of course, if you haven't read it, then you probably shouldn't be reading this one. A lot won't make sense. I will go on record right now to clarify a couple of things. Yes, I mentioned that Vay had a brother in the first story. In chapter thirty, "Absolute Zero," to be exact. In it Pleakley mentions an 'Uncle Gidgel,' who was crippled in two legs as a result of a freak accident. In this story I changed it to one leg. I have no idea why I chose two legs in the first story. I need to go back and correct that part. It wouldn't make sense for Gidgel to be crippled in two legs and then not need any help getting around, would it? Also, his name is pronounced "GIH-jel" ( "I" as in "kid"), for those of you who might not be sure. If anyone spots any other inconsistencies, or is confused about anything, please let me know in reviews and I will make sure to clear things up in the next possible post.

And yes, it's been at least five months since the end of the first story, and the wedding of Wendy and Leera. I gave Plorginarians a shorter gestation period than humans (about five months, and she's only four months along right now). Also, in reference to Wendy's birth in chapter one - for those of you who have been reading "The Viewmaster," a stalled L&S fic of mine, I think you all knew where it was going. For those of you who don't… don't read any further if you don't like spoilers for "The Viewmaster," but go ahead and read on if you don't care. Have a nice day and please, read and review!

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Vay is an Earth expert, too. She went on her first mission to Earth when she was pregnant with Wendy. They landed in Roswell in 1973, and hostile humans captured her. She went into labor prematurely and gave birth in the middle of the desert while trying to escape the humans. I hope this doesn't spoil anything for anyone, but again, you were warned not to read any further!