A/N: Thank you everyone for the awesome feedback! I'm glad there are some people out there who like the story, haha.

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.

I woke up the next day groggy, and tired. I turned my sore, fully clothed, body over and glanced at my alarm clock; it was one p.m. I smiled, I guess I was tired. Frowning, I tried to ignore my growling stomach, and then remembered that Jay Hoggart had been in my room the night before. I also, unfortunately, remembered his last words to me.

It bothered me more than anything else had bothered me in a long time, and I wasn't even sure why. I mean, in a way it showed that he really, truly cared about me; but, maybe I didn't want that. Maybe I didn't want him to get too close, I had a track record of destroying anything or anyone who came close to me. Ask Rick, hell, you could probably ask Sean too.

I sighed, shuffling my heavy feet towards the shower. My body felt completely exhausted, the funny thing is that I had gotten about twelve hours of sleep the previous night. My guess was that I had just overslept, that's all that could be wrong with me. I was being totally health conscious, so I couldn't be sick or anything. However, despite my new focus on my health I still looked like the Pillsbury dough boy; why couldn't I have a better body? Sighing heavily, I undressed and entered the cold water of the shower, letting it hit me straight on the face.

All showered and ready for the day, I dried off and walked to the full length mirror in my bedroom. I tore off the towel and stared intently at my naked body; I was still too fat, and for some reason I looked extremely pale. It was a good thing that bronzer had been invented, at least I could fake a sunny exterior.

I turned my mirror to face the wall, and looked through my closet, settling on a white pair of jeans and a black and white stripped sweater. I quickly applied the bronzer, and some eyeliner, mascara, and lipgloss. Then, throwing on a thick white headband, I nodded into my bathroom mirror. Good enough for the day ahead.

It was four p.m, and I was backstage at the school, preparing for the play later that night. I was nervous as it was, and as I tried on my dark purple hat, my nervousness intensified as I noticed Jay approaching me. I smiled, ready to lie about the huge lunch I had earlier, but he didn't stop at me. I turned around quickly, letting the hat drop to the ground as Jay approached Alex, probably to wish her luck or something. I frowned, looking into the mirror and dabbing concealer onto to my under eye, hoping to rid myself of the dark circles. I accidently jabbed my forefinger into my eye when Manny snuck up behind me.

"Emma, we need to talk," she spouted, looking more serious than I had seen her in a long time.

"What is it, Manny? We have final rehearsal in ten minutes and I still want to review my lines one last time."

She shook her head, "Who are you kidding, Em? You know those lines better than anyone else," she paused, taking a seat next to me. "I'm worried about you."

I sighed, "Why?"

She looked at me with disbelief, "Are you serious? Em, I talked to Craig today." I stared at her, pretending like I didn't know what was coming next. "He told me about yesterday."

"Oh, so you're talking to Craig again?" I asked, changing the subject completely. "I guess we're ignoring the whole pregnancy thing now."

"Don't change the subject, Emma. You're in your own land lately, and it scares me. You're not the same anymore."

I rolled my eyes, fuming. "Of course I'm not, you idiot! I was almost killed. I had a gun pointed at me. Add to that, the fact that I am stressed beyond belief and you have a changed Emma!"

She looked hurt, "Why are you yelling at me? I didn't do anything."

"Exactly," I stated coldly. "Did you ever stop to see how I really was. No, as soon as possible it was back to the old Manny, only caring about herself and her own problems."

Her chin was wobbling as her tears welled up, "That's not true."

I sighed, "Whatever, Manny. I have to go get ready, go try and save someone else's life."

At this, I turned and walked over to costume, letting her sit and think. No doubt, she was thinking now, not about me fainting and freaking on Craig the day before, but about how now her feelings were hurt.

We were halfway into the rehearsal and everything had been going okay, everyone was remembering their blocking and lines. It was moving at a decent pace, and I couldn't be happier for this. I was just about to go into the kiss when there was a slamming of a door in the back. I jumped, as did everyone else as Alex came storming from the back, in full dress, with a killer look in her eye.

She stormed up to Amy, who was currently standing out of the way on the other side of the stage. "Hey, best friend Amy! How about you tell me all about the ravine? How about you tell me about going down on my boyfriend, Amy? How about all the bracelets he gave you?" Then, with all the power she could probably muster, she punched her, knocking her down completely.

I quickly slide my bracelets off and into by bodice, hoping no one would notice; but, it looked as though my leading man had noticed, as he was now giving me a look of utter disgust. I turned away from him, looking instead to where Jay stood holding his hands up in the air, "Alex, why don't we go outside?" He spoke loudly, obviously trying to calm her down.

"No!" She screamed as he went to grab her arm. "You screwed up, we're over!" She yelled, as she stormed out of the auditorium.

Jay looked around at everyone, he looked absolutely lost. "Well, I hope you all enjoyed the show! Show's over. Get your asses back to whatever the hell you were doing!" He exclaimed, running both his hand over his eyes to the base of his chin, letting out a long sigh and marching out towards the door; no doubt in pursuit of her.

"Alright!" Liberty exclaimed, quieting all of the cast down. "Enough excitement for tonight. Now, everyone, it's currently five p.m, we are on at six thirty; so, how about we finish the last fifteen minutes of this rehearsal. Then, I want everyone back stage so I can address any problems. Then, final makeup and wardrobe adjustments...then showtime!"

"So, we ended with the kiss," J.T. spoke up.

It was showtime, and I felt absolutely nauseous, which was probably caused by genuine nerves this time. The lights came on and there I was, on the stage, the lights beaming down on me. I suddenly felt really hot, but I continued on, despite my increasing faintness.

I fought off my nerves, and my physical willingness and got back to the kissing scene. I had yet to kiss him, as we skipped the kiss during rehearsal. We leaned in and he pulled us off to the side, more of an intense hug. I was completely thrown off. "What are you doing?" I hissed into his ear.

"Just go with it," he retorted, continuing with his lines.

I couldn't 'just go with it', I felt completely lost. I didn't know what to do. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, as I continually opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I was so embarrassed! Tears started welling up in my eyes, as I stood staring at everyone in the crowd, panic increasing within myself. Liberty was right, I couldn't do this. I was unstable, I was a mess, I was a complete and utter mess. I ran off stage, still in full dress.

"Emma!" Liberty exclaimed. "What are you doing? Get back on that stage!"

I shook my head, tears falling from my now blood shot eyes. "I...can't," I stuttered out, trying to breathe between sobs.

She sighed heavily, turning to J.T., "I told you she couldn't!" She quickly went onto the stage in her normal clothing, ready to perform the role herself.

I quickly glanced at J.T. before I ran out, he just shook his head, looking at me like I was some train wreck. I ran, faster than I've ever ran; I didn't know where I was running to. I just knew that I didn't want to be there. I ended up outside the school, where I let out a loud, frustrated scream, "You are such a fuck up, Emma Nelson!" I flopped myself onto the curbed bringing my knees up to my chest and burrowing my head into the dress. I took the bracelets out of my bodice and threw them onto the ground. What was happening to me?

I rubbed my eyes, not paying any attention to the mascara that smeared all over my pale, sickly skin. That's when I noticed a familiar orange Civic parked at the far end of the lot; I hiked up my skirt and started walking towards it.

"Emma!" It was my mom and Snake, coming out of the doors of Degrassi. Instead of turning back to them, I quickened my pace, going into a full out sprint. "Emma, let's go home. We can talk about what's bothering you!" Inside my head I laughed, it took me having a mental break down on stage for them to actual 'talk' to me about any of my problems.

I reached the car, and threw open the door. "Let's go." I pulled my huge dress into the car, making sure not to leave any of it stuck in the door. "What are you waiting for?" I demanded, noticing my parents starting to jog towards the car.

Jay obliged, turning on the car and quickly peeling out of the parking lot. The radio was playing a song that seemed to go perfectly with this moment in my life, even I had to smile at the irony.

What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do? (Oh, oh)
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do, do, do?

Jay quickly turned it off, "Em..."

I turned to him; I must have looked so pathetic. Here I was with makeup smeared all over my face, my hair all perfectly done, my breathing quick, and in a huge, but beautiful gown. I really was a mess. I turned away, choosing instead to stare at the yellow lines passing quickly below me on the pavement. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to forget where I was, what I was doing, and where I had been.

I don't know how long I stayed frozen like that, but when I finally opened my eyes I was facing water. We were at a beach. Lake Ontario. I smiled, only slightly. I turned to Jay, "I'm not going swimming."

He screwed up his face, "God no. Any sane person would not swim here. Do you know how polluted this place is?"

I chuckled a little, it even surprised me, "Yes, actually I do. I held a rally in fifth grade."

He smirked, "Hey, Greenpeace?"

I let the nickname slide...this time, "Yeah?"

"Let's get out of this car." He opened his door, jogging in front of the car to open mine.

"My my, Jay Hoggart, a gentleman. What will the people think?" I teased him, with mock laughter in my voice.

He grabbed my hand to help me out of the car, "Yeah yeah, Princess."

We walked to the white sands of the beach and sat next to each other. It was silent for awhile, while the winds blew threw my hair, it was cold. Jay sensed that I was cold, and slide his windbreaker over my shoulders. I smiled, "Thanks."

He nodded, "You're not wearing your bracelets," he stated, looking down at my wrist.

"Nope." I wasn't sure what he wanted me to say.

"Why not?"

"Well, now that people know how Amy earned hers, I don't exactly want to be that girl," I replied honestly.

He sighed, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I asked, trying to figure out what exactly he was apologizing for.

He chuckled, "The ravine." I looked at him calmly, imploring for him to continue. "I should have never brought you there, you're better than that."

I shook my head, turning to face to water. "What if I'm not."

"You are!" He exclaimed. "You deserve more than some dirty van, with a serial cheater."

I was tired of people acting like I was some fragile doll who couldn't make any decisions for herself! "Jay, if I didn't want to be in the van with you I wouldn't have been." I paused, taking a deep breath. "You want to know the truth? I liked being with you, maybe not the act itself, but I like being with you. People have been looking at me lately like I could snap at any moment. When I was with you, in the van, you treated me like I wasn't insane."

He nodded, "So, what happened tonight?"

"I freaked," I stated. Clearly this wasn't a good enough explanation for him, as he stared at me intently, his eyes beckoning me to elaborate. "I just, couldn't do it. The guy I was supposed to kiss wouldn't kiss me."

"So?" He asked, obviously very confused. "Big deal. Do you like him or something?" As he asked his voice seemed to raise, displaying his obvious discontent of the possibility.

"No," I answered. "Not one little bit; but, I knew right then he was judging me. Everyone in there was judging me. They were all thinking it."

"Thinking what?"

"That I was some fuck up who couldn't even remember her lines," I replied. I shook my head, looking towards the waves in the water, rather than Jay himself. "I just stood there like some idiot! I couldn't speak, I opened my mouth and nothing came out. It was awful."

"That's it?" He asked in disbelief.

"Never mind. I knew you wouldn't get it," I sighed, getting up to walk back towards the car.

He pulled me back down, "Sit." I obeyed. "You're making this into something bigger than it is. It's not like your girlfriend outed you as a lying, cheating scumbag in front of everyone."

"True," I agreed, looking at him. "Are you okay?"

He sighed, "Yeah. I mean, we were together forever though, you know? We had something."

"That's always nice to find," I replied, wondering if I would ever truly get that experience.

"But," he continued, "we both knew it was coming to an end. This Amy thing was just a reason for it to end. She has Paige and her cronies, she just needed the opportune time to ditch me."

"I'm sorry," I offered honestly.

"Yeah," he smiled, looking at me, "but it's over." He paused, shuffling closer to me. "We really are fuck ups."

I laughed, "I think we might be."

He pulled me in closer, wrapping his arm around my waist. I rested my head on his shoulder. "You're going to be okay," he stated in a hushed voice. "You know that right?"

I nodded my head slowly, but the truth was I wasn't so sure. One thing I was sure about though was that when I was with Jay I had this odd feeling, a feeling I was convinced was security.

It was a bit weird though, the whole situation; any idea in my mind of who Jay really was, was being completely shattered. He shattered that even more by placing a light kiss on the top of my head. "You'll be fine, Greenpeace."

A/N: It took me a while to figure out how the Jay/Emma scene was going to go. I had about four different scenes. And, no, he hasn't forgotten about the eating thing, but this just wasn't the right moment for it.

Anyway, please review!