Okay. Sorry it took so long to update! Let's just say my life kind of sucks right now. However, I've finished this chapter, and the next is half done.

Warning: There is a sex at the end of this chapter, and if you don't want to read it you can just skip it, and go on to read the next. It will be the only sex scene in the story, and I thought it was needed. Just a warning.

Disclaimer: D'er!

"Okay, favourite colour?" Jay asked, while we sat on the hood of his car.

"Pink," I answered truthfully. "Hey!" I exclaimed when I saw him break into a large grin. "No laughing! You promised."

Jay and I had been hanging out casually like this for about two weeks; and, we had done it successfully without any big dramatic breakdowns. We had become friends, in the most sincere sense of the word. Almost everyday was dedicated to being together; it was definitely the talk of Degrassi. Of course, it warranted the occasionally death stare from Alex, the disgusted glance from Paige, and the confused look of my father. I couldn't help but shrug them all off. No one else in the entire school had cared enough about me when I started going downhill. Sure, our friendship had started off as some cheap thrills in a gross old van; but, it had somehow blossomed into something real. We both got each other; we knew we weren't perfect, and we accepted the faults.

However, there was still one fault that Jay couldn't truly accept, as he didn't know it to it's full extent. I felt bad knowing that he was being completely truthful and open to me, and I was hiding a secret that I knew would kill him. On the other hand, I still didn't think what I was hiding was that big of a deal. I knew that Jay would freak out if he knew about my calorie counting book, or my daily five mile run, or even my 'thinspiration' book of beautiful, and perfect bodies; but, I also knew it was only because of his sister. I wasn't an anorexic, so he didn't really have much reason to worry.

"Looks like another day is about to begin, Greenpeace."

I looked around at the school parking lot, and sure enough the hoards of mindless teenage drones were swarming the doors of Degrassi. "Grrreat," I replied, sarcasm dripping heavily from the word.

"Come on, Em, it won't be that bad." I looked at him like he had two heads; surely this wasn't Jay Hoggart speaking to me. "Who am I kidding? It'll blow, but let's get it over with. You're still coming out with me after school, right?"

I nodded, "Of course, Jason. I wouldn't miss it for the world."

He let out an over exaggerated sigh, "You know I hate being called that..."

"I know," I replied laughing, "that's why it's so much fun!" I grabbed the hat off his head, and started jogging towards the school entrance. "Come on, Hoggart! You wouldn't want to be late now, would you?"

He shook his head, laughing. "I'm gonna get you, Nelson!"

School had gone by unnaturally slow that day. I had about five minutes left of Ms.Kwan's English, and then I was free to go. I frowned, staring at the clock and tapping my pencil on my desk, to no particular beat; somehow, this was starting to look like a Britney Spears video.

"Emma."

I turned to face the voice, which this time happened to belong to Manny. "What?"

She forced a small smile, "What are you doing after school today?"

I must have looked humourous then, as I was staring at her like she had three heads. I mean, Manny and I hadn't talked since the day of the play; so, I was thrown off when she all of a sudden she was casting herself into best friend mode. I momentarily considered giving it a chance, until I remembered I had told Jay we were hanging out. "I'm hanging out with Jay," I replied honestly.

"Come on, Em!" She pleaded. "You're always with him. I mean, it's not like you're dating or anything, are you?"

I laughed, thinking how ridiculous the suggestion was. Jay and I could never be in a romantic relationship. Although, we still hadn't discussed the kiss that had taken place two weeks earlier; not that it had meant much anyways. I mean, we had done much more than that before. I'm sure if it had meant anything special to Jay he would have mentioned it.

"Em?"

I must have been sitting silent for awhile, because when Manny finally snapped me out of thought the bell had just rung. "Oh, sorry," I replied quickly, "I was just thinking."

"About Jay?" She teased playfully.

"No," I lied. "Uh, Manny...I'd love to talk, but I have to get going."

She nodded, "Okay. I'll call you?"

I nodded, "Yeah. Okay."

So, maybe Manny and I were friends again. Truthfully, we had never stopped being friends; it was our way to get into fights every now and then. Who could forget the infamous Manny is a whore and Emma is a prude war of 2003? I smiled to myself, going to my locker. Maybe you truly don't know how much you miss something until you have it back.

I left the school, and walked to meet Jay at his car. "Where are you taking me, Hoggart?" I questioned playfully, as I approached him.

"You know, Greenpeace, you're getting a little too forceful lately."

I laughed, as we both got into the car. "The competition scaring you?"

Smirking, he replied, "Nah. I figure I'm still a bit scarier than you. So, where are we off to?"

I thought for a minute and then quickly replied, "The park about a block from my house."

He frowned, "Why?"

"Because I said so. Annnd, I wouldn't mind swinging."

"Kinky," he responded, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

"Very funny, Hoggart," I laughed, hitting his arm lightly.

We arrived at the park about fifteen minutes later, and walked directly over to two available swings. Predictably, the park was full of children with the stay at home moms and dads, and a few babysitters. I smiled, sitting on the swing. "You know, as much time as I spend tending to Jack, I still love kids."

"I dunno..."

I turned to face him, "What? You don't like kids?"

He sighed, "It's not that I don't like them. They're just messy."

I laughed, "I didn't take you as a neat freak."

He frowned seriously, "Have you seen the inside of my car?" I couldn't argue with that; Jay's car was the picture of organization with labeled cd sections and not one piece of garbage. He chuckled slightly before speaking again, "When I was real little, probably around four or five, my parents brought me in to a therapist. They thought I was OCD or something..."

"Were you?"

"Nah. Turns out I was just the cleanest child in Toronto."

I laughed, trying to picture a little Jay Hoggart. "That's funny."

We sat swinging, trying to compete to see who could go the highest for about ten minutes. Finally, after Jay had almost swung himself over the top bar, we started to slow down. "Jay?"

"Yeah?"

"Why'd you kiss me?"

He stopped abruptly, digging his feet into the sand. "What?"

I slowed down beside him, eventually stopping completely. "When we went driving...why did you kiss me?"

"Uhhh..." He looked like he was searching desperately for the right words, and I immediately regretted bringing it up at all.

"Never mind," I replied. "I mean, I know it wasn't like some big romantic gesture or anything." He opened his mouth to speak, and I cut him off, "Actually, Manny asked today if we were a couple. Isn't that hilarious? I mean, just imagine."

He turned away, and for a second I thought I could hear him swear under his breath; but, when he turned back around he was smirking. "Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous."

"I mean, both of us are still hung up on our exes. You and Alex just ended, and I..."

"Still like Chris?" He asked, clearly surprised.

I sighed, turning away from him. Why did I always do this to myself. "No."

"Then, who?" Before I had a chance to reply, his eyes lit up in realization. "Cameron."

I nodded, tears starting to swell up slightly. "I don't know why..."

"Because he broke your heart."

"Then, I shouldn't love him at all, right?"

"Nah," he replied. "It doesn't work like that. He left you when you still loved him, so, the feelings are still there." He sighed, "You guys never really resolved anything."

"No," I agreed. "It's hard to resolve when he runs away to Wasaga..."

"Em, he was with Ellie when he left."

"But..."

"But nothing. He wasn't with you when he left."

I sighed, and rubbed my wet eyes with the back of my hands. "You're right."

He nodded, getting off the swing. I was about to do the same when he came up behind me to give me a little push. I laughed, as he continued, and I began to help out by pushing and pulling my body in the right motion.

Later the same day I stood standing in front of my mirror.It seemed that no matter how hard I tried to achieve the perfect body it didn't work. At this particular moment I was scrutinizing my arms; no matter how many pushups I did, I couldn't get rid of that fat on the one part of both my arms. I had consulted every weight loss book at the library, and none of them could help me. So, the only thing to do was to work harder.

At this point, I barely ate anything at all. The only thing I permitted myself was water and celery; so, in my mind, celery was the reason for my flawed arms. Besides the celery diet, I was running a solid five kilometres, daily. My mom couldn't stop raving about my will power to run daily, and I fed off the positive feedback.

Finally, I turned away from the mirror, and walked towards my closet. Jay was supposed to pick my up at eight, and it was all ready seven thirty. I couldn't decide on what to wear, as everything in my closet made me feel and look disgusting. Annoyed with my lack of selection, I finally settled on a loose-fitting, off the shoulder, white sweater, and a pair of jeans. Next, I moved onto the hair, which was lifeless. No matter how much volumizing shampoo I used, or how many times I blow-dried it upside down, it was always super flat. So, rather than fighting with it, I put it in two simple braids. With make up already done, I made my way up the stairs to where my parents sat in the living room.

"Em, there's leftover lasagna in the fridge. We missed you at supper again," my mom told me, as she flicked through all one hundred and twenty channels.

"I ate right after school," I lied.

"Well, that was awhile ago," Snake stated, looking over to me. "Why don't you have just a bit."

I sighed, "I'm leaving in about five minutes. If I get hungry we'll go eat. I promise."

My mom smiled, looking over to me. "Okay, sweetie. It's just that with all the running you've been doing, we want to make sure you're taking in enough energy."

I plastered on a fake smile, "Mom! I'm fine, I swear. I'm not stupid..."

"We know," my mom replied.

"Then, trust me. I'm doing all the calculations to make sure I take in enough calories. Okay?"

She nodded, "Alright. Just making sure."

"Thanks," I replied. "But, my ride will be here any minute, so I really should go."

Nodding, she returned her attention to the show in front of her.

I walked to the door, and slipped on my white ballet flats. Just as I opened the door, Jay drove up in front of my house and honked. I smiled, and ran out, slamming the door closed behind me.

"Well, aren't we all pretty today," Jay teased, as I slide into the car.

"Haha," I said sarcastically.

"So, I was thinking all day about what we could do tonight..."

"Special occasion?"

He grabbed his heart in mock pain, "I'm shocked!" He exclaimed. "Today is a very special day." I looked at him, waiting for him to continue with an explanation. "It's been two months since we became friends!"

"Counting from when?" Before he had a chance to respond, I realized in horror, "You're counting from the first time you brought me to the ravine?"

He put one hand up in defense, as I went to strike him. "If it wasn't for that we would have probably never talked." He must of sensed the fire burning within me, because he didn't stop his explanation there. "Okay, so it isn't the best anniversary. However, I packed an amazing vegetarian picnic, so accept it."

My eyes opened wide in a different sense of horror when I realized that he was expecting me to actually eat in front of him! "That's okay isn't?" He asked, taking his eyes off the road to look over at me.

I forced a small grin, and nodded. "Yeah, of course. That was so sweet of you...sort of." I spent the rest of the ride silent, simply nodding along to whatever he may of been saying. My mind was going a mile a minute, trying to figure out what to do in the situation. Purging wasn't an option, as we would likely be in the middle of nowhere, and by the time we get to a place with a toilet the calories may have already been in my thighs. I bit my lip, trying my hardest to think of options. I was desperate to get out of eating the meal.

It didn't take long to get to the spot in the woods. It was a small clearing. He got out of the car, and walked to open my door. I smiled, as he offered his right hand to help me out. He really had though of everything, including a blanket to sit on, and two lanterns to give us some light.

We sat down, and I began to put my plan into motion. "Jay?"

"Yeah?" He responded, while fishing two paper plates out of the basket.

"Do you find me attractive?"

He dropped the plates, and looked over at me in surprise. "What?"

"Do you think I'm pretty?"

He smiled, "Of course I do, Em."

"What about sexy?" I asked, pouting my bottom lip, and crawling towards him as sexily as I could muster.

"Uhh..."

I sat directly in front of him, my eyes staring right into his. When he didn't make a move, I grabbed him by the collar, crashing his lips into mine. He quickly responded by slipping his tongue pass my slightly parted lips. I straddled him, wrapping my legs around him, as I sat on his lap. He responded to this by lowering me down onto the blanket and climbing on top of me. I grabbed the bottom of his shirt, working to pull it off. He helped to remove it.

When he came back down to my level, I leaned my head up to kiss his neck, right on the collar bone. He moaned, thrusting his bottom half against me. He slowly reached down to the bottom of my sweater, and slipped his hand under my shirt. I reacted by helping him remove it completely. He stopped, breaking away from my lips. "Em, are you sure about this?"

I nodded, at this point it wasn't all about not having to eat the sandwich; I was experiencing feelings that I had never experienced before. Sean and I had never taken it this far. I nodded. He moved down, and started to place light kisses on my stomach, rising up to reach just below my bra. At that point, he probably should have noticed how skinny I had gotten, but teenaged boys, when in this situation, let the other organ do the thinking.

I arched my back slightly, as he removed my lacy pink bra. He smiled, teasing my breasts with his mouth. I had never experienced this sensation before. I reached down to his belt, and started to undo it. It was difficult to do from the position I was in, so he did it for me, removing his pants completely. Then, it was my turn, as I slid out of my jeans; leaving me naked, in only my matching pink panties. He grinned, kissing my inner thigh; I let out a small moan, and he chuckled when he saw that I was embarrassed. "Do you have a condom?" I asked, as he pulled my bottom off completely. He scrambled to his pants pocket, where he took one out, and put it on.

He slipped inside me, and I winced. "Are you okay?" He asked with concern. I nodded, and he continued to move within me. The pace started to quicken as my breathing got quicker and quicker. Before long, I began to enjoy the feeling and moaned in reply. He responded to this by pushing in harder, and grunting.

"Jay..."I moaned in pleasure.

Soon enough it was over and we collapsed onto the blanket completely spent from our activities. I closed my eyes tightly, as if only just realizing what I had just done. I didn't love Jay.