AN: Sorry it took so long. This chapter is really long, and took forever to work out. I hope you all like it. I've gotten some VERY encouraging notes from some. Thank you!

P.S. I can't seem to remember if Rick had the gun before or after he kissed Emma, but for the purposes of this story it will be after.

Oh! Please review. This chapter would have taken a great deal longer had it not have been for some really awesome reviews.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything except the dialogue.

"Where were you?" My mom questions, anger extremely evident in the tone of her voice.

I frowned, "Driving with Craig," I told her. "We decided to go for a drive after school," I explained. Then, quickly added, "I didn't think it would be a problem."

"It wouldn't have been," Snake stated. "However, you weren't at school today, and you weren't with Craig." I didn't even bother defending myself, knowing that whatever I said would only make it worse. "What has gotten into you?" He exclaimed, looking at me like I might have three heads instead of my now spinning one.

"Nothing," I mumbled, crossing my arms uncomfortably over my chest.

"Em, we know you've been through a lot lately, but we've let you get away with too much..." my mom stated.

"What your mother is trying to say is that you are officially on lock down."

"What!" I exclaimed.

"Emma," my mom tried to reason in a calm voice, "you haven't been healthy lately." I bore holes through her head with my eyes. "You look sick."

"Your teachers have concerns about you..."

"Your marks are dropping..."

"You skipped all but one class today..."

"You were late for school..."

"Your complexion is pale..."

"You constantly look tired..."

"You've been spending a lot of time with Jay Hoggart..."

I stood there silent the entire time, letting them critique me. Finally, after awhile I snapped, 'Shut up!" I had dealt with enough that day, I didn't need an intervention on top of it all.

"Emma!" My mom exclaimed, obviously shocked my outburst.

"I get it!" I exclaimed, dropping the grey sweatshirt I was still holding in my hand; I had been carrying it since I had thrown on the much larger yellow one. I smiled, in a twisted sort of way, and ran one hand through my hair in a stressful manner. "I'm a screw up! Well, you know what! I'm not this perfect angel that you think I am!"

"What do you mean?" Snake asked, looking concerned.

I laughed, "What does it matter?"

"Em, have you gotten yourself into some sort of trouble?" My mom asked.

"Drugs? Something else?" Snake added.

"I'm not doing drugs!" I exclaimed.

"Then what?" My mom yelled back. "We can help you."

I started to think; what did I need help with? Absolutely nothing. As far as I was concerned, everything was under control. Sure, I was having a few more breakdowns than usual, but I was handling it relatively well. Plus, I had Jay to help me out; hell, I even had Craig and Manny if I really needed them.

Then, realizing that I had been fine until I had come home, I bolted out the door. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I knew I didn't want to deal with the psychoanalysis that my parents were about to dish out. So, I ran. It seemed to be the norm for me lately. I ran and ran, with no point in sight. After about two kilometres I stopped, taking of fthe now drenched sweater, and tying it tightly around my waist. I continued to run in my blue jeans, white tank top, and the big baggy yellow sweater tied around my waist.

I kept running, probably another four kilometres before I finally collapsed. I ended up the cement sidewalk, in front of a convenience store. My chest, legs, and head were throbbing; and, I felt like I might actually black out. I started to panic, and my breathing quickened immensely. I started to cry. I'm not sure if I was crying from pain, from fear, or the pure embarrassment.

I sat slumped against the wall of the brick building for awhile, before regaining my composure, to find a guy, crouched down in front of me. He was tall and muscular, and familiar. "Are you okay?" He asked, handing me an unopened bottle of water.

"Tracker?" I asked, recognizing his voice.

"Shit," he muttered. "Emma?"

I smirked, "In all my glory."

"What happened?" He asked, looking shocked.

"Today or since I last saw you?"

"Since I last saw you."

"It's a long story," I replied, taking a drink from the water bottle.

"Okay, how about what happened today?"

"That's a pretty long story in itself."

"Let me help you up," he said, standing up and reaching his hand to clasp mine, pulling me up."Thanks," I stated, brushing the hair off my sweat glistened forehead. "So, how have you been?" I asked, not exactly sure what to say in this sort of situation.

"Pretty good. Yourself?"

I shrugged, giving him a look that basically said, 'Have you taken a look at me?'

He smiled slightly, "Point taken."

"So, what are you doing in Toronto?"

"Business," he responded dryly. "I actually have to get going. Can I take you somewhere, or..."

I sighed, considering my options. "Do you know where Jay lives?"

"Hoggart?" He questioned, with eyebrows raised.

I crossed my arms across my chest, almost in a sense of defiance, staring at him with blank eyes. "Yeah. So, do you?"

He smirked, "Yeah."

"Then, can you take me?"

"Sure," he responded, walking over to his motorbike, and tossing me the spare helmet. I threw on my sweater, and the helmet. Tracker got on the bike. "Hope on."

I obliged, getting on the back. I'm sure he was wondering why I was going to Jay's. I'm sure he was wondering why I was having a breakdown in front of some dirty convenience store. I'm sure he was wondering if I were crazy. If he was wondering all of this, he didn't mention it. I was grateful for that. We arrived outside, what I assumed was Jay's house, about ten minutes later.

"That's it," he spoke, motioning towards the large white home.

"Thanks," I replied, getting off the bike, and taking off the helmet. Then, quickly, before he drove off again, I added, "Can you not tell Sean about this?"

He smirked, "No promises, princess."

He drove off just as Jay opened his front door. "Emma?"

I forced a small smile, turning to face him. "Hey."

"What are you doing here?"

"I needed to get away," I replied simply.

He left the front steps walking to where I stood. "Who was on the bike?"

"Tracker."

"Sean's older brother?" He asked, eyebrows raised in obvious curiosity.

I stuck my hands in my pockets, "Yeah." Then, looking around, as if finally realizing where I stood, I started to explain, "I sort of freaked on my parents. I didn't know where to go...I felt trapped. So, I went for a run, and ended up in front of some corner store. Tracker showed up..."

"And gave you a ride to my place," Jay finished. I nodded. "Well," he continued, "this is my place."

I looked around, it was a large white home, with a wrap-around veranda, perfectly manicured lawn, double car garage, and beautiful gables. "It's nice," I managed to spurt.

"Yeah," he sighed. "Not what you expected though, huh?"

"What do you mean?"

"Admit it," he chuckled slightly. "You assumed that I probably lived in some tough neighbourhood. Maybe even a trailer."

I smiled, "Well, you're public persona would suggest so."

He laughed, "Well, my dad's a doctor. A surgeon actually. The house was paid for before he left."

"What does your mom do?" I asked.

"She's a nurse down at Sunny Brook," he replied. "Actually, she's at work now. You want to come in?"

I nodded, "Sorry to just barge in on you like this..."

"I don't mind. Anytime you need to get away, just give me a call."

I smiled, "Thanks."

We entered the large home, and I marveled at it's beauty. There, right in from of me, stood a large spiral, oak staircase. The home was open concept, so it made it seem even larger than it might have otherwise. I followed him downstairs to a less grande room. "This is where I spend most of my time," he offered. It was a smaller room, with black walls. There were two couches, a mini-fridge, a pool table, a tv, and an xbox. "The house is kind of a fraud," he stated, flopping onto the couch.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's usually empty. My mom works a lot, which is good, because otherwise she'd be spending way too much time alone. I think she only keeps it as a reminder of what it was like before; having Katie and dad around. I mean, we wouldn't be able to afford any of this if it hadn't already been paid for." He paused, and then spoke again when I didn't say anything, "I'm not some spoiled rich kid."

"I didn't say anything."

"I know, it's just...I work for what I get. I spend a lot of time down at my uncle's shop, helping him out. In return, he pays me minimum wage. If people saw this place they'd think I'm some fraud or something...I'm not."

I nodded, "Okay."

He stood up, and walked over to the fridge and tossed me a bottle of water. "Sit down," he suggested, and I did.

"So, you were saying earlier today that your dad called?"

He nodded, "Yeah. Yesterday."

"What exactly did he want?"

He sighed, "Why are we talking about this now?"

"You brought it up earlier today, which would suggest that you wanted to talk about it. But, with me being me, I brought it all back to me. So, I realize now that you had a lot more to say," I rambled.

"You sure do talk a lot..." he laughed.

"Laugh later, talk now," I ordered.

"Fine, but we're talking about you as soon as I'm done."

"Deal," I replied.

"I'm not sure what he wanted. I mean, he had obviously been drinking. He never used to drink; he used to have a few social drinks here and there, but as far as I know he had never been drunk. So, that really threw me off guard." He paused, either reflecting of just thinking of what to say next. "I guess he just wanted to talk. He said that he was sorry..."

"Wow."

"Yeah, I know. I asked him what he was sorry for."

"What did he say?"

"He was sorry for leaving. He was sorry he didn't help Katie sooner. He was sorry he hadn't called since Christmas. He was sorry he hadn't seen me since I was twelve. He was sorry he didn't know who I was now." He stopped again, obviously upset and emotional at the thought of everything that had been said. "I mean, what the hell does he want me to say! That it's okay? That I forgive him? I couldn't say that, because it would have been all lies. I spent three years being pissed at him, hating him."

"What about the other two?"

He sighed, his expressing blank as he looked at me directly. "I spent those two years wishing he would come back. I was only a kid, and all of a sudden two of the people I cared most about in the world were gone. My mom was a wreck, drowning herself in work; so, I spent most of my time alone. Then, at fourteen I realized I had spent enough time wishing and hoping."

"What did you do then?"

"I hardened myself," he replied honestly. "I started hanging with a new crew, getting into trouble, experiencing drugs and all that. High school was a new opportunity for me; a chance to ditch who I was before and create this new person. I went from clean-cut, parent's wet dream to marked-up, parent's worst nightmare."

"What are you know?"

"A mix between the two, I guess. "

I nodded, "That seems about right. So, did your dad have anything else to say?"

"Yeah," he admitted, shaking his head as if in disgust. "He's getting married."

"What?"

"Some rich woman from Vancouver, where he lives by the way. She's a dentist, he's a surgeon...meaning they're probably loaded. She has kids too: three of them, all teenagers."

"I'm sorry," I replied, placing my left hand on his shoulder kindly.

"Why?"

"I know how hard it is to feel replaced."

"I'm not being replaced," he replied. "I was gone from that spot a long time ago. Me, my mom, and Katie...we're his past. He's allowing us to be some foggy memory of what used to be. I'm not expecting anymore calls."

I frowned, truly sad at what I was hearing. Sure, my dad may not have been completely functional, but he loved me and would be there if I need him. Jay's dad was a completely functional, successful man who had phased out his family in favour of some new, better life.

"But," Jay began, seeing that I was being affected by his honesty, said, "you're turn."

"What is there to say?" I asked.

"What happened when you got home?"

"I don't know exactly," I admitted. Seeing the look of pure confusion on his face, I continued, "I just kind of freaked out. They were just pointing out everything that's been wrong with me lately. I felt completely trapped. I just needed to get out of there."

"I can understand that," he admitted. "So, when do you plan on going back?"

I smirked, "Never?"

He shook his head laughing, "Okay."

"Can I stay here for awhile?"

"Yeah, of course; but, you're going to go home eventually."

I nodded, "I know. Will your mom mind?"

He shook his head, "No, she's pretty cool about me having friends over. Sean stayed here for two months once," he laughed.

"When?"

"His brother was still living in Toronto," he stated. "It was right when you two broke up, and him and Tracker got in this huge fight."

I frowned, "I never knew about that."

"You guys weren't exactly on speaking terms then."

"Whose fault was that?" I muttered under my breath.

"What?" He asked, looking a bit miffed.

"I'm just saying that we were fine before you came along..."

"Seriously!" He exclaimed. "We're going to bring this up now? Like, two years after the fact." He paused, taking in a deep breath, obviously trying to calm himself down before speaking again. "Em, you two weren't exactly a field of roses. There were plenty of problems between you two. Don't make me the scapegoat."

I sighed, "I'm sorry. I don't even know why I brought it up. Forget I said anything."

He nodded, but was obviously bothered by the fact that I still even mentioned Sean.

Before he had a chance to express how he really felt the front door opened upstairs. "Jason?" A female voice bellowed.

"I'm down here, mom!" He yelled back.

In entered the mother of Jason Hoggart. She was tall, and very slender. She had golden-blond hair, which was pulled up into a high ponytail. Her skin was golden, presumably from time spent in the sun. Her kind blue eyes, and smile made her seem extremely personable, and, quite frankly, beautiful. "Hello," she spoke, looking at me, "you must be Emma."

I nodded, "Yeah."

"It's nice to finally meet you. With the way Jason speaks about you I was beginning to think that you might be imaginary..."

"Mom!" He exclaimed, looking slightly embarrassed and pleading with his eyes for her not to go any further.

"I'm just saying," she said, ignoring him, and looking back over to me, "he has never spoken so highly of anyone." He groaned, looking at her. "Will you be having dinner with us tonight, Emma?"

My mind started to race. I didn't want to eat. I couldn't eat. I frowned, biting me lip. I couldn't exactly say no, as I was planning to spend the night. "That would be great, thank you..." I paused, trying to grasp at what her last name may be, and what I should call her.

"It's Hoggart," she smiled, "but call me Catherine."

"Thank you, Catherine," I replied.

"Actually," Jay spoke up, "Emma's going to be spending the night."

She smiled, "Jason, can I speak to you alone for a minute?"

I panicked, I thought Jay had said she would be fine with me staying. I frowned slightly as she beckoned him into the adjoining room, presumably the laundry room.

They entered again a few minutes later, and Jay came back to sit next to me; Catherine gave me a quick smile before disappearing again up the stairs.

"What was that about?" I asked.

"Don't worry about it," he mumbled, turning on the television, and putting it on Much Music.

"Tell me," I prodded.

"It's nothing," he insisted.

"I can just call Manny and see if she'll take me in awhile," I suggested.

"What are you talking about?"

"If your mom doesn't want me to stay the night..."

"It's not that. It wasn't about you...well, it was, but not like that."

"Jay!"

He sighed, "She gave me a sex talk."

"What?" I asked, laughing.

"She lectured me!" He exclaimed, exasperated. "Me! I mean, I'm her son. She wanted to make sure that I wasn't planning on sleeping with you tonight, because, and I quote, 'She seems like a good girl.'"

I laughed, "She wanted to protect me from you."

"Shut up," he said, laughing himself.

"She thinks I'm too good for you," I teased.

"She never gave me a sex talk with any other girls I've brought home."

"How many girls have you brought home?" I asked, wondering which number notch I was on his belt.

"What does it matter?"

"That many?"

He smirked, "Em, come on..."

"I'm just curious."

"Fine," he sighed. "Four."

"Four!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah."

"Including me?"

"No."

"Ohhh..." I dead panned.

"Well, most were nothing, Em." I didn't say anything. "Want me to go over my history?" I still didn't say anything. "Okay then. Number one, Mandy, I was fourteen. We dated for six months in ninth grade. Number two, Julia, met her at a party a few months later. We messed around for about three months."

"Messed around?" I asked, wanting more clarification.

"Just fooled around," he explained. "Sex and nothing more. Then, I met Alex at the end of that school year. I didn't sleep with anyone else until this year..."

"Amy?"

He nodded, "Yeah, Amy."

"Maybe four isn't that many...I mean, when you think about it."

"Nah," he replied, shaking his head. "I only really cared for three of the girls I've ever slept with, and maybe only loved two."

I thought about that for a minute. So he cared about Mandy and Alex, and me, I guess; but, who had he loved! Alex and...me? Maybe Mandy? Before I had a chance to inquire further Catherine spoke from the stop of the stairs.

"Jason, Emma! Pizza's here!"

He smiled, "Did I mention that my mom doesn't really cook?"

I forced a smile. How was I going to get through this?

We sat around the table, made small talk, and I forced myself to eat two pieces. When we were finished I quietly excused myself from the table, asking where the bathroom was. After getting a concerned look from Jay, I closed the door behind me, and ran the water in the sink. Then, just as I had done before, I purged, letting the toxic filth leave my body, before it had a chance to settle in my already fat thighs. Finishing, I flushed the toilet, and washed out my mouth. I opened the door, bumping into Jay who stood on the other side. "Geez!" I exclaimed. "You scared the hell out of me."

"You sure ran that water for a long time."

"Well, I didn't want you to hear me pee," I joked.

He didn't smile. "How much do you weigh?" He asked, seriously.

I frowned, crossing my arms over my chest, "A lady never tells."

"I'd say you're around 100..."

I cringed at the thought. That was huge! I mean, it wasn't anywhere near my goal. "Probably not," was all I said.

"That's not a whole lot, Em. You're about 5'9...so it's pretty damn small. You look frail."

"I'm fine."

"No you're not."

"Why are you bringing this up now?" I exclaimed.

"Because I'm worried."

I laughed meanly, "You weren't worried last night when we had sex, were you?"

He frowned, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I'm just saying, if you were so concerned you might have noticed how skinny I was when I was naked!"

"I...I wasn't paying attention then...I..."

"I guess boys brains really do let the dick do all the thinking sometimes." He looked frustrated. Good, anything to get the focus away from any of my issues. "I mean, how can you think about my well being when I'm offering up something way more interesting?"

He frowned, "Em..."

"No!" I exclaimed. "Maybe Alex was right."

"What are you talking about?"

"Devirginizer?"

"You're being a bitch."

"Maybe I'm finally speaking my mind."

He stood there fuming for a moment, looking extremely flustered, obviously trying to regain his cool. "You know what? Fine. Be a bitch, see if I care. You can stay here tonight, and then I want you gone. You're room's at the end of the hall, to the left. I put a clean tshirt and shorts on the bed for you. I'll see you tomorrow." He then turned away and went down the hall; I heard his car squeal out of the driveway moments later.

I sighed, walking down the hall to 'my room'. It was a small room, obviously for a guest. I frowned, slightly looking at myself in the full length mirror. No matter what Jay said, one hundred pounds was still too much. Then, feeling fidgety at the mere thought of being in the triple digits, I rushed to the bathroom, hopping on the scale. I bit my lip nervously, looking down at the digital read out: 98. I smiled, happy with the outcome, although I could do better. Feeling stressed from the incident with Jay, and then the one with my parents earlier, I needed to relax; so, I ran the water in the tub, putting in some jasmine extract, and got in. I sighed, letting the hot water soak me. I closed my eyes tightly, trying my hardest to forget the last two days of my life. No such luck.

So, after about twenty minutes I got out; I wrapped myself in a large white towel and made my way to the guest room. On the way I ran into Catherine.

"Hi, honey," she greeted, smiling.

"Hi."

"Everything okay?"

I forced a small smile, "Yeah, everything's fine."

"I heard the two of you argue earlier," she paused, seeing the concern on my face. "Don't worry," she smiled. "I didn't hear what it was about. I just wanted to check up on you. Jason can have quite the quick temper, I'm sure he didn't mean anything he said."

"I think I might of been the one to say the mean things," I told her.

"He called."

"He did?" I asked.

"He wanted me to check up on you, make sure everything was fine. He also said he'd be home late tonight."

I nodded, "Did he say where he was going?"

"No, just that I shouldn't worry," she laughed. "But, how many times can a mother hear that and still believe it."

I smiled, "I'm sure he's fine."

"Oh, I know. He's been different lately. He's more at ease. Probably a lot to do with you," she said, winking. I shrugged. "Don't be modest," she insisted. "That boy likes you...mother's know. I'm glad he's found a girl like you. I mean, Alex was nice, just a bit...rough around the edges?" She laughed, and then looked to my clothing, or lack thereof, and smiled. "Guess I'll let you get changed. If you need anything else, just let me know."

"Thanks," I replied, walking to the room. I glanced at the alarm clock on the night stand, it was a bit after ten. Usually, I would never think of going to bed that early, but with everything I had been through that day, I was more than willing to throw on the tshirt and pair of boxers and hop under the covers. I closed my eyes, and was asleep in no more than five minutes.

I awoke to a light rapping on the door. I frowned, pulling the covers over me head.

"Em," I heard Jay call from the other side.

"What?" I grumbled.

"Can I come in?"

I sighed, "Yeah."

He entered, "Mind if I sit?"

"No," I responded, sitting up, and looking over to the alarm clock, it was two in the morning.

"I think we should talk."

I yawned, "Now?"

"Now," he replied. "I just got in, and I've been thinking all night."

"Where were you?" I asked.

"The ravine."

"Always a classy choice," I said sarcastically.

"I went to clear my mind...nothing more."

I nodded, "Okay."

"First off," he said, sighing, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken off like that."

I sighed, "It's probably best you did. Who knows what else I would have said to you."

"About that. Do you really think that us sleeping together was just some sort of twisted conquest to me?"

I frowned, "No."

"Because it wasn't. It meant something to me, Em. It was special." He stopped talking, shifting nervously on the bed. "I just need to know...are you sure that you're healthy?"

"Yes," I lied without hesitation.

"Positive? I mean, you're eating and everything?"

"Jay," I sighed. "I wouldn't lie to you."

"I just can't let anything happen to you. Not after what happened to Katie."

I nodded, "I know. I mean, I am losing weight, but I think it's just from stress. When I stress I tend to eat a little less, and maybe exercise a little more."

"So, you'll try to get that under control?"

"Absolutely," I lied.

"Okay," he said lightly. "Good."

"So, you want to sleep with me?" I asked, laughing.

"What!"

"I mean next to me, you perv!"

He laughed, "Sure."

So, he got under the covers and wrapped his arms around me. "Night, Green peace."

"Good night, Hoggart."

I couldn't deny the fact that his arms around me was one of the most pleasant feelings I have ever experienced.

We woke to the sound of Jay's cell phone ringing the next morning, at eight. We both groaned, as he reach into his pants pocket to retrieve it. "Yeah? What? No. No. Spin, no. Okay, fine. Yeah, I'll be there in like half an hour. Uh huh, right. Bye." He sighed, getting out of bed.

"Where are you going?" I yawned, pulling off the blankets, and rubbing my eyes.

"Spin has some doctor's appointment or something, and couldn't get anyone to fill in for him at work."

"So you're doing it?"

"Looks like it," he smiled. "You coming? I'll be done at lunch."

"Yeah, just let me get dressed."

"Okay,"he nodded. "We're leaving in five minutes."

I sighed as he left the room; I didn't have any clean clothes at his house.

"Here," Jay said, coming back into the room and throwing at me a white knitted sweater, and beige bermuda's.

"What's this?" I asked, looking at the clothing.

"They're clothes, Genius. I knew you didn't have anything here, so my mom loaned you this.

I smiled, "Thanks."

He nodded, leaving the room to get dressed himself. I changed out of the pajamas I was in, and into my clothing for the day. I went to the bathroom quickly, and threw my hair into a messy knot at the nape of my neck. Then, put some toothpaste on my forefinger, swiping along my teeth, after rinsing out my mouth, I left to meet Jay in the kitchen.

"Ready?" He asked, grabbing his wallet off the kitchen counter, and placing it in his back pocket.

"Yeah. Um, do you have anything to read?"

"What?"

"Well, if I'm going to be sitting there until lunch, I think I should have something to read or something."

He smiled, leaving the room, and reentering, throwing a book in my direction. I caught it, looking quickly at the title, The Lovely Bones. "It's my mom's favourite," he supplied, noticing the look of doubt I had cast his way. "I think she likes the idea that the people you love are still looking down on you, even if they're not alive." He shrugged, "Let's go."

I obliged, following him outside, and into his car. The ride was fairly silent, and not for any particular reason. I suppose we were both a bit tired. We pulled up in front of The Dot about twenty minutes later, it was now eight forty five in the morning, and the prospect of sitting in the restaurant for another four hours was daunting. However, I sat there, for four hours and twenty-nine minutes, reading the book that Jay had tossed me earlier that morning. I was over half way done when he came to sit with me at the table. I smiled, taking a napkin and folding it, placing it in the book to hold my place. "It's great," I told him, when I had placed it down.

"Good," he smiled. "So, lunch?"

I frowned, "I think maybe I should be getting home."

He looked at my doubtfully, "Uh huh. Well, first let me buy you something to eat. I won't take no for an answer.

"Fine," I sighed. "Buy me lunch."

"Fries it is," he stated, turning to greet Spinner who had just walked up to our table.

The fries eventually arrived, and I looked at them with the look of someone deeply wronged. I bit my lip, trying to figure a way out of the situation. "Ketchup," I blurted out, causing Jay to jump.

"What?"

"I can't eat fries without ketchup," I lied.

He nodded, leaving the table to retrieve a bottle. As soon as he left, I began to shovel the fries from the plate into my pants pocket. When he came back moments later, half of the fries on our plate were gone. He frowned, "That was fast."

I nodded, pretending to still be chewing on a fry. "I love french fries."

"That's funny," he said, looking at me accusingly, "I thought you said you couldn't eat fries without ketchup."

I stood up, "I think I need some fresh air." I wasn't about to get into a fight with Jay in the middle of The Dot. I hurried out the door, getting hit with rain as soon as I stepped outside.

As expected, Jay soon followed. "Where'd you put them?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I lied.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Emma."

I stood defiantly, staring at him with an entirely straight face; in a way, I was challenging him. "I don't know what you're talking about," I repeated coldly.

He sighed heavily, and then looked down towards the pocket on my pants. "So you always keep fries in your pants?"

I tried to play it off, "Well...Napoleon had his..."

"Stop," he stated simply, shaking his head in a way that said clearly that he was both angry and disappointed. "You lied to me. I asked you more than once if you were eating, and you said yes."

"I am eating!" I exclaimed, beginning to get frustrated.

"No you're not! I mean, fuck! After everything that you know about, you still haven't been eating!"

"I have!" I screamed, obviously fighting a war that had already been lost.

"You know what?" He said, looking at my with both anger and sadness. "I can't do this."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's too much," he stated, averting my eyes.

"Jay," I sighed, "I'm fine. I promise. I'll try eating more..."

He shook his head, "No."

"No?"

"No," he repeated. "I'm not doing this. I've already lost someone this way, and I won't do it again. If you want to die, go ahead, but I won't sit around and wait for it." He then turned away from me completely, and walked towards the driver's seat of his car.

"Jay!" I yelled at him, pleading at him to come back. "Jay!" But it was too late. He was gone. I collapsed, plopping onto the curb. I started to cry, my body heaving with the heavy sobs. I couldn't loose him, he was all I had.

"Emma?" A voice said softly from behind me, as the door to The Dot opened.

I turned around to face Spinner, who was now holding my book. He came and sat next to me, handing the book to me. "Thanks," I managed to say through the sputtered sobs.

"What happened?" He asked.

"Nothing," I replied, wiping my eyes with the sleeve of Catherine's sweater.

He smiled kindly, "Are you lying?" I nodded. "You need a ride home?" I nodded again. "Let me just go in and tell the boss, and I'll be right out. Okay?"

"You don't have to," I said.

"Too late, it's done," he replied, going inside.

I got into Spinner's car, and we drove. The ride was mostly silent, as we listened to Downtown Sasquatch's newest song. "Thanks," I said, when the song ended.

"No problem," he replied. "So, what happened with Jay?"

"None of your business," I told him coldly.

"Point taken," he responded. "I just thought that with everything that happened with him...with the shooting and everything. I mean, if you can forgive him for that, you should be able to forgive him for anything."

I frowned, what did Jay have to do with the shooting? "I don't know what you're talking about," I told him.

"Never mind," he replied quicky.

"Spinner, you need to tell me what Jay has to do with the shooting."

"Forget I said anything."

"Tell me," I replied a little more forcefully this time. "I swear, if you don't tell me within the next minute I will jump out of this car."

"Don't be ridiculous," he said, "we're going like eighty kilometres an hour." I opened the passenger door, showing him exactly how ridiculous I was willing to be. " Fine!" I closed the door. "Should I pull over or something?"

"Spin, it's rush hour. Where exactly should we pull over?"

"Good point," he replied nervously. Clearly what he was about to tell me was a big deal. "Can we wait until we get to your house at least? I really don't want to be responsible for a car accident."

I nodded, "Whatever." We arrived at my house about fifteen agonizingly long minutes later. "Do you want to come in?" I asked, sighing when he didn't say anything.

"Sure," he replied, following me into the house.

It was empty, which was probably the best, considering my parents probably wouldn't be overly happy to see me at the moment. I gestured to the couch, "Sit," I told him, making myself comfortable in the chair in front of the window.

He obliged, sitting down and playing with the keys of his car nervously. "I haven't told anyone about this. Not even Craig or Marco...or..." he paused, looking upset.

"Jimmy?" I offered.

He cringed at the sound of his best friend's name. I found that fairly strange. "Yeah," he replied. "I haven't even told Jimmy."

"Well," I said, "rather than dragging this out longer than it needs to be. Why don't you tell me what's up?"

He nodded, "Well, we bullied Rick..."

"You're not telling me anything I don't know, Spin," I interrupted.

"That's not it," he stated. "No interruptions, let me get this out." I nodded in agreement, and he continued. "Well, when Jimmy joined the team with you guys, it was like he betrayed me. I know it's stupid, but I thought we were, like, united against Rick or something. I mean, with the whole Terri thing. Well, I was pissed. Jay joined in when I tormented him, I don't know what his reasons were," he stated.

"He wanted to belong."

"Right," he agreed. "Maybe. Anyway, the day of the competition came and we decided it was time to get him good. So, we planned to whole paint thing...Jay, Alex, and I." He must have seen my look of horror, but he continued on despite it. "Then, we knew he was in the bathroom, and decided to talk about how Jimmy had planned the whole thing. He must have heard, because the next thing I knew..."

"Jimmy had been shot, and Rick was dead," I stated.

"Yeah."

"Get out!" I screamed, feeling as though everything was collapsing around me.

"Emma, calm down. I didn't..."

"Get the fuck out of my house! Now! Get out!" I opened the door, and he quickly exited through it.

I ran down the stairs to my bedroom, throwing myself onto my bed. I started to cry hysterically. I didn't know what to think anymore. My life was already so messed up, how could it get even worse? The only person that I had come to trust since the shooting had been one of the main causes. Sure, I hadn't been perfect before the shooting, but I wasn't nearly as screwed up. I felt like the walls around me were about to crumble, and soon the roof over my head would collapse, and I'd be crushed to death.

I don't know how long I had cried for, or when I fell asleep; but, when I woke up it was dark, and Jay was sitting at the bottom of the stairs. I sat up quickly.

"Your parents aren't home," he stated.

"What do you want?" I asked harshly.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I'm just worried about you."

"Fuck your worry."

"Em," he protested.

"When were you planning to tell me?" I asked.

"What?"

"When did you plan on telling me that you were the reason I had a gun pointed at my head."

His eyes bulged, clearly I had hit a part of him that he hadn't been protecting. "Wh...what are you talking about?"

"The paint," I stated simply. "It was all you."

"How..."

"Spinner was nice enough to drive me home."

"It wasn't all my fault," he argued.

"Rick was gonna go home. He was going to leave. Sure, the paint had been bad, but he was going to go home. Paige apologized, and he realized that despite a few assholes, it wasn't worth death. Then, the assholes didn't stop. They couldn't let it be."

"Em..."

"So, they decided to pin it all on Jimmy. Someone with a big enough heart to let the past be just that, the past. Rick felt betrayed, one of the only people he thought he could trust decided to betray him. You know what he did next?" I asked, starting to become hysterical. "He went and paralyzed Jimmy. Then, he came and decided to point the gun at me. He probably would have killed me, if it hadn't have been for Sean. Then, Rick died. The end." I replied, with a twisted smile. "Everyone ended up okay, didn't they? I mean, I'm fine, right?"

"Em..."

"Jimmy's probably about to do a jumpshot."

"Em!"

"Rick will probably go on to win Jeopardy."

"Emma!"

"You know what's the best part!" I exclaimed, crying. "I blamed myself. I thought this was all my fault. He kissed me, and I destroyed him. It wasn't my fault. It was all you."

"Fine!" He yelled loudly, causing me to jump. "It was all my fault." He stopped talking, and started pacing the room, his hands covering his face. When he faced me again he had tears running down his cheeks. I had never seen him cry before. "Don't you think I know that? I think about it every day. Every fucking day! If it weren't for me, Rick would be alive, Jimmy would be playing ball, you'd be mentally stable, and Sean would still be here." He collapsed against the wall, breaking into sobs. "I've done a lot of fucked up things, Green peace, but I've never been a murderer."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I couldn't even admit it to myself."

"Why'd you do it?"

"I don't know," he replied honestly.

"He left the school after I hurt him," I stated simply.

"What?"

"He didn't have the gun until after I told him I thought he was pathetic," I starting to breakdown in sobs myself.

He stood up, coming to sit next to me on the bed. "It's not your fault."

"He didn't have the gun!" I exclaimed. "If I hadn't have been such a bitch, no one would have been shot. Everything leads back to me," I cried.

"Shhh," he soothed, enveloping me in a tight, but comforting embrace.

We both laid down on top of my covers. We were silent, both deep in our own thoughts. I couldn't stop thinking about the shooting. Was it Jay's fault anymore than my own?Maybe no one could be blamed; maybe Rick was just an emotionally unstable boy. Maybe he would have done it all if neither of us had done a thing.

I started to get sleepy. The last thing I remembered was Jay getting off the bed and tucking me in. He leaned over and kissed me lightly on the forehead. "I love you, Green peace."

15 pages and 7000 words later this chapter is done! I have about six more chapters planned, so stay tuned! Thank you again for all the amazing reviews. I wouldn't continue if it weren't for the few of you that write such encouraging words. Especially the two of you who wrote me very long, and nice notes. Now, it's 5:35 am, and I need sleep.

REVIEW please!