CHAPTER NINE:
THE MANY MEANINGS OF LOVE

That evening Kirk returned alone to his ship. Despite the aloha hospitality Hawaii was known for and it's strong belief in ohana, he was still a stranger, and a barely welcomed one at that. He knew without being told that his place among them was under quarantine, and for the time being, he would just have to sleep in his own ship. This did not really bother him. On more than a few occasions, his ship had been his home, and it still was. Especially now on this remote backwater planet where the locals' tolerance of his presence was lukewarm at best.

But as he boarded the ship and went about tidying things up, the RV-sized cruiser felt emptier than usual. Glancing at the clock on the control console, he noted that it was still registering in standard galactic hours. According to his clock, it was still early, although the Earth's sun had set over two hours ago. Here on Kauai it was 9:30, but Kirk's mind and body were still on standard galactic time, which meant that to him the night was very young. He looked out the windshield toward the Pelekai house and sighed. Dim light or darkness at each window. While everyone else was settling in for the night, Kirk was wide awake and restless. He knew he would probably be just falling asleep when everyone else was waking up the next morning. Curse it.

He sighed and popped open a Blix Ale. Taking a long swig, he belched and flopped down on his couch, thoroughly depressed. He put two feet up on the low table in front of the couch, spilling a half-empty bowl of three-day-old popcorn onto the floor. He took another drink and started to feel a little warm from it. Too bad he didn't feel merry yet. Blix Ale wasn't quite strong enough to do the trick, but it would suffice enough to allow him to drink himself into a stupor in under three bottles. After that who cared.

The night was warm and humid. He'd read up a little on this particular region of Earth the week before, but nothing had prepared him for the humidity. The ship's forward hatch had been left open and the ramp down to allow in the little cool breeze. At least it no longer felt quite as stuffy inside as it had been when he'd first walked in. Relaxing on the couch, he began to cool off, but neither the breeze nor the ale could relieve his restlessness. Geesh, what was he so worked up about?

Only part of Kirk's agitation was emotional. Things could have gone a whole lot worse, but they hadn't, and he was grateful for that fact. He just might be able to win his son's affections after all. At least it didn't appear to be an impossibility. A long shot, maybe. A very, very, very long shot, but not impossible. But again, this was only half of his troubles. The rest was… something different. Something raw and almost animalistic in nature. Something definitely physical. Maybe it was the high concentration of nitrogen in the Earth's atmosphere, or the energizing dose of vitamin D brought on by the Earth's sunlight. Whatever it was, it was driving him mad. Half of him wanted to jump up and go party like it was Armageddon, and the other half just wanted to drown itself in the half-drained bottle of Blix Ale. The drink wasn't going to make passing the night any easier, he realized too late.

"Hello! Kirk? You in here?" a voice called from the forward hatch ramp. Kirk bolted upright and looked around. He recognized her voice a split second before Vay appeared at the threshold. She was dressed in her nightclothes: a long flannel gown of soft lavender, with lacy shoulder straps in place of sleeves. Her hair was down: wavy auburn locks tumbled gracefully past her shoulders. His breath caught when he saw her and the restlessness he had been battling returned tenfold to gnaw at him.

"Hey, there! You're not going to bed already, are you?" she asked him.

Words caught in his throat and he had to force them out. "N-no. I just figured that since everyone else was getting ready for bed, I might as well save you all the trouble of tossing me out with the dog."

Vay smiled. "You mean Stitch? Actually, he sleeps in Lilo's room. But you didn't have to run off in such a hurry. Lilo's got school in the morning, so she has to be in bed by nine. Stitch too. The rest of us are staying up to watch Earth movies. Tonight we're watching the first installment of a trilogy called "Lord of the Wings," I think. It's a three-hour movie, so it's gonna be a long night."

Kirk grunted. "Tell me about it." He took a sip of his ale. He kept his eye fixed on his bottle to avoid looking at Vay. Seeing her like that was beginning to bring back memories… and feelings. Vay stared at him for a long moment, not sure what to say. Small talk had a way of taking the long, boring, non-scenic route before arriving at its intended destination.

"Well, aren't you gonna come in and watch it with us? You're in for a real treat. Earth movies may be two-dimensional, but it's rather amazing how realistic the special effects are. Of course, the only senses you experience are sight and sound, but the storylines are just incredible." Having said that, Vay now felt a bit awkward. Damnit, Kirk, why do you have to be so difficult? Why did I even bother coming out here? Because I feel sorry for him? Kirk's the jerk, not me. Vay had no idea what had compelled her to come to Kirk's ship, but now that she was here and talking to him, she knew she had better make this sound like a legitimate visit. No "just checking up on you" or "hey, wanna watch a movie?" would be legitimate enough, so she tried another tactic.

Kirk seemed troubled, and he must have been to have just opened his second Blix Ale since leaving the house only a quarter of an hour earlier. He had never been much of a drinker. Only a social drinker, but that had been thirty years ago. For all she knew, he might be an alcoholic by now. Vay doubted that. She had a feeling that he was drinking out of anxiety, and that wasn't good. Especially all alone in his ship. He still hadn't answered her question. Oh Blitznak, he's not drunk already, is he? He can't still be a lightweight after all these years.

Drawn by some unknown force, Vay sat down on the couch next to Kirk. He shot her a sideways glance, then pulled his eye away and took up his second bottle.

"Want one?" he asked, holding it up. "I've got Blix Ales and Poiuyt-Rewq Rum in the mini bar over there." He gestured toward the kitchen area.

"Sure."

Kirk set his bottle down and got up from the couch. He walked into the kitchen area and opened up the mini bar. "So, what'll it be? Oh, look! I've got a couple of Coldstars left. You still like those?"

Vay shook her head. "I haven't had much of a taste for the girly drinks since Wendy was a toddler. Don't you have anything stronger than Poiuyt-Rewq Rum?"

"Nope. Finished off the good stuff when the Kaizaxx were defeated. Haven't bothered to restock since I still get a massive hangover just thinking about it."

Vay chuckled. "Oh, well. I guess I'll take the rum then. I really shouldn't, though. Even if I don't get drunk I'll probably end up falling asleep halfway through the movie. You sure you don't want to join us?"

Kirk handed her a bottle and sat down. "Nah. I figure it's best I just give Wendy a little space. He's obviously had more than enough of me for one day, and I know he's just tolerating me because of you. At least you've got a kid who listens to you. Though I kinda wonder what you told him about me to make him hate me so much in the first place!" Kirk forced a chuckle, hoping he wouldn't come off as presumptuous or rude.

Vay took a sip of the rum and thought about it. "I don't think he hates you, Kirk. At least, not for the reason you think he might hate you. I think that, deep down inside, he's really more upset about the fact that there's another man in his mother's life. I mean, he's never really accepted any of my relationships. But I don't blame him. Without one strong father figure in his life, it must be hard to put up with an endless parade of strangers stealing my attention from him, however briefly."

Kirk frowned in disbelief. "Endless parade of strangers? Jeez, Vay, exactly how many men does that imply?"

Vay punched him in the arm and took another drink. "That was an expression, you sleaze! The exact number of parade participants is my business only. Besides, I've lost count."

Kirk just stared stupidly at her as she sipped her rum. She caught sight of him out of the corner of her eye and lowered the bottle.

"What?"

Suddenly feeling himself on the spot, Kirk blushed and said, "Nothing. I'm just having trouble picturing you with another man. It was hard enough to believe you'd go with a guy like me!"

Vay snorted. "Yeah, well, you obviously got over it when I told you I was pregnant. You may have skipped town then, but the fun sure as hell didn't stop there. You left behind a lot of competition, you know."

Kirk glared at her. "Now you're just trying to make me jealous! Well I'll have you know that I've had my own endless parade of women over the past thirty years too!"

Vay laughed and took another drink. She was starting to feel a little too cheerful. "I hardly think two or three women constitutes an endless parade!" she said gaily, punching him in the arm again.

"Ow! Hey, that hurts a lot more than my arm, you know! Jeez, Vay, you're not drunk already, are you? No. You used to be able to keep a straight face until the eight shot of Aghshten Whiskey! You can't be drunk yet."

"No," Vay chuckled, calming herself down. "I'm just enjoying myself, is all. The rum helps, but it'll take a lot more than this to make me strip naked and dance on the table."

Kirk smiled impishly. "Well, in that case, allow me to refresh your drink!" He started to get up.

"Oh, no thank you," Vay said loudly, putting a hand up to stop him. "I'm not falling for that one again."

"Falling for what?" Kirk asked innocently.

"You know exactly what I mean. One drink leads to another, and then one thing leads to another, and then it's just another case of Wham! Bam! Thank You, Ma'am. We've been through that routine before."

"Oh, well forgive me for trying," Kirk said as he sat back down on the couch. "You can't blame a guy for being a guy, can you? But hey! At least now you're too old to worry about getting knocked up."

Vay sobered up at this remark and glared darkly at Kirk. Kirk winced, realizing what he'd just said. "Sorry. I didn't mean you were old old, just old enough that you don't have to worry about getting pregnant anymore, because you can't. That's all I meant by it, honest! You sure as hell don't look old. In fact, you look great for your age! Really! And I mean that in the best way possible! Just please don't hit me again! My arm's already sore from those first two hits."

Kirk flung his arm up to ward off an attack, but to his surprise, Vay laughed. "You haven't changed a bit, Kirk. You haven't grown any brains in your head in thirty years, and you're still thinking with your crotch! I would have thought better of you. But you did catch me by surprise by coming back, so I'll give you that. All I'd like to know is why? Why are you here, and why did it take you so damn long?"

Kirk sighed. "We've been through this a million times already. I told you why. The past finally caught up with me, and I want to set things right. Don't you believe that?"

"No," Vay said sternly, and he looked at her in shock. "I don't believe that. Not entirely. I think there's something else. Now what is it?"

She fixed him with a piercing gaze that held him captive. Kirk suddenly felt very warm, and wondered if he was blushing. But something in Vay's eye seemed to melt the last of his reservations. He found himself reaching for her hand.

"I came back for Wendy, that much is true," he said softly, taking her hand in his. "I really do want to set things right, but I know that's a near-impossibility. After I left you, I…" he trailed off, casting his eye to the floor. It took him a moment to collect himself, and when he looked her in the eye again, something somewhere inside of him shattered.

"I - I love you, Vay. I always have. I know you don't believe that, but I do. I really and truly do. It's taken me thirty years to realize it, that those feelings I had were more than just lust. I still don't know exactly what love is supposed to feel like, but if this isn't it, then it has to be the next best thing." Kirk decided that that would be the best time to shut up before he went too far. But then, he may have already gone too far. In the silence that followed, he kept his eye on Vay's, watching as his words sank in.

Vay just stared at him. After what seemed like an eternity, she spoke. "Goddamn you, Kirk."

Shocked at this response, Kirk paled. He let go of her hand and backed away.

"Why do you always do this to me?" Vay whispered, then louder: "Why, goddamn you?"

"What? What did I do?"

Vay sprang to her feet. "You know exactly what you did! You said those same exact words thirty years ago! You told me you loved me, and you made me feel like it was true! That I was the center of your universe! Your reason for living! You made me feel the same way about you! And then you - you — " Vay growled in frustration, unable to coherently express her rage. She saw the rum bottle on the table where she'd set it and picked it up, swinging it threateningly over her head. Kirk backed away further till he fell off the couch. Seeing the terrified look on his face, Vay dropped the bottle and turned away.

"Goddamn you, Kirk," she said again, sounding tired. "I can't even bash your brains out like I want to."

Kirk saw an opportunity and seized it. "I thought you said I didn't have any brains?" he said slyly.

"No. I said you were still thinking with your crotch, but a lot of good that'll do either of us if I took it out on you there." Her back was still turned to him, and her voice was monotone. Kirk had no idea what she was thinking or feeling at that moment, but just for safe measure he crossed his legs.

"Look, Vay. I'm s— "

"No. I don't want to hear it," she said sternly. She glanced back over her shoulder at him. "I'm not letting you hurt me again." Her voice was frail and quiet when she said this, and the cold chill it gave off made Kirk shiver.

"I never meant to hurt you," he said.

"Well too late," she growled, starting toward the door. "If you knew anything about love, you'd know that it means never having to say you're sorry. If you really loved me, you wouldn't have done what you did."

Kirk stood up slowly, his eye still cast to the floor. His voice cracked as he replied, "I always thought that old adage was a two way street. If love means never having to say you're sorry, it doesn't just mean that you wouldn't do anything to hurt the one you love. It also means that you should be forgiving."

There was an uncomfortable silence, then Vay turned slowly and looked at Kirk.

"I can never forgive you."

Kirk's hearts shattered with those words. Suddenly he didn't care about anything anymore. "Fine, then," he growled. "But I forgive you."

Vay cast him a smoldering look. "Forgive me? For what! You're the one who wronged me!"

Kirk cringed at the sharpness in her voice. He almost looked like he was fighting back tears. "Yes, I wronged you, and I can't even begin to make up for that. But you wronged me, too. I told you the truth, Vay. I bared my heart and soul to you. You, the only person I've ever loved, and you spurned me. You have no idea how much that hurts. But I forgive you. Because that's what love is all about. And I do love you, Vay. Believe it or not. I don't care anymore." Kirk sighed loudly at the end of his speech, and the sigh turned into a sob. He quickly cut it off before Vay could hear it. He bit his lip and looked away. His eye was suddenly too moist.

When he looked up again, Vay was standing before him. Her expression was almost unreadable, but he could swear that the anger was gone. They gazed unblinking into each other's eye for a long moment, glimpsing each other's soul.

"Kirk…" Vay whispered, lifting a hand up to touch his shoulder. An almost magnetic force drew them together just then, and before either one realized it, their lips had met in a deep and passionate kiss.