Sorry it took so long to update. To be perfectly honest, the chapters are usually written in three sitting periods, but it takes me awhile to get to the point where I can just sit and write. I know exactly what will happen in each chapter, and how the entire story will end, but it takes me some time to get there. Oh, and I just recently started two jobs, so I'm busy/tired pretty much all the time. However, I won't let this stop me from finishing.

Well, here's chapter nine! This is a shorter chapter than usually, but it's for a reason. This chapter is a set up for the second part of this story, which will be pretty different than the first half.

Oh and to those who asked, "Isn't his name Hogart?" I think so, but when you're writing a 7000 word chapter, an extra 'G' is the least of your concern, haha. I'll try to be more consistent...actually, every time I write his name I find myself questioning it. AND, I realize that chapter seven took place on Friday, and eight on Saturday...and technically this should be a Sunday, but it wouldn't work for me, so let's pretend that Sunday doesn't exist. Great.

AN: I don't own Degrassi. Shock, I know.

When I woke up the next morning it was still dark, meaning that it was probably only five. I frowned, throwing off my comforter, realizing that I was still in my clothes from the day before. I sighed, starting to remember everything that had happened. Jay wouldn't let the eating thing go, and it resulted in a huge fight. Then, as if it hadn't been enough; I found out that Jay was one of the elements that resulted in the shooting.

Stepping out of bed, and onto the startling cold concrete floor, I was reminded of the day before the last when I had fled from my parents. Assuming that they were probably still mad, even more than they had been, I decided to skip out before they woke. So, I passed on the shower, not wanting to alert them, and simply threw on a black tank top, with a light pink cardigan, and a pair of blue jeans. I grabbed my backpack, and tiptoed my way up the stairs, and out the front door.

I started my way down the street with the idea of meeting Jay; and, that's when I remembered. Jay had said that he loved me. How was I supposed to react to that? I frowned, stopping to consider any other options. An hour later, I arrived at the front door of Manny's apartment. I knocked, smiling when her mother opened the door.

"Emma!" She exclaimed, surprised.

"Mrs. Santos," I greeted. "Is Manny awake?"

She shook her head, "No, but she should be soon. Come in."

"Thanks," I replied, entering as she shut the door behind me.

"You're mother's been looking for you."

I nodded, "We got into a little arguement."

"She was very worried."

"Well, I went home last night; and, everything's fine now," I lied.

She smiled, "That's good. Well," she added, as we stood silently, "why don't you go see Manuela, she should be in bed."

I agreed, walking down the hall of the small apartment, to the door at the end, to the left, where I knew Manny's room was. I opened the door quietly, then shut it behind me. Then, dropping my backpack first, I ran, jumping onto Manny's peaceful figure.

She jumped up, "What the hell?!"

I smiled innocently, moving over to sit at the end of her bed.

"Emma?"

I laughed, "Good morning, Sunshine."

"What are you doing here?" She asked, lying back down, and pulling the blanket over her head.

"Can't a friend just visit another friend at..." I looked at the alarm clock on her dresser, "six thirty-five?"

"No," she groaned. "Not unless they're clinically insane. "

I smiled, "Guilty."

She mumbled a swear under her breath, and threw off her blankets, sitting up to face me. "Have you been home yet?"

"Yes," I told her.

"Have you talked to your parents yet?"

"No..."

"They were going crazy," she told me. "They pretty much contacted all of Degrassi."

"Not Jay," I said, smiling mischievously.

"Well, they tried calling the number he had listed..."

"And?"

"It was a Chinese restaurant." We both laughed, and then she paused looking at me oddly. "You really like him, don't you?"

I sighed, "I don't know."

She laughed, "Uh huh, nice try."

"I mean it!" I exclaimed. "I have no idea how I feel about him."

"Well," she said, sitting up straight, "I have some time before I really need to get ready. Tell me everything."

"I don't know where to start."

"The beginning?" She suggested, smiling.

I nodded, and then began. I told her about the van. I told her about the time I passed out, and he carried me to my room. I told her about the beach after the disaster at the play. I told her about him teaching me to drive. I told her about losing my virginity.

"What!?"

I hid my faced, embarrassed. "Yeah."

"You slut!" She exclaimed, jokingly hitting me. Then, moving in closer to me, as if about to say something serious, she whispered, "Was he any good?"

I laughed, "Manny!"

"Well?"

I bit my lip, nodding. "But that isn't the issue."

"What is?"

"I don't know how I feel about him."

"Yeah you do," she said flatly.

"Huh?"

"Emma, you spend every minute of every day with him. You guys are never without each other..."

"So?"

"So," she stated, "I've never seen you that comfortable with anyone. Not even Sean," she added at the last minute.

I frowned, "He said he loved me."

"So?"

"I don't think I love him," I told her honestly.

"That's something you need to figure out on you own, Em," she said, standing up and looking at her alarm, which read seven thirty. "Crap! I need to get ready. Take the bus with me?"

I nodded, taking out my History book to look at while she quickly got ready, as we needed to be at the bus in twenty minutes.

We eventually made it to school, and I said goodbye to Manny, as she went to Math, and I headed off to History. I was halfway to class when I saw him. There he was, Jay Hogart, standing in between me and my only way to class. Skipping wasn't an option, as I valued my life too much to risk getting slaughtered by my parents. So, brushing my hair over my face, I attempted to skirt on past him.

"Emma!"

No such luck. I swung the hair away from my face, feigning surprise. "Jay! Hi...I didn't see you there."

He nodded. "I called your house this morning."

"You did?"

"Yeah. You're parents weren't exactly happy about it."

I smiled slightly, "What did they say?"

"Well, after lecturing me full tilt about me not making you call them, they told me that they hadn't seen you since you ran off."

I shrugged, "So?"

"Where were you this morning?"

"I went to Manny's. We had some things that we had to talk about...for English."

"For English," he repeated, in a disbelieving tone.

"Yeah. Well, I should probably get going. I have History..."

"Okay. Um, about yesterday..."

"Yeah?"

"Are we okay?"

"Of course," I replied, smiling. What I was feeling on the inside didn't exactly match the outside. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to act normally around him anymore; there were so many elements to our relationship that even I had trouble understanding it.

"Good," he said, although I could tell he was as uncomfortable as I was.

"I'll talk to you later?"

He nodded, "Yeah...later."

As we went our separate ways I found myself questioning it all. Had we come to the point when it would be just to much to be together? Could we function normally together? Did I still need him? After all, Manny and I were getting closer again.

I reached the door of the classroom, and shrugged it all off. As I sat, my heart started beating quickly, and my breathing started to quicken. I went through the rest of the day in a state of panic, as though my heart was trying to break out of my chest.

Classes went unbearably slow; so, when English was over at three, I practically ran out of the room. I had agreed to "have a danish" with Manny, and was pretty shocked to see Craig standing at her locker, with her, when I arrived. I watched them for awhile, as they seemed to be having a pretty intense conversation. Then, feeling a bit like a stalker, I casually walked up to them. "Hey, guys."

"Emma!" Craig exclaimed, suspiciously over excitedly.

"Craig," I greeted plainly. "So, what were you two talking about?"

"Nothing," they both answered quickly.

"Uh huh," I nodded, disbelievingly. "You two don't talk for a year, and then all of a sudden you're best friends?"

Manny smiled, fairly forced. "Well..."

"We finally found that we had something in common," Craig quipped.

"Riiiiight..." I replied, smiling with suspicion. "And what might this almighty link be?"

"You?" Craig supplied.

"Listen," I told them seriously, "if you guys are starting up again, I don't want to be involved."

"No!" Craig exclaimed. "We're not 'starting' up again. We just, uh...realized that we're both friends with you, and that we should probably get used to seeing each other more often..."

"Okay," I replied, still not buying a word of what he was saying.

"So," Manny spoke up, "let's go get something to eat."

'Sure," I replied, forcing a smile as we began to walk.

We were halfway to The Dot when someone spoke again. This time it was Craig, "Em, we... we actually wanted to talk to you."

"About...?"

"Well..."

"We're worried about you, Em," Manny supplied.

All three of us stopped walking, and I frowned. "What are you getting at?"

"You've just been a bit off lately," Manny replied.

"How?"

"Well," she began, "You're grades. I mean, you hardly hand anything in anymore. You barely talk in class, and you skipped class on Friday."

"I don't see how that's any of your concern," I told her.

"What about that night I drove you home from rehearsal?" Craig asked, referencing the time I had flipped out on him, and later fainted.

"What about it?" I asked, beginning to get annoyed.

"You didn't seem healthy."

"You're just bringing it up now?" I asked, laughing meanly. "That happened over a month ago, Craig."

"You had sex with Jay!" Manny exclaimed.

"So? You had sex last year, with Craig; and, if I remember correctly, you got pregnant. I used protection," I replied harshly.

Manny frowned, looking truly hurt that I had brought up her pregnancy, which subsequently resulted in her abortion. "That's not fair," she replied. "I...I thought I loved Craig. You even said that you don't love Jay."

"I'm not getting the point," I replied, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Why would you do it then? I mean, the Emma I know wouldn't have sex with someone that she didn't love."

"Then, maybe you don't know me well enough."

"We just think you should see someone," Craig replied, looking at me with eyes full of concern.

"This is ridiculous," I sighed. "I mean, where were you guys when I needed you the most. I had a gun pointed at my head, where were you? I have a fucking nervous breakdown, and you two are both too busy in your own stupid lives that you can't help me? I mean, Christ, the two of you were too busy fucking each other to even care a thing about me, and now...and now, you just expect me to be grateful that you're coming to help me?"

"Em, we just think..." Manny began, but I interrupted her.

"You just what? You know what I think? I think that you two should just fuck off. That's what I think. I think that Jay was the only one who was around when I needed people the most. Sure, at first it was only for blow jobs in a dirty van, but then...then he was just there. So, you know what I really think? I think that you two should just leave me the hell alone." I paused, looking at them. " I think that Jay has been the only one there for me. I think he's the only one who actually gives a damn." I stopped, looking at the two of them who were now speechless. I turned around, marching off in the direction of my house; anything would be better than standing on the sidewalk during your own, personal intervention.

If I had stayed for only a few more minutes I would have seen Jay approaching the two of them, and then them getting into Jay's car. I would have known not to go home.

I arrived home about twenty minutes later, and, physically, I was feeling even worse. I felt like my chest could collapse at any moment. All I wanted to do was to lay down.

No such luck.

The first thing I noticed when I reached my house was Jay's orange Civic, which was now parked in my driveway. I frowned, but then realized that he had probably came over to try and sort things out with us. I smiled, and quickened my pace. I wanted to see him, especially after everything that had happened with Manny and Craig earlier.

So, it was quite a jar when, instead of just Jay, I was greeted with the concerned looks of my parents, Craig, and Manny. I turned to run out the door, but Craig beat me to it, blocking the door. "Em, sit down," he suggested, looking truly worried.

"What's going on?" I asked, looking directly at Jay.

"We're worried about you," Manny stated. I looked over at her. She was crying.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I replied weakly. My head was starting to spin, and I was hyperventilating slightly.

"You know exactly what we're talking about," Jay said, his expression hard as stone.

"This is rich," I laughed harshly. "The bunch of you...holding an intervention for me!"

"Em," my mom said quietly.

"No!" I exclaimed. "Like I'm the only one with problems here! You!" I exclaimed looking at Manny. "You became the school slut." At this point, it was easier to point out the flaws in them, then to have to face up to my own. I felt betrayed. I felt weak. I felt angry. "Any you!" I exclaimed, spinning around to face Craig. "You can't even decide who you want to be with! You got her pregnant!"

"Emma!" Snake said, his voice strong, trying to get me to stop.

I couldn't stop. "Mom," I said in a mock sweet voice. "You couldn't even tell me about my own father. You kept him from me!" Then, I turned to Jay, and it wasn't so much anger anymore. I felt mostly betrayal and sadness. I started to cry. "How could you do this to me? I trusted you..."

"That's why I'm here," he said, looking at me full with concern. "I love you too much to let you kill yourself. I love you too much to let you leave."

"And what if I don't love you?" I asked, meanly.

I could see how much that hurt him, but I wasn't so sure I cared anymore. "Then, I'll still be here."

"Just let us help you," Snake stated, taking me out of the two person connection I had been feeling with Jay, and bringing me back to reality. I was in a room full of people who thought I was crazy, who wanted to put me away. They wanted to put me away just like they had put my dad away. I started to panic. I wouldn't go. I wouldn't.

I ran out of the room, running down the stairs to me room, and started to throw things around. If they were going to take me away, I was going to make it as difficult as possible for them. They followed me down the stairs. My chest felt like it was ready to collapse.

"Emma!" My mom exclaimed. "Please stop!" I wouldn't.

"Em!" Manny screamed, looking completely distraught.

My head started to spin. I couldn't see. I couldn't breathe. I fell over. I landed on the floor with a thump, and I could barely breathe anymore. I heard Snake yell in the background, he sounded distant, "Craig! Call 911!"

I vaguely remember the ambulance arriving. I was barely conscious when they loaded me into the back. I woke up in a hospital bed, with tubes coming out of my nose and arms. I went to grab them out, but was stopped by a man in a white coat. "Where am I?"

"County General," the man stated. Looking down at a slate he had in his hands.

"Em?" I heard my mom ask from my side.

I turned, looking at here. "What happened?"

"You had a panic attack."

I smiled slightly, "No big deal. When can I go home?" I asked, turning to face the doctor again."The attack was brought on by your eating disorder."

"I don't have an eating disorder," I stated simply.

"Emma," Snake sighed. "It's okay."

I frowned, looking around the room; no sign of Jay. "He's in the waiting room with Manny and Craig," my mom said.

I nodded. "Can I see him?"

"Emma," the doctor stated. "You need to rest tonight. You can have visitors tomorrow."

"I want to see him now!" I exclaimed.

"You need to admit you have a problem," the doctor stated.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're wasting away," the doctor replied.

"I'm fine," I argued. Then, I started to feel tired. "I don't need to be here..." I was unconscious again. Sedatives tend to do that to you.

I, Emma Nelson, was in the hospital. I was practically dying, and I still couldn't admit that I had a problem. I didn't have an eating disorder. I was fine.